April 15th, 2017

Exciting news around these parts this week.  The Boy made his decision about what school to attend.  He had narrowed it down between Northeastern and University of Virginia.  NE had been a favorite of mine as we have friends kids that go there and really liked their co-op program where you take a year off of school between Sophomore and Junior years and go to work for a company, then come back and finish.  Close to 70% of the kids end up going to work for the company they did their co-op with and this felt like a dream for every parent about to cough up a ton of dough for school.  Employment.  Plus, it is in Boston proper and you know...24 hour fresh squeezed cannolis on demand. 

UVA was a wild card...he doesn't even remember why he sent in an application and we never visited it and when it came down to these final two, he was leaning hard toward Northeastern.  Me too at first, but we agreed that we needed to give UVA a fresh look.  We arranged an appointment to all chat with the lead college counselor at school, who we learned in the meeting is a current student working on a remote PhD at Northeastern.  He was truly professional and laid out the case impartially for the two wildly disparate schools.  We were also told a younger teacher at the school, who the Boy has had some interaction with and liked, was a UVA grad, and he went in to talk to her.  She laid out the pros and cons well and the fact that she is adorable probably helped with his reception of what she was telling him. 

Upon detailed research, we liked a lot of what we saw.  Aesthetically, it ranks with any academic institution anywhere...designed by Thomas Jefferson and a couple of miles from Monticello, it is the only UNESCO heritage site school in the States and the adjoining town of Charlottsville is not appears charming, but is a job growth leader.   We all liked that it is a powerhouse in what he wants to study but has tons of flexibility should he choose to shift gears, which is more than a possibility in any students college experience.  The drawback for Boy-o was that it isn't in a major metropolis, which he has come to feel is his natural environment, but one of the aspects that I thought was important about it was that it is in the South.  Not deep South, but enough to get a feel for that part of the country, and in the fractured social/political environment we have today, understanding it better would make for a more well rounded human and would be an experience that is new and could only make him grow.   Additionally, they were voted as recently as 2015 as having the hottest student body and a 54% female/46% male population

The kicker for me was that I loved the idea of having a school with a culture.  Devoted alumni, Saturday football games, and tradition were not part of Betty and my college experience at American in DC.  Our campus was the city and while we both loved our time there, always feel a bit of envy for those that wrap themselves up in school colors and have secret hand shakes and shit.  Wahoowah!

Mom was all in on UVA and while I came around to it as well, really tried to be as neutral to him as possible while still pointing out the good and the bad in both.  Was not disappointed when he told us that it was going to be UVA this week.  Time will tell but it feels like the right move.  NE would have been easier but UVA has more upside for so many reasons.  I am already looking forward to visiting him via DC (2 hrs away) and seeing friends there.  And I intend on becoming a massive UVA Cavalier honk vicariously through him.  They have so much schwag to buy.  American  has like two baseball caps you can get online but at UVA, there are literally 100's.  I already love this store in town called Mincer's.  Once we send the deposit check for school in, am gonna buy a couple of hats and shirts.  The color scheme isn't the greatest, but the orange is burnt and the blue is deep, and I look super fine in those.  And yes, it is all about me.

Last I left off, we were headed to Cairns in northern Queensland, but a giant Cyclone (Debbie) was bearing down on the coast.  No flight delays announced and away we went.  We have been travel monsters for the time we've been in Taiwan and have had famously good weather on every trip.  Good to fantastic...three years ago I said this out loud and immediately knew it was bad karma and that I'd likely have jinxed us to suffer weather of biblical proportions forever after.  But no.  We have yet to have a crappy spell and think this is immune to bad juju in the same vein as I can declare that I can find a parking spot, typically right in front, anywhere on the planet and always do.  Another superpower if you will. 

The cyclone was horrendous, many dead and massive flooding, but it didn't even touch where we were and we had delightful weather for our 4 nights in northern Queensland.  We flew into Cairns (pronounced Cans), but our accommodation was 70km up the coast in a town named Port Douglas.  Spent the majority of the trip planning this leg as it was hard to determine where to stay, but think we nailed it.  We tooled around for a bit in Carins, and it was a lovely city, but is the regional hub of the decidedly rural part of the country and felt like it was a place to do business rather than Netflix and chill.  I made the controversial call to rent a car to make the drive up.  Getting a taxi to/fro was the same price as renting the car, but I knew that driving on the opposite side, while being an attraction for me, would cause consternation among some in our party.  The dude at the rental car place, Terrance, was an amateur shutter bug with a huge chunk missing from one of his ears.  Didn't look like a birth defect but rather one from a bar fight.  The Boy said that he'd hate to see the other guy. 

It had been a couple of decades since I drove on the right hand side, but felt confident until I saw the ride was manual  transmission.  It has been a while since I drove one of those and never from that side of the car.   Grinded it a few times and never felt totally comfortable, but didn't veer into oncoming traffic either.  I turned on the windshield wipers most of the time whenever I went for the turn signal, and never walked up to the right/correct side of the car to get in once.  The family would snicker in delight each and every time.  

We liked Port Douglas the minute we drove in.  We found the ideal rental that had big kitchen, great family room and most importantly, washer and dryer (we were dirty and smelly after a night in the bush and laughed at the suckers that opted for another night sleeping with the dingoes and scorpions).  It was 70 meters from the beach and 5 minute walk from the quaint retail area filled with hip shops and restaurants. 

The cyclone didn't drop any rain on Port Douglas, but it churned the seas up to make a trip out to the reef the first day inadvisable.  The dude at the place we were staying gave us some choices and said that since we had a car, we should drive up through the Daintree rainforest to Cape Tribulation.  At Cape Trib, the road turns to gravel until the country ends and is only accessible with 4 wheel drive.  Once he said there was a great ice cream place on the road up, our decision was made. 

A pleasant day.  To the end it took about 3 hours round trip, but we went slow and took it in.  The hotel dude said while it is only 40kms, the drive was slow as there was a lot of cassowary crossings.  Now I had lived in Australia for a year and like to think I know a thing or two about the fauna of the place, but had never heard of the thing.  As soon as we drove into the park, we saw this guy slowly walking along the road.

Holy shit...about 4-5 feet tall with a dinosaur growth on his head.  Hard to see from this snap, but his talons were like a velociraptors.  Recounting it later to some locals, they said these guys are vicious and can rip out your intestines.  The color of his head was a stunning blue and we thought we'd see them all day, but this ended up being the only one.  They must be out frequently though cause we saw a few of these signs.

At the end of the road, we got out at walked around Cape Tribulation for a bit.  We saw a mom and baby wallaby in the woods, but they were shy and didn't get a decent photo.  It took as a while to figure out what they were, with small deer and rat being thrown out as possible options. 

There were crabs and this giant spider

 And this deserted beach.  North Queensland is sparsely populated, but the amount of these pristine beaches with not a soul or structure around was surprising. 

 We quickly learned the very good reason for it.  There are giant hungry crocodiles everywhere

And in the waters are a dozen types of jellyfish that can do serious damage.

When we did hit the reef, Betty and Babydoll didn't know it initially, but got stung by this guy.

They were lucky cause it could have been way worse.

 This guy has his own syndrome.

Invisible jellyfish that cause feeling of impending doom, then cardiac arrest?  That is alien shit.

Exquisitely deadly jellyfish, crocodiles and spiders, not to mention Jurassic Park worthy cassowaries.  And we didn't even touch on any of the many deadly snakes that are lurking.  Even freakin' dengue

A lovely day, and we did get that ice cream.

Mmmmm...biodynamic.

Betty enjoyed a Cassowary burger.

We had a laugh at her expense.  The Boy ordered that burger, which was beef, and we remarked that it was one of the biggest we'd ever seen, but when we took the above picture, Betty's head made it seem small.  Don't be mad sweetheart...I love your giant skull cause only it can house that massive brain.

On the ride home, the family grew silent from being tired so got to tell some Australia stories.  Regaled them on how the sea off of the coast was the Coral Sea and one of the most significant battles in history went down there.  Also told the story of the Jimmy Sharman's boxers, where the aborigines were exploited in some cruel pugilism.  We talked about colonialism and what we saw in Uluru and how civilizing cultures is not always civilized.  Plus there are two great songs by my favorite Australian artists on the topic.  Cold Chisel's Yesterdays

And Jimmy Sharman's Boxers by Midnight Oil.  Great album cover.

We got back to town in time to take a sunset cruise.  A lady at the apartment place raved about it the night before so we joined.  We were told that the best place to sit was on the net in the front of the catamaran, so we took our place there accordingly.  Not a great idea as the waters were choppy and we got splashed mightily early in the ride.  It was a nice spot and we were wet already, so just stayed there and got drenched to our undies.  Apparently, we were the entertainment as the Captain thanked us for the show when we got off.   The Boy and I are the ones that get seasick, and we were doing fine until about 3/4 of the way through when another lady on the boat turned green and spewed into her hat.  After that, we started to feel it too but kept it inside.  We housed our cameras cause of the water, so I don't have any photos but it was a lovely sunset until the end...reminded me of a mid-period Monet.

Betty wanted to get out on the reef bad the next day, but the waters were said to be the best the day after, and after the previous nights queaze fest, we talked her into having a quiet day.  I took a sunrise walk along 4 mile beach (below are photos from a couple of different AM walks)

Later learned that a crocodile ate a dog on this beach the week before...

We all made a day of it by first taking a swim at the beach (which had a netted area to keep the jellyfish away).

Then strolling about the quaint town looking at the shops.  We walked into the opal store and Betty was interested, but the smallest ones were outrageously expensive...Betty liked earrings that cost US$1,500.  She couldn't justify that, even though they were gorgeous.  I could not get past the fact that on the trip I mentioned last time from '83, we drove through the town of Coober Pedy.  It is famous for being the place where 75% of all the world's opal originate and being so hot that the entire city is dug underground.  When we were there, I bought three pairs of nice earrings for my mom, sister and girlfriend at the time for a total of $20.  I hope they kept those cause they'd be $1000 each by now.

We all liked the store that had the dirty hand painted mugs, many of which were " fuck" themed.  My favorite was the one that said something like 'Some people say I swear too much.  Fuck those people'

Betty considered a massage.

I bought a pair of shorts at a store called Man Over Board that we called ManeuverBoard, which is only funny to us.

 We hit the grocery store to make lunch at home.  Mmmm...steamy puds

And a nap, which any perfect day can not be without.    We also had motivation to stay close to home as the Boy found on the TV schedule our family's favorite Chinese dating show, If You Are The One playing in the afternoon. We fell in love with it at Betty's sisters house a few years ago and knew that the Aussies subtitled it.  It is really worth your time.

 

On the episode we watched this day, one of the girls said her dream was to open up a coffee shop and to serve the beverages in mugs that she and her man had collected from their world travels.  Betty says "that girl needs a 'Fuck mug'.  Perhaps the funniest thing she has ever said.

We did a day on the Great Barrier Reef on our last day and it was sublime.  Sunny, calm seas and with a tour operator that nailed it.  The crew was funny, they served food and drink that was quite good throughout the day, and their equipment was clean and well maintained.  Have done a lot of these snorkel things over the years, usually in 3rd world places, and the masks leak or you wonder if the boat is gonna stay afloat.  These guys had every angle covered; things like anti-fogging spray for the masks, stinger suits that fit, and even Vaseline for the mustachioed men (and women).  Did you know that having a mustache can hurt the water proof seal of a dive mask but that applying Vaseline will keep the seal?  I didn't.

The Great Barrier Reef was a once in a lifetime destination and the grandeur of the place is inspiring.  We learnt that on a full moon once a year, the entire reef ejects their seeds to repopulate the coral.  The Naturalist dude that was there to provide environmental info on the boat and in the water was attacked by a girl who was ready to blame all of humanity for the reefs destruction on global warming.  He was cool in explaining that a lot of the bleaching is due to natural factors and just because they are white, doesn't mean they are dead.  This is a huge issue and we saw a ton of protest signage around the country like Black Coal = White Coral.  No doubt it is a part of the reefs destruction, but is more complicated than I thought going in.

The Naturalist guy had a verbal tic that I found unusual, but noticed that a bunch of the other locals did too.  At the end of every sentence, and I mean every one, he either said "Awriight" or "OK"  Not only that, but he alternated them so robotically that it was like he was keeping track.   This was hardly as annoying or distracting as the "Um" people, but it was still mesmerizing.  The other oddity from this guy came when I was talking to him on the side and responded to some info he presented by saying "Right on".  He asked me what that meant and was the third person on this trip that had difficulty understanding this response that I'd always assumed was ubiquitous in the English language.  To be fair, one of those people was Giuseppe, and I thought he might take a swing at me in the moment before I talked him down. 

The place is stunning, and the life in the water was abundant  The boat had an underwater photographer who took amazing photos that we could never capture with our crappy underwater camera (which we forgot at home). 

Amazing, but we later agreed that while this was the best boat we'd been on by far, Palau was superior with more and varied sea life.  The best part for me however occurred out of the water.  I was getting tired (bored) by our third dive so climbed back on the boat while everyone else stayed out.  I get on there and the crew is cranking tunes.  Not just any tunes, but they were playing the entire INXS album 'Listen Like Theives' 

Not their most popular, but I've loved that disc for 20 years and had a memorable time communing with the Reef and listening to a great Australian album. 

 We had good meals all the way through in Port Douglas.  Damn fine Indian take out one night, Boy-o (who is a stunt eater) had a kangaroo steak at Salsa, and we all enjoyed some crocodile egg rolls at the Combined Club.  We also had a couple of notable dinner conversations here.  One evening at a fancier place, the staff made a big show of bringing utensils to our table and organizing them in an unusual way.  We all had a different set, which we agreed was based on our particular order, but their line-up didn't make sense.  We had a good long discussion of whether you took the utensils from the closest out or furthest in and could not agree on what this particular place was doing.  It turned out that they did a combination of both, which is just asinine.  At the host desk at one place, I said that the Gomez party was here for our reservation and the lady asked Betty where that name was from.  She sorta threw out that it was a college nickname or something.  I determined that we need to have a pat answer to that question and proposed that we have German ancestry, but those immigrants went to Mexico in the 1700's and it was our family that introduced the accordion to the Mexicans.  And on yet another evening,  I wrote down that Betty claimed that bridges were invented in China.  We may never know who invented the first one, but common thought it was the Greeks or the Turks.  We can't go a week without some wild claim of Chinese superiority.

Totally recommend Port Douglas as your northern Queensland destination. Other than the fact that most everything there could kill you instantly, just a lovely spot.

Was hoping to finish this Australia thing today, but this weekend is Spring Fair at the school and have once again signed up to run the Hot Dog booth.  1000 dogs to cook/sell from 10a-3p.  We have a great crew and it isn't too much work, but enough to throw off the schedule for the week.  See you next time.

April 10, 2017

It is Gettin' Funky 'Round Here in Taiwan.  Not funky in the traditional funkify your soul kinda way, cause the next time that Taiwan gets down will be the first time.  What I mean is that the thermometer switch has been flipped from damp to humid hot and my BO funk is getting highhhhhhhher.  Three showers yesterday with the knob turned all the way right. 

Was saddened by the passing of Mr. Warmth this past week.  I grew up emulating his love of all races from the Dean Martin Roasts to CPO Sharkey.  The kids didn't know who he was and were somewhat horrified when I did a short set of his material in the car to school....'who let these Chinks in here?'

Last we left off, our time in Sydney was almost over and on the way out of town, we all picked up a meat pie and sausage roll at the Sydney airport for the plane ride to Ayers Rock (AYQ).  Genius move.  The plan was to hook up with a tour group out of Alice Springs (4hr drive away), join them for a few hours around Uluru, camp out in the bush and do some morning hike around the monoliths before heading out the next afternoon. 

Would guess that most everyone knows it, but Uluru is the huge rock that is the first or second image you see when you think of Australia.  I went there in '83 and tried to talk Betty out of going, but she has this quest to see as many of the 250 on the 'things you must see before you die' list and really, if you're that far down there, it is worth going  When I went in '83, the Rock was the same but opinion of it was very different.  Then, it was called Ayers Rock and walking to the top was just a thing one did.  In 1985, custody of it was returned to the Indigenous People's and the name was returned to the native Uluru (it is easy to change the name of a landmark but next to impossible to rename an airport code).  The chain rope trail to the top is still there and you can climb it, but it is highly discouraged as it is sacred ground...even the Indigenous never do..  Our guide said that about 20% of the visitors to the area climb it and specified a big chunk of that percentage as Asian.  The disdain of Asian tourists everywhere continues...

We arrived at the airport and were supposed to be picked up by the tour operator, but they didn't show on time.  All the other people on the plane were carried away, but us and a German girl were left behind.  We determined that we were on the same tour and she got an email saying there was car trouble and that it'd be an hour or so before they arrived.  That's cool, the AYQ airport isn't busy...maybe 5 or 6 flights a day, so we settled in.   I went outside to enjoy some of the fine dry desert air and there is another dude roaming about who seemed agitated.  He had engaged an airport employee and he seemed like he was tweaking a bit, so I kept my distance.  He got on the phone to some travel agent and was having a back and forth about how he booked the tour but no one was there.  He had the speaker on (of course cause that is what tweakers do) and you could hear the lovely girl trying to talk him off the ledge.  The dude was not Australian and while his accent wasn't bad, you could tell English wasn't his first language.  So he's talking to the girl, trying to get a ride and he throws out this line..."I was talking to the travel agent in Alice Springs and she took my reservation. I'm half Jewish.  Can I speak to your manager?"  Huh? 

Our bus arrives and the German girl and we all climb aboard...and then the Tweaker joins us.  They must have figured out we were the last train to Clarksville and he hooks up with our group.   He gets on and is introduced as Giuseppe.  Our  group was 21 people...we had a Lithuanian couple. a German couple to add to our German girl, a couple of Korean girls, a solo Japanese girl, a Brazilian girl and an Aussie dude with his Malaysian wife.  The Aussie dude looked just like Crocodile Dundee and Giuseppe took an immediate shine to him.  He seemed like a nice bloke but Giuseppe was toxic, so we kept our distance.  We stopped at our campground for a burger lunch and were to head out to see Uluru, but Giuseppe claimed he would get heat stroke so asked to be left off at the camp ground office for the afternoon.

Uluru was just as I'd left it 34 years ago.   For just a big rock, the way it rises out of the otherwise empty and flat landscape is breathtaking.  We did the cultural center first and hearing what the indigenous people ate for 30,000 years to stay alive gives you an appreciation for their fortitude.  Do you know what a Witchetty grub is?  In between stops, they told us some Aborigine origin stories...giant snake eggs and emu eating lizard tales that were no more or less believable than stuff from the old testament...just older.  No way were we going to be offered to climb it but I had to admit that I did so back in the day.

That '83 trip was a doozy...our exchange group, YFU (Youth For Understanding) offered it to our group of Americans (there were about 50 of us) and our host siblings.  I went alone cause the host family I was with had an older daughter and younger son and it was not a trip for their ages, but our group filled three big buses.  It was a two week trip and we went to wine country in South Australia, up through Coober Pedy and onto Ayers Rock and Alice Springs before the long ride back.  While I am not totally proud of it, this trip was a booze fest...and it felt sanctioned as our first two stops were at wineries where we stocked up early and were drinking by early afternoon on the first day.  I cannot remember any type of responsible adult holding us back in any way.   I would say this was the peak of my alcohol consumption as I recall drinking an entire bottle of Ouzo every night for a week straight.  I know...Ouzo?   There was a group of us that were roaring drunks and a lot of inappropriate crazy shit went down...stuff that I would never put in writing. 

The day we hit Ayers Rock, we all climbed it and while we weren't drunk at the time, we had to have been hung over.  I climbed it in bare feet for some reason, and there is a picture somewhere of my bloody feet.  Our guide this time was saying that there are no bathroom facilities on the Rock, so when people need to relieve themselves, they just do it.  Not only is the Rock sacred to the Indigenous, but that waste had to go somewhere so when it rains, it all comes down and pollutes the watering holes...making them toxic.  While I don't remember doing so, am sure I took a leak up there. Young drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son.

Dind't see any dingoes, but this is where the "Dingo ate my baby"

 Some rock paintings...

 Am not gonna detail the geology and such...the wikipedia page does a nice job of that...but will  just share a couple of photos.

 The highlight of the day is to hit the viewing spot and wait for sunset when it lights up the Rock in colors.  There were some clouds that day. but they parted just long enough to put on a show that people have been watching for 35,000 years.  We enjoyed it with a glass of champagne, which has to be better than a nice warm witchetty grub. 

 The guide kept saying as we were driving to the watch the sunset that we were going to have  a glass of "sparkly", which he pronounced as spah-kley. I know many think the way the Aussies convert words into shorter ones by putting vowels at the end is endearing, but makes them sound like children, or at least like they are doing baby talk half the time, and is why there are no Nobel Prize winners from there. 

We picked up Giuseppe and hit the campground for dinner.  For a bunch of meals in the bush, the tour company put on a nice show.  Dinner was a chicken stir fry, which they hilariously put the Asian women in charge of cooking.

The deal for sleep that night was that everyone would get a swag, which is a canvas bedroll, and sleep under the stars.  Giuseppe took his and went off into the desert so he could take photos.  Have to admit that was a good idea cause the sky in the Southern Hemisphere has a stunning view of the Milky Way, and with the air devoid of moisture, the amount of stars out was simply stunning.

Was hard to sleep, not only cause you'd just lie there mesmerized by the light show above, and lying on the ground is just not conducive to my bad joints, but there were a couple of snorers in the group.  Crocodile Dundee related how Giuseppe woke him up at 2AM asking where everyone was.  The morning activity was to head over to the other rock formation, Kata Tjuta, for a hike on that outcropping.  They were called The Olgas in '83 and while we didn't hike it then, remember that some of us flew over them in a prop plane.  How we arranged that is lost to time.  Once again, Giuseppe asked to be left behind...no one asked him why.  I only made it half the way on this hike as it was very uneven and my knees couldn't do it.  I was really slow for the first half and when I caught up to the group at the midpoint I declared, "It is I, Giuseppe!"  Only the Boy thought it was funny.  I turned back here and per the kiddies, I didn't miss much on the rest of the hike.  And I did see this massive Huntsman spider who was making a home in the cigarette bin.

.  We picked Giuseppe up for lunch.  Apparently, he was going to fly out after we ate he somehow realized that his plane didn't leave until the next day.  Oh Giuseppe...  I took a small survey as to what people thought the funniest caricature name for an Italian would be and Luigi came in a sloid first, followed by Giuseppe and Angelo.  And for a gay porn actor...Francesco.

Here he is with Crocodile Dundee...

 Crocodile Dundee turned out to be a nice fella.  He was a rancher who bred horses and racing camels and shipped them to the Middle East.  We bonded a bit over our love of horse racing and our bemusement of Giuseppe.   We had burritos (quite good) for lunch and the bus was going to drop our clan at the airport before they headed off for another night sleeping outside in some canyon.  As we're loading the van, Giuseppe tells Crocodile that he can load his bag on board at the end.  Croc gives him a classic eff you look and walks away.  Before the airport, we drop Giuseppe off at the campground office again, cause that is what we do, and bid our final farewell.  Where are you now Giuseppe?  At this point, all of the people had figured out he was a freak and we are communally reflecting on what we just experienced,  so I decide to share my interaction at the airport and how he non sequitered to the travel agent that he was a "half-jew".  The German guy sitting next to me turns and with as stoic a straight face that a German can muster says..."Vhat vas de udder hauf"  

Our next destination was Cairns, which is in northern Queensland.  We had been seeing in the news for the last few days that a giant cyclone was bearing down on the Queensland coast.  Would we be able to fly there, or were we destined to cuddle up with Giuseppe at the airport that night?  Tune in next time to find out.