March 1, 2013

I find myself saying "why" a lot.  Really, it is more 'WTF?' than why, but you get the gist.  Am going to throw a few of them out there, and if you have an answer or thought on why they do these things, am all ears. 

First, when I'm walking around and see people exercising, I see a lot of them hitting themselves.  Not like Silas from The DaVinci Code, but more like a light thumping on their tummies or butts as they stretch or workout.  WTF?  Is this supposed to tone you up in some way?  It's mostly the old folks, so am sure that it must be good for digestion (as everything else odd they do or eat seems to be).  Took this snap of the park across the street on my way out the door this morning. It is far away, but these gals were dancing/smacking their butts to Jefferson Starships 'We Built This City'. 

Betty took both of my cameras with her on her safari trip this week, so had to take it with my iPhone.  Just turn your head (and cough).

Next up...feelers/jousting sticks on cars.  For example...

Am sure you can see that thing sticking up by the front headlight.  When I was growing up, my mom had a big ol' Cadillac.  Huge.  And just behind the rear right tire, there was a flexible aluminum stick, they called them feelers, that would help let you know when you were getting close to the curb when parking.  Haven't seen them since the 70's, so you have to be of a certain age to know what I'm talking about, but hope you get the idea.  The sticks you see in the car above are on about one in every 20 cars, and we do not know what they are for.  I've asked a couple people and they aren't sure.  Betty, who talks and acts like she knows everything about Chinese people, but I'm finding she might know less than I do, is convinced that they are mini-flag poles so people can show their national pride.  I may have believed her at first, but I have yet to see someone waving their pride in the wind so far, and these sticks are usually found on pieces of shit cars.  For example.

Even the 5-0 have them...really hard to see in this snap, but I was driving and in motion while shooting the photo (of a police car).  The thing looked like some kind of torture device from the Middle Ages and there is no way you could affix a flag to it anyway.

 

So WTF is up with these things?  My guess is that they are supposed to act like the feelers of old, but more to let the scooters know when they are getting too close to the car.  Kind of like a scooter kebab.  I like my theory and am throwing it out there for debate. 

The last one for today is the local proliferation of Baby In Car bumper stickers.  We have been bothered by them for months and you see them on tons of cars.  Almost as many as you see the scooter swords.  I took what you see below today (all with the iPhone camera unfortunately) in under an hour out in the street.  This is what I'm talking about.

They come in a hundred different varieties.

And this car even had two of them on it.

Have started to see them branch out into bigger kids.

And now this.

First, most of us remember the Baby on Board placards that were popular in the olden days of the 80's, and who can forget the B-Sharps episode of the Simpsons.  Must be some kind of language thing where "board" doesn't translate clearly into Chinese.  And I can understand that they are a bit behind the US on dopey cultural trends.  The feathered Flock of Seagulls hairstyle seems to be popular with the K-Pop crowd. 



Always felt bad for the pre-maturely balding Gull.

But my question to these motorists, just as it was back in the 80's, is what do you want me to do with this information?  Am I not supposed to crash into you?  Am I supposed to be impressed somehow by your sexual prowess or your ability to procreate?  I know from first hand experience that having the fruit of your loins in your crappy Mitsubishi is not preventing you from driving like a total douche bag.  So what's the message?  WTF?  What this town needs is a bumper sticker that says Narcissistic Butthole In Car. 

February 28, 2013

Just received this link from a buddy that says Manny Ramirez is coming to play baseball in Taiwan this summer.  Looking forward to that.

Today is a (nother) holiday here in T-dub (my new way of referring to Taiwan by the way).  I've heard it called "Peace" day by some, but it is commemorating the massacre of the citizens by the government on February 28th, 1947.  You can get the full breakdown here, but basically, the Japanese ruled Taiwan, excuse me...T-dub, for the 50 years before the end of WWII, and during their reign had done a pretty decent job modernizing the country and treated the civilians well.  Not everyone loved them of course, but many did (and still do) view them favorably.  When the mainland Chinese took over the island after the war, their administration of the island was sketchy at best and there was a lot of heavy handed legislation and taxation.  In 1947, the local ATF confiscated a 40 year-old widow's contraband cigarettes and when she pleaded for their return, one of the officers smacked her with his pistol.  In the ensuing altercation, they shot and killed a by-stander.  The next day, Feb 28, 1947, the pissed off locals stormed the Governor-General's building (with swords) and took it over.  Over the next few days, the locals had effectively taken control of most of the island until the mainland government initiated a curfew and shot those breaking it.  It is estimated that about 4000 people were killed before the uprising was put down.  The authoritarian KMT government ruled with an iron fist until the mid-80's when democratic elections were allowed.  My opinion is that this legacy of strict rule is one of the main reasons for the low crime rate now as there is still an underlying fear of Big Brother.  Not saying that was right, just sayin'.  The democratic government recognized the incident and made 2/28 an official holiday in 1995.  Acknowledging past atrocities is a sign of a healthy society.  That and the fact that women are treated equally and have equal access to power are two of the most admirable things about T-dub that makes their future bright.  Now if we can only do something about their driving habits...I might be in favor of a small return to the draconian tactics of old to clean up that mess.

I just got my second haircut since arriving here by the same gal that cut it last time and have to say that she gives me the best haircut I have ever had in my life.  My hair is not very pretty to start, grows like a weed, and there is a slowly expanding bald spot.  For my whole life, barbers/stylists would try to give me a "look", but it always looked terrible, like Edward Scissorhands off his meds at best, and at worst, like the dude from Kid-and-Play.


At least 10 (and probably closer to 15) years ago, I started going to Rudy's Barbershop (local cut-rate chain in Seattle where the barbers are heavily tattoed/aggressively pierced) to get the $10 buzz cut.  Would get the #2 level setting on the razor all over, which looked OK after a month, but laid bear my oddly shaped skull.  This T-dub lady (who speaks zero English matching my zero Chinese) manages to hide the bald spot nicely and cuts it so it looks natural.  Funny that it took 46 years and 10,000 miles to find a women whose culture has no curly hair to make me happy.

February 27, 2013

I went to a Prince concert the night Paul started kindergarten, was a show where he was playing all the hits, had Maceo Parker in his band, just a phenomenal performance, and they gave everyone that came a copy of his (then) new disc called Musicology.  I just listened to it for the first time and love it...groovy and mellow.  Say what you want about his odd personality, but that guy has to be one of the most talented people that has ever lived.  Gifted singer and songwriter, fabulous dancer and performer, and simply shreds on guitar.  Name me another person than is such a multi-threat.

We just booked a trip to Boracay, which is in the Philippines, for 5 days during Spring break in April.  Sounds like a local version of Mexico/Hawaii, but a couple of cool things it has are cliff diving (so Wide World of Sports) and is the only place in the world that has real Puka shells.  I hope to get my inner-David Cassidy on and pick one of those up.  Welcome any thoughts you may have on that destination. 

It is my opinion that the job that has the highest employment here is orange stick traffic control.  These guys (only guys, no women) are everywhere.  I am not complaining about the service they provide, and am thankful for the businesses that employ them to help make sure pedestrians and vehicles do not meet unnecessarily, it's just that they are so militant and intense about their craft.  I am the only car around, not a pedestrian in sight, and these guys will swing that stick like the green flag at Daytona to get me moving.  Am told that a lot of them are cabbies making a few bucks on the side, which helps to explain their aggression.

Our favorite example of the orange stick guys are these three we see every morning during our morning commute.

There are three apartments close by on this street, and each one has a stick figure guiding their tenants traffic out of the parking structure.  It puts a smile on my face seeing them every morning and would love to listen in (and understand) the BS they have to flip each other just to make the morning pass. 

 

When walking around town, whenever I come across another "Westerner", (assuming I do not know them) am always torn between whether I should ignore them or give them a head nod in acknowledgment.  And if I give them the nod, what exactly am I acknowledging?  That we both share the same skin color or that we are somehow superior?  Do Chinese have the same inner conflict when they are in another country?  Am I the only one that has this obsession?

Along that line, do you ever have an idea or contemplation about something and think that everyone has the same idea, only to discover that when you articulate it to another person, that they look at you like you are some kind of freak.  I was talking to the kids the other day about nose picking...we all do it, it's a healthy thing and while it might not be a common topic of conversation, m aybe it should be.  So I say to them, "have you ever picked a booger that when you pulled it out, it feels like it is connected to your eyeball or brain?"  The simultaneous look of disgust and 'what the hell are you talking about' on both their faces was classic. 

February 26, 2013

Have been anxiously anticipating seeing Django Unchained and it is finally going to show here this weekend.  We definitely don't get all the movies here, but we get most of the big stuff and sometimes have to wait a few months for them.  I just saw Silver Linings Playbook the other day and reallyu liked it.  How come they can't make more movies like that which appeal to both the fellas and the ladies?  And now I totally get why everyone is in love with Jennifer Lawrence.

Betty left for South Africa on a work trip yesterday afternoon...she was giddy.  I know she loves to get a new stamp in her passport and it showed.  She is tacking on a 3 day safari on the end of it at Kruger National Park .  She was told not to wear red as it excites the animals (most definitely), but I did not know that you shouldn't wear blue as it attracts the titzy (my spelling) flies. 

Since Betty was gone and Paul had a late night at school, I took Carolyn out to dinner and she chose our local Thai joint.  As we are enjoying our meal, we were checking out this couple (in their 20's) next to us and they were on their cell phones the entire time...even while eating.  I think most of us feel that is bad behaviour, and Carolyn volunteered this statement, "Girls make a lot of mistakes when it comes to boys."  Could not let that one go so asked for some examples.  "Well, after a few dates, girls will start to dress badly once they get comfortable with the guy", she said.  I agreed and  asked if that was all.  She added that "girls shouldn't call the guy every minute of the day and to give their boyfriends some space" and that sometimes "the guys need some time to hang out with their guy friends...have a bromance."  Sage advice from a 9 year-old and wonder where she is picking up this stuff.  Hope it is iCarly...love that show.  On the one hand, am glad she seems to be getting some decent information, but on the other...she is freakin' 9 years old.  What to do?

Chinese New Year ended on Sunday...to recap, CNY begins on the second new moon after the Winter Solstice, and ends on the following full moon.  Most businesses take the first week off, and the day they go back to work, it is custom to shoot off a huge load of fireworks to ensure a prosperous New Year.  That entire day was filled with the sounds of firecrackers being set off in front of every store and business in town.  Pretty fun except for the fact that the smell of gunpowder was everywhere...as it was a warm day, had the windows of the apartment open and when I got home that afternoon, it smelled as if a string of them had been set off in our bedroom. 

On the last night of Chinese New Year, a tradition is to set off a sky lantern on which you write your hopes for the New Year.  The kids school offered up a bus ride to the Pinxi Sky Lantern Festival in Shifen.  About an hour and a half ride outside of town, Shifen is nestled in the mountains between Taipei and Keelung.  The mountains here are geologically new, and while they aren't very high, they are quite sheer.  Shifen itself is in a narrow valley so is rather small.  This festival was quite huge.  The streets were packed with stalls selling lanterns and a wide variety of treats, such as squid on a stick.

 

And they had the mobile penis pancake stand.  Carolyn had a bunch of questions and I ignored them all.  So many gags about this one, but will let you write your own

I mentioned the streets were packed...once we got down to the stage area, it got even more jammed.  And I don't know exactly how they did it, and it took a diabolically gifted mind to do so, but no matter where we stood, a blinding spotlight would be shining in our faces.  They did turn them off when the lanterns were being released, but still.  There were a couple of times where I wanted to pack it in and head back to the bus early.  Carolyn felt similarly. 

So the deal at the festival is that people are alighting the lanterns around the village constantly, but the show is on a stage where they let off 2000 lanterns, 200 at a time.  The cube shaped lantern is made of rice paper and is a little over a yard tall and square, with a metal frame inside that holds a kerosene soaked handkerchief.  You light the handkerchief and the hot air fills the lantern causing it to rise like a hot air balloon.  Most of them go up and over the mountainside before they burn out and have to travel several miles.  A group of 800 people (4 per lantern) gather in the open space in front of the stage to design their lantern while a local politician gave a short speech (we started making up names of the officials that were speaking, like the South Keelung Assistant Director of Drinking Water and Miniature Ceramic Pandas), then a local musical act gets up to sing a song or two (worse than you could possibly imagine).  After about 10-15 minutes of this fine entertainment, everyone fires up their lanterns and releases simultaneously.   The stage was surrounded by TV cameras and photographers, and the hillsides around it were standing room only.  If I had to put a number on it, probably around 50,000 to 75,000 people. We were in the sixth group, and once we started queuing up and got more space, it became far more pleasant.  We made it into the stage area and started to work on our lantern.  Most people wrote notes asking for health, prosperity, etc.  I wrote Yo La Tengo Rules and drew naked stick figure people.

Was time to let them go and it was quite serene and beautiful.  After all the pain of getting there, fighting the crowds and saying this will be a once in a lifetime experience, watching two hundred lanterns go up at once made the whole trip worthwhile and would definitely do it again.

February 22, 2013

I have got to remember to take a camera with me when I walk out the door.  While walking through the park yesterday on a warm afternoon, saw an elderly fella sitting on a bench with his shirt off while his Filipina helper was massaging his calves and feet.  I have got to get me one of those.

Have been thinking lately that the planet needs a church for Atheists.  Am becoming increasingly jealous listening to people whose social lives surround their faith.  There are some folks around here that seem pleasant and may be nice people to know, but they kind of click off and hear them getting together after church, or they are meeting at Bible study and such.  Felt the same way with the parents when Carolyn went to Catholic school.   I just cannot pretend to feign interest in the least, but would love to have the support group they share. 

So this morning, I woke up a few minutes before the alarm to go to the bathroom...was too long to hold it, but not long enough to go back to sleep, so was lying there in a semi-lucid dreamlike state and this Atheist church thing became totally clear.  I am not saying that it appeared to me as a vision from above, but I'll bet that Joseph Smith's revelations came to him due to the need for an early morning tinkle.  Unfortunately, it was clear in the hazy mind and not so much after coffee, but will try to get down some of the bigger points in hopes of building on them later. 

First, it can't be called a church, or mosque, temple, dojo, etc., as they are religious specific.  Haven't come up with a name for it so will use Starbucks as a placeholder.  Second, we will meet on Wednesday evenings.  Really, if God had wanted us to congregate on Sunday mornings, would He have created the NFL?  And Saturday's are out for college (and other) sports.  Friday nights should be reserved for date night, and Monday is out as everyone is cranky having to go back to work/school.  So that leaves Tuesday through Thursday, and since Wednesday is the mid point of the week, seems like the most universally festive of those three. 

Another important need that we will have is a unifying book to help guide us on our journey (will work on the title later).  I know that Atheists are all over the map as it is, but all religions have their factions and schisms and they are all reading from the same playbook, so we should have something to help keep us together.  I would not advocate starting from scratch, but to take the best and most sensible parts from all of histories texts.  The 10 Commandments seems like a decent place to start and we could drop them in verbatim.  If I was the judge, I'd probably drop the craven image one as I'm not quite sure what that ever meant.  Also, the coveting of thy neighbor's stuff never seemed like it belonged in total.  I really dig the Porsche that parks in the spot next to ours, would love to have it, but I don't really think that's a sin.  Thinking his wife has a nice behind might be borderline, but I'm just admiring her work out ethic.  In their place, I might elaborate on the one about honoring thy father and mother with the flip side...mothers and fathers should take responsibility for their kids, and abandoning them or allowing them to become creeps and burdens on society should be worth consideration as a sin.

Adding to our book will be things that should guide us in our everyday life, ideas that we should all be able to agree upon, and should range from important philosophical arcs to day to day habits.  One of my favorites has always been that "there are two types of people, those that are humble, and those that are about to be."  One that popped into my mind this morning (not sure if I heard it somewhere or came as part of my vision), "it's mostly, but not all, about you."  I'm sure we all have sayings that we fall back on to help us cope with whatever we encounter and will bet that they are valid for just about all.  I like a lot of what the Constitution has to offer, freedom of speech, religion, etc., but as with a lot of these older documents, the world changes and what sounded good then might not work so well today.  Not a day goes by without someone doing something really bad with a gun and don't think we have a "right" to bear arms anymore.  I think owning a firearm should be a privilege that should be earned.  Can I get an Amen?  The Constitution was also nice in saying all men were created equal, but didn't go far enough to include women, and slavery was di rigeur in the day, so let's assume that we are all invited equally to this Atheist Starbucks. 

While that side of the Book takes on the macro, the flip side should take on the micro and be along the lines of Emily Post.  She is a bit high brow for me a lot of times, but manners and courtesy are the bedrocks of any society and should never be viewed as perk for being well off.  If we all had them and considered a breach of them unacceptable, wouldn't we be better off?  Shouldn't all drivers where two lanes are merging into one use the zipper technique instead of riding up the car in front of them's ass to get one car length ahead?  Should people waiting for an elevator allow people already on the elevator to get off before they push in...they aren't moving until they do anyway?  Isn't it nice when the guy or gal in front of you holds the door instead of letting it fly back in your face, and doesn't if feel good when you are the one holding the door?  Don't we all agree on this stuff?  Is it worse to push on the bus and grab a seat ahead of the pregnant lady or elderly couple, or covet your neighbors 400hp V-8 ox or donkey?

So what are we going to do on these Wednesday nights?  Am thinking that a speaker will give a 30 minute-ish talk about a topic that will help our minds grow.  I like astronomy and history personally, but there is no end to topics that I would like to know more.  Perhaps we could take two sides of the coin and have a open and non-hostile debate about an issue (no name calling and with approved rules of debate agreed upon in advance).   We could have a little Q&A then have some refreshments and snacks.

Speaking of name calling, anyone that thinks holding a sign depicting Obama (or W before him) as Hitler needs to drop that shit at the door. 

7% of Americans call themselves Atheists, but if you could get people to really talk to you without outside pressure from their family/spouse/etc, I bet the real number is closer to 50% in practice and suspect it is even higher.  Our society should never exclude people who are religious and they should not only be welcomed, but encouraged to join as they have so much to add to the group. 

OK...I've probably said too much and this will strike many as being totally insane.  Maybe this is already out there and I am coming late to the party.  Whatever...

February 20, 2012

I realized that I wrote the below a few weeks ago, but did so the night I was getting sick with food poisoning, so never reviewed/edited it and then forgot to post it.  Keep in mind that it was drafted just as I was becoming violently ill...

If I was to go into the clothing business in Taiwan, I think I would first concentrate on pants.  For the ladies, I'd take 'em in around the seat area as they just do not (on average) have the booties to fill up the way pants are cut for the rest of the world.  For the fellas...same thing.  At lunch yesterday, we saw one of the servers donning one of the more ridiculous fashion trends going around these days, popularized by NBA stars, where they wear big ol' eyeglass frames with no lenses.  Uh honey...everone needs glasses here and they all look like dorks already, so how did this seem like a good idea to you?  So that got me thinking about one the dumbest guy fashion trends in the US...which is wearing jeans halfway down your butt and exposing your boxers on top.  For the Chinese, I don't think the physics required to pull that off are possible when you have no butt or the accompanying rounded hips.  Perhaps this could all be solved with prosthetic ass cheeks...they have those right?  And will someone pleasemake me an ironic t-shirt with words from a language other than English?  Do they not have irony in other languages?

That thought got me thinking about "Chinese comedy"  No secret I consider myself an amateur comedian.  There is a saying that people that like comedy laugh when they dress up a young person as an old lady who then falls down the stairs, while comedians laugh when an old lady falls down the stairs.  I don't laugh out loud often, especially at my own jokes, but something made me spit out my wine one night in Italy.  One of the running gags around our house is that Betty has a big head, and by big, we mean a large skull.  One of her co-workers gave her a hard time about it years ago and we are just unable to let it go.  One night at dinner when we were in Italy, the subject of this video came up.  If you don't click on the links, it is a video of the guy cleaning up in an elephant's pen, and the elephant backs up and the guys head gets stuck up its butt.  Posssibly the funniest video ever...go ahead and go back on click on it.  I know it is not your usual dinner conversation, but it is at our house and the kids seemed to enjoy it.  Anyway, we were talking about the poor guy, and then Betty said something like how horrible it would be to get her head stuck in the elephant, to which I replied, "I agree...for the elephant." 

I know that is totally mean and will probably get the silent treatment from Betty for a while just for recounting the story, but funny nonetheless.  Have been flipping around the TV dial and leaving the Chinese stations on in the background to help familiarize myself with the language, and it seems the only comedy is of the slapstick variety.  Very Jerry Lewis or Mr. Bean .  I might be missing something, but I think it is the limitations of the language that does not lend itself to the more verbal comedy that I prefer...just don't think a classic bit, like George Carlin's Football v Baseball, is feasible.  For a language that will not introduce new words, I don't think being able to play with (or on) them is easy.   I hope to be proven wrong...

Finally, someone shared this link reviewing the new Barbie themed restaurant that recently opened in Taiwan.  Will make it a point to check it out soon, but the bigger find from this article was the presence of the bathroom themmed restaurant called Modern Toilet.  Seats made of toilets, drinks served in souvenier glasses shaped like urinals and deserts serrved in squat pots?  Brilliant...we are definately gonna make a run to this place.

February 19, 2013

If I was the manager of the Taipei branch of Hooters, I would look into providing a (short) skirt option for the waitresses.  Push-up bras do wonders for the hooters themselves, but the general lack of booty makes those short short Richard Simmons shorts look baggy on them.  We have had a hankering for greasy chicken wings and decided to visit the Taipei Hooters to scratch the itch.  The wings were definitely greasy, but gross overall and doubt we'll be going back with any frequency.  Betty was proud that the gals at Hooters posed no competition to her in the cleavage department.  The big concern was how much Carolyn was fascinated by the girls.  She likes her clothes tight fitting and seeing the the waitresses perform cheer leading numbers and a hula-hoop show while working looked appealing to her.  We have higher hopes for her career.

So we are right in the middle of the Chinese New Year celebration...today is the day most everyone goes back to work/school, but the holiday extends from the new moon last Saturday to the full moon this coming Sunday.  We are going to go the Pinxi Sky Lantern festival on the last day where hundreds of paper lanterns are released in unison.  Sounds kinda cool and you can see what it looks like here.  I couldn't talk Betty into it this year, but one of these New Year's, I am going to take Paul down south to the Tainan Fireworks Festival.  This thing is insane...you put on fire retardant capes and helmets, and walk in this street where they shoot off bottle rockets and firecrackers at the participants.  They set a record last year with a 13km long string of firecrackers.  Looks incredibly dangerous, is totally stupid to do, but damn if it doesn't look like awesome fun.  I'd like to do that, the Thai water festival and the Tomato Throwing Festival in Spain before I am too old and broken to participate.

I have given up arguing with the nutty Lunar calendar and am going to start embracing it.  As you are probably aware, Chinese New Year falls on a different day.  Wikipedia has a decent basic guide on how it works , but basically, the new year starts on the second new moon after the Winter Solstice.  So the ancients understood how the Sun worked in the seasons, but pinned the day to day activities to the phases of the moon.  As the moon does not go around the Earth in equal 365 day increments, it makes figuring out when to celebrate things as simple as your birthday an annual math problem.  For instance, Betty's aunt was born on Chinese New Year's day, so this year, her b-day was on February 10th, but next year, it is on January 31st.  Am going to figure out when my Chinese b-day is, but will have to calculate when September 4th, 1965 fell on that year's Chinese calendar, and then calculate where it falls on this years and then convert to the Gregorian.

I do know that I was born in the Year of the Snake, and had always read how great the Snakes were on the Chinese place mats in the States, but as this is the year of the Snake, am seeing that we are not just all beauty, smarts and efficiency  We are also deceptive, cheap and do not like constructive criticism.  Guilty as charged.  Not many people like the snakes so in these parts, they call this the Year of the Little Dragon. 

Finally for today....do they sell short pants for men without cargo pockets anymore?  Am rarely wearing long pants this winter as it has mostly been in the 70's during the day so far and the heat seems to be rising already (has been in the 80's last few days), and my supply of shorts was limited to start and are wearing out fast.  So I went on-line to buy some and cannot find many that don't come with cargo pockets.  Personal preference, but I think cargo shorts look stupid and have never understood why we need more than 4 pockets anyway.  Unless you're MacGuyver or a Navy Seal, how much does one need to carry in their pants anyway? 

February 16, 2013

Woke up early this fine Saturday to a quiet apartment to load another diary entry, and as I was scanning the headlines waiting for the coffee to brew, this piece of brilliant investigative journalism jumped out at me from the front page of the Taipei Times.  This article finally settles the debate on whether it is medically sound to fart on an airplane.  Thankfully, I have been excercising good judgement in this respect for years.  The leader of the study "enlisted some of the finest minds in his field" to arrive at the conclusions.  Immediately realized that I should have devoted my life's work to becoming an expert in this area as I have always had a fascination with the topic and am inherently gifted in the act.  The article is worth a complete read, but a couple of my favorite "facts" are that "women's farts smell worse than men's", and while it is fine for passengers to let 'em rip, the crew on the flight deck faces a lose-lose situation.  Even though there are the health benefits to the pilots to pass gas, the odor might affect the rest of the crew resulting in reduced on board safety.  Genius.  I wonder how tall a building has to be for it to be medically acceptable to fart on an elevator?  If you are in our family, the answer to that question seems to be as soon as the door closes.

A nice thing about having had Betty's family in town the last couple weeks is that we did sightseeing that we might not normally do.  Of course, we made the obligatory stops, like eating at legendary dumpling house Din Tai Fung

 

We popped over to the Chiang Kai-shek Memorial for a few minutes after dim sum one morning.  A nice open space, but they were not amused by us tossing the football around.  Betty and Cousin Sharon wanted to get a jumping picture, but their prime leaping days are in the past and it took them quite a while to get it together.  But the knee pain was well worth it when you get a shot like this.

We also spent an evening shrimping.  I've written a few times about it before, but here is a brief article if you aren't a frequent reader.  We are getting better at it, but are not nearly as proficient as some of the locals.  There was this one guy there this time that would drop his pole in the water and sort of lean over the pond as if he were communicating with the shrimps, and then just yank on his pole and more often than not, bring a meaty creature out of the water.  Sort of like a Shrimp Whisperer.   I also think there is a benefit in bringing your own bait as the people that do seem to catch more, although if you go enough times where you have your own custom pole and bring special bait, your experience level (and geek quotiant) is obviously much higher. 

Shrimping also offers an opportunity for some good natured ribbing as there always seems to be one person that just can't seem to manage to reel them in.  Paul is usually that person, always claiming that he hooks more than anyone else but they manage to eat his bait and get away.  Fortunately, he finally caught a couple late in the game this time, but look at this long face taken about an hour into the session.

We tried the Maokong Gondola for the first time...it goes up a decent sized mountain at the south end of town and provided some nice views of the city.  Once you get to the top, you can go on some hikes, see a (nother) temple, buy some tea (said to be some of the finest grown only in that area), and have some street food snacks.  You can take a normal cabin without waiting, or reserve a cabin that has a glass bottom...we waited for the glass one and while it was kinda cool, not worth the extra time hanging around to ride it.  Not sure if I'd put the gondola on the "must-do" in Taipei list, but it is a decent way to kill an afternoon. 

 

Another site we went to for the first time was the observation deck at Taipei 101.  This building was the tallest in the world for about 5 years last decade before it was surpassed by one in Dubai, but it is still pretty damn tall.  Right in the heart of downtown, it provides a complete and commanding view of the city that is spectacular.  Cost is $12 to go up with an audio guide included and is a worthwhile destination.  There is a very upscale shopping mall on the first 5 floors, kitchsy shops in the surrounding streets, plus a branch of Din Tai Fung in the basement.  I found the most interesting part of the tour was being able to see and learn about their Baby Damper.  A tuned mass damper is like a pendulum in large buildings that helps keep them stable in high winds, earthquakes and such.  Pretty ingenious engineering and the one in Taipei 101 is one of the few that is open for viewing. 

It was at Taipei 101 that I realized I have a stunt-peeing fetish.  The ladies probably won't understand, but as I was urinating on the 99th floor of the building and mentally calculating the speed it would travel down to the ground floor, my mind started to go back in the catalog of unique places I have tinkled.  The Grand Canyon, Space Needle, and most recently, the Grand Canal in Venice, I started to wonder if I have a problem, or if other fellas have the same hobby.  Like farting on an airplane, I trust that history will be on my side. 

Finally, and since I'm on the topic, we made a family outing to the local branch of the Modern Toilet restaurant chain.  Just what it sounds like...the restaurant is toilet themed, so you sit on toilet seats, get your napkins from a toilet paper roll dispenser, eat out of toilet bowls, desserts in squat pots, and drink from bed pans.  The food was bad to OK, so will not be one of our regular stops, but when in Rome...

In the next installment, I hope to be able to explain how the lunar calendar works...have been trying to study and understand it, but it is not giving up its secrets easily.

February 15, 2012

Hi there...it's been a while since I've been posted.  A few Friday's ago, I ate something that must have spoiled and got such bad food poisoning that I was out of commission for nearly a week.  Just horrible, could not eat for a few days nor think straight for a few days more.  Then...the Chinese New Year hullabaloo kicked in.  Betty's mom came at the end of January and just left yesterday.  Her sister and one of her kids arrived a week ago and they also just left, so the last couple of weeks have been all about taking the family places, eating, and taking the family places to eat.  It was very nice to have them around, but after two weeks of them living in our apartment, which is decent sized but still an apartment, was just as glad to see them go.

Chinese New Year is big.  In advance of it, the city is all about getting just the right foods and treats for big family dinners, and the normal markets are packed with shoppers and pop up stalls selling the needed goods.  We went to a couple of them...first stop was the sausage shop that sells "special" new years sausage.

 

And no visit to the CNY market would be complete without a stop at the pig liver and meat stuffed pig leg shop.

You have to get all the sweet stuff too.  They are not into the chocolate as much as I would prefer unfortunately.

And you have to get the right noodles and decorative accouterments to ensure a prosperous New Year.

The streets and shops are jammed with people and red and gold decorations

A lot of markets around town are touted as being good as they are "Traditional Markets"  I have come to realize that the word traditional in Chinese is translated as "poorly ventilated, lack of potable water and a fire trap."

To satisfy the belly as your shopping, there are all kinds of stands to fill you up along the way.

This stand was selling hard boiled goose eggs.  Betty even said she had never seen one before.  They tasted like an egg, only way gamier and left an aftertaste that lasted all afternoon. 

And no one was quite sure what these were, but I bet your guess isn't as disgusting as reality.

We went to one of these markets on a tour with the local English language community center, and the tour guide stopped us to admire this building.

It was described as a whore house built by the Japanese nearly 100 years ago, making it one of the oldest buildings in town.  Kinda dumpy, and was hard to get too worked up about it just having been to a country where entire cities look as they did 500 years ago.  This snap was taken in front of the oldest steak house in town that was right across the street.  I asked our guide if the steak was good or bad, and she replied that "it is Taiwanese."  My immediate reaction was, "so it's bad", which did not seem to amuse her or the rest of the group.  I need to work on stifling that initial reaction I suppose, but what kind of answer is that anyway. 

I did learn more about Chinese New Year traditions.  The literal translation of Happy New Year in Mandarin is Xin nian Kui le, but in the States, I had always heard it said Gong Xi Fa Choi.  You are supposed to say this after New Years Eve, and Gong Xi means "Congratulations" and Fa Choi is "Prosperity". 

The reason you say congratulations after NYE is that you have survived the night.  The traditional story goes something like this...According to tales and legends, the beginning of Chinese New Year started with the fight against a mythical beast called the Nian (Chinese: 年; pinyin: Nián). Nian would come on the first day of New Year to eat livestock, crops, and even villagers, especially children. To protect themselves, the villagers would put food in front of their doors at the beginning of every year. It was believed that after the Nian ate the food they prepared, it wouldn’t attack any more people. One time, people saw that the Nian was scared away by a little child wearing red. The villagers then understood that the Nian was afraid of the color red. Hence, every time when the New Year was about to come, the villagers would hang red lanterns and red spring scrolls on windows and doors. People also used firecrackers to frighten away the Nian. From then on, Nian never came to the village again. The Nian was eventually captured by Hongjun Laozu, an ancient Taoist monk. The Nian became Hongjun Laozu's mount.^[10] 

So you say congratulations on New Years Day to acknowledge you making it through the night without being eaten.  Am told that the "prosperity" line was added out of Hong Kong in the recent past when that became important.  While the story is not as cute as reindeers with red noses and jolly old men breaking into your house at night, it is no less ridiculous.  I will say that one area that CNY blows away X-mas is the gift shopping.  You don't need to go find a toy or clothes for anybody...all you have to do is get a bunch of red envelopes and a stack of crisp new bills from the bank.  The bank will even give you red envelopes making it a one stop shopping experience.  You put whatever amount of cash you feel appropriate in the envelopes and give them to only the unmarried children and your service providers (cleaning lady, doormen, etc.).  So easy and everyone is happy.  On New Year's Eve, we went over to Betty's uncle's house (her mom's brother) for a big family dinner.  After the meal, all the adults passed out the envelopes to the kiddies and ours ended up taking home NT$9000 (US$300) each (Paul and Carolyn with Betty's Mom and cousin Aron).

The family feast is similar in spirit to those from around the world, but there is an order that they occur...you go to the Patriarchs house on night one and then it is a series of where you go for the next couple of weeks.  I haven't been able to locate the order written down, and with any tradition that I learn from the family, there is a lot of misinformation given as they like to make pronouncements that sound definitive but are later discovered to be totally made up.  Will get back once I can confirm the order, but in the meantime, here is what our feast looked like that first night.

Talk soon