Welcome to my diary...the goal is to share with you the sights, sounds, and yes, even the smells of what it's like to be an Imbrogulio in a foreign land.
Sunday, August 23, 2020
August 23rd, 2020
Sunday, August 16, 2020
August 16th, 2020
Hey there,
School started last week. Full in person attendance with masks required by everyone at all times. Not a peep of dissent and that's in a society that has not had a locally transmitted case reported in months. Big news here last week was that HHS head Alex Azar came to Taiwan and he is the highest ranking diplomat to step foot here since the '70's. Pissed China off, which was obviously the reason they did it, but the stated reason he came was to liaise with his Taiwanese counterparts on virus management strategies. I looked...while there were plenty of articles about the message this sent to China, could find a single mention of the crisis management aspect of the trip nor what he took away from it. How about telling the boss that masks work dude?
Anyhoo, this is Babydolls senior year, which is pretty damn big for her and for us parents. The night before the first day she had her friend over and I was asking how it felt to be the Big Women on Campus...the Top Dogs as it were, and they replied that they are now the apex predators. Loved that. I took a photo with her but was dripping with sweat from my morning chores and look like a woman...seriously, like a sweaty lesbian with small but pronounced tits. Will stage a photo when I look better another time. The school took some candid artsy shots of the kids and posted them on their website...here is one of her.
OK...the real reason we're here today is to talk traffic. It's been a while since I bitched about it, but got a traffic ticket in the mail the other day, which prompted some thoughts.
Famously, I got 10ish speeding tickets the first couple months here as I was not warned about their speed cams. Think I've only gotten a couple since, but the latest was a new one.
With their dashcam, someone caught me changing lanes without using my blinker and submitted the tape to the authorities who issued the $40 fine. I had heard that this was a thing and thought semi facetiously that it'd be a good side job for me as the reporting party gets a few bucks for doing so, but snitches gets stitches, right? In reality, I am quite OK with this as this place could use some accountability on the roads and anecdotally have noticed people using their indicators a bit more around town the last few months and figure that this has been a focus of enforcement. Sucks I got popped for something that I feel I adhere to in an above average way and also is one of my pet peeves when people don't do it in situations where a nice indicator would be good mojo and prevent accidents.
The last few days I've have been cataloging the different types of offenders that are common here. I have given them names to help keep track and present them for your consideration.
The Late Blinker - These types have always been here but they've increased since this new blinker focus. The hallmark of the Late Blinker is to be driving and to then move into the lane next to them slowly, and then put their blinker on when they are 2/3-3/4 of the way into the new lane. It is not a secret why they don't want to signal early as if they were to do so, the people behind them would speed up to cut them off. Not unique to TW of course, but built into the DDNA (Driving Deoxyribonucleic Acid).
The Monday Morning QB - A feature of the lane construction here that I have not noticed elsewhere is turn lanes markings. Common is a three lane road that comes to a light. Past the light the three lanes continue but the left lane has a turn arrow meaning that it is left turn only. As there is a lane on the other side, you can go straight but the intention is left only. In some cases though there is a dual straight/turn arrow, so that would mean it is both a thru and left turn lane. In this scenario, you come up to a red light and there is a single car in that dual arrow left turn lane without the blinker on. As soon as the light turns green, that is when this monster turns on his left indicator. I get that the left blinker guy above is afraid of someone speeding up to cut him off, but MMQB is in the pole position and cannot understand the motivation.
The Wayward Sperm - Did you know that in every male ejaculation that there are between 39 and 928 million individual sperm cells? Since lane changes are problematic concepts for the Taiwanese motorists, they have found a safe space to change lanes where there are no lines...in the intersections. As a student of traffic, this is one of the most dangerous things to do and is illegal. These folks are schooled from the earliest of ages to color within the lines. Follow the instructions or you get your hands whacked by the teachers. Whenever they get to a place that has no rules, in this case line-less intersections, they don't have rules to govern their actions and are free to indulge in their worst selves. One of the few instances in their lives where they can truly be free. Everytime I come to an intersection, I feel like I'm gonna get sprayed with the money shot.
The Butt Sniffer - Very cultural and you see it everywhere...not just on the road. The Butt Sniffer is a meter from your back bumper at all speeds. I don't get the impression they are riding your ass to push you into getting out of the way, it is just they are very comfortable in that spot. This happens in any line at the Family Mart/7-11 when there are two people in the store and I'm paying and can feel the heat of the other person's body right behind me.
The Small Barky Dog - Obviously related to The Butt Sniffer. There was a Loony Toons cartoon that had a big gruff bulldog and his little buddy yapper dog that would always be jumping around him and talking shit. If anyone knows where all those Loony Tunes are housed for viewing, please let me know. In this instance, the Small Barky Dog is on your ass, then sees an inch of daylight in the adjacent lane, and will move over and ride the ass of the car in that lane. They'll use their horn and lights to encourage you to get out of the way so they can race ahead to the next red light or car in front and repeat the process. Like a nervous Chihuahua, there is no off switch and suspect these people are twitching while they sleep. On this list, these are my personal favorite cause you can see them coming and often times can do something about it. You can speed up to let them think you are the fast lane, then slow down to get them to move over and ride the guy next to you for a bit, then speed up so they'll move over behind you, and repeat as long as possible. I don't think they even notice cause like a Chihuahua, their skulls are small and contain a brain to match. Betty absolutely hates when I do this.
The Undecided Voter- You'll recognize a bunch of these wherever you live or drive, but this is the one that most Americans know when they get pissed at the DWAs (Driving While Asian), but they are misinterpreting the action. The Undecided will be sitting smack dab on the line dividing two lanes, neither in the right or left but effectively blocking both. My Grandma used to drive like this in her waning years, but that was due to a deterioration of eyesight and depth perception, but that is a small fraction of what is going on here. Americans think they are simply bad drivers and while that is true, they are bad because they are driving in both lanes so they can later choose which lane is faster. Some would argue that is clever driving, but truly clever drivers, like yours truly, can process the way the wind is gonna blow like a meteorologist in Florida and get to the right spot early.
The Enablers (aka The Face Savers) - The people that will allow all the others to proceed without even the slightest toot of a horn. Look, during this plague season, I have had to rethink my opinion on a lot of the things that they do that seemed weird but are totally life saving precautions, and I will agree that letting some things go to not create conflict is an admirable trait. The cultural term is saving face, but when that devolves into letting people piss on community norms cause they know they can do so with impunity, this 'Murican draws the line.
Wednesday, August 12, 2020
August 12th, 2020
Hey there,
Has been too long. Have a bunch of stuff backed-up to share and since school starts tomorrow, thinking things are gonna slow down and will have some time to devote to this space. Want to share one great thing this week and that is that we were able to catch a live show for the first time since this stupid virus thing began.
The band is called 88 Balaz and have liked what I have heard of them on Spotify but have never had the chance to see them live. It popped up that they were having a record release party for their 5th album and so headed down.
Balaz means Guava Seeds, but other than that, they don't put out a ton of info in English so don't have much more to say other than they have been going since 1996 so are a professional outfit. The show was at a new club for us and was a tiny space. For the price of admission, about US$25, you get entry, one drink and a copy of their new CD. In this point in history, masks were required and temperatures taken at the door.
Currently in Taiwan, they are still on a run of some 120 days without a local transmission, but the country is on high alert as there have been reports that people who have left Taiwan have tested positive once they got back to their own countries and so there is suspicion that the virus is lurking. The school starts tomorrow, but masks are to be worn at all times and normal beginning of school get together events are not happening. Still we start on time and with full in person attendance so feel damn fortunate for that. Masks requirements are being re-implemented in public spaces like the subway. As a skeptical American, it is my nature to think that these are overreactions, and then I realize that they have been right about everything all along and that this is the way we get to do nice/normal things, like pack ourselves into sweaty clubs and see live music.
This band was the real deal. Punk, surf, power chords and high energy from start to finish. We can go to shows here, but the bands from anywhere else can't come to us we have to go see the local bands, and it is heartening to have caught these guys cause they rocked hard..
Something I love about shows here is that there isn't much difficulty getting to my favorite spot, shich is a couple rows back and to the side in front of the monitor (for maximum decibels)
Not only was the place jammed, but these guys have a terrific following. There was a very respectful mosh pit and I was on the perimeter of that for most of the night. Mosh pits are quite perilous for someone with my unstable knees, but having 20 (50) pounds on all of this crowd, was able to hold my own. And it was most respectable...one guy smashed into me pretty hard but he could tell I was a fall risk, so he patted me on the back and made sure I was OK. Also saw something that I had never seen before...during a particularly fast song, a beer bottle fell into the middle of the pit, and everyone stopped in their tracks and knelt to pick up every last shard of glass. The band kept playing, but the crowd cooled down till it was all clear, and then went back to the action. My buddy and I agreed that getting glass cuts is a badge of honor in US mosh pits, but they are a different breed of cat here.
What a great time and it was even sweeter since it is an activity that is probably the last thing one could do during a pandemic. I was very aware of feeling the breath of the people behind me on my neck. I share this as an example of the freedoms you can have if you give up some freedoms, like the freedom of being a dick and not wearing your mask. Seriously, here is your reminder to tell that "friend" or your fucked up relative to wake up. Being nice to them is pointless and do you really need friends that are pieces of shit. And tolerating relatives that are odious because a couple people had unprotected sex together once seems like a waste of time to me, but you gotta be you.
I bought the t-shirt after the show. It is rare they sell them in my size and this one had a great saying on the back.
Upon research, this is the name of their new album. I found that out by liking their Facebook page but all the info is in Mandarin. I hit the translate button and figured out that this was the record title, but the translate feature changed it to, "My heart is burning for your middle aged arthritic hip!" It's like they made the record/translation just for me.