September 29th, 2017

Hey there,

This is the time of year I miss Seattle most.  Most say that the PNW is best in the summer, with long days, blue skies and the hydros.  As man who identifies as an Autumn,  I love the chill in the air, breaking out the fleece, and taking the kids to the corn maze.  In Taiwan, it is still so hot that all we can do is go to the popcorn maze.

They love themselves some stinky tofu in this town.  You can smell it everywhere at all times of day. Will admit that it tastes OK, but even the biggest lover of it will say that it smells awful.  A little about the concoction from Wikipedia: "The traditional method of producing stinky tofu is to prepare a brine made from fermented milk, vegetables, and meat; the brine can also include dried shrimp, amaranth greens, mustard greens, bamboo shoots, and Chinese herbs. The brine fermentation can take as long as several months."  It goes onto say that in Taiwan, "Stinky tofu is usually served deep-fried (often served drizzled with sauce and topped with sour pickled vegetables), grilled, or added to a Sichuan mala soup base (with solid goose blood, pickled mustard greens, and pork intestines)."

I'll wait while you try to settle your stomach.

While they may all like the stuff by now, ingrained in their taste bud DNA over epochs, it has the added benefit of hiding the populace's body odor.  I didn't complain about the weather last week, but it remains consistently awful...well over 100 degrees every day.  Every day.  Every day.  Today for instance...

Yep...it feels like 122.  In Celsius, that's 50, which is halfway to boiling.   I don't care how well you can regulate your body temperature, you are gonna stink and the pickled pork intestine stew brewing in all directions is a perfect masking agent.  The local version of "is that you or is it stinky tofu."  Realized this as we were on the subway one late afternoon after a roaster of a day, and the mix of sweaty humanity from all walks of life was exposed on the sterile train.  Gag me.

An addition to my list of things to do if I were the Pope of this Dump, which includes disbanding the Taiwanese armed forces and legalizing weed, had an idea for Taiwan as to how they could combat their low birthrate while simultaneously making a takeover by the mainland less appealing.  With the second lowest birthrate in the world, they face the issue of an aging population without enough young people to feed the coffers or take care of the elderly that many Western nations are starting to feel too.  Stagnant wages with the minimum being US$4.00 means more living at home as an adult, and starting a family is not something that a government can turn on/off at will.  So what is the answer?  Whether you like it or not, immigration seems most logical.  Japan is adamantly against diluting their gene pool, but Taiwan?  My thought is that there are already a ton of migrant workers here, mainly in the needed service industries of health care and construction, and mostly from Indonesia and Philippines.  And there is a significant but hard to measure group of undocumented children of those workers living in this legal limbo where they aren't residents of any country.  Let's start by legalizing them and provide a path for some legal immigration from the area countries facing overpopulation.

Have added this to my list of talking points and it is immediately dismissed as the Taiwanese (re:Chinese) would never allow it in the same vein as Japan.  First, this island didn't hold a majority of Chinese people until the late 20th century with the aboriginal population and island not being fully subjugated until the 1920's...by the Japanese.  I wonder how the aboriginal population would feel about it.  Second, the Filipinos that are here already fill the immediate needs in the business sector and they could now go on the books.  Third, with a diverse ethnic make-up, wouldn't that make the mainland less inclined to assume they are part of one culture?  I get that while they talk about Taiwan being an inexorable part of the mainland, it was not even thought of as anything until 1945 and is only desired for strategic regions.  I am no fool to discount the racial prejudices of a society directing nationalistic policy, but I am 100% right about it and am 110% sure it would never be considered.

Quick recommendation...follow it on Facebook and know it is on other platforms, the site "Drunk People Doing Things" is totally worth adding to your feeds.  Just sayin'

In US college news today, this.  American University ranked second in the nation as most socially minded, altruistic university.  Could not figure out what/who the 'Pillrs" site represents, and the methodology seems decent but shallow, but anytime American gets ranked in the top tier of anything is worth a mention.  It might mean that fewer of us could get real jobs.  Regardless, got this weird feeling I've never had about my alma mater.  Not the usual one of disgust or nausea...could it be pride?

I keep a notebook with me at all times.  Mainly to offset the onset of forgetfulness that seems to be one of the lovely things about aging.   It contains lists of all kinds; codes, reminders and things to include in this space.  Something that has been on there for at least a month has been to complain about flag wavers.  Since the president weighed in with the usual colorful language so appropriate to the office, felt the need to spout. 

Side note, that he added the bit about the NFL product being worse because the players were afraid to hit each other anymore in fear of becoming brain dead slobs by the age of 40 felt way under reported and was equally egregious.  That he was denied entry into the NFL club on multiple occasions couldn't have had anything to do with it as he isn't the vindictive type.

Have a Facebook friend that is an old boss from the LA days, and he has always been a bit of a pompous poster with entries complimenting himself on his cooking, touting rare scotch, and those get off my lawn swipes at protesters disrespecting America.  I appreciate that he served in Vietnam, but was always an uninspiring boss that attained his position by marriage and drove the company to dissolution.  I had to finally unfollow him cause while I could look past the privileged posts, the "I'm not a racist" racist posts got too much to bear.  Am not going to delve into a diatribe as to how much I think flag wavers are really hiding behind it.  I certainly won't digress into equating the people that wave the flag the hardest and the people that thump the bible the strongest are usually the poorest representatives of both.  Have had a few exchanges with folks on social media where I tried to lay out the reasons why I don't equate protest and patriotism in measured and non-inciteful ways, but let me say it clear in this space...the folks that get mad at people kneeling in protest are idiots, and even though they don't think so, even in their heart of hearts, they are racist dolts.   If you spout the lines you heard on Fox or Breitbart that rich players shouldn't complain cause the are privileged, or that they are disrespecting the armed forces, here is what the rest of us know about you.  You are "Believer", likely from a long line of them, that is too effin lazy and/or stupid to open your mind to facts and have zero empathy for anyone that isn't "you".  People far more articulate and accomplished have written/said beautiful things (Steve Kerr and Dan Rather for instance), and have yet to see a cogent argument why they are wrong to do so, although NASCAR has weighed in, but they may confusing it with the Confederate flag.  But what I want to talk about today is the difference between dicks and assholes.

If you read this diary, you are aware that there are scatological references galore, but if that offends you, stop here and check back next week cause it gets graphic fast.


This is not a discussion of the difference between an actual penis or sphincter as that seems fairly self explanatory.  What interested me was thinking about the reflexive way people throw those terms out and if there is any difference between them.  You don't just get knee jerk reactions here as the staff did some thorough research.

Have to limit this discussion to those two words as there are hundreds of others that could be mentioned.  Would love to break them all down, but maybe some other time.

OK just one.  Never liked that balls = bravery.  It takes balls, balls to the wall, etc.  Whenever anything gets near mine, will wince in horror knowing the pain that will come if they even get a glancing blow.  They look awful, haven't stopped heading south since the day they emerged from their cocoon, and they marinate in their own juices at temperatures above 40 degrees (Fahrenheit).  Other than the weird satisfaction I get from peeling them off of my thigh, cannot think of a single instant in time where I was glad they were there.  Suck my balls indeed.

I get called an asshole.  Not as often as you'd imagine, but plenty.   This summer, had to buy the Boy a book for his summer reading and it was on a table where you could buy three books for the price of two.  There was one I was interested in so got a third for free, and it was a full tome on what it is to be an asshole (Assholes: A Theory by professor of philosophy Aaron James).  I read it and didn't glean much info about the term or insight into myself.  Got bored quick and was able to speed read it on a flight from DC to Seattle and didn't feel it worth giving it to a friend and so abandoned in the pouch in front of my seat.

Merriam Webster says that dick is "a mean, stupid, or annoying man " while an asshole is "a stupid, annoying, or detestable person".  The absence of the word man in the asshole definition is a natural one and the replacement of detestable for mean is informative.

An interview popped up on Vox this week by a Stanford professor who wrote a book about the art of avoiding assholes.  Let's just say, am not convinced all of the greatest minds are collected there.  Mostly about the workplace, the best piece of advice he has is to get away from the asshole, but I found this sentence in his interview the most telling...

"We would talk about this explicitly when we were making hiring decisions. Stanford’s a pretty passive-aggressive place, so it wasn’t really in your face. But if someone was acting like a jerk, we would gently shun them and make life difficult for them. The idea was to avoid hiring assholes if it all possible, and if one squeezed through the cracks, we would deal with him or her collectively." 

You are a supposedly the smartest we have to offer, and you act like a deleted scene from Mean Girls?  Do have to concede that he nailed it when saying that Stanford is passive-aggressive.  Would rather deal with an in your face asshole than a team of elitist snobs looking down on whatever it is they deem as being an affront to their delicate sensibilities that day.  Feel it safe to speculate that many an asshole made scientific breakthroughs or have minds that think on a different plane than the passive aggressive types, but you go Stanford and limit your collective brain power cause Ralph took the last cup of coffee from the office pot and didn't start a new batch.  I'd bet a hundred bucks these guys bring their dogs to restaurants.

The gang from Team America discuses the issue at the UN.  While a bit circular in logic, they make some good points.

I did a google search on the difference between dicks and assholes and you wouldn't be surprised at how many porn sites I had to sift through before I got to the equally astounding amount of opinions on them grammatically.  The majority of the comments equate them but there are a few that dig deeper and touched on the way I feel,  Will not quote  them, but they are incorporated a bit below.

Assholes.  There is a crude saying that opinions are like them,  Everyone has one and they all stink. That has to rank near the top of the 'sayings that are true" list along with, 'if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle'.   

We are all capable of assholishness depending on our mood, events in our lives, or if we ate a piece of meat past the expiration date.  A lot of a-hole behavior gets classified as such even when it is simply an act or opinion that the other person doesn't like.  I suspect that Stanford guy deems a lot of things that way, like not stopping for a pedestrian 10 yards from the crosswalk.  As a self aware dude, I know I say and do asshole things, and have been around long enough to have seen plenty of others do them.  I would classify well over 50% of those acts as part of life, whether they be silent but deadly or letting a loud one slip on an elevator, every one's asshole is gonna do something that offends others and most of them are involuntary.  I am not here to justify that behavior in myself or anyone else, and even though it is shitty behavior, will try to give the benefit of the doubt to others for a first offense, and will self reflect and try to do better next time if I take a dump on you.  And everyone does it to some degree, so save the self righteousness.  Call it out when you see it in a way that is constructive as not only might that person be having a bad moment or day, but fighting feces with feces is not a successful strategy.  And if someone is defecating on you/society constantly, then by all means take Stanford's advice and get away from them.  

Dicks.  They are actively and knowingly aggressive.  Dick moves are always premeditated and have a specific intent as they desperately want to put themselves inside you and impregnate with their hate sperm.  They think it's for your own good too.  And they are inversely proportional as the biggest dicks tend to have the smaller ones.

There is a reason that women are not called dicks as the physical and metaphorical mesh as one.  Women are obviously capable of being dicks, but never feel that they are trying to screw you, but rather make you feel their pain.  Bitch is the typical euphemism for that and believe it comes from a feeling of being slighted, perceived or no.   Dude dicks are trying to get even for something their mommy did (or did not do) to them or to make up/hide their own short comings.

In summation, dicks and assholes are like cacti and succulents.  All dicks/cacti are assholes/succulents, but not all assholes/succulents are dicks/cacti.  

September 23rd, 2017

Did a deep dive into the music of Husker Du and Grant Hart in memoriam of his death last week.  Read an obit with a quote that said that "if I had known that the guys in Husker Du were gay, and those in Depeche Mode were not, my life would have turned out completely different."

Here is a sad local story about Ghost month.  The 88 year-old "Mr Lin was burning ghost money, also known as “joss paper” or “gold paper,” as an offering to spirits in the lead-up to the closing of the gates of the realm of the dead, which occurs at the end of the 7th lunar month on the Chinese lunar calendar." He then lost his footing and fell into the fire and was burned to death.  Find no humor in this but rather view it as a cautionary tale.  As an older fella that teeters with regularity, do not go near the fire.

As the family can attest, I have a rotation of things I like to talk about and it is most evident in the summer when we are all eating with a different friend each night.  Some would call them bits, like a disdain for lemon water with the payoff being women talking about yeast infections and the kinky shit they do with produce.  Others are fishing expeditions in order to get information. Many of those are to hopefully get you to open up about something personal, and I am willing to share too, but others are a true search for relevant information.  A constant one that I raise in TW is that the food sucks.  Trust me, I would love to find food I like here and am astonished that not only can I not find it, but that it gets fawning reviews constantly.  One of the intros to the topic can be asking what is one thing that the other person will crave when they leave cause I haven't hit on one yet.  Went to a going away party for a co-worker and her partner and someone at the table asked just that.  "Oh...so many things" and then the conversation shifted, but as the asshole at the table, just could not let it go.  Upon redirect, they again hemmed and finally spit out sushi.  Sushi?  Think we all associate that cuisine as primarily Japanese, but is it even a cuisine if you don't actually cook it?  I say no.

Upon reflection, there is one food item that I will miss when our time comes to leave, and while I have only had them here, it doesn't feel like it is unique to Taiwan.

Intended to snap a photo or two of them, but they have not been for sale the last 5 days.  Am a bit concerned and lament that my lack of Mandarin skills are preventing me from finding out why.

Curry filled puff pastry.  Just those words together is enough to consider a new verse to My Favorite Things. They are flaky with just the right amount of curry flavored pork inside to make them irresistible.   You may remember me geeking out about the new Italian joint in the neighborhood last Spring, and by all accounts, they seem to be doing well.  Even better, they opened up a shop next door that sells ice cream and pastries.  Good ones...I could go on and on about all the things they have, but the true blessing they have given us are the Arancino Siciliano.  I had never seen one of these before we went to Sicily last December, but they immediately became a favorite.  They rice balls coated with some breaded goodness and filled with Bolognese sauce and mozzarella.

Diagnosis?  Delicious.  Thinking about puff pastry and arancini, which I do often, and had this epiphany that the best way to gauge a cuisine is by their portable snacks.  Sandwiches are fine, but anyone can slap shit between two pieces of bread.  Gyros are clever, but they always end up spooging all over your body and who wants to be spooged upon by anything Greek?  Same goes for you tacos.  Have decided that the world needs a ranking of these essential treats and to qualify, the item has to be completely self contained, savory, and can be transported for at least 30 minutes and still be eaten to its fullest enjoyment.   Am still thinking through the criteria on how to rate them, but cleanliness and greasiness have to be two consideration.  Am accepting nominations, and in addition to the two above, on the list so far are: Calzone, meat pie/sausage rolls, samosa, corn dog, empanada, pork bun/curry bun (pictured below during a recent sexy photo shoot), and burritos.  I know that there have to be more, so please don't hesitate to weigh in during the nomination period.

Speaking of meat pies, went to the Daniel Pearl Music Festival last weekend.  To see friends, support the cause, blah-ba-de-blah, but the real reason was that I saw that Leo's Pie Shop was having a booth.  Have heard others speak highly of their pies and as an enthusiast, was feeling gravity's pull.

Good tucker.  The festival was fine.  Attendance was lighter than I expected and the bands were far worse.  If you are an aspiring musician, you can be a big fish in the pond that is Taipei.  Just awful attempts at folk and R&B.  I try not to hate in public, but as a music snob, cannot stand to be subjected to crap bands.

There was a ska band from Japan that was reasonably tight, but as with all things Japanese, tend to view it through cartoon goggles.  Everything feels it is some twisted bit of anime porn.

The DJ tent, where my buddy spun punkabilly 45's, was the place to hang.  After his set, a dude came onto play a bunch of NoCal garage records.  An oasis for yours truly.

By far the most horrific part of the day, and seems to be at any event like this anywhere on the globe, is the fucking drum circle.  Do you know how much I loathe drum circles?  Not sure who is worse...the dudes that lead the tribal rhythms or the wanna-be hippies that are totally into it.

Check that...the worst are the 40-something hags, and they are always 40-something and always hags, that are getting down.  They are obviously having flashbacks to some trip or traumatic experience.  While a part of me feels sorry for the events that led to this state of mind, my disdain holds no bounds.

Babyoll went to see Ariana Grande on Tuesday.  Other than she had a decent spot in the pit, didn't get much of a review other than the expected 'good' and 'fun'.  I was offered to look at a bunch of videos she shot, but declined because as Homer Simpson once said, "it's not that I'm not interested, it's just that I don't care."  In related news, the Boy is seeing the same Ariana Grande this Sunday at the Charlottesville Concert For Unity.  While my kids seeing the same act within 5 days on the opposite sides of the planet is kinda cool, it's still Ariana Grande.  That's not totally fair as I like her, but that is solely based on her SNL appearance.  The Charlottesville concert isn't in my wheelhouse, but the line-up seems interesting: "The concert will include performances by Dave Matthews Band, Pharrell Williams, Justin Timberlake, Ariana Grande, The Roots, Cage the Elephant, Brittany Howard of Alabama Shakes, Chris Stapleton and other special guests."  And its free.

In between football podcasts, will try to expand my brain and one I like to listen to is Ezra Klein.  He had Dan Rather on a couple weeks ago and learned a new word...interregnum.  Originally used to describe the period between Popes, it can mean the time between two periods and in this instance, he was using it to describe the time we are in now where the old forms of journalism and news are being replaced by social media.  Safe to say that faith in even the news sources formerly known as 'most trusted' is shaken.  Cannot stand the term fake news, but how does one know what to trust or even where to go to find facts?  Mr. Rather said that every school should have a class that helps teach kids how to find the truth and where to spot the spin and bullshit.  He said 7th grade but am not sure they are equipped for that kind of introspection at that age.  At least by High School for sure and think it would be a class that I would be interested in attending.  MUN and debate aregood avenues for kids to learn this kinda stuff, but I wonder what percentage do that.  While the kids' school have vigorous programs of both of those, have been on a quest to see how they are trying to help the other kids navigate the offerings out there.

As a Generation Xer that has always been engaged in current events, is old enough to have lived in the day of the Big 3 networks, with parents from the "Greatest Generation" and older siblings that gave first hand glimpses into the Boomers, like to think I have a decent perspective on cultural trends. Also realize that I'm an old man and so my opinion no longer counts.  The impulse to dismiss the youth of today is strong but having been a dumb ass at that age and survived, will always give them a pass.  So what is the generation after Millennial?  The one that Babydoll is currently shaping.  A few names have been tossed about but as they are still in development, don't think we've signed off on one.  Got turned onto a Frontline documentary from a couple years ago that dove into Generation Like.

Fantastic on a couple of levels.  On one, it is an insight as to how marketing has adapted to exploit all the new platforms.  In that way, it is a standard documentary about the mechanics of manipulating taste.  A tale as old as time but a complete eye opener.  I will never chew another piece of Trident gum but am totally in on Taco Bell.

The other aspect of the program was showing how the youth are interacting with the advertising.  The currency they trade in is how many "Likes" they accumulate with the goal of becoming "Famous".  The most successful do get paid with sponsorships and traditional monetary rewards, but they are the outliers.  The middle class will get free stuff...shoes, skateboard rigs, etc.  The vast general population gets nothing but a bunch of Likes (or some coupons for products).  It's ingenious and wildly effective.  Would be easy to say that these kids are wasting their life sitting in front of their screens not producing anything of integrity or substance instead of interacting with humans, but my experience of going outside to play sports didn't really produce anything and has left me a cripple, so who am I to say.  There is a vignette where a middle school girl is trying to get Famous, first by being a singer, but finding that didn't create a buzz, started doing more self exploitative videos and photos.  The saddest part is the mom, who first encouraged the singing but signed onto the move into the more personal stuff, saying that she is cool with it cause she takes all the pictures and then adds with a sickening grin, "I know that the full poolside bathing suit pictures gets the most hits."

The biggest take away was that these kids don't understand the term 'sell-out" the same way previous generations do.  To be a sell out is not seen as a negative, but is the goal to which they strive.  Think this documentary is well worth your time regardless of age.

Had intended to explore the definition of a couple of slang terms this week, but it's gonna take a bit and will do it next time.  As a teaser, the other day saw the 45th President retweet a video showing him hitting a golf ball into the back of Hillary Clinton's head.  Was this move an example of him being a dick or an asshole?  The answer may surprise you.

September 15th, 2017

"Should I bring along a jacket?"  Those are words that have never been spoken, or even thought of in the time we've been here.  All my pants are sweatpants.  Was walking past the Mormons today and they swore at me.  I tried to find good "it's so hot" jokes on-line and there just aren't any, probably cause it is simply not funny.   I apologize for the regular bitching about the heat, but by getting it out is my way of therapy.

Accidentally scrolled down on the weather app this morning and noticed an  allergy alert feature I hadn't seen before.

Get the dust, but dander?  They have a picture of a dog and cat, but have seen the locals loose grip on hygiene and suspect it is human generated.  May have to reconsider the use of the face mask.

Now that I've ying-ed a bit, obviously time for some yang.  Taiwan isn't such a bad place.  A couple of polls on quality of life for expats came out recently and Taiwan made #4 on the recent Huffington Post survey and # 1 on the Internations poll.   A personal example of what makes TW cool occurred this week.   A band I like but hadn't seen (DIIV) was in town playing on a random Wednesday night in a small club.  Tickets were reasonable (NT$1200 or about US$36), which is quite good since the logistics of a foreign act getting here are tricky and the cost has to justify the effort.  Was able to take the ridiculously clean and efficient subway for a dollar each way, grab a nibble at the neighborhood night market, which was efficient but not ridiculously clean, for 80 cents, and enjoyed a cheapo beer purchased at the 7-11 next door to the venue on the street out front with other concert revelers (they treat you like an adult with alcohol as long as you behave).  The show was on time and taking public transport home, was tucked in by 11:15.  Would be nice if we had more/better acts coming through town, but the grass is always greener, no?  Other than the heat in summer, would say that the lack of quality touring acts is my biggest beef with living in this neck of the woods.

I like DIIV's music, but found them kinda boring live.  Solid and tight, flashes of the Cure with more chime in the guitar.  While I find their sound interesting, felt repetitive after a few songs in and think they'd be fine in a 45-minute set festival setting.

In retrospect, think I liked the opening band better.  Didn't catch their name and they sang in Mandarin, but kinda surf punky with some feedback and a wild female singer with adorable dimples.  That checked a bunch of my boxes.

And if you are wondering what a Taipei rock crowd looks like.

I have candid snaps again.  They were able to fix the camera on my phone for the reasonable price of US$35.  Doubt AT&T woulda been able to match that price.  This Saturday is the 16th Annual Daniel Pearl World Music Day in Taipei.  Can't beat free admission, the Aussie Pie shop is having a booth and the weather doesn't look awful so perhaps will take along the good camera.  In more concert news, Babydoll is going to see Arianna Grande next Tuesday, and hope to have some music updates next time.

Baseball came back to TienMu last night.  They didn't have games there for a season and a half as they were said to be remodeling it in anticipation of having the Universiade baseball there.  Was hard to see any real improvements...they power washed it and repaired some typhoon damage, but it had the same crappy grass and antiquated scoreboard, which even had less information (like stats/pitch velocity) than before.  The only real  upgrade that I noticed was that they now have modern speakers in all corners.  A feature of baseball in Asia is the constant singing by the teams supporters and in the past, the fans would have a band that would play the songs and typically a dude on a microphone to call out the songs and played over an army surplus speaker.  Imagine a rusty megaphone extolling the virtues of Dear Leader.  It was quaint and if you went down the line far enough, you could escape the worst of the din.

With the new audio system, they not only amplified the band to uncomfortable levels, but have added pre-recorded songs.  Each player has one so it was like a bad mix tape on repeat.  The players songs aren't just walk up music, but blares during his entire at bat.  One of them sounded like the tunes a video slot machine plays to entice you to come put your money in the Ellen/Deal Or No Deal machine.  Another was a literal ripoff of Cotton Eye Joe.

You thought that song was annoying in English.

It was torturous and had the thought that if this is the new normal, may never come back cause it was nearly impossible to have a chat, which as I've said many times is one of the best parts of going to a baseball game for me.  Remember how when you were in your 20's that you'd have a busy wedding calendar.  Have noticed that in my 40's/50's, going to games with my peers that a lot of the conversations have become long form discussions of their marital issues or divorces.  I am not complaining cause it gives people a chance to have a meaningful way to talk it through, and that I can hopefully help lighten their spirits with my brand of observational humor, but just find it interesting how this has kinda become a thing.

We moved around a bit and found a spot that was in a somewhat quieter location and settled in for what became a decent game.  I even started coming around to all the music.  In addition to all the songs, they come with their own choreography, so the crowd, and I mean the whole efffin' stadium, are doing their worst Toni Basil impersonations.

Every at bat, all game long.  While the tunes didn't become any less annoying, the scene was infectious and found myself first tapping my toes and finally, doing the dance steps along with them, which the other supporters appreciated and we started getting high fived with every hit or third out.  And it wasn't just the dudes, but the ladies and kids were into it in a big way and could not help admire that the whole family came out to dance and sweat and laugh together.

 The dude with the white shirt was a menace though...he was blowing a whistle the entire night.  Not just a whistle, but had a lanyard that had a half dozen of them.

The lady in the blue striped shirt in front of us was a hoot.  Not a great dancer, but she was shakin' it hard of course.  She seemed interested in our crew, probably cause we were the only white folk in the entire joint, but I like to think it is cause I am such a sexy beast.   Hard to see, but on her neck was a tattoo of some meaningful saying in English.  Laughed as you see a ton of white folk in the States that have a Chinese character placed in the same spot and found it  funny how trends can be so cross cultural.  She had some basic English skills and wanted to chat...my buddy can speak Mandarin, so we debated the merits of the Chinatrust Brothers baseball team and the ear piercing volume levels.  I came around to her side eventually.

You may recall a post from March about our trip to Sri Lanka and how we went to a factory that dealt in natural herbs and tonics that they claimed could cure just about everything and that I invested in a couple.  One of them was to combat chronic arthritis in the knees, and while there was some minor relief at the time, didn't do much long term.

The other potion I bought in LK was a cure for the psoriasis I've had ever since I started growing pubes.  Not dandruff, what I had has always been this crust that develops on my scalp constantly and has prevented me from wearing ever slimming black clothes.  After I did the month long witch doctor treatment, the chemistry of my head has totally changed.  When I went back to the shampoo that helped control the crustiness, a shampoo I've been using for decades, it not only didn't work anymore, but caused my scalp to explode and peel in sheets.  Grossed out even me.  The Boy has similar body chemistry and he uses Head and Shoulders with some success, so after trying a bunch of other remedies, like applying coconut/olive/argan oil, I tried old H&S and it is working better than my old prescription shampoo ever did.  Who knows if this change was caused by the special Sri Lankan sauce, or that ones body changes with age (my mom had it bad too and hers went away as she got older), but weird.

Listened to a couple of long form interviews with Hillary Clinton as she does the book tour circuit.  I know people hate her with the fire of a thousand suns, and also know those people don't really know why other than they have bought into the decades of propaganda around her.  While it is certain that if she was elected (well she was, but still), the machine that was built on tearing her down woulda gone into hyper drive to thwart her, all I could think while listening to her speak was that we missed out on having a great President and that we should just turn the keys over to the women in general. 

I actually wrote a long screed draft on the above topic, but cut it cause it felt like too many sour grapes.  Will save the vitriol for the flag wavers next time, but before signing off, have to bow my head two times.  First to the brilliance of the people that brought us the Cassini probe that burned up in the Saturn atmosphere a couple hours ago.  Watched this documentary on the life of the mission and thought it was really well done and helps keep your faith in humanity.

And while looking for the link to the above, noticed that PBS just put up a recap mission in celebration of the end of the journey.  Will be checking it out soon.

Finally...RIP Grant Hart.  Never caught Husker Du live, but they have been in regular rotation in my life for 25-30 years.  His disc Good News For The Modern Man has several songs I simply need to hear sometimes.  Thank you for the memories you created.

September 8th, 2017

Several follow up items to kickoff this weeks entry.  Sitting here a few minutes before the Thursday night kickoff game of KC at the...I can't even say their name anymore.  As soon as I typed up my happiness about the state of my teams last week, the Mariners, who were already starting to shit the bed, got out of it and then vomited into the laundry hamper.  And the potentially historic Dodger season turned around immediately, currently losing 11 of the last 12 and counting,  now may not even win their division.  Was there when Seattle won 116 games in 2001 and knew this was coming.

That means the following is about to happen.  My Aussie Rules Essendon Bombers will be hammered on Saturday night  and will regret giving up my Saturday evening to stay home to watch.  On Sunday morning, we are gonna realize that the Raider hype was just that and that questions surrounding their defense were as obvious as those we all felt in the lead-up to November 8th, 2017.  And Russell Wilson is destined to feel the wrath of God with an horrific injury.  Ugh...they just replayed the low lights of the Team That Shall Not Be Named comeback in SB LI and even tossed in the gratuitous Malcolm Butler pick for good measure.  Will this torture never end?  

Next, two huge validations on the Things That Bugged Me This Summer list.

#3 - The Poke Revolution.  Not a regular of this funny foodie podcast but had to give this one a listen.  Highly acclaimed Chef David Chang rails on poke.  To quote..."I can’t do it because I look at this place, and they have already-chopped-up fish, like tubs of fish, chopped up and seasoned, just waiting to be scooped out into a bowl. That’s just not how I want to eat raw fish."   Exactly.  Listen to the whole thing here.

#1 - Cucumber Water.  This article popped up in my feed today.  Basically, details how many germs are on those lemons places put in the water and how they get there.   Totally get there is nastiness on anything if you look for it (looking at you shopping cart handles), but still cannot understand why people need  "a slice of lemon to spruce up plain-old water."  Are you that much of a thrill seeker that plain water isn't edgy enough?  Perhaps the most disturbing sentence in the entire article is this; "Among the specimens collected were E. coli, staphylococcus epidermidis and candida, a fungus commonly found in the vagina."  What the hell are you women doing with these lemons?  I assumed that 100% of the cucumbers have candida on them, but lemons?  Kinky...and hot.

Sad news in the world of music this week with the passing of Walter Becker.  Have never met anyone that was neutral to them...either they were like me and loved their music, or hate them for whatever reason (usually not a good one).  They were part of the soundtrack of my life, being on the AM radio as early as I can remember.  I remember vividly the day my brother came over for Christmas in 1980, for the three hours he could stand to be with us, geeking out about how Gaucho had just come out. Was fortunate enough to live in the day they became a touring entity and saw them about 10 times over the last few years with the best being a three night stand at the Paramount in Seattle where they played Katy Lied, Sign In The Stranger and Aja in their entirety.  Can still dredge up the feeling of happiness I felt after walking out after night two, knowing that there was a night three.  

Hard to believe, but am getting weirder with age.  Monday was my birthday (52) and no one but immediate family was aware.  They mumbled happy birthday at breakfast and that was it.  And was perfectly happy about it.   Nothing new, never remember wanting a party or celebrate, but never really hid from it either.  Now, am active in preventing people from knowing and even went onto Facebook to change my birth date so wouldn't get the lame Happy B-day notes.  Do find it disconcerting that Google know when it is and changes the banner of their site to wish me a happy day.    Like I said, weird.  I do go onto all the sites and see what my Virgo/Snake horoscopes say about me and the future.  Also look at famous people born on my date too, and it has never been deep.  Golfer Tom Watson, Baseball legend and lower echelon Italian soccer team owner Mike Piazza, and some obscure Dutch mathematician.  It was with great surprise and joy that when I checked it this year, discovered that the great Beyoncé is a September 4th baby.  We were talking about her this summer and we all agreed that she is by far the most popular artist/entertainer going right now by far and feel a new bond.

Now that we've spent a few years in typhoon country, we've been staying tuned into the news of Harvey and Irma.  All of the emotion and tragedy and stories of heroes are fascinating.  There is one issue that got exposed in stark relief that I simply cannot understand is an issue at all.  I love astronomy and have been fascinated as early as I can remember with space exploration with the first moon landing being one of the earliest memories I can recall.  As a teen, watched the images from the Voyagers  as they came into JPL and can still see the face of the scientist gasp in pure ecstasy upon seeing that first one pop up on the screen.  And that we just sent a craft the size of a Volkswagen to Pluto and hit the mark to within a few meters of its target is all you need to know about the capability of the human mind.

So am watching/reading the coverage of the aftermath of the Houston storm/pending Irma landfall  and meteorologists are saying that the power of the storms are greater as the water temperature increases their ferocity, and that the warming of the planet is a likely contributor.  Seems logical and if the scientific community is agreeing on something, we should treat that pretty damn seriously.  I simply do not get how a certain segment of our population discounts these freaking geniuses by saying it is a hoax, conspiracy or some weird religion.  Are the scientists right about it?  I dunno, probably. Could they be wrong and it isn't caused by man?  Absolutely.  Am old enough to remember that eggs were good for you, then bad, then kinda good, and then you should only eat  the whites. 

So while I think there is something to it, am also one that concedes that science could be totally wrong.   What absolutely boggles is the argument against.  First...the statement that it is a hoax/conspiracy.  Have you ever met a scientist?  Their cluelessness to social cues is uniform and that they could gauge world opinion enough to collectively come up with a narrative like this is simply bat shit crazy.  Now that they have established by sound byte that this group of "other" people is conspiring to screw you,  here is how they justify it.  We gotta protect coal jobs.   Those have been going away for decades with technology being the main culprit.  Coal miner is unquestionably is in the top 5 on the crappiest jobs list, and if you've ever been anywhere near a mine or plant or China, you can see the pollution entering your system.  Next argument...climate change and clean energy is a religion for atheists.  Breathtaking and am simply in awe that the can sucker in all the evangelical/thumpers so easily.    But the hypocrisy that gets me the most is that the benefit of  getting off a dependence on oil seems like a no brainer across any aisle.  Would seem that not having to rely on the dreaded Mooselambs for oil should be job one for the party formerly known as the GOP.  What is the upside for more coal and oil?  Obviously the answer is money and power.

Unlike other political arguments, like a big ass wall, what if you're wrong?  Sickens me that the people leading the government say we shouldn't be using these tragedies to raise the issue when this is precisely the time that people are paying attention to it and can understand future ramifications.    And while I have no illusions that the left will use whatever means necessary to gain power, the abandonment of all moralistic high ground by the Republicans in adherence to their donors on the one hand, and pandering to those ignorants that need someone to blame on the other has gone beyond the point of disheartening.  I used to love having political debates, but now?  Everyone is a conspiracy theorist untethered to reality.  Come back to us GOP.

I said I'd do more Taiwan stuff today, but got sidetracked.  I will say that this week was the important Ghost Festival week, where all of the businesses and apartments make their offerings to the spirits so that they don't hassle the living.  Joined Betty at Costco for their Bai Bai this year.  At precisely 2:30pm, cause there is some industry that tells each business the exact moment they need to make their prayer to the Spirits, the incense is lit and the offerings (also very specific in nature) are laid out and the whole company comes out to do the praying.  The whole town is doing this throughout the day and the smell of incense permeates the air from sun up to sun down.

The precision and adherence to tradition amongst the Taiwanese is stunning and almost Teutonic.  Did you know how many Germans it takes to screw in a light bulb?  One, cause they are very efficient and not very funny.  Unsurprisingly, I told that one to the German lady at the office the other day and she didn't get it.  What's my point again?  Oh yeah...Taiwanese adhere to tradition.  Lunch hour here is from noon to 1pm, and there is absolutely no deviating from that schedule.  Can't leave early, or go late...you must go at noon and wait in line with every other schlub in town.  While I find this an admirable trait, is also emblematic at one of their biggest flaws in that they are extremely reluctant to thinking outside of the box.  Give them a task and they will complete it with singular vision, but ask them to be visionary and they struggle.  This editorial from the Taipei Times does a good job looking at this phenomenon.

Finally, had a local physical therapist recommended for my back, and Betty (who has some knee issues) and I both went to try it out.  The good?  It was with an office that took National Health Insurance and was able to get an appointment within a couple days.  Our initial visit, that included consultation with the doctor and therapy (elctro-stimulus and traction for me/x-ray and therapy for Betty) cost us NT$200 (US$6) each, and we have 6 therapy sessions prescribed that will cost NT$50 (about US$1.50) each.  The therapy itself was fine as far as I could tell, although I am wildly skeptical of that elctro-stimulous device.  The bad?  The therapy floor was communal.  At least  10 people all in one big room getting their ailments treated.  And pretty dingy...it wasn't dirty per se, but it felt that way to one used to the uber hygienic feeling PT rooms in the States.  As we all know, and as evidenced in the study linked to above about lemons, you know there is fecal matter and whatever the hell you women are rubbing on shit everywhere.  We walked out and Betty was kinda bumped by the scene in general.  I wasn't as disgusted by the facility, but it did feel a bit impersonal and that the care was more procedural than personal.  Have always felt that the PT game was as much drumming up future business as it was in real rehabilitation anyway, so will call it a push at this point.

Ohhh...KC just spanked the Pats in the season opener as I wrote the above and sitting here with a smile on my face.  Screw those guys. 

Up the Bombers.  Going into the (Red)Zone on Sunday.  Life is good.

September 2nd, 2017

Added this note just before sending...this site is acting up when I am trying to proof read...shutting down when making corrections.  Tried to fix all the typos and clean up the coherence, but some boo-boos are  gonna sneak through.  Apologies in advance.

This is year six for us and much like the Dragon Boat Festival in the Spring, the Chinese calendar is lining up later this year and another holiday landed on our time here...Chinese Valentine's Day.  You can read about it there but it is about start crossed lovers willing to give up everything for each other, dad's taking care of the kids, magical oxen.   Same old story.  Will dig into Taiwan stuff more next week, but need to finish off the travelogue today.

Our time in Seattle this year was short and we were on a rigorous schedule to see as many folks as possible.  We did pretty good...was happy we saw you for as much as we did and commit to seeing those we missed next time.  We had dinner every night with a different crew and it was delightful to hear about all of the happenings in the last year and how the kiddies are doing.  Some success stories, a few harrowing tales and always amazed how much comes out in a few treasured hours together.  Was truly lovely to see you all.

Some Seattle impressions

We scheduled our doctor visits early in the visit so we had time for any needed follow-up.  The Boy transitioned from pediatrician to big boy doctor.  My visit was uneventful...we talked about my future and in wondering what I'll do with my life when we get back to the States, estimated age of 55, I told her that I am thinking about a professional move into the world of Uber.  She said that would be a bad idea and said that that my working career is likely done.  Not calling a retirement press conference yet, and Betty was enraged at the doctor for suggesting such a thing.  I didn't tell the doc that my real plan was to work in retail at one of Seattle's finest legal pot dispensaries.  The weirdest thing about the visit though was that I didn't get the prostate probe.  Went through all of the usual diagnostics and then she says to put my clothes on.  I don't necessarily look forward to the old digit probe, but felt a bit cheated as it's like not getting the happy ending to a massage.

Dentist visits were also boring, complete with the usual admonishment for a spotty flossing regimen.  You usually get the hard sell at the dentist about some orthodontia or new fangled expensive toothbrush, but this years recommendation was low tech and made sense.  Dry brushing.  They say that before you load up the toothbrush with Crest, give your teeth the once over with the brush only as this will loosen up all the gunk and make the final brushing more effective.   My bottom front teeth are crowded and gunk gets trapped in there easily.  Mumbled through the suction hose that coffee and cigs don't help and the hygienist said condescendingly, "you drink a lot of coffee and smoke?" to which I replied..."not all the time, sometimes I drink wine and eat blueberries."  Hygienists have zero sense of humor when it comes to teeth.

Have been slowed with this back thing and get annoyed at myself as going through life like a boat trying to make as little a wake as possible is always on my mind, and can feel people behind me trying to sail past in my slower state.  Maybe which is why I was sensitive to others even more deliberate than I and felt like I kept getting behind every old slow poke on the planet this year.  Every time that thought occurred, an old dude would get in front of me in torturous fashion culminating in an episode out of a bad TV show.  I was slow to get to the door at Starbucks on afternoon in Ballard and the old man that has obviously never been there before gets in front of me.  I just wanted a drip, but this guy took at least 5 minutes trying to figure out the cheapest item on the menu.  And his ears were going so every sentence the barista said, he would lean in for it to be repeated.  The barista also throws out the Starbucks lingo, which he doesn't understand, so telling him a short latte costs $2 turns into a 10 sentence back and forth. And then he starts looking at the pasty case.

Betty and I finally got around to making our will.  She got freaked by a the story of a co-worker's untimely demise and made me find an estate planner and get it on the calendar.  Obviously, one avoids making a will cause that is an admission that one isn't gonna live forever.  We received a recommendation and filled out a questionnaire on line.  When the day came to go into discuss, the whole process took less than 30 minutes and say to the guy as we're leaving that it didn't even feel legit.   It was not only far less painful than expected, and I wouldn't say it was pleasurable, but it was almost an inert experience.  I know that most people have the same apprehension about doing this as I did, but am here to tell you to just go get it over with.

Saw a few Mariner games too.  Quick digression...this is my favorite time of year.  The weather turns cooler, my color palette is decidedly Autumn, and it is the best time of year for watching sports.  This fall is shaping up as potentially one of the best ever.  My baseball teams are on a legendary run (Dodgers) or are surprisingly relevant (Mariners, although they are pooping the bed as they do every August and will likely not end their playoff drought, which is the longest in the bigs).  The NFL starts next week and am a junkie in listening to all things football.  My teams are both pre-season darlings with the Seahawks going for one more run with a successful veteran core, and the Raiders rising from a decade plus of mismanagement to have a super exciting team.  Even have bonus football now that I'm all in of Virginia Cavalier football.  Although that team is a joke not only in the ACC, but with the entire student body, it is a new experience to have a rooting interest for a team playing on Saturdays.  Finally, in the AFL (Australian Football League), the regular season ended last week and my club, the Essendon Bombers, made the playoffs after several years in the wilderness due to a PED scandal that eviscerated the roster.  They are likely to be run out in the first round, but having September Footy back in my life fills my heart with joy.  Will say it again...Aussie Rules is the greatest sport on Earth.

Anyhoo, Mariners suck (although they won every day we went), their young oft injured pitcher James Paxton was on a fabulous roll (since injured and out for the season naturally) and pitched a superb game one idyllic Seattle afternoon for us.  Paxton is from Canada and they call him Big Maple.   A fun tradition at Safeco in games pitched by (The King) Felix Hernandez is sitting in his section down the left field line called the King's Court, everyone wearing the same shirt and yelling K-K-K rooting for a strikeout whenever he had two strikes.  The crowd took that and created their own Paxton Big Maple section in the bleachers and yell "Eh, Eh, Eh" when he had two strikes on the batter.  Aussie Rules is the greatest spectator sport, and I get that baseball can be painfully dull, but tell me a place where you can go sit with your family or friends for three hours without looking at your phones and have a conversation?  You can't.

Seattle itself is transforming in ways that are amazing.  Might be hard to see just how dynamic the changes are if you're living there, but seeing it for two weeks annually, it is striking.  Amazon has rebuilt downtown and taken over the job market.  At least half the people we know have worked for or are working for them now.  They had a job fair the week we were there looking for 50,000 people.  50K!  Hard to process that kind of growth and even harder to see where it'll take the city that already has powerhouse brands like Starbucks, Boeing, Microsoft, Costco and Nordies.  Property values are out of control, which does not bode well for our return and we were told more than once that we should buy something now.  Must say that it is kinda fun to dream about neighborhoods and such.

What was most surprising about this growth was that the traffic was actually better this year and by a lot.  The locals still bitch, but the massive highway infrastructure projects must be getting done cause we zoomed all over the usual choke points with minimal snarls.  

With all the growth in on-line biz, there were a few brick and mortar stores that have been usual haunts on our visits that were a bit sad.  Target seems to have lost some of their game with many shelves poorly stocked.  That was nothing compared to Best Buy with whole racks completely baren.  The worst of all were my favorite places of shopping...the used record stores.  I could (and have) spent hours thumbing through music and would have to make some hard decisions as I'd have 10-20 items but could only justify buying a half dozen.  Now, while the bins were still full, they were loaded with stuff I already have or multiple copies of Spin Docters CD's.  Most new stuff is on-line only.  I know that I am a dinosaur in wanting hard copies of music, but it is difficult to know that like the dinosaurs, am becoming extinct.  I did pick up the Purple Rain reissue (4 CD's of gold that you can't get on iTunes) and this fantastic 5 disc compilation from R&B and pioneering rock and roll label Specialty records, whose heyday spanned post-War America through the 50's.

This track came on and was instantly familiar...think it was from some Looney Tunes cartoon.

On the last weekend before coming back, made the trek down to Portland for a couple days of Pickathon.  Had a fabulous time last year, especially as my beloved Yo La Tengo played, and with Bumbershoot changing their focus from my generation to whatever comes after Millennials, have made Pickathon my music festival pilgrimage of choice.

This years line-up wasn't as strong for me as last (mentioned my beloveds, yes?), and it was stinky hot (we could not escape heat at any point this year), but it is a fabulous setting and there were some great oldies (Jonathan Richman/Dinosaur Jr.) as well as a ton of interesting new indie things (Steve Gunn/Ex-Cult) that cooked..  Ex-Cult were some blistering punks from Tennessee and at Pickathon, you can get up front relatively easy, even for me that was hobbling on a cane.  I was at the stage and a mosh pit broke out, but my fellow festival concert goers took care of me and got in between the slam dancers and I.  The best thing about these festivals is stumbling into bands from genres I wouldn't normally see or even know.  Saw some Tibetian throat singers, which I had always wanted to check out but were as annoying as what you'd expect.  I get that they are talented, but sound like a chainsmoking trailer park bridge club getting into a dispute over what fried snack they are gonna order.  My festival wife Malibu and I both enjoyed Puerto Riqueno via NYC Xenia Rubios,  Booty shaking rhythms and worth your time if she comes to a town near you.  Better were this dynamic R&B group called KING, which are three ladies (including a set of twins) that had silky voices and groovy production.  They were famously promoted by Prince, but their sound reminded me more of Stevie Wonder.  So chill...click on this album and just let it play in the back ground...you won't be disappointed.

Best of all were this trio of sisters called A-Wa.  From Tel Aviv from a family of Yemeni immigrants, kept thinking this sounds like what a rockin' wedding in Israel (or Yemen) must sound like.  The backing band was absolutely on fire and rocked our brains out.  There were a couple of moments at the festival, with this being one, where you look around and everyone is dancing and smiling and just totally grooving to something totally unexpected.

Rockin' chicks were the rule, not the exception.

Before I finish off summer travel, have to mention that last night, Betty and I went to the high school back to school night.  Pretty standard fare, you run around to each class on your child's schedule for 7 minutes in each room meeting the teacher and hearing a little bit about the class.  There were two moments to share.  Was sitting in one class and the teacher is trying to put parents names to kids faces.  He asks a couple in the front who their daughter was and when he hears the name he comments offhandedly that she was out sick recently.  The dad goes..."well she is a teenager and it was that time of the month."  Dude?  I'm inappropriate...very...but that was such a shit move in so many ways.

The other was listening to one teacher who was super enthusiastic and seemed great, but had this vocal tick that drives me insane.  Have detailed many that bug me, but this is a new one I heard a lot this summer from all ages.  When someone is telling a story or providing info, their brain runs out of things to say and instead of wrapping it up will say, "so...yeah".  I get it from teenagers whose verbal skills are developing, and it is not quite as annoying as the "so/like/um/solikeums", but it fascinates me so when these things become viral across all ages and genders.

Which leads me to my first annual list of "Trends that bugged the crap out of me this summer".  In order from "Things that made my skin crawl" to "Wanting to bash you in the skull with a shovel":

8 - So...yeah.  C'mon people...think about the point of the story before you open your trap.

7 - Utilikilts.  On the charts for years, one would pray that this awful fashion choice would be waning, but saw more this year than ever before.  And some of these dudes were with actual women.  Ladies, please do something about your men and if you are a friend of these guys, be a true friend and tell them that it's not OK.  Have been on the planet long enough to see bad fashion come and go.  Have even participated in some of them (my linen suit in '86 felt like a good idea at the time).  I am tolerant of the dumb ass man-bun guys, a bit less so with the hipster homeless beards (how do these guys get laid?), but the utilikilts are worn by grown men unironically.

6 - Zipper in traffic.  Another classic, but my usual annoyance is with the local Taiwanese that run up the ass of the car in front of them preventing a smooth merging process.  Much like getting your dork caught in the zipper.  This summer got flabbergasted by the people that could see a merge coming up ahead, but need to move over NOW.  That is not gonna help the flow of traffic one bit and defeats the purpose of maximum capacity.  Merging traffic is one of life's great unfortunate necessities, but if we all work together, we can get where we're going efficiently.

5 - T-shirts with alternative fabric pockets.  A plain t-shirt with a striped chest pocket or vice versa.  Thought it looked cool the first time I saw it, but became intolerant of it as I realized it was just a way to take a classic and make an extra buck.  The Boy grabbed one at the Rack when we were doing his college shopping and I refused to entertain the purchase.  I think he brought it over just to mess with me.  Had a friend a couple years ago that wore a polo shirt, but instead of the logo being on the front left chest, it was on the back of the shirt at the shoulder blade.  Why?

4 - Underpants with non-functioning flys.  On many of the podcasts I listen to, advertising underwear is a big money maker and most have an affiliation with a maker.  Am all for a revolution in underwear.  Whoever came up with the boxer brief is the equal of Einstein in my book.  So as the podcasters, many of who's opinion I respect, would shill for the latest in underwear fabric technology, I listened and came to the conclusion that I was gonna try the boxer briefs from MeUndies. mainly due to their use of modal fabric.  As these are on-line businesses, did a trial order of three pair.  Pulling them out of the package, loved the colors and the feel was as soft as advertised.  Put them on (after washing of course) and hit the road.  Was feeling good about myself down there when it was time to take a wiz and what did I not find?  A gawdamn functioning fly.  This is not the first time I bought high tech underwear with this same design feature.  The place where it would be and the cut of the garment would indicate there was a fly, but it was all sewn up.  You then either have to unbutton your pants, which to be honest defeats the only advantage of being a dude in the first place, or you have to pull down the underpants inside the buttoned up pants.  As any fella can tell you, if you pull that second  maneuver, you're gonna restrict the flow and once released, more than a few drops will trickle out.  Kind of like pinching a straw.   My question is, why not have the fly function?  I understand there are some guys out there with huge pecker-oos that punch through the material, but most men are average (which is why they call it average) or are like me...average aspirational, and have never had a big problem of the member making an unscheduled appearance.  I demand an answer.

3 - The Poke revolution.  After never seeing it served outside of Hawaii before, Poke fish places were everywhere we went.  And not just one...whole Poke districts.  While it fine when on vacation in Hawaii, no one wants it on the mainland.  I never saw a single person eating in one in two months and totally understand why small businesses fail.

2 - Political gymnasts.  During the run-up to November 8th, 2016 folks were justifying a lot of the vile talk from the GOP nominee by sayin' that "I like him cause he speaks his mind...and he tells it like it is."  This was code for a lot of things but to me it translates to "ignorant people like me have opinions and I'm sick of smart people telling me I'm dumb so I'll vote for this guy", and "I don't consider myself a racist, but those brown people, women, poor, 'other' religions are getting awfully uppity these days and the reason I'm such a loser is because of them."  For those in that group that do have some empathy, or like their mother, or Mexican food or heard (cause they haven't actually read) the bible say that Jesus loved all people, especially the weak, after seeing how hateful the guy is but not willing to admit they could possible be wrong, cause ignorant people never can do that, their new mantra in trying to justify their continued support of him is that "he is our President and we need to respect him."  I heard this one several times over the last few months, always from people that never respected the last guy.  I really don't know what they mean by that but we all think you're a fucking idiot.  By the way, whenever you say something is Fake News, that means it is 100% true.


1 - Cucumber water.  I will simply never understand what is wrong with plain water.  First, it is hard enough in this world just to get water from it's natural source to be purified enough so it doesn't introduce tapeworms into your intestines.  So let's cut up a piece of fruit, complete with its skin that has been exposed to every kind of feces and pesticide, and dump it into this communal water trough?  The majority of restaurant water jugs and even more distressing, every single water tank in a hotel lobby is lousy with lemons.  I like lemons, lemonade, lemon meringue pie and really, am not opposed to lemon flavored water on occasion when the mood strikes, which is maybe once every 5 years..  Just cannot understand why it is now safe to assume that everyone on the planet loves this lemon flavored water and that we are all cool with having lemon seeds and stringy lemon veins floating in our water glasses.  And now that we've all silently accepted lemons, the water providers of America are now emboldened to get creative.  Oranges, strawberries, strawberries AND oranges.  "Hello Hotel Receptionist, I am a weary traveler that is tired and dangerously dehydrated and the light of your hotel is a beacon of salvation and comfort.  Do you have any soggy diarrhea inducing fruit salad you could give me."  At the hotel we stayed in Seattle for two weeks, the choice they made was to load up their water dispenser with fucking cucumbers.  While pickling turns them into a substance that is my personal kryptonite, have zero problem with cucumbers in my soup, salad, as a spear to dip into hummus, or even naked.  In my water?  It tastes like the stuff in the sink  at a fancy hair salon after a woman gets her hair washed with some high priced shampoo.  Don't ask me how I know that.  I would make ever more disgusted comments to the receptionists at the hotel and within a few days, they would magically disappear whenever I walked into the lobby.  And you should look at the vitriol spewed on a recent TripAdvisor page for the Issaquah Spring Hill Suites posted by yours truly.  Stand up people...see something/say something.  I know that you are saying to yourselves right now "cucumber water is OK...mellow out"  It is not OK and you know it, but you don't want to be "that" person that is the squeaky wheel.  Only way we can change something is if we all make our voices heard.