December 10th, 2016

Hey there,

We are heading out of town for Winter break next Thursday and this will be the last post of the year.  We're meeting up with friends in Italy and start in Naples and the Amalfi coast.  We then drive to the heel (I say more Achilles tendon) and visit Alberodello and Matera, before heading down to the toe to spend a few days in Sicily.  Should be a good time obviously and can't believe the powers that be signed off on me driving for a good portion of the trip. 

Was finalizing details this week and booked a walking tour in Naples.  We get in a 1/2 day before our friends arrive so arranged with the tour lady for her to show us the famous Archaeological Museum in Naples that houses many of the artifacts from Pompeii for a couple hours the afternoon we get in.  She suggested we meet up before the museum for some pizza.  I love the way Italians think.

In preparation for the trip, went for a pedicure today.  Pedicures are the best and have never met another fella that is even remotely as fond of them as I.  Can't ever recall ever knowing another guy that goes for them with any gusto and can't understand why.  Not a fan of massages of any kind.  Some guys in this town say they go to the barber for shaves, which has to be a total ruse for them to get the old tug and pull cause why would this town need a place that specializes in facial shaving?  Chinese people grow facial hair with the same ease that Mark Watney grew potatoes on Mars. I don't get a pedi for my toes to look good (although they do), but for them to get up close and dig into the cuticles and mine out all the shit that collects in between the nails and skin.  Another favorite aspect is when they take the cheese grater and exfoliate the soles of the feet.  And then you get the 30 second ankle and calf massage at the end, which I don't mind, but is does get uncomfortable for both of us when they work over my left ankle.  Me cause rubbing the metal bolts they installed to repair it kinda hurts, and them when they feel it and are confused as it doesn't feel right.  I watch as they are doing it and when they hit that spot and they always look up with a 'what the fuck is that' expression.  So that is your tip on what to get the guy that has everything for Christmas...pedicure gift certificates.

If I were to name a band or sports team, my current preference would be for them to be called the Corsairs.  Originally the name of Ottoman pirates in the Mediterranean, and not only the name of  the coolest fighter plane ever, but a very underrated  60's doo-wop group.  Just think it is cool sounding while also employing some bad ass imagery.

A new show that I've been watching that I hate-like is 'The Great Indoors'.  Tuned in as it was created by a guy I listen to via podcast for a while and stars ex-Almost Live Joel McHale.  Not gonna go too deep as it isn't great, but basically it is an older dude (my generation) dealing with millennials in office type situations.  A bit cliché and the jokes hit and miss, but enjoyed an episode the other day where the older guy was called into HR to be taught how to deal with the younger 'everyone gets a trophy' generation. In the epilogue, the millennials are brought into HR to learn how to deal with the older types and are shown a video about how to teach them about computers.  The video was titled D.R.O.P. which stands for Don't Rush Old People.  Funny cause it's true.  The kids are always scoffing at my lack of knowledge about the alt keys, and I have constant exasperation with my 90 year old mom's lack of any computer related information retention. 

Speaking of which, she went home today.  We're all happy for her.  Deciding whether to do the risky surgery, the underlying reason she went for it was that the dementia caused by the pressure on the brain was going to cause her to have to move into Assisted Living, which was a death sentence for her.  The surgery was the best  hope that she would get back home/to Independent Living. 

I'll tell you, the first few days after her surgery, when she was in complete gibberish mode, I didn't have much hope and was all ready to scoff at the Stanford reputation.  Going into the deal, my rationalization that it was a good idea was that she was going to get the best treatment imagineable as what place on the planet attracts the best talent in the world?  Hard to argue that Stanford would be in that discussion.  Certainly in the States, it has risen to the level of the more traditional Ivy League/Johns Hopkins institutions and from the way the Asians talk around here, has  surpassed them..  And the dude performing the surgery was the head of their neuroscience department with a distinguished career as a surgeon.  But those initial days of nuttiness, combined with the fact that Stanford hospital felt outdated and that the surgeon took off for vacation two days after the procedure for a week had me thinking that their reputation was seriously overblown. 

To be fair, it was T-giving break and doctors are entitled to their personal space.  And they are building a state of the art hospital across the street, which in typical Californian fashion has been wracked with environmental and administrative delays and is several years behind schedule.  But as the situation evolved, the hospital staff all proved to be excellent and her condition has improved to the point that she seems almost as good as before the fall and must give credit to the institution.

Stanford does have it all.  The setting couldn't be anymore idyllic and they are on a plot of land that is massive and in one of in the highest valued property areas in the world.  Their endowment is ridiculous (if you haven't listened to the Malcolm Gladwell podcast titled My Little Hundred Million, do it now).  When I go walking while visiting there, I typically head to their track, which is located in the middle of all their other sports facilities.  You have never seen more complete, well manicured and simply perfect facilities for literally every sport.  Dedicated and gorgeous venues for things like discus, archery and equestrian. 

But Stanford and Palo Alto always frustrate me too.  To go from my mom to sisters house, one must traverse the campus/downtown areas...maybe a mile or two...and the traffic lights are all calibrated so you stop at every single one.  And while the people are probably better than me, the righteousness of them is always stunning.  I had several examples this trip, but the one that bugged me the most, and that you will likely find petty, happened in the mall parking lot.  Was driving my moms ride, which is a low profile Nissan 300ZX.  A sweet car, low miles and would be worth about 10k if she sold it, but the thing has the worst visibility of any car I've ever had the opportunity to drive.  We all shudder to think that she was driving it past her 90th b-day.  Anyhoo, am in the parking lot and am between two decent sized SUV's and there is no way to see what is behind me.  Before I get into the car, I scanned the area to see what was around cause I know it's gonna be a bit hard pulling out, and there are people about but no one coming in my lane either on foot or wheels.  Start pulling out...slowly...and make the arc to move along, and a mom and her kid are now walking in the lane behind me.  Again, I don't see them immediately cause of the bad visibility, but finally do and they are right behind me.  I stop of course, but instead of this lady holding back and teaching her kid that cars are big and weigh a lot, and that you should probably give them some space from time to time, I get the indignant "watch where you're going".  I coulda sworn that this was the same woman we saw in the Nordstrom shoe section the day before, whose 6 year old brat was rolling all over the floor making a racket,  and she was making a half hearted effort to control him.  She tells him that he won't be able to go to his friends house later if he doesn't behave, which he doesn't, and calls him by his name...Edison.  What a perfectly pompous Palo Alto child's name.  I would swear that the name of the kid's friend she mentioned was Nietzche.  See, I told you it was petty, but multiply this by every person in town and it gets old fast. 

Not everything is all pedestrian friendly renaissance named bliss.  A commuter train runs through town and there are a handful of crossings, and there has been a suicide cluster amongst the high school students throwing themselves in front of the trains in the recent past.  Here is an article about it and if you google Palo Alto suicides, you can find a bunch of them.  Seems they blame it on academic pressure and then the natural contagion effect.  Am sure they are doing a lot to talk to the kids about it, but one of their solutions was to place guards at all of the railroad crossings.  The guards are stationed there 24  mind numbing  hours a day.  Absolutely ridiculous cause one could easily hurl themselves in front of the train even with these guys there.  Liberal ass covering at its best.

All right...those last few paragraphs were a bit dark, so let me leave you with something a little more light hearted.  Before mom's surgery, we packed a bag for the hospital.  Things like some underwear, her glasses, etc.  Figured that we'd be sitting there for hours at a time and that the hospital food might not always satisfy, so we brought some along snacks from her apartment.  One of the things we grabbed was a box of Parmesan cheese crackers...fancy ones.  I'm sitting there one night at around 1am and am getting a bit peckish, so bust out the crackers and they are the worst things I've ever tasted.  Can't remember ever eating  insulation, but that is exactly what they tasted like.  I must be missing something so eat a few more and they just aren't growing on me and could not understand what she found appealing about them.   Finally, I take a look at the box and the expiration date was October 19th...2012.  I have never passed insulation through my bowels either, but what happened the next day is exactly what that must feel like. 

Happy B-day Jesus.

December 5th, 2016

Since I've been away for a while and have leaned towards the more personal of topics of late, thought I'd through out a quick all Taiwan edition. 

Have often complained that the Yum Corporation does not see the Taiwanese market fit for Taco Bell. KFC and Pizza Huts galore, but not a single queserito or Dorito taco to be found.  I saw an article this week  about the Philippines Taco Bells offering gawdamn Cheetos quesadilla.  How come the Philippines gets Taco Bells?  Was out with friends the other night, and they had some of their friends along too, and we started talking about food.  The question I ask all other expats is 'what food will you miss when you leave?"  The two most frequent answers are Din Tai Fung and a blank expression.  This gal the other night thought hard and said the guy that serves up Roman style food.  "La Lupa?" I said.  Indeed it was and that is our family's favorite spot too.  Small world and even a smaller culinary community in this town

In equally tragic/hopeful news, the inventor of General Tso's chicken died this week.  I did not know that it was created here in Taiwan, albeit by a Chinese chef that fled the mainland in 1949, but have never seen it served around town.  The description in the article about him says that "he decided to chop some chicken into big chunks, fry it to a golden hue and then added a different combination of sauce and seasoning to create a new dish."  I can't think of a single thing that has a golden hue that isn't awesome...chicken, sunsets, the baby Jesus.  The world morns the loss of a genius but from tragedy comes hope as there are restaurants serving his creations still around town.  Am gonna have to have someone translate this page and go soon. 

The biggest  news story about town, which also appears to be big in the geopolitical community as well, is Trump's call to Taiwan's delightful President Tsai this week.  As with most things Trump, who initiated what, when and why is unclear,  His motivation is cloudy and think we're all in agreement that he either doesn't know the nuances of the unique relationship between the US/China/Taiwan, or doesn't give a shit.  In the line to defend him, I am pretty far back, but cannot fault his rationale that as we sell them billions of dollars in weaponry, why wouldn't we talk to them?  And if you've read this space with any regularity, fuck China is a recurrent theme.  Their historical assumption that the island is part of China is tenuous at best and their circumspect passive-aggressive big brother stance towards Taiwan that can be seen in their blocking them access to things like the international aviation safety conferences is both dangerous and childish.  They get credited with a wise foreign policy due to their taking and acting with the long view, but think they are just big bullies that are real pussies.  I haven't been with any of my local anti-Trump acquaintances, which is all of them,  since this came out to see what the consensus here is.  The View from Taiwan blogger guy has a decent take.  My gut reaction when I heard it, and ever since, was good job Donald.  I'm not one of the jump off a bridge type liberals and have a wary but open mind to see what he does.  Not terribly hopeful or enthusiastic with his inner circle picks, but he is in a unique position to stir up some outmoded status quos, much like  Obama's opening a dialogue with Cuba.  I have little hope that he's gonna do the right thing, or even if he knows what the thing is, but maybe?

Finally, my favorite band, the beloved Yo La Tengo, were in Taipei this week.  Am not going to go in depth on the show here as I have been meaning to write a long love letter to them and will do so soon, but must comment on the crowd here.   I also went to Seoul to see them a couple of days previously and it was a great show (natch) and the fans were good, but the Taiwanese were awesome.  Yo La Tengo's current tour has them typically playing two sets: one acoustic and one electric.  The Taipei crowd was virtually silent in the exceptionally quiet first set.  I had some gas that I wanted to pass at one point but held it back in fear that the whole place would have heard it.  OK, I didn't hold it back as an expert in flatulence like myself can let them go silently much like the Red October, but you get the point.  During the loud set, they roared at all the right spots and even sang the back up 'bop bop bops" in just the right spot during the encore.  As rabid, polite and knowledgeable crowd of any band I've ever had the pleasure to commune with.  Good on YOU Taiwan.

December 3rd, 2016

Hey there.  Thanks for reaching out to ask about my mom.   I just got back to town from an extended trip to see her so let me take a few minutes to update you.  Before I get started, I should tell you that her name is Mary Lou, but many years ago, a friend of mine started calling her ML and we have all been calling her that since and will refer to her with that moniker in the passage that follows.

Was planning for a 5 day trip to say 'hey' and give moral support, but she was in a bit worse shape than  expected.  Physically, she was as strong as a 90 year old ox, but her mind was wandering and was not retaining information.  She could easily recall everything that had ever happened in her life with the exception of stuff that happened since her fall.  To remind you of the situation, she was on an outing in August with her place and as she was walking down a set of stairs, put her cane on a metal drain grate on the final step, it slipped and she fell and banged her head on the stair railing.  A CT scan at the time showed no serious damage, they sewed her up and sent her home. Several weeks later, she was complaining of headaches and her doctor said to take Tylenol.  The bottle showed she could take them six a day, which she started doing.  This doctor knew of her spill and this diagnosis was negligent at best...more on her another day as I need to remain silent due to possible legal action..  ML then started to become disoriented, waking up in the middle of the night not knowing whee she was and such...I got a Skype call at 4:30am her time in one of these states and it was scary as hell.  Mentioned last time that my sister took her to a specialist on election day and they discovered a large blood clot on her brain, which is where I left off last time.

Her follow up appointment with the specialist was on Tuesday after arrival, so we had a couple of days to do things together...like go to buy shoes at Nordstrom and have a throw down at her guiltiest food pleasure...Taco Bell.

I indulged so much that I clogged her toilet the next day.  More on that family trait later.

We go to the neurosurgeon on Tuesday and I get to see the CT scans.  The one from right after her accident, which showed little damage,  and the one they took a week previous, where  you can see this massive white blob on the side of her head opposite of the one she hit.  That was a surprise but learned that it is common as your brain sloshes around up there.  The doctor said we could leave it be and hope it would dissipate, or open her up and try to drain it.  I know she was scarred at the prospect of surgery.  Anytime you cut someone open is a risk and that danger increases exponentially with someone that is 90 years old.  The stats we were shown was that it was successful over 95% of the time for younger folks, but dropped to 76% in the elderly.  The doctor made it sound like it was a routine thing and my feeling about her going through with it at the appointment was a coin flip.   ML, who from my earliest memories has pleaded to not be kept on any life support and willingly signed every DNR (do not resuscitate) declaration, was adamant that she just wanted to let it run its course and did not want to be lying there as an invalid.  For some family perspective, my grandmother, her mother-in-law, went in for surgery when I was in my 20's and she never went home again, so that is in the back of all our minds.  We all sat around and discussed options and to be honest, felt that we put pressure on her to say yes, which she ultimately did.  I don't feel good about my part in that and constantly fought the urge to subsequently say that she should not go through with it.  They didn't waste any time and scheduled for Thursday... two days later.

Game time came on Thursday morning and she was a cool customer, especially as she'd never been on the receiving end of a surgery in her life. I hoped that relating the experiences of my six knee/ankle visits to the ER helped demystify the upcoming proceedings.  It didn't take long and we were able to see her a couple of hours later.  Other than the two 2" scars on the side of her head, she looked normal, but she was definitely not all there.

In some ways, she was exactly like before  cause one of the first things she wanted when they let her elevate her head 35 degrees at 9pm that night was a broom to clean up the room.  Maybe it is nurture or that we are both Virgos, but I remember coming home from ACL surgery, still cloudy from the anesthesia and before the pain meds wore off,, and the first thing I did was grab a broom to sweep up the kitchen.  When the time came that she was able to get up and go to the bathroom, I'm sitting there as she is shuffling back to bed and there is a trash can in the room that was slightly askew and even in her delirious state, I watched as she instinctively paused and aligned it straight.

She spent three nights in the hospital.  It was supposed to be two, but the way the medicare works, she had to stay three nights in order to get her after care paid for.  I was fortunate to not be dealing with the administrative side of this process so can't tell you why, but you instantly realize why medical costs in the States are out of control.  Those three  nights were brutal.  Hour upon hour of listening to her ask the same questions over and over just not able to comprehend what was going on.  One of her first questions was "why are we here and where are we going?"  Pretty deep for a stoned college dorm but disturbing as hell looking at your mom with two new holes in her head.  We've all heard about people dealing with relatives that have dementia or Alzheimer's, but seeing someone you love not having a clue about where they are, or who you are, is absolutely soul crushing.

OK...take a moment and remember these five words...Face, Velvet, Church, Daisy, Red.

That first night was in a room with two other post-op patients, and all the moans of pain and nurse activity was surreal.  One of the saving graces of my moms post-op condition ws that she felt absolutely no physical pain, but her mind wouldn't turn off and she would not go to sleep.  Her ramblings must have provided some entertainment to the other inmates.  At one point she finally nods off for an hour and am sitting there in the dark and merciful silence when the guy behind the curtain  in the bed next to her starts talking to the nurse.  She asks him about his surgery, which had something to do with his back cause he is not allowed to move at all, and then he goes into a 15 minute version of  his life story...his coming to God moment that his life is all about getting back to his two teen age kids.  He had three kids but one died young.  He explained that unbeknownst to him, while he was at work, his pregnant wife was smoking crack and the baby came out all messed up and died young.  Then his work as in construction dried up due to the 2008 market crash and he had to take jobs at the Home Depot, where he fell off a ladder and broke his back.  Bad surgeries got him on his feet but not enough to do construction, so he has been driving a forklift to make ends meet.  His spine deteriorated to the point he ended up back for this surgery and that he prayed he could be normal enough after to take care of his kids.  Will never ever forget that moment.

Night two still found mom being disoriented.  There is a thing called Sundowners Syndrome where people with dementia get worse in the evening, and she exhibited this in textbook fashion.  At one point in the middle of the night (even heavy sedatives wouldn't knock her out), we're talking and am not sure who she thought I was, but it's clear she doesn't think I'm her son.   She wants out of wherever she thinks she is and reaches out and grabs my knee and says, "Look, we've been friends a long time.  You've gotta get me out of here." Disconcerting but funny. 

 I think the worst of her ramblings was about my sister.  A traditional running trope in our family is that, as the baby in the family, I have always been the favorite.  Never mind that my sister is a Princeton/Stanford grad and wildly successful in her field while I am an unemployed burnout, I've always gotten off easy and can do no wrong.  My sister is the one that organized for her to sell her house after my dad died and moved her to a swanky retirement community near her place so she could keep watch on her, and I get to swoop in a couple times a year and be the fun kid that takes her to Vegas and Taco Bell.  At one point during a particularly fucked up rant, she says to me that my sister has always wanted her jewelry and now she can get it since she is locked up in the hospital and that she is now expecting to be sued by her.  Very hurtful stuff that was easily overheard by my sister who was standing in the hallway.  I wish I knew why, and they don't out an out yell at each other, but it was not cool that they kept butting heads about issues where they both were in agreement.  They called me a couple times to resolve disputes about points that were not debatable...like that she cannot leave the hospital and taking certain meds.  During her more whacked out moments, we had to speak to her like she was a 5 year old...things like eating your vegetables before dessert... and I know that in that situation, I got to be the good/lenient parent. 

Sedated, and obviously a fall risk, someone needs to take her to the bathroom.  Additionally,  hospital gowns leave little in the form of privacy.  The nurses did the dirty work in the bathroom, but I saw things that I can never un-see.  I was relating the stories of Grandma to the kids and when I started sharing this part of the experience, the Boy said stop and when I tried to push through, cause I had to get it out of my mind, he almost yelled at me to 'please stop'. I informed botht he kids that they had better get used to the idea of changing my poopy diapers someday or at least work hard to make enough money to hire someone to do it for them.   Speaking of nurses, they are either the most incredible people or are the biggest sadists.  Probably a little of both.  I posited this thought to someone along the way and asked if there was another profession that was similar.  They said elementary school teacher.  Hmmmm...really?

After the hospital, she was in no shape to go home, so she ended up in a Skilled Nursing place.  Her retirement community has three sections.  Independent living, where her apartment is, is a deluxe apartment complex with all the amenities but no live in care givers allowed as you have to be able to live on your own.  Then there is the Assisted Living section where you transfer to when you need care givers and there are 24 hour nurses on call.  This is where she was going to have to go if her dementia didn't get better and she knew that once you go there, you never get out and that thought above all others is what made her give the surgery a go.  The third section is Skilled Nursing where the inmates/residents can stay when recovering from surgeries like she had.  I saw a ton of broken hip patients.  It was comforting that it was still in the same complex, but she didn't like it one bit.  The ramblings had lessened but still would come around at night.  Things like "lock the door" even though there are no locks on hospital doors or  "let me get my stuff from upstairs" when there is only one floor of the facility repeated on an endless loop.  There was a near constant flow of people in the room...to take blood pressure, deliver her meals and give therapy. so was hard to just relax.  One of my best traits (I think) is that I can change any  subject, which was invaluable in this case as she was obsessing about her situation.  She was a Fox News devotee and we agreed to not have that fight, so to distract her, looked for shows we could both agree upon so we could lose our thoughts into something else.  She loves the show Blue Bloods, which apparently runs 24 hours a day on some channel.  I had never seen it but has been on for at least 6 years and was game as I am a Magnum P.I. era Tom Selleck fan, but found Blue Bloods to be awful.  Donnie Whalberg proves that talent doesn't get distributed evenly in a family and the whole thing felt preachy.  My mom even complained that Tom Selleck drinks too much (Scotch with a back splash).  I didn't care too much cause it was all about putting her at ease,  but then we stumbled on a channel way down on the dial called Buzzer that played old game shows all day and night.  Was a perfect choice as it didn't matter that we'd get interrupted by the nurses, plus those shows were so great.  Old Match Games and Family Feuds were my favorite.  Next to each of the Match Game celebs they all had ashtrays, and you realize how far we have come in access to dentistry cause yellow snaggleteeth were the norm..  Charles Nelson Reilly and Brett Sommers were fucking riots.   And I was envious of Richard Dawson cause he obviously had the cushiest life...always with a perfectly glowing tan and totally buzzed.  Life must have been good.  Let's Make a Deal was another winner, but the biggest find was one I had totally forgotten.  Cardsharks.  I wish you had seen it with me...there was a black guy that won four days in a row and he was dressed in immaculate late 70's disco attire with the big lapels on a shirt unbuttoned to the waist with gold chains gleaming and an absolutely perfectly manicured  huge Afro.  The show centered around picking cards that were either higher or lower than the one before and he would explain the  rationale for his choices with aplomb before each card was drawn.  He finally got taken down by this adorable Hawaiian woman with ultra tight t-shirt and the tightest high waisted bell bottoms that had to be a foot wide and covered her shoes. After each correct card, she'd clap twice and do a little jump.  We laughed and commented on these shared cultural relics and it made us both relax for a spell.

The nurses at this place, mostly CNA's (which stands for Certified Nursing Assistant) and later the ladies my sister hired to be her baby sitters, were all Filipinas.  I know I've touted how much respect I have for these people, but have to reiterate just how amazing they are.  Nothing fazes them and they are always happy.  And they aren't dummies either...was chatting with one at length one afternoon and asked what she thought of their new President Duterte.  She replied with 'what do you think about Trump'.  N'uff said.  The lady that cleans our apartment once a week is a Filipina lady and there is something about their inherent good naturedness and giving spirit that makes me want to be a better person.  The lady that comes to our place in Taiwan to clean left her home when her daughter was 4 years old so she could make money to send home so her kids could go to school.  The daughter is 22 years old now, just graduated from medical school in respiratory something or other and they have not seen each other in 18 years.  She doesn't say it with sadness but is proud of her daughter.  They talk every day on the phone and yesterday, she showed me some pictures of her.  Smoking hot.  Equal parts heart wrenching and inspiring.  Before my mom could take a shower, they would come to give her sponge baths and I'll be honest here,  I really wanted one too.

One of the bigger topics during her recovery was bowel movements.   Anesthesia will shut down your bowels, as I can attest to first hand.  After my ankle reconstruction, which was a 3 or 4 hour under anesthesia  affair, I hadn't urinated for an extended period of time,  so the saint/sadist nurse jammed a tube up my penis to get the show started. No small talk or foreplay.  Mom  wasn't getting enough fiber and shit, she's 90 years old so if she wants to eat chocolate all day, the good (lenient)parent in me said ' go for it'.  But that stuff will not help getting regular.  Twice daily doses of stool softeners weren't doing the trick and a couple of glasses of something called miralax didn't get the plumbing right either, so one of her team of brilliant Filipinas brought prune juice one morning.  Within hours, she had a toilet clogger of her own.  Literally...we had to call for the plunger to get it down.   We all high fived.  I even took a photo of it but will not share it with you cause this site isn't ratemypoo.com, however I will send to you if you send me a private message. 

As her night time disorientation was a concern and she was an obvious fall risk,  someone needed to stay with her all night and as I had nothing better to do, took the duty the first couple of nights.  My sister had access to a fancy full size air mattress that was too big and loud to work in the room so ended up making a little spot on the floor.  After a couple nights of chair sleeping in the hospital, this was a step up.  The problem was that since I was asleep too, we had to hook her up to a personal alarm system that would ring if she tried to get out of bed.  Never seen one of these before, but they have these devices that strap onto the bed railing and then a string running from it is clipped to the patient so if they get up, the magnet attaching the string detaches and a loud siren will start blaring.  The problem in this case was that the stupid cord wasn't as long as the bed was wide and mom is a roller and pulled the rip cord once an hour.  That was not a pleasant night.   She tells the world the next day that I was yelling at her but in my recollection, was calling into question the relationship that the designer of the 'bed alarm' had with his mother.  We hired a nighttime sitter to come from 11p-7a after that cause I was not only losing my mind, but my personal hygiene was starting to suffer.

What was supposed to be a 4 day trip turned into a 2+ week one and have to give credit to Eva Airlines.  I changed my flight date 3 or 4 times and they did so nicely and with no added fees.  What did suck was that we had a long weekend trip to Malaysia paid for that I had to miss.  Am glad Betty and the kids went and by her account, the place was fantastic although she groused about the kids being lumps.  It seems that the combination of being a teenager that has to be unimpressed by anything a parent offers, and that they have seen so much stuff in the last 4 years that their motivation to get the most out of a vacation has flat lined.  Haven't talked to them much about their trip but did hear about the hot Europeans in the hut next door.

 The Boy didn't think our comments about them were funny.

 It has been a while, years probably, since Betty has spent extended quality alone time with the kids without me around, so view this aspect of the situation as a positive.

I spent at least 16 hours a day with her during this whole thing and was witness to her daily improvement. Early on, I was thinking we made a terrible choice in convincing her to do it.  In the dark recesses of my mind, and just for a fleeting moment,  thought that snuffing her out with a pillow would be the most humane thing to do.  I thought about my own mortality and if I am ever in a spot that seemed terminal...where the rest of my life would be painful for not only me, but all of those around me, that I hope someone would casually leave a gun (or preferably a bottle of sleeping pills) and I will take care of my own business.  But every day, she was retaining more and more.  She had therapy, both physical and occupational, twice a day.  As mentioned earlier, she was a clean liver all her life and while she always detested exercise, a constant regimen of cleaning for 90 years made her physically fit.  She did better each day with the physical stuff and was making great strides with the cognitive and occupational stuff as well.   24 hours after surgery, they gave her a test to see how the brain was functioning.  In that test, they showed her a cube and told her to draw it.  She couldn't.  Another question was, 'if it is 10 minutes past 11, what time is it" and then to draw a clock with the numbers and represent the time on her drawing.  Couldn't do that either.  They gave a couple of words and asked what relates them...apples and bananas, train and bicycle, a ruler and a clock.  She got those right but I gave different answers than she did.  Hers were right apparently...for instance, she said apples and bananas were both fruit while in my mind I thought that they could both be peeled.  I later asked the therapist if there was a right answer and he said it was the fruit one.   And at the end, they asked her to recount the 5 words they gave her to remember at the beginning of the test that I listed earlier in this post.  Can you remember them without looking?  She got 3 or 4 and I did the same, but that is not an easy thing to do.  They gave her this same test a few days later and she did much better and was lucid enough to realize that she had to pass this test to get back to her apartment and asked me to help her study.  I would guess they give a version of this test to football players they suspect have a concussion. 

Betty had a trip coming up and was worried about leaving her, but the improvement in her health daily was such that I felt it OK to come home.  I honestly thought that she could go home then if it weren't for the night time bouts of nutty talk.   They moved her computer over to the place and we have skyped each day and she seems even better still.  They are going to not have a night time babysitter for the first time tonight and she just got word from the team that is monitoring her that they feel she can go home next Wednesday (which means that health insurance stops paying for this nursing thing).  Her retirement complex has to sign off on her first and that includes a walk through of her place to make it safer (no loose carpets, a chair in the shower, etc), but all in all, it looks positive.  Glad I didn't use that pillow.

When I got home I said these words that I never ever thought I would utter...'it's good to be back in Taiwan'

Her is a photo of one rack of staples in her head...there is another set towards the back. 



When she was lying in the hospital bed and I showed them to her and asked if she was getting AM and FM.  I thought it was funny but the young nurse that was there with us at the time did not seem amused.  I said to the nurse, if instead of AM/FM, if I asked if she was Bluetooth enabled,  would that be funnier?  She said 'not much'.

Talk soon.

November 12th, 2016

Sitting here Saturday morning spell checking the below and we had a decent earthquake.  Let's see how long takes to report its size.  Happened at 6:26am.  My prediction is 5.4 at a depth of 17.4kms... 

The excellent Central Weather Bureau's website checked in 15 minutes later at 5.1 and 21.6kms deep.  Read that they think earthquakes most coincide with full moons and there is a super moon coming up soon.  Hang on Sloopy

As seen early morning last Sunday.  The Boy sitting in the office wearing a banana costume.  Told him I always considered him more of an egg than a banana.  As a mixed Asian/Caucasian, he has heard the banana//Twinkie reference often...yellow on the outside but white on the inside.  As his skin and appearance is more like mine, he isn't looked at as Chinese and to me, doesn't look Asian at all.  His friends both in the States and here say he looks Mexican.  Mom of course says he looks like her but please...c'mon man.  Anyway, I said he is like an egg...white on the outside, with a gooey transparent gel-like middle and a deep yellow yolk at his core.  Got no traction with that so...movin' on.

Quick follow ups from last week.  Questioned the idiotic Tuesday voting date and Last Week with John Oliver had a funny/insightful bit about it that I though I'd share.  This should absolutely be changed.

And did some more digging on the topic of daylight savings and while I still think it is ridiculous, am willing to give that one a pass for now.

I meant to put a note in last week about how Taiwan has direct voting for the President and not one determined by an electoral college.  This article,  which I read before the election, shows the inequity we have in our voices for President.  For instance, 1 electoral vote in California equals 500,000+ people while in Wyoming, it is 143,000.  How is that in any way fair.  The Senate is there to preserve the rights of the smaller states, so how does this make sense.   I put this link onto this space before the election and damn if we didn't get screwed by it for a second time in my life.  Not going to go deep into that result here cause there is a lot of stuff already written and people are wigging out and want to change the subject for a few minutes.  But very briefly, my feeling today is that as a straight white male, am not in any cross hairs, but my takeaway is that I need to watch out for and be prepared to fight with every breath and action for the rights of those not like me.  The deck is stacked but the power is always with the people.  Dust off the 60's protest playbooks. get a book of MLK quotations and count me in for whatever it takes.

My plan for this week was to talk about the neighborhood.  Before we moved to Taiwan, Betty and I came for a week to look at the schools and apartment hunt.  Now that we are 4+ years into this thing, I cannot believe how fortunate we were to choose the location we did.  Most of the other expats also live close to the school, but up the hill.  It is quieter there, but there is little shopping nearby and...you gotta walk up hill to get home. We picked a spot in the opposite direction from that in the flat direction.  Our place is an easy15 minute or less walk from everything we could possibly need.  Markets ranging from the western (re: expensive) to the "traditional" (more on them later).  A 10 screen movie theatre, which I don't go to a lot but is there when must see films come out.  Betty and I caught Inferno last Sunday.  That is probably not a must see for you as it got deservedly terrible reviews, but its locales were places we have visited recently and they traced a lot of our footsteps, so that was cool.  It had a lot less of the arcane religious and historical references than Angels and Demons or The DaVinci Code did, which were the parts I liked best, and they totally changed the ending from the book that was thought provoking on the future of mankind to one that was more wet t-shirt contest.  Still, I liked it and Tom Hanks is just the best.

Walking everywhere has the benefit of running into people you know on the street.  You become friendly with the peanut salesman on the corner or see one of the teachers and share a story or two.  We sorta knew all of these benefits when we picked the place, but the biggest surprise and hidden gem for me is the TianMu Sports Park that is right across the street.  I will be honest that my main motivation for our place selection was that the baseball stadium is there.  That has been a bit of a disappointment, not that it isn't fun to go, but there are so few games annually and this year, they are repairing it for 2017's Summer Universiade Games., so no games at all.

What I didn't see in our initial visit was that behind the stadium was a huge sports park that has indoor pools, gymnasiums and massive outdoor track and green areas.  It is associated with the attached sports college so all the grounds are kept immaculately clean.  As there are no cars, I (try) to go there every day for a walk or exercise.  One should exercise in some fashion every day and they say that you should vary the routine so you don't get bored and lazy.  I have not had that problem as there is always something going on at the park that is fun to look at.  During the weekdays, I see the ladies getting tennis lessons and the students from the college out getting lessons in sports ranging from baseball to track and field (I keep my head on a swivel when it is discus/javelin practice).  If I go late in the afternoon, all the old folks like me are also walking their laps.  On weekends, there is a bocce ball court that is always in use and has organized tournaments from time to time.  If I go on Sunday, a local religion (still don't know who they are) have two services in the gymnasium and there are hundreds of worshippers out, all wearing the same purple t-shirts.

Regardless of the day or time, there are always kids playing sports on the big grass area, on the playgrounds or in the water feature.  There are usually older people in wheelchairs hooked up to oxygen tanks that are brought there by their Filipina caregivers who park them in a shady spot so they can chat.  The Filipina ladies also get to socialize and eat their good looking homemade snacks too.

And regardless of the time or day, there are always people, sometimes in groups and sometimes alone, doing that Tai chi/qi chong body self flagellation exercises.  Kinda like this guy.

The other day, I saw a lady flailing her arms about so wildly that she looked like one of these things.

Not like one of these.

In addition to the regulars, as it is a big open space, there are occasional festivals happening.  The week before was a Halloween thing, but I went to Pride instead and missed it but know there were a ton of young women wearing sexy devil outfits.   Last weekend was an aboriginal cultural thing.  Thought it was cool looking so ran home and grabbed my camera...

This is the Tiamnu Baseball stadium under repair/construction.

I don't understand a ton of whats going on normally but came home and googled the festivals name...Mgay Bari

Wouldn't want WikiLeaks to share my Google history cause when you type in Mgay Bari into a search engine, a few hundred results about Gay Baristas come up.  YouTube had better results.

Basically, aboriginal games and a way to share their culture.  Cool outfits

Spear and arrow competitions

Love this target.  I asked if I could have one but the looked at me like I was speaking another language, which of course I was.

Never did see what the logs were for

Thought the peace sign throwing thing was so over in 2014.

Guy doing wood carving on-site

Kids are always cute at these things.

It was 80-85 degrees and people wear down jackets.  No words.

Lots of games to be played...this one is where a ring is passed between people via straws.  Very sexy.

Wasn't gonna take a photo of the National Guard recruitment tent, but they looked lonely and could tell they really wanted me to take a photo.

Not a lot for me to do, and there was not a single aboriginal food stand, which was an outrage.  Coulda gone for some venison skewers or something.  Since I had my camera and my belly was grumbling, decided to stop by the above mentioned Traditional market to show you some of the abominations that they call food.  This stand is the biggest culprit and sits right across the aisle from my coffee guy, so have to linger next to it when it's time to buy beans or get a cappuccino. 

As you can tell from this photo, it must be good cause this lady was itching her ass out of anticipation something fierce.   

Here is a bunch of shots of the "trays" of food.  Other than the last photo, which is obviously hearts, I would hesitate a guess as to exactly what any of these body parts are or from what type of body they came from.  I asked my coffee guy if he eats there and he smiled and nodded that he did.  "Very chewy".  Quite a recommendation.

I think that's why the locals are so keen to go to medical school.  Had been led to believe that it was that it would make for a lucrative career, but think that it's just an easy entry after a life of looking at the insides of everything.

I said I liked the Traditional Market as there is the good along with the haunted house stalls.

The fresh beans and spices people are useful.

And there are several produce stands, which makes getting fresh whatever is in season convenient.

But then you go next door and there are all the parts of a pig laid out.

Then a flower stall.

And more chicken feet and other assorted parts

But then fresh clams

and squid.

Then more parts.

It is a daily ride that is equal parts traumatic and satisfying.

Had the occasion recently to drive the Costco team responsible for paper products to the airport and one of the reasons they were here was to research a probable change to Kirkland toilet paper in Taiwan.  Seems the locals do not like their TP to come in rolls, but in individual sheets that look like Kleenex.  The thought is to eliminate importing my beloved Kirkland 48 roll packs from the States and source these locally.

I'm going to keep an open mind on this hot topic.  In one way, Taiwan is fighting back against Western encroachment, which I can admire.  But then I saw these new items for sale at the 7-11

They don't call them KING SIZE, but that's what they are. Xtra Twix and Snickers Super bars.  I wonder if they don't call them King size cause they don't have Kings or are wary of the concept of one in general.   The chocolate offerings here while limited, are always in the regular sized offerings.  The locals do not share the Western affliction of being obese and had always thought it was a metabolism thing cause they eat a ton of rice and see them all downing those hugely fattening bubble teas everywhere. Looking at the people wearing down jackets in the heat makes it obvious our pH balances are different.   But now I think their smaller frames have as much to do with portion size as their metabolism.  This huge candy bar thing could be the first step in changing all of that and is a sneaky version of colonialism.

Am also rethinking my disdain for massage chairs.  Not a huge fan of massages in general and have never liked sitting in these kinds of chairs whenever the opportunity has presented itself, but this must be a huge industry here cause I see demos for them in the malls and stores selling them all over town.  After watching this commercial, which came on during the election during the  break on CNN just after they announced Florida, I could be all turned around on this cause this woman is so having an orgasm while enjoying her Osim uLove massage chair.

Thought I'd make a large post today as the travel calendar really starts to heat up for yours truly and the family soon so may not get to post as regularly.  I hesitate to detail our incredible luck in this regard as it is so great and I really do not like to brag, but since I recount these trips in this space, you might as well hear it.

Thanksgiving long weekend in Malaysia.  A couple days after we get back, I am going solo to Seoul for a night to see my absolute favorites Yo La Tengo play (they come here two nights later, so you know I am way pumped for that double header).  Our Christmas break is going to be in Italy, starting in Naples and driving down to Sicily for two weeks.  Chinese New Year week at the end of January in Sri Lanka and then Spring Break week in Australia.  I was telling this to a guy here the other day and he looked at me and said, "damn you've got a good life".  No argument. 

One trip that just came up and am leaving for tonight is a week in the Bay Area.  Don't think I mentioned it earlier, but about 6 weeks ago, my 90 year old mother was on an outing with her friends and she slipped on a stair and fell.  Didn't break anything but banged her head pretty bad.  She was shaken up, they did a bunch of tests but seemed to be OK.  A couple of weeks ago, she starts getting headaches, goes to the doctor and gets the 'take some tylenol' advice.  A week after that, she starts having these episodes where she is getting disoriented and doesn't know where she is.  Doctor says they are busy and their earliest appointment is in December.  Luckily, my sister works in conjunction with a hospital and gets her into see a doctor on Tuesday.  Am not expecting any news cause tests take a while and as I'm sitting there agonizing about Trump, get a call from my sister saying that they found a subdural hematoma in her skull (I've watched a lot of MASH and know that is a blood clot on the brain) and they are headed to the ER.  Quite the surreal day of watching the election unfold while waiting to hear what's what. 

Get a call a few hours later after they met with the neurosurgeon and the choices were to cut a "big" chunk of her skull off and clean out the brain and then put the chunk back, drill a smaller hole and drain it out, or just to let it ride and hope it subsides.  We're also told that if she were a younger person that she'd be dead, but since your brain shrinks as you get older, there was room for this clot to pool.  Ear lobes get longer, brain gets smaller.  My mom has said for decades, and is ironclad in her living will,  that she does not want to be hooked up to a tube or machine to keep her alive, and says today that she has no intention of them drilling a hole in her head, so home she went that night.  No one can say if it'll kill her tomorrow or it could dissipate and she'll live for another 5-10 years.  Other than the times she gets disoriented, she seems totally fine and is in no pain whatsoever.

When we made the decision to move here, there were a lot of things to consider.  Kids acclimation, my "career", missing friends...all the changes and challenges that anyone would face when uprooting a comfortable and organized life.   I just reread that last sentence during editing and laughed at how much of a Virgo I am when an "organized" life is a trait I deem most important.   There was absolutely no hesitation or fear of any of those changes or challenges as the prospect for growth and exposure to the world, culture, etc. would far  outweigh any sadness or inconvenience.  But the only thing that ever made me feel any angst about leaving, and have fretted and thought about a ton over the last 4+ years, was getting the call that mom is _______.  I feel awful for my sister that has to deal with this...she's not alone as she has a massive support group, great husband, etc, but when it's family, you are sorta alone cause no one else has the same relationship.  She has been good to keep me informed, making sure I am OK with the decisions they are making. but can tell it is weighing heavily.  I couldn't talk on the phone this morning/their night when she called me and she sent an email saying that she just left my mom's place and was worried that if she left her alone that I would be mad cause she might die. 

I don't relate this to elicit sympathy or condolences, mainly cause I am uncomfortable with both, but do so as this diary is to capture what's what as unfiltered as possible for friends and for future generations.  I try to look at this scenario as an opportunity to celebrate her while she is here and to remember my 51 years (so far) with her.  She has had an amazing run, has been a picture of health her whole life and think she has had a good one.  That is certainly something to celebrate.