September 1st, 2018

Hiya,

As we rip off the page of the calendar and see September, it is now the most wonderful time of the year.  Feels like I write this post every year 'round this time...this is Salute To Sports week.

First, NFL season starts on Thursday.  My love for the NFL runs through my blood but am not oblivious to not recognize it is a sport that has serious problems with regards to the concussion thing.  You can eat me on the kneeling being an issue as it is as contrived a thing as there ever was.  Both my beloved Raiders and Seahawks are in rebuild mode and would not consider them title contenders in any way, but do think one of them is gonna be a surprise and make the playoffs.  Raiders would seem to have the easier road in the AFC, but the Hawks have a vibe that may gel.  The whole holdout of the stars thing on both those teams could be a divisive clubhouse killer.

Second, the greatest sport on the planet (Australian Football League of course) enters its postseason, also starting on Thursday.  My Bombers missed the final 8 this year, but they looked strong at the finish and the kids coming up, cleverly called the Baby Bombers, have me feeling that a 3-5 year span of deep Finals runs starts in 2019.  For this years playoffs, cannot see anyone touching the Richmond Tigers for the second straight year.

Lastly, the baseball season hits the stretch run.  My teams are the huge budgeted way overdue for a title Dodgers who very relevant again being only a game out of their division in a very down National League, and the perpetually poorly run Mariners in the midst of their annual late season swoon and will add to their current distinction as the team with the longest playoff drought in professional sports.    Like the NFL, talk of baseball becoming irrelevant is a common refrain, but those saying that are wrong.  The shift and launch angle bends the crotchety old purists the wrong way, but like the dinosaurs, they won't last much longer.  The change in the way people digest the sport, with the common criticism of the youth today not having the patience to sit without touching their phones every 10 seconds, does have merit and is certainly not limited to the kids, but I truly believe that will smooth out too and baseball will be around and healthy till the end century.  The season long story lines (good and bad) are unmatched and reward us devotees annually.  October postseason baseball, with the chill in the air....ahhh.

Think I mentioned before the summer break that the kids school came to me and asked if I'd like to get paid for coaching baseball.  Have been volunteering for several years so when they offered to pay me to do something I gladly do for free, it feels like stealing.  Betty has a line that the school had to do something cause the parents were asking what this weird dude was doing hanging out with their kids, but I had been vetted previously by the authorities (both US and Taiwanese) as to not be a little boy toucher.  I keep telling people I am not interested in the boys that way, but their moms?  To quote Richie Cunningham..."Yowza yowza yowza."

Had the notion that the school thought that bringing me in to their ranks would mute the criticism I have of the place, but much like Omarosa, sometimes the calls are coming from inside the house.

I would like to think that they recognized my coaching prowess and were compelled to lock me into a long term contract, but the reality is that they have these laws in Taiwan where foreigners not only cannot get a job without a work permit, but we are not allowed to even do volunteer work without being registered with the government.  As I am now an employee of the school, they initiated a background check that went all the way into my past.  I had to get a certified copy of my college diploma and they verified my employment history all the way back to 1982.  Finding people that could do that was tricky but am happy to say that I was able to find principles in all of the companies I worked for and even more pleased that I still had positive relationships with all of them  that far back.  Seems I never burnt a bridge, which surprises you as much as it does me.

We started practicing last week and this first month is working with the 6th graders.  So much fun,  They are squirreley and open and such a delight.  And none of them have heard all the old gags so my material is fresh and new to them.  "Your arm hurts?  Well your face is killing me." is as funny to them as it was to me when I was 12.  It was raining last night so we all went to a classroom and did a 'get to know' you exercise.  One of the things we had to do was write one thing that was true about most, one thing that was true about some, and one thing that was unique to you.  My card was one of the ones read aloud and I thought that "Not liking to take showers" would be true for most in a room full of 12 year olds (it was), that 'Liking to watch baseball on TV/online" would be true of some, which also proved accurate, and that having 6 knee surgeries was unique to me.  That made an impression on the kids and they now understand why Coach Imbro doesn't move around so well.  Afterward, one of the kids asks if it was true that I had that many surgeries and after I said yes he asks, "so that's why you walk like that?"

Not all the kids call me Coach Imbro.  When the head coach was introducing me to the team, he says that my last name is "the same as that singer with the song...the pretty lady...what's her name?"  of course I know he means Natalie Imbruglia, but also know that none of these kids have any idea who she is.  I quiz one of the kids later, one of the ones I instantly like cause he is all in on the San Diego Padres and that is the kind of kid that is endearing immediately, and ask him if he remembers my name and he blurts out without hesitation...Coach Pretty Lady.  That kid has my vote for MVP.

As part of the coaching process, the school requires that the coaches take an online course and as I'm plowing through it recognize that I had taken it before for some youth league.  Some of it was valuable, like tips on how to deal with unruly parents and emphasizing respect for not only yourself and your teammates, but the opponents and officials that seem obvious but are still issues to some.  The part of it that bugged me this time as much as it did when I took it years ago was the parts on criticism sandwiches...better known in the trade as a crap sandwich.  They recommend you always put your "criticism/crap", which is really just instruction on how to fix what they messed up, in between two pieces of praise.  You tie your shoes well, you need to not space out and let the ball go between your legs, thanks for showing up on time.  I tried it a few times and was always clunky at best and it always felt like it was a part of the 'trophy for all' culture that anyone who has ever played a sport detests.  I (grudgingly) finish the online course and the absolute next website I look at is titled this...Beware of bosses handing out crap sandwiches.

That article outlines everything I felt was wrong about the sandwich.  The person eating it either doesn't get the message and thinks they are still great, or they realize the false praise for exactly what it is and the message is lost.  Of course you shouldn't harangue a person to tears, and people need to have their egos stroked from time to time so as to not lose faith in themselves, but I would rather be direct with you about what you did and offer suggestions on ways to be better at it and move on.  When they do do it better, the praise of accomplishment is so much more rewarding.  And let's be honest, if a kid (or adult) just doesn't get it, or the skill set is not within their powers no matter how hard they work, maybe they need to hear that too?

A quick diversion from sports to relate a happening from last night cause am afraid I'll forget.  It was Back to School night and the one at our school consists of parents following their kids class schedule meeting the teachers and hearing what they have in store for the little ones that year.  8 minutes in each class, then movin' on.  We also got to take a break when the schedules had free periods so we could mingle.  I said to one of the like minded dads that why don't we do what we did during our free periods back in our day and go get high in my Pinto in the parking lot.

I prefer to do improv rather than rehearsed material, but always go in with a couple of gags chambered in case the situation arises.  We're in chemistry class and the (very serious)teacher starts off with his bona fides.  Whenever we go to these things am always amazed at how accomplished the teachers are at this school.  One guy did his undergrad at Cambridge, Masters at Harvard and taught at Princeton before coming here.  Another had Yale/Harvard/Stanford on the resume and it repeats in each class.  Stellar.  Anyhoo, the guy is finishing off his 8 minutes and says if us parents want to help with our kids homework that we can go online and look at his lecture notes and such.  Perfect set-up...I turn to another set of parents that we kinda know and said for the room to hear..."Funny he should say that cause Babydoll asked me to help her with her homework last night and I told her sure, but that I have had a couple of drinks and if that was OK.  She tells me that alcohol isn't a problem dad...it's a solution."  Am sure the teacher had heard a version of that before, but I got the point of approval from him.

There was one other joke I made to Betty only, and I had to type it on my phone and show her cause it was so inappropriate that it would be grounds for expulsion if anyone overheard.  It was so egregious that I will not even put it in this space so you know it was bad.  We come home and are talking about our night with Babydoll and Betty tells her that one. While she laughed hard,  I was totally embarrassed/ashamed to the point that in the car this morning had to tell B-doll not to breathe a word of that to her friends and asked if she understood just how wrong it was.

The intention today was to spit out the last part of summer travelogue but am rambling on and will save that for another day.  However, since we are on the topic of baseball, will relate one Seattle story for today.

Every year when we go back, and for several years before we left, there was a group of us fellas that all go to at least one Mariner game per season.  Our love of baseball varies, but we all love this night as it is the only one where this particular group of guys that have known each other for a couple decades get together.  There are bets involved that require the purchase/consumption of alcohol, and I would say that at least once every couple of years, there is some kind of "incident" that becomes lore.  The stories are recounted annually at the pre-game feast at the same Chinese restaurant and then we all head in for new memories to be created.  The foul ball game, the getting kicked out for smuggling booze night, the night we had the pre-game feast not at the Chinese place and of course, the "never get out of the car" incident.  This year was a good one and it included an actual assault.

For some context, it seems that every year when we go the Mariners are playing either the Red Sox or the Blue Jays.  We all know that Sox fans are the most loathsome in all of Christendom, but going to a Mariner v Blue Jay game is a unique torture as this is all of western Canada's chance to come to America and see their national team.  Combined with the apathy of Mariner fans in general, the stadium is loaded with Canucks and it is like a home game for them.

I wrote up the below the next morning before coffee and said I would punch it up in post, but think seeing the unvarnished version would be more enjoyable.  The names below have not been changed to protect the innocent...

"I was not drunk last night, but was well lubed and am not entirely sure what happened, but here are my recollections.

After a fine throw down at The Garden we made it to our usual seats in the LF Pavilion without incident.  Do not recall any conflicts of note between us fellas but if Stephen recounted one more of his sons swimming exploits, he was gonna get thrown into the shallow end of the pool face first..  I am glad that your son is a potential world class athlete, but does swimming even count?

The game progressed as most Mariner games do this time of year. and was a microcosm of their season.  Some early hope that this could be the night, followed by some peddling in place in the middle, then totally crapping the bed at the end.  The banter with our Toronto fan neighbors started early and by all measure, was harmless.  The usual stuff...Canadians lack of hygiene, pervasive alcoholism, etc.  The cute nurses from rural Canadian oil fracking country were down for some trash talk, and in my mind some light flirting (until Stephen sat with us and they abruptly got up and left for the night).  Hassled a couple pre-teens about their allegiance to the Maple Leaf and then settled in for the last few innings going back and forth with the mother/son duo from Vancouver and the two ambiguously gay neo-Nazi Mariner fans in front of us.  It felt like it was all good natured and such.  

Another story line of the night was Kyle Seager.  I started in early saying he was the true cause of the Mariner woes, batting .226 and not providing any Sodo Mojo.  Then he alligator arms a grounder that ties the game in the second inning (was an E-5 but ruled a hit) and it was pile on Kyle Seager night for me

First Bennett, then Spranger leave early, cause they are Spranger and Bennett.  In the top of the 9th, M's down 4-2 but with a Mariner season full of come back 1 run victories, the Mariner faithful are hopeful  Then Seager commits two horrific errors allowing 3 unearned runs to come across (so a total of 5 runs he allowed due to perpetual suckiness in this humble fans opinion).  I launch into another anti-Seager tirade and the "woman" behind me lost it.  To this point, we have had zero interaction with her, but she had to have been listening in all night and had had her fill of yours truly.  I cannot recall all of the dialogue but I must have questioned her sexual prowess as she declared that "You wish you could get a blowjob from me cause I am the best" at it.  At one point, I am leaning straight back and she is looking directly down into my face screaming "I hate YOU".  Then she knees me in the back of the head (the alleged assault) and things calm down from there.  Patrick tells us later that he saw the usher come over and told her to cool it.  

We, including the meth head adjacent boys and the Blue Jay fans we've been having a conversation with all night, are gobsmacked by her outburst   I was riding Seager pretty hard but don't recall being vulgar other than maybe a few swears.  Patrick thinks it coulda been Seager's sister, but if he got her such shitty tickets, then I'd add that to his list of transgressions.

Anyway, that capped off another memorable night with you all.  Said goodbye to Patrick and Stephen as their Uber came and my bus to Issaquah arrived.  That bus was jammed and half of British Colombia was on it.  I got on last and said to the bus driver "Is this the bus to hell cause that is where all Blue Jay fans go" and she liked that so much she let me ride for free.  The Toronto fans had fun with it too.  Lighten the fuck up Seattle..."

August 30th, 2018

Yo...

We saw Crazy Rich Asians the other evening.  I don't voluntarily go see Rom-Coms but felt compelled to see this one not only for research in better understanding the local culture, but I love Constance Wu.  I liked the movie a lot...won't give any spoilers but they nail some things in it that were hilarious.  For example, one of the not crazy rich dads who was the comic relief was touting his college career and his alma mater of Cal State Fullerton.  Might be that only Asians and Angelenos got the significance of that, but totally nailed it and said all you needed to know about his character.  Was trying to hide it, but at the end my eyes were misty, which is probably why I don't like Rom-Coms cause I am a sucker and don't like to admit that deep down, Marianas Trench deep, I just might have some emotions and hate when they get dragged to the surface.

Part IV (of 5)
This section covers empty nest week.  After two weeks in SF with Babydoll, she got on a plane with her girlfriend to go to Seattle.  The Boy was still doing his summer gig thing in Virginia and we wouldn't see him for two more weeks.  Betty arrived about the same time and since we had some time before she needed to be in Seattle, we had a week with just us.  We batted around some ideas and landed on a road trip up to Seattle taking in the northern California coast, Crater Lake, and a couple days in Portland.  Cruising in a convertible is something that we've always wanted to do, so we swallowed the cost, and it was really pricey, and got a sweet looking Mustang convertible.

Ha

Thing was super sexy but I didn't want to upgrade to the more powerful model cause as they say in the Fast franchise, it's the driver and not the car.  This basic model was gutless.  You'd think just from it being a Mustang that it  would have some oompf, but had to put the pedal all the way down to get it moving, and it would do that jerk when I did.  Did receive a few "nice car" comments and they were all from grey haired white dudes sporting goatees, wearing shorts that were very cargo and felt very mid-life crises-ey.  I loved being in this thing for a week, but think that itch has now been scratched forever.

As this was Betty's vacation week and she wanted to relax, spent three nights in an Air BnB a few miles south of Mendocino.  A very small and simple place, but it overlooked a pristine bay and had a hot tub on the deck overlooking it.  A great spot to watch some Aussie Rules football.

We became addicted to a home improvement show and binged it for days.  Fixer Uppers with Chip and Joanna Gaines.  Learned later that they are huge with a media empire.  The premise of the show is they take a couple to three houses and offer options on fixing it up based on their budget.  They then refurbish the place they picked and here is the fantasy part...everyone is always happy.  The show follows the same arc each episode.  Joanna wants to blow out a wall to the kitchen, Chip does all the construction and Joanna decorates it.  A giant clock with no hands and giant letters are part of her décor and the first one of us to spot each would yell it out with glee.  Why this show, with a goofy bumbling white dude cracking bad jokes and doing whatever his bossy Asian of ambiguous origin wife tells him to do would appeal to us, I just do not understand.

We did a long driving day from Mendocino to Crater Lake, stopping to hug/drive through a tree in Redwood forest country.

Booked a cabin just outside Crater Lake park.  It is such a geologically unique and stunningly beautiful place.  Wildfires in the area hampered the visibility somewhat, but still...if you haven't been is a must.

 We popped into the visitors center and while waiting for the movie that describes the creation of the lake (super interesting) and the history of its preservation, listened to the Ranger answer questions about the area.  He said there was one place you can go and jump in for a swim.  With a mess of people around, including a bunch of children, I ask if the rumor that it is good luck to jump into Crater Lake the first time naked is true.  I made that shit up but surprisingly, he did not deny it.

As we're leaving the park, Betty decides it is her turn to drive.  

 You could smell a recent fire and the road north of the lake was obviously a fire break.

20, maybe 30 minutes later, her turn was over.  That 20 minutes was the only time she got behind the wheel and we drove well over 1000 miles.  Thelma drove longer than that in that movie with Louise.  No problem for me cause I'd just assume drive all the time anyway, but what we bickered about more than the usual this trip was her co-piloting skills.  

I have definite thoughts on what a good road trip co-pilot should be, but thought I'd consult the web to see if there was a consensus.  There was.  Navigator, DJ, Entertainer, Planner, Photographer were the main topics with plenty of advice on how to be a good one offered. There are even Official Rules for riding shotgun.  Look, husbands and wives can touch nerves of the other that no one else can and mine are particularly raw and exposed behind the wheel.  Am not gonna go into a blow by blow account cause she can't defend herself here and really don't want to re-open those wounds, but think I figured out why she has become so bad at it.  For her work travels, and they are copious, she gets driven around constantly by all manner of drivers in any country you can think of.  She doesn't have to co-pilot any of these and after nearly every trip I get to hear how awful some of them are, so figure at this point that her default attitude in the car is disgust with the driver.

I'd say that when we drive together, her opinion is that  50% of the time I am doing something wrong, 15% I need to go faster (usually cause she needs to go potty), she is asleep 33%,  and I am a good driver 2%.  The above poll has a margin of error of 2%.  At one point in very rural Oregon, where every sign welcoming you to a new town feels the need to declare that here in "Bum Fuck, Oregon, We SUPPORT Our Troops" (did someone claim you didn't or is this just code for stay out hippie/brown people...this is the part of the country where Rambo: First Blood was set for a reason), Betty is snoozing away.  The pivotal scene of A Few Good Men, where Jessup is melting down on the stand, pops into my mind in relation to our driving dynamic.   I will now rewrite that scene with me as Col. Jessup.

Betty/Lt Kaffee:  Slow down.  (Pointing) Go that way.  Turn that jungle music down.  I am entitled to that...

Me/Col. Jessup:  My dear, we live in a world that has roads, and those have to be driven by men with cars. Whose gonna do it you,.  You Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for me passing those cars on a two lane road, and you curse the Fast Franchise. You have that luxury, you have the luxury of not knowing what I know, that getting a speeding ticket while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence while grotesque and incomprehensible, to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you talk about parties; you want me behind that wheel.  You need me behind that wheel!  We use words like zipper, slow traffic keep right, SLAB, We use these words as the backbone of a life spent getting somewhere, you use them as a punch line. I have neither the time, nor the inclination, to explain myself to a person, who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very driving  efficiency that I provide, and then questions the manner, in which I provide it. I'd rather you just say 'thank you' and go on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up some driving gloves, and get behind the wheel. Either way, I don't give a damn, what you think you are entitled to!

My favorite part of that scene is how Nicholson says with total disgust and disdain..."you Lieutenant Wienberg?"

After Crater Lake, we spent a couple nights in Portland and stayed at a new hipster place called the Hi-Lo Autograph that was in one of the oldest buildings in very downtown.  After a bunch of nights bathing in camp showers, getting into the deluxe one here made me realize how soft I've become cause it was awesome.  The area surrounding the hotel was equal parts high end Portland and the lowest depths of that society.  I'd get up early to get a coffee and the bouncers from the all night strip club across the street were just getting off work and dodging the pools of vomit on the sidewalk.  The homeless situation in Portland, as it was in SF and LA, was atrocious.  Will discuss more in the Seattle section of this space.

Our time there was spent mostly seeing friends but we did have a couple hours to shop and Betty wanted to get her bras at the sales tax free Oregon Nordstrom, cause stuff is practically free because of it.  After she finishes getting sized in the bra section, we're looking around and she sees a deal on ladies underpants and decides to buy some for Babydoll.  She picks them out and gets 4 pairs.  The young lady at the counter rings it up and says it is $54.  I exclaim in my high voice..."Fifty-four dollars for four pairs?  That is my underwear budget for a decade!"  I then drop my voice several octaves and say in my dirtiest of voices, "but to be fair, I rarely wear underwear."  Think that was my best line of the summer.

Finally for this week, quite a few passings of icons.  Didn't have any attachment to Aretha or Neil Simon but have all the respect for both.  I followed the career of John McCain much more closely.  We visited the prison in Hanoi where he was kept and heard that tale in depth.  Didn't learn anything that you couldn't read in a book, but the feel of what that was like made an impact on all of us.   When the landscape was far less polarized than today, he was my candidate going into the 2000 election and remember what a nascent Fox News and a win at all costs W. did to him in South Carolina.  In 2008, I took a good long time deciding who to vote for to that point that even though I did vote for Barack Obama, was still invited to multiple democrats election night viewing parties to be the token Republican. A couple summers ago on a tour of the Capitol, we saw him walking from his office to the Senate chamber and gave him a wave.  My opinions on his political choices run the range of disgust to admiration, but I never questioned his devotion to country over party and the instances where he came out and said he was wrong is a virtue that is to be admired and one we all can do better in working towards. 

Have seen many a tribute to him last few days but what has really stood out was the vitriol from many on the right.  The President's childishness was hardly surprising and fully expect his private thoughts being happy about it to leak in the near future.  What disgusted me to no end were the folks still carrying that d-bags water in his one sided piss war with the late Senator, which by all accounts he started for some bizarre reason I cannot (and do not want to) remember.  These are the same people that are outraged at the blacks for kneeling for the anthem cause the President says it disrespects the military yet will turn a blind eye to his disrespect of war heroes, turning the VA into one run by the fellas an the 19th hole of a golf club, and of course his own dodging of the draft cause of bone spurs.  He counts on this segment of the population to be either so stupid as to not being able to keep two things in their head at the same time, or on their racism in all forms to fill a rally hall and make him feel better.  I hope that if you run into these people that you tell them what you think.  Try to be nice and calm pointing out the hypocrisy.  I have tried and it can work, but the odds are long against it.  Not a single one of them will say that the President is a decent man and most will readily admit that his actions are disgusting.  They are completely unable to defend his policies yet will sit up when he blows his racist dog whistle like a fat kid in front of a box of donuts.  You have my permission to cut them loose.  You're never gonna persuade them so why bother?  Not a single one of them would ever cop to it, probably even when they are lying there in the dark and sleep is coming over them, but in your heart, you know they are racist as fuck.  

And vote.  Not just you, but your colleagues, friends and family.  Hold their feet to the fire and ask them every time you can if they are registered.  Do it now.  The rich folks, like Sheldon Adelson who got $400 million in tax breaks this year, then donated $30 million to Paul Ryan's "super pac", are counting on you not to

August 25th, 2018

Hey there,

Wanna hear a dumb ass thing I did?  I know you do.  We have a filtered water dispenser on our sink and am forever filling up water bottles.  I'll stick 'em under the faucet and put the bottle on the side of the sink and do something else for the 10 seconds it takes to fill it up.  Problem is I can't keep a thought in my skull for more than 3 seconds, forget the bottle and then it starts to overflow.  Sometimes onto the floor.  Usually catch it shortly after it starts but sometimes not.  On Thursday, not only did I forget, but walked out of the kitchen entirely.  Several minutes later, I do remember it's time to change the laundry and you have to walk through the kitchen to the laundry room.  Oblivious that there is now a giant pool of water on the floor go walking through it and wipe out bad.  One leg goes straight out while the other bends underneath.  I was never able to do the splits, yet here I am totally spread out with both legs bent at angles they haven't been in decades.  Also land on my spine that doesn't need any help hurting.

Yet I got up.  Slowly.  With all of my normal hot zones now burning, am stunned that I am not crawling to the phone to call 9-1-1 (which is 1-1-9 here).  It just so happens that the first baseball practice of the season is in an hour and the second dumb ass thing I did this afternoon is to not call in hurt, but to go.  Of course the pitching machine is busted and coach asks if I can throw BP.  "Of course" says I.  Not only is my groin screaming at me, and not in its usual good way, but I haven't thrown a ball in 3 months and have agreed to throw for the next hour or so.  This batch of kids are young so don't have to throw too hard, and am doing the short toss behind an L screen and things are going as well as can be expected.  Then this one kid gets a hold of one right back at my face.  Hardest hit ball of the day.  Face is about an inch outside of the screen but manage to jerk it safely behind it before the ball whizzes by.  Honestly could feel the air the ball disturbed and could read the trademark on it.  Dodged the proverbial bullet and instantly felt good about my reaction time, and in the next instant, felt the muscles in my neck had seized up.  3 days later, can still barely turn my head. What a dumb ass.

Betty has a brutal work trip schedule and wasn't planning on seeing her much through October, but a 10 day trip was cancelled last minute so we get her here for a few days.  I do enjoy our car rides to and from her office and we sometimes have interesting chats.

This morning, she was telling me about a colleague that is having a hard time conceiving.  Has gone through several IVF proceedures and is not having any positive results.  I ask if she is considering alternatives to having her own such as adopting.  There are so many abandoned Filipino babies here that it is a real issue.  The workers come, legal or no, and they have kids that they cannot afford or have no legal status, and they are abandoned.  As they are not Taiwanese and have no papers, they are in this weird limbo.  Have been trying to figure out what happens to them or even if Taiwanese can adopt, but if I was in a similar predicament as this person, would be looking to see if adoption was an option.  Betty says "Never" would a Taiwanese adopt one of these kids as that isn't the culture.  Have heard this as the reason for several things recently, and not just the local culture, and it makes me see red.  Not doing something that would make your life better, and may save the life of another human because of what...getting cross-eyed looks at the park or having the nasty ass old relative that says racist shit cause they are from a different era make comments behind your back (or more likely to your face)?  Am gonna come back to this in a future episode but am having a hard time understanding the motivation of a large section of humanity these days.

Gonna put a prediction into the time capsule here.  Of the 5 QBs' drafted in the first round of this year's draft, Josh Rosen will by all measure have the most successful career.

Part III - The Bay Area.

Got to town and had a couple weeks staying in Palo Alto.  Worked with my sister so I could be there for the two weeks she were going on vacation to be near our mom.  She doesn't need us to be there, but it puts her mind at ease so these were the two weeks of the calendar for our visit.  Babydoll's job in Taiwan was over so she joined me for a week, and then one of her girlfriends came down from Seattle and we all hung out for the second week.

We've been to the Bay Area so often that it feels almost like home and  sightseeing isn't really on our agenda, and as this was the same girlfriend as last year, we didn't need to do all the touristy stuff again.  With one exception.  I wanted to take her to Alcatraz last year but didn't book in advance and tickets sold out.  Planned way ahead this year and since I'd been and wanted  to make it fun for me, booked the sunset boat for the island.

Note to anyone visiting San Francisco...go to Alcaraz.  It is historic, a very well done and interesting tour, and the views you get of the bay are unparalled.  And since you are going, book the last boat of the day.  Not only do you go over as the sun is waning and you get brilliant views of the city in daylight, but you then get the changing colors on the bridges and city as the sun sets and then come back to the city as the sun is down and everything lights up.  Spectacular.

Plus the place is even creepier at night.  And cold...take a jacket and gloves.

Mom seemed to be doing as well as can be expected.  Seems happy most of the time and is getting into the rhythm of her new place.  She does complain about getting her nails done and since I like to have my toes cleaned up got the name of my sister's nail place and booked us together.  It is located in the heart of trendy Palo Alto and while the prices were higher than most places elsewhere, they were very reasonable for P.A.   ML had never had a pedicure in a place where they had the massager chairs.  At least that she could remember.  She had been complaining about her toe and that she needed new shoes, and within seconds of the gal working on her feet, she cleaned out whatever was going on and she found instant relief.  I remember some story about a lion and a thorn from my days in Catholic school and it was sorta like that.  The lady taking care of us was a riot.  She was from Vietnam and I tell her that I am living in Taiwan.  She volunteers that a lot of Vietnamese ladies marry Tawianese guys and goes on to add that is because a lot of the Taiwanese ladies marry westerners and there aren't enough locals to go around, so they import the Vietnamese ladies.  I have recounted the exact same thing to you in these pages my friends.

With Babydoll and later when her friend was around, we had a few sayings and phrases that we would bat back and forth to each other in glee.  We picked up where we left off with my hatred of the word 'actually' and had some laughs over its usage.  I am adding a new one to the list of words and phrases that bug me and it is "can you not".  Note to anyone that if you say 'can you not' do whatever to me, I will double down on that thing until you rephrase it into a more polite way.  Can you please do/not do whatever is a good place to start.

B-doll thought it was a riot whenever I said "in my day and age" and we would riff on that quite a bit.  "In my day and age, the # symbol was called the pound sign" elicited the biggest laugh.

A new one for the girls was my use of the term SLAB.  This generation loves them some acronyms and SLAB is one from my day and age that is short for SLow Ass Bitch.  When in Palo Alto, SLABs are the majority.  If you don't believe me, here is the sign that welcomes you to town.

SLABrinas for girls, SLABarinos for boys.  Am not gonna go into another long rant about how infuriating the passive aggressiveness of the townsfolk are to everything in life cause there has to be 20,000 words in here about that, but every year it feels like it is going to new extremes and they graduated to being aggressively passive.  One day I am walking and am about 10 feet from the crosswalk of a 4 way stop.  A car, the only one in sight, starts to cross the street in front of me and I hit the corner right as he is about to go through the cross walk on my side of the intersection, so the dude is more than 3/4 of the way through the intersection and he stops.  To let me go.  While he is in the middle of the street.  WTF?  

One day we're all in the car and I pull up to the intersection.  I am the first car there and stop short of the crosswalk just as a dude is riding his bike across in front of us.  "Woah woah woah" he says as he gives us a dirty look.  I honk of course, and can't remember if I give him the finger or tell him to have intercourse with himself, but off he goes followed by his ugly duckling family.  This was a high traffic controlled intersection and am pretty sure the law is to walk those effin' things across anyway.  Saying 'woah woah woah' became a thing we'd say whenever someone did the slightest infraction and have found it to be a useful way to difuse tension.  Like when someone is agitated and you want to say 'calm down', which always has the opposite affect.  Try the three 'woahs' and you may get a laugh instead.

A couple more random SF notes.

Was in the city, excuse me THE CITY, a couple times and everyone in that dump has some affectation.  Skunk striped hair, bizarre forced speech impediment, or oddly placed piercing/branding.  Everyone.  They even walk in a manner that begs 'look at me'.  Everything has to be fabulous and precious and their 'originality' seems just the opposite.   And the place leads the planet in crazy people monologuing loudly in the streets.  Just read they have a new task force dedicated to go around town cleaning up/pressure washing feces off the streets.  The city, ooops...CITY, has received 14,000 calls from people asking them t come clean it up in the first 6 months of this year.  They don't identify how much of it is human or if it is just dog owners too lazy to clean up after their mutts, but the old saying that SF is the place where you walk a mile up a hill to watch a homeless guy shit in the bushes is outdated as they are openly crapping on concrete.  Will discuss the homeless situation on the west coast of America in a future post, but SF has submitted a strong resume for being the most disgusting.

They do have the best sports team t-shirts though

Took the girls and Mom to the Cheesecake Factory.  We planned to go to the one in Palo Alto but looking it up right before we left, found that it had closed permanently.  We all had that particular hankering and agreed to sit in traffic for an hour to go to the nearest one still open.  We had a great time.  Loud and funny and the food was quite great.  A fried artichoke as good as I've ever tasted and their calamari has always been the best.  Told some of the long time Palo Alto SLABs about it and got the aggressively passive response that you can imagine, complete with eyerolls so big you'd need a whole stick of butter for.  Sure the portions are big (another one of those things that "Europeans think Americans do wrong), but who gives a crap.  We can share them.  Take some home maybe.  Or perhaps I am hungry and/or a fat ass and I want a giant burger with extra bacon on it.  Place is good and fun and just because it isn't from some artisanal organic farm and served on a giant plate where the food only covers 20% of the surface, you look down your nose at it?  Woah woah WOAH.

August 20th, 2018

Hiya,

Adding to the "Stuff they never told you was gonna happen to your body when you get older' file.  I ran cross country in high school, which instilled a life long hatred of running as sport/exercise. but did "run" in all of the other sports I played.  Why I mention that is that runners tend to have a problem with chafing, especially the nipples.

Over the last week, mine have gotten really hard and have become raw and chafed.  I do walk for exercise and my clothes are drenched almost all the time, so this is becoming a problem.  Am combating it by putting body glide on them but the question remains...is this something that happens to all older people?  What the hell can be next?

Important announcement.  As part of this book I'm writing, or perhaps it'll be stand alone, am starting to write a 'self-help' guide.  Not gonna be your typical one but rather one that is very direct.  Aggressive perhaps.  I have the title already..."Knock It Off".  The first chapter, and really the theme of the whole thing is that whatever you are doing that is destructive, knock it off.  Other chapters will be about 'Moving your ass' and 'Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day'.  Am accepting pre-orders now.

Was talking to a buddy recently and he related a story about a kid that he had watched grow up.  For some reason starting about the age of 7 and lasting a few years, whenever someone asked the kid what he was gonna do when he grew up his reply was "sue the government".  That tickled me to no end and now include it in my responses when someone asks me what I am going to do when we move back to the States.

Travelogue Part II Act 3

Had a few days in DC.    After a week, it was nice to reconnect with people and staying with one of our oldest friends was a treat.

I was holding a coffee in my other hand as I snapped that photo and immediately following, my friend knocked it out of my hand and all over her white couch.  Hilarity ensued.

This is the 4th straight year we've visited and so don't have a ton of appropriate for this space travel stories.  Plotted out the itinerary to be in town for a rare show by one of the all time bands The Feelies.

I came late to their initial run and saw them once back in '92 in LA.  They stopped touring shortly thereafter as one of the principles decided to become a family man.  A few years ago, once that guys kids had grown up, they got back together, have put out a couple of really good albums and play a handful of shows each year.  As they are always occur on the east coast corridor between Boston and DC, have not had the chance, but the stars aligned.

Show was at the 9:30 Club, which we used to go to back in the college days but had moved locations and was my first time there.  It gets voted one of the nation's best clubs regularly and while good, seemed pretty ordinary.

The Feelies on the other hand are icons and were in fine form 41 years after they began.  So great.

The Boy took the train up from C-Ville and we went to a Nats game.  It happened to be UVA Day at the stadium and we got UVA themed Nats caps.  A bunch of us went and we all had seats in different spots....I sat with another good buddy from back in the day, who is a Virginia alum and took an opportunity to get a snap with some Hoo's

A Seattle buddy of the Boy's met us in DC and we drove down to Charlottesville to spend a few days together.  On the way, Boy said there was a great BBQ place and so stopped for dinner.  They had a sandwich called Hell that was loaded with Ghost peppers and  advertised as being the hottest you could eat and survive.  I ordered it and they tried to talk me out of it, saying they offer it almost as a joke and that people really don't eat it, which made me want it that much more.  The kitchen staff came out to see who would dare accept their challenge.  Not gonna lie....it was searing and it hurt, but plowed through it best I could while keeping as straight a face as possible.  Mentioned that peeing after the hot chicken in Nashville was hot and tangy, but this was different in that the heat was felt from deep inside the urinary tract and came out burning.  I thought I was old enough not to take on a stupid dare.  Apparently not.

  Boy-o is moving off campus for his second year and is renting a group house with 7 other fellas.  As the lease started in June and the rest of the kids were off doing things in other parts of the country, it was just him for now.  The kid never did squat around our place but now he has chores.  I could not help but watch him sweating it out with a huge grin.

We spent the days in C-Ville helping Boy-o set up his new pad.  He had moved into an off campus group house and as it is really the first time he was on his own, needed some kitchen supplies and a few cooking lessons.  A Costco run to start (yes, I did buy him a case of beer).

 And we did a couple of trips to the Bed Bath and Beyond.  Thought a blender would be something every college kid could use but had no idea that smoothies, rather than mixed drinks, would be what they used if for.  They made gallons of them.

I assumed that they had a can opener in the house but when we went to look for it as we needed to open something, there wasn't one to be found.  These two are both engineering students so they were tasked with figuring it out.  It wasn't pretty but they did it.  Reminded me of the gag that goes...Optimists see the glass as half full and pessimists see the glass as half empty.  Engineers wonder why the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Took our Seattle friend on a tour of the gorgeous campus and told him about the tradition where first years have to streak the 400 yard lawn down and back.  We learned a bit more about it from the Boy since he has passed this initiation ritual.  Once you go half way, you must circle the statue of Homer three times then kiss him on the butt, then at the other end go up to the door of the Rotunda and say 'Goodnight Mr. Jefferson'.  Apparently the Boy did it twice and that they do the run for fun.  His second time he went to support a friend.  The lawn isn't all flat and there are some small slopes with fairly steep grades.  His buddy crashed on one of the slopes and not only did they all laugh, but made him do it again.  Some truly devilish/awesome students will booby trap the lawn making them trip.  I thought that all colleges had become PC havens and were scrubbed clean from these kinds of shenanigans.  What I wouldn't give to go back in time...

Speaking of Mr Jefferson, The Boy had work while we were there so I took his buddy out to visit Jefferson's home called Monticello.  I had never visited and after being disappointed in the tour Washington's home in Mt Vernon, was not expecting a lot.  

I was wrong and it was an exceptional experience.  First, it is lovely...built on a hill and immaculately maintained.  Jefferson built it here so he could see the university and they cut a hole in the trees so you can still see it.

No photos are allowed inside, but it is loaded with all of his shit.  Things like maps on animal skins  from Lewis and Clark, gadgets and inventions from the time, just loaded.  Jefferson was in to octagons and many of the rooms were 8 sided.  Jefferson thought it was the most optimal shape for maximizing space and allowing light.  The tour guide was excellent in pointing out all the details and there were a lot.  You could spend years studying the relics and architecture.  One that was cool and that I want in my house were the dumbwaiters so they could have bottles of wine brought up from the extensive wine cellars below during dinner.

This was a interesting way for the guide to discuss the paradox of Jefferson.  The people in the wine cellars that sent the wine up, and all of the other workers during his time (over 600 in all) were slaves.  The guides at Monticello were very good at telling this side of the story too.

I know about Sally Hemmings but was enlightened a bit on the full story.  Jefferson is said to have loved his wife intensely and they had children, but she died after 10 years of marriage and he never took another wife.  He was also enamored with French culture...food, government, etc.  He was living there for many years and he brought over one of his slaves to learn how to cook in the French style.  In France at that time, there was no slavery and the black men were free to stay if they wanted.  This particular slave decided to go back to Virginia.  Also at this time, Jefferson sent for his 13 year old daughter to live with him and along with her, sent a slave girl of the same age to be her companion. You probably have figured out that this was Sally Hemmings, who happened to also be the sister of the chef slave/slave chef.

A couple of years later, it was time to go back to America.  Sally could have stayed but she negotiated what they call "Extraordinary privileges".  She agreed to return home but only if her children were to be allowed their freedom, so she knew she was gonna be Jefferson's whatever you want to call it.  Jefferson did give the 4 children he had with her their freedom when they turned 21, but never gave Sally hers, and these children were the only 4 people that he allowed to leave his custody.  

We are hearing this story evolve over the tour and the last room is the dining room with the dumbwaiters.  The guide then tells us about how Jefferson was a life long friend of the Frenchman Lafayette and how he would visit Jefferson at Monticello late in their lives.  If you don't know about Lafayette's role in US history, you should check him out.  On a visit to Monticello when they were in their 80's, they had a discussion about slavery with Lafayette admonishing Jefferson about all of the talk about the dichotomy of his actions with regards to the slaves and his stance in politics of 'all men are created equal'.  This debate got serious and Jefferson refused to accept Lafayette's argument and kept his slaves until he died.  The two men never spoke again.  As the guide told us this and ended with the 'paradox of Jefferson' line, the tour group was silent.  Really powerful.

My plane out of the DMV (DC/Maryland/Virginia) was at 7am and as C-ville is 2 hours away, arranged to spend my last night with the buddy from the baseball game at his place in rural Virginia that was 40 minutes from the airport.  He said that he had a nice place but it was way more than that. They have 5 acres and the house was fantastic inside.  Outside was all lawns and rolling hills and as we're walking around, he tells me they just bought the property next door that was 17 more acres.  Lovely views of the nearby hills and loaded with fireflies.  Idyllic.  He says it takes them 6 man hours just to mow the front paddock, but that they have an arrangement with an outfit that comes to mow the rest and that they use the grass to make and sell hay.  They mow for free but the company sells it for their own profit and as they are using it for agriculture, our friend can claim his property as a working farm for tax relief.  Pretty nice deal.  

They built a "barn" to house their mowers and such and above it is the most eloquently furnished guest pad I have ever had the fortune of staying.  This place is so serene and am looking for another opportunity to visit with Betty as she would fall in love with it too. 

That's the end of part 2 and the next stop was visiting my family in the Bay Area.  Until then...

August 18th, 2018

Good morning,

Before movin' on travelogue-wise, the Taiwan Costco used to stock Quaker Oats and Cheerios but they do not anymore as the FDA here banned them for containing chemicals not considered acceptable for this country.  I know this cause I get asked about it repeatedly by the local moms who have nothing to feed their picky brats.  Read this article today from the States that reports that both of those items were found to contain a controversial herbicide.   The article says the testing was done by an environmental watchdog group and that Monsanto strenuously objects to their findings calling them extremists.  Don't know what the Taiwanese objected to in those items, but will always side with Taiwan over Monsanto.

Heat check.  It is still Les Miserable.  In the 'looking ahead' part of my weather app, it has been saying all week  that we'll have a "pleasant Saturday".  It is 7am on Saturday right now and is 94 degrees with a forecast up to 104.  Down from yesterday's 116 so guess the Frog in the pot has been reduced to simmer.

Keepin' on...last I left you had just pulled into Nashville.  As it was dinner time, didn't even check into the hotel but went directly to Prince's Hot Chicken.   Forget how Nashville hot chicken entered my consciousness but tasted it for the first time a couple years ago as a joint opened up in Seattle and we went to sample.  It was good.  Good enough to keep my interest alive and as a fan of the spicy, a main draw to visit Nashville was to go to the source.  In reading up on it before hand, came across this article from The Ringer detailing a three night descent into its heartland.  That is a beautifully written article and highly recommend it.  Since I had three nights there, planned to follow in the author's footsteps exactly.

Prince's is acknowledged as the epicenter/origin so naturally went there first.

 In a strip mall in decidedly not the best part of town, the line was long and the people watching excellent.  Took at least an hour to get the goods.  The place was small and since I was alone, didn't want to take up one of the few seats inside, so ate it on  the trunk of the car.

So great.  Greasy, juicy and hot.  I got the XHot and it was just right.  Also asked for a piece of the XXXHot to see what that was all about and while it was good too, and exquisitely painful, felt that it was a bit too much and took away from the taste of the chicken.  The sides in the south do vary, but baked beans and mac-n-cheese are staples on all menus.  Quickly stopped getting the Mac cause it didn't vary much and didn't need the extra carbs especially as this was gonna be a long stretch of eating unhealthy fare, but did not skip the beans once.  I could write a few pages detailing all the ones I ate but know that'd get boring.  Suffice it to say that they all had their charms and as a massive fan of the genre, was always satisfied.

Quick side note, read an article yesterday that said that people should eat more carbs, up to 50% of their caloric intake, as they get past middle age.  As a carb lover, didn't investigate any further and have decided to base my diet solely on this click bait.

Keeping on the chicken topic, next night went to the other pillar of Hot Chicken...Hattie B's.

Hattie B's was downtown in a much trendier area and near Vanderbilt.  The line and such also took an hour and the clientele decidedly more white meat than dark

Also delicious and was hard to choose between the two.  I liked the vibe at Prince's more and the beans better for sure.  In Atlanta, we drove past a Hattie B's that was going to open in a couple months so they are branching out, which made me appreciate Prince's more.  Also, and perhaps most importantly, when I saw Yo La Tengo in Portland, my friend made me go up and say hello to Ira.  Will detail that experience later but I know that they recorded several albums in Nashville and have not one, but two songs with Hot Chicken in the title, so asked him which establishment they preferred.  Without hesitation he said Prince's and related a story about getting hung up at TSA a couple of months earlier as they took some home with them after their show there in May.  If it is good enough for my beloveds...

My intention was go to the third place on the list the last night, but after two days eating the stuff, and having urine that was coming out both hot and tangy, bypassed that for something that was majority green.

I enjoyed Nashville a lot.  One day I spent doing a couple laps on the Hop On/Off Bus.  Loved the layout of the town, with distinct neighborhoods that were all well kept and interesting.

Seems I didn't take many pictures.  Got off the bus to go look at the bathroom in the historic Hermitage hotel.  They said the toilet was an art deco masterpiece and being a fan of that, and having to go potty, checked it out.  Interesting color scheme.  I will say that what I left behind was a masterpiece

 For reasons I never understood, the town's forefathers had a thing for Greek architecture down to having an exact replica of the Parthenon

 I was on and off a bunch of buses and all of the drivers felt compelled to point out the Batman building.

Went by the location of Dutchman's Curve and learned about the train crash that killed over 100 people in 1918.  An interesting story.

Got off at Vanderbilt to take a peek.  A good buddy of mine went there, and the daughter of some friends here attends there now.  I didn't take any snaps and while the place was pretty, it felt new and didn't get a feeling of charm that I was expecting.  What was funny was that Betty had dinner with the girl's dad and her in Taipei that week and it was reported by Betty that the girl said matter of factly that everyone in college these days is bi-sexual.  Say what?  We asked the Boy on his thoughts and that has not been his experience, but I couldn't help but look inquisitively at the coeds as I walked around.

Went through a circle near Music Row and our attention was directed to a statue called Musica.  You can read about it here, but it is still controversial as that the figures are all naked.  Southern sensibilities were offended.  It wasn't that day, but apparently some locals come and put clothes on the figures regularly.

Went up and down Music Row  a few times.  It is a couple of one way streets a mile or so long, and if you didn't know it would think they were residential streets, but in many (most) of the buildings are recording studios.  Feels like almost everyone has recoded there at some point, and certainly all country performers.  You name it and they were there.  Elvis? Yep.  Jimi?  Indeed.  It was funny cause whenever the driver would point out a particularly noteworthy studio or location, they would all say three people did something there.  Not only that, but the people were from three different eras.  Roy Orbison, Reba McEntyre and Blake Shelton.  Dinah Shore, Garth Brooks and Zak Brown.  It became comical to me and I always knew all the names except for the current star.  Am I just an old timer or were the stars/music better back in the day?  It was impressive but as not a huge country fan, I was not nearly as excited as the other folks on the bus that were losing their minds when they saw Luke Bryan's studio.  Never heard of him but he apparently sells out stadiums.  Please tell me if you enjoy his ditty Sunrise, Sunburn, Sunset...

I had to stick a Q-tip in my ear to make the ringing stop, but that's me.

One of the drivers pointed out the studio that Taylor Swift uses and made a snide comment about her covering Earth Wind and Fire's September.  I could not let that go and we got into a discussion that while it wasn't either of our favorite version of it, the controversy surrounding it was misplaced and was certainly not the egregious act of cultural appropriation that was implied.  This went on for a few stops.

Mentioned above that my beloved Yo La Tengo recorded several albums in Nashville and remembered that as I was on the bus.  Looked it up and found that their studio Alex The Great was on the outskirts of town.  Tried to call to get a tour but there was no answer so mapped it for a drive by once I was done with the Hop On Bus..  Located near the train tracks in an industrial section, didn't get any further than the front "gate".  Still, a part of the pilgrimage and many bands I enjoy have laid down some wax there.  I am a weirdo.

My last day in town I decided to stroll around the downtown core.  A long strip of bars that all had bands playing all day and night.  None of them were my thing and getting loaded listening to music I'm not into did not appeal.  Plus it felt over the top touristy.  What I wasn't expecting was the volume of bachelorette parties going on.  Dozens of these booze pedal bars or trucks with piles of blonde chicks getting their groove on.  For example.

One of those vehicles smelled really bad.  And the other was a (white) trash truck.

Against the guides recommendation, did not go into the Country Music Hall of Fame cause why would I, but the layout downtown was very well done and can see the appeal if that was your thing.  I did take the time to take a tour of the Ryman Auditorium.

A musical shrine.  More of a temple as it was built as a church originally.

 So many stories were shared about its history and came away mad at myself for not going to see a show there.  The only thing playing was a show by Stephen Stills and Judy Collins the night I came in and stupidly passed cause I'm an idiot.  I like Stephen's guitar playing and he did write Suite Judy Blue Eyes in Ms Collins' honor (jokingly said they retitled it now Suite Judy Cataracts...the tour guide was not amused).  Note to self...always go see your idols.

I liked Nashville a lot and felt it was very livable.  Clean, easy to move around, interesting food, and a rich history.  I think it was the type of music they lean on there that left the biggest impression on me not wanting to spend any more time there.  I wanted to make Memphis a stop, with it being a mecca of my preferred Soul music and all, but it was just too far away.  Maybe one day.

What wasn't too far away, and was on the way to my ultimate destination was Louisville, KY.  The attraction there was Churchill Downs.  Horse racing is hardwired for me as I grew up within earshot of Santa Anita and my folks taking me there are some of my earliest and fondest memories.  Checking out the place was a no brainier.  I signed up for the tour and they did a lovely job.  The museum had a ton of great stuff and found the words from THE jockey when I was growing up to be insightful.  Works on people and horses equally

The Derby was a few weeks beforehand and the place was all gussied up.  Dude in the foreground had a nice stogie

 They took us to the infield and we stopped to watch the start of the second race...a mile on the turf so we got to be close to the starting gate

 And when they came around the final turn.  Damn great shot for a cell phone.

 Iconic twin spires.

 And my favorite horse of all time.

Really beautiful place.  Had my usual shitty luck and didn't cash a ticket.  Obviously I am biased, but give me Santa Anita any day.  The Sierra Madre Mountains framing the view and the immaculately maintained art deco style sends me back in time.  And was Churchill Downs ever an internment camp?

Did a drive around Louisville and to say it felt depressed would be an understatement.  I did have some damn fine ribs that night though.

Have to say that traveling solo is not my preferred way to go.  Will read articles about the merits of doing it, but not being able to share stuff in real time is kind of a bummer.  No one gets to laugh/gringe at my gags.

Quick side note.  I will click on every article with the headline that says "what Europeans find odd about 'Merica" and in every single one of them our penchant for putting ice in water is always criticized.  To those foreigners I say "Screw you".  We like it.  I like it.  Why do you give a crap?  Do I care that you don't shave your armpits or use deodorant?

Plan for the next day was to drive to Cincinnati.  Why Cincinnati?  Baseball game of course.  Looking at the map, there were a few points of interest along the way I had considered and was pretty sure it was gonna be to the area where the Hatfields and McCoys got it on.  After Churchill Downs made a change of plans and booked a visit to Claiborne Farm.  

Claiborne Farm is a thoroughbred horse breeding operation in Paris, KY and is arguably the most successful.  6 Triple Crown Winners were conceived there including the greatest of all time...Secretariat.  He then retired there to make babies and died there in 1989.

His whole body is there, which we were told was unusual as they typically bury only the head, heart and hooves as it represents the mind, body and soul of the great beasts.

First stop on the tour was the shed where all the sexy stuff happens.  This is the only barn where the horses mate.  Claiborne has 17 stallions on site and owners of lady horses pay to bring them there to breed with their boys.  Prices vary from $12K to $250K and the owners only pay the fee upon live birth.

The prices vary based on the previous offsprings performance, so when a stallion starts breeding, it is $12K, but if those kids go on to find success at the track, the rates go up.  They get $250K for a horse called Warcraft, which is currently the second highest stud fee in the world.

The males are allowed to breed with 130 different females in a 4 month season and while Claiborne doesn't do this, many owners ship their stallions to South America so they can breed with 130 more during their season.   Claiborne does not ship to South America as the mating process is said to be hard on the male horses hips.  Tell me about it.

 Artificial insemination is strictly forbidden.  On average, it takes 2.3 "jumps" to impregnate a filly and once the average for a horse gets too high, they are put out to pasture to spend the rest of their days enjoying the lovely countryside.

 And lovely does not do it justice.  The country is all rolling hills with lush grass and white fences.  I cannot do it justice with words or pictures.  Claiborne itself is 3000 acres with 90 miles of fences, have 500 ponies on site that are cared for by 90 employees.  There are internships if you have kids and with this being not only a hands on farming business, it is also big business as the prices above can attest.

 THe horses all have their own personalities too.  Some are mean and some are lovers.  This is the big breeder Warcraft and we were all allowed to scratch his neck, feed him a peppermint and give him a hug.  Not going to put a price tag on hugging my wife cause she is priceless, but Warcraft is worth $84 million bucks.  I will offer my wife a peppermint from time to time.

 And some are downright micheivous.

One of the most interesting and beautiful places I've ever been and was a trip highlight.

On the way to Cincinnati I stopped for gas and a Goodwill was next door.  I like to pop into them whenever possible as there are often times region specific t-shirts to grab for a couple bucks.  Random KY Goodwill was no exception as I found a really nice shirt from some local cave.  Went to give the cletrt my $2.99 and she asked if I was a veteran and after I said I was not, asked if I was over 50.  Told her I was indeed and received a 10% discount.  Gimme my 30 cent discount young lady.  I am gonna milk this discount thing for all its worth.

I had to spend two nights in Cincinnati as there was no game the first night, so tooled around town in the afternoon.  

I loved WKRP in Cincinnati as a youth.  "Maybe you and me were never meant to be, but baby think of me once in a while."   Didn't spend too much time in town and don't have a ton to say other than it seemed like most of these rusty belted places.  Some great architecture and areas with a tinge of sadness that it has fallen into disrepair.  And when you look at a Things To Do page online and escape rooms are in the top 5, you know times are tough.  

Next day was the Reds game, but with a 7:05 start, had the day to kill.  Dayton is a little over an hour away and heard that a new museum dedicated to Funk Music had opened up recently.  Got there early so checked out the town.  Wide streets downtown with decaying but quaint neghborhoods around it.  Felt like it had fallen on hard times as there was a lot of homeless in the downtown area.  

The Funk Hall of Fame isn't like Cleveland's RnR HoF but is the love project of a guy who lives Funk.  Many Funk greats, highlighted by the Ohio Players. and more lesser lights came from Dayton.  Entrance is still by appointment only and for a 10 dollar donation, the dude (David Welch, ask for him by name) takes you on a tour of his artifacts.  No photos allowed, but saw a lot of sequined costumes and musical equipment.  Super nice fella and well worth the trip.

I do want the Funk.

Great America BallPark in Cincinnati is what the one in Atlanta is not.  Located downtown within walking distance of the core, on the river near the football stadium and designed so that it links the water to city in an organic way but with plenty of parking.  

While the Reds, much like the city itself, has fallen on hard times, their fans are those blue collar types that make me feel good to be alive.  They do have that defensiveness of their own despite knowing that they are shit that I understand but do not condone.

 Bought the cheapo t-shirt outside that reads "I'm with Pete...and give me 200 bucks on the Reds".  Asked the dude if this was pro or con Pete Rose and he only grunted.

 All of these new stadiums are well designed and similar with regards to sightlines and concourses.  What seperates them from an aesthetic standpoint are location, views and concessions and as I have said and you can see, this one meets the first two criteria with aplomb

But the food?  Ouch.  Not a ton of diversity with the same two outlets dominating the landscape.  Something called Porkopolis.  Dogs AND sausage?  We have both kinds...country AND western.

And Skyline chili.

 You know this abomination, yes?  Chocolate flavored Greek chili that tastes like the underside of a toilet bowl.  A buddy of mine here lived in Cincinnati for a while and he always feels the need to make it and bring to pot lucks.  Serves it with spaghetti.  I rip him mercilessly for it but felt I owed it to him and myself to eat it in its hometown.  Got the chili dog

 No amount of bun, pork or cheese can hide that taste.  Was talking to my buddy yesterday and recounted my experience and he said that people like it.  It is not good and  said that only people that have had it rammed down their throats for years and have developed a taste for it would say that.  "Much like people eat Vegemite voluntarily".  That is the PC version of what I meant to say and as this is a dude rephrased it and sad that "people also give rim-jobs voluntarily".

The next couple of days were devoted to West Virginia.  Wanted to see for myself what all the hubbub was about.  Did not take a ton of photos (included every one below) for some reason.

WVA gets press mainly (exclusively) for how effed up it is.  Black lung, overdoses...that's about it.  Tried to get as decent a cross section as I could with Wheeling and Morgantown the big cities, but traveled through it slowly and used only the by-ways and would stop for a wizz or coffee in the little places often.  

Wheeling has a special place in Gomez lore as it was the destination the night/early morning when we wrecked my friend's car during the college years, and our friend from there was in nearby Pittsburg the day the keys went in the sewer.  I had a real fear the day I was passing through that another calamity would strike cause that shit comes in threes.

 It didn't.  Wheeling is an amazing looking town with the core all brick and could be a movie location for one set in the 1800's.  The residential section was neat lawns and tractor stores.

Morgantown, home of WV University was classic college town, but that college is so massive they have a monorail to transport students.  You would need to be part mountain goat to walk it.  Not much to say about that city other than they have a statue of Don Knotts

Rural WVA was damn good looking.  A long history, starting with the fact that there is a West Virginia as they split from Virginia in opposition to the South's secession in 1861.

I would put the term Mountaineers in quotation marks as they were more rolling hills rather than mountains, but stunning nonetheless.

Was expecting to see open pit coal mines and shuttered hospitals everywhere and while I am sure they exist, managed to not see much of that.  The towns and such were old, and looked like they could use a coat of paint or some new porches, but it appeared normal.  Until you looked closely at the people.  "Worn" was a word I kept coming back to.  Their attire was understandably rural but it was the teeth that stood out.  When they would smile, it was a never ending display of Summerteeth.  Some are here, some are there...

Did some half assed internet research and WVA is ranked last in the nation in dental health and they even refer to something called Mountain Dew mouth.  65% of their kids suffer from tooth decay and a lack of health insurance and medical professionals are killing them off.  Makes sense, but saw many studies that show that poor dental health is the entry point for diseases all throughout the body.

Started looking for the quintessential WVA food and determined it was a thing called a pepperoni roll.  As the title suggests, it is pepperoni wrapped up in dough.  Not flaky buttery dough, just dough.  About the only thriving industry I saw were billboards touting God,  Excuse me, Jesus.

Doesn't feel like I hit the right spots for this aging hipster to see the underbelly of America.  Surprised they don't offer tours and stage an old coal mine with people covered in soot and a town where everyone has the same name (and DNA).  You know what a West Virginia girl says after sex?  Get off me daddy, you're crushing my cigarettes.

To me, I thought it was really pretty.  Saw a lot of recreational areas with hiking and boating and see a ton of potential.  They are in a slump but I bet that it'll be a destination during my kids lifetimes.

DC was the destination and once you finish the long descent out of the WVA mountains, you hit the plains of western Maryland.  As soon as I hit the freeway, saw the first 7-11 since I arrived in Atlanta.  Know that is an odd marker, but 7E's have become a touchstone since living in TW and seeing one made me feel like I was back with my people again.

Almost through part 1 of 5 of summer.  As it says on Krusty the Clown's tombstone...'See ya real soon kids'.