Week of September 26th, 2014

It's been a week since the Scottish Independence vote, which is ancient history these days, but I have three thoughts on it.

One, I don't know much about it other than what's been on CNN International and the bits and pieces I've seen of Braveheart, but the reason I was total pro-Union was the campaign buttons.  The pro-independence simply said "YES!", while the pro-Union buttons had the genteel "No Thanks".  Obviously, the Union crowd had more class.

The real reason I was pro-Union was simply that wanting Independence seemed like the easy way out.  There is no question that the pro-Union side was probably funded heavily by oil companies worried about their precious North Sea access, and similar interests were fuelling the Independence crowd, but I feel that we (you/me, Democrat/Republicans, Arabs/Jews, Itchy/Scratchy) should all be finding ways to work together instead of taking your ball and going home.  Working through differences is rarely easy and it's rarer still that you get all that you want, but focusing on the things that bring us together will reduce the things that tear us apart to the point that they don't matter anymore.  In my opinion anyway.  If I was leading talks between the Arabs and the Jews, I would focus on food.  They all eat the same stuff and how can you be mad at a guy that just served you a delicious kebab?

My third takeaway from the vote happened during the vote count.  That day, I was sitting in an office for the 5 hours of vote count.  CNN International was on and it was wall to wall coverage...not a word about any other story and nary a crawl announcing another NFL player beating a family member.  I'm sitting there and 31 of the 32 whatever the have in Scotland had reported in, and the "No" vote was up handily.  Someone looks at the screen and says "it's over" and I say, "it ain't over till the dude in the skirt blows some bag".  Sure enough, 20 minutes later #32 reports their votes and the bagpipes kick in with a vengeance.  I'm happy that this Scottish thing is over so the likelihood of hearing that horrible thing by accident is done.  As soon as I make a bagpipe comment, there is always someone, usually female, with Scottish heritage that feels the need to say what a beautiful instrument it is.  Those people would be wrong.  The bagpipes produce the only music that is note for note worse than what the Chinese produce, especially with the erhu.(you have got to watch this SNL bit called Tech Talk...we cry with laughter at the 4 minute mark every time.)  There is only one time when the sound of bagpipes puts a smile on my face, and that is when they are being played at the funeral of another bagpipe piper. 

Have been quite busy helping out the local Community Center with their annual Auction Gala coming up tonight and haven't had a ton of time to post here, so will throw out some quick hits...

Was walking around with Paul the other day, we're on the sidewalk and a scooter comes barreling past us.  Shouldn't be there and we have to scurry off to the side, and I say to Paul that sometimes when they pull that move, I have flashes of putting my shoulder into them Legion of Boom style, and he said he has the exact same thoughts.  Nature or nurture or both?

First typhoon of the season blew through last weekend...Fung-Hong (aka in the Philippines as Mario).  A lot of warnings, little impact and barely cooled off. 

NFL season has begun, and have a lot of thoughts on the dumb assedness that has been going on off the field and the glory that is the RedZone, but my favorite thing from the season so far has been the 2015 Kia Hamster commercial.  How wrong is it that I think the leather clad hamster chick (around 30 seconds in) is smokin' hot?

Had a dream the other night that I was going back to high school.  Not sure why, but was totally plausible in the dreamlife, and the final class of the day for me was Mandarin.  I remember sitting there listening to the teacher and saying to a classmate, "fuck it, no way I'm ever learning this language."  Don't think I need to consult Dr. Freud as to what that means 

On CNN this morning was the UN Ambassador from Liberia and he was talking about the steps they were taking with the population to combat Ebola.   He says that with all their efforts to educate the population, there are still people who don't believe Ebola even exists.  This reminded me how most every person you meet seems rational, but how stupid "people" are.  It also summoned memories as to just how hard Depeche Mode both sucks and blows.

Betty was on the road this week and Carolyn was on a 5 day school trip, so it has just been Paul and I at home.  The place stayed much cleaner, but was a bit smellier.  One night, we're in the office together and I turn to see him with his finger knuckle deep up his nose.  Reminded me of a time when he was about 4 or 5 and the two of us were sitting on the couch, and he was digging for gold.  When he pulled out a bugger, I asked "what are you gonna do with that" and he replied matter of factly, "I'm gonna eat it." 

If you're reading this, you obviously know I have a ton of pet peeves and that they are mostly related to social etiquette and public behavior.  This one isn't limited to Taiwanese, but they are serial offenders...I see it every time I go to the Costco and saw it while there today so thought I'd share.  In the checkout line, when the customers are done putting their purchases on the conveyor belt, they do not grab the little rubber divider and put it behind their stuff.  This is another of those little things in life, like holding open a door or "ladies first", that if we all did instinctualy, the world would be a better place.  To me, it's an example of the "I got mine, good luck getting  yours, and while were at it, screw you" attitude towards strangers.  They aren't consciously thinking that, but their entire body language reeks of it.  Felt like they took a smelly dump on the conveyor to indicate where they, as the center of the universe, ends, and where the rest of us begin.  As I grabbed it today, I wondered what it would feel like if I took that orange rubber thing and cracked them in the skull. 

Finally for this week, one more from the pet peeve file.  The place?  You guessed it...Costco.  This one concerns the above mentioned  "people" and how they will be totally unaware that they are out in public.  This was last week and the place was more jammed than usual in anticipation of the coming Moon Festival holiday.  After navigating through the warehouse and checkout line, am making my way to the exit.  We've all been to Costco before so know what happens when we get to the exit...you hand the receipt to the red jacketed thugs so they can eyeball your cart and draw a happy face on it.  Am right behind an obviously distracted family consisting of a 30 something couple and their relatively young looking parents.  No small kids or elderly that are moving slow to hinder their progress, but disorientation and distraction was radiating from them.  Immediately suspect what's coming next and sure enough, they get to the door and their receipt is safely tucked in some hidden compartment in the ladies wallet that is buried deep inside her feed bag sized purse.    I swear that one of these days my eyes are going to permanently freeze at the top of my socket as I roll them so much.

What happened next was totally unsuspected.  The local Costco is in the city where space is at a premium, so it is 5 floors...two for the warehouse and three levels of parking underneath.  You get from floor to floor on escalators and all of the carts are magnetized so they do not slip on the incline.  I'm parked downstairs and the Receipt family above are too.  I'm right behind them on the escalator and as we're headed down to our cars, see that the lady is still digging in her bag.  At first, much like an infant, I thought her shiny keys in the bag made a funny jiggly sound and she was trying to grab at them, but it made total sense that it must have been 5 minutes since she looked at her phone.  Out it came and on it went.  About 5 feet from the bottom of the ride, she drops it and it comes apart into 4 pieces, phone, battery, back of phone and the case.  They (lady and 4 phone parts) reach the bottom of the escalator and she bends over at the waist to pick them up.  Me, right behind them, and whose cart is magnetically adhered to the escalator, is about a second from reaching the bottom.  At this point, my total lack of working Mandarin does not work in her favor.  While I cannot remember for sure, I think I yelled "Hey dummy", but that was not enough for her to realize that she was about to be plastered.  Sure enough, cart hits ass, she gets knocked to her hands and knees and the phone parts she has grabbed go sliding along the concrete.  I swear there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop my cart and this was not on purpose.  After making sure she was gonna live and some dui bu qi's (I do know a couple of Mandarin things), I continue on to my car with a smile on my face. 

Week of September 19th, 2014

I said I was gonna stop bitching about how hot it is/was, but this week has demanded I make one more lap.  Might be hard to read the above, but it's an AccuWeather screenshot from Wednesday at noon.  97 degrees, but the Real Feel is 111.  I know my SoCal buddies are getting hit with similar temps this week, but it cools off there at night and that there is little humidity.  Humid 111 is just cruel and it is affects body chemistry.  If I hear one more person here say that it's not that hot and that "you have to get used to it", I may just take off my sweat soaked shirt and cram it down their throat and tell them that they'll get used to that. 

A way to pass the time is to come up with Johnny Carsonesque gags...
Me: It was so hot in Taipei today.
Studio Audience: (shouting) How hot was it?
Me: It was so hot, Fox News reported that global warming is real, or
Me: It was so hot, the cows are giving evaporated milk/chickens laying hard boiled eggs, or
Me: It was so hot, I saw a rat dipping a cockroach into some bubble tea.

Another stat in that screen shot above is that the "wind" was 6mph.  Taipei sits in a basin surrounded by mountains on three sides, so most breezes are blocked and the place roasts.  Makes it safer in typhoons, but seals in the heat the rest of the times.  And as with any large city, there are the typical funky garbage/sewage smells that are amplified in the heat.  Combine those with a 6mph wind, and it reminded me of college, waking up on a Sunday morning on a buddies couch after a long night of tying one on.  This friend decides it was time to wake me up, so he sticks his ass in my face and rips a microwave been and cheese burrito and beer fart right in my face.  A 6mph "breeze" on a 111 degree humid day felt and smelled exactly the same.

One more...even in this heat, I try to go on a walk every day.  Am not humble bragging, it's that I need to lose some weight and going for an hour power walk has me dripping in sweat.  A lot of the time, will just walk the track in the afternoon at the sports college across the street as it is nice and flat, and some days, will see the cross country team from the kids school jogging by.  When I see them, am immediately transported to 1980 when I ran my only season of cross country at Arcadia High School.  Feel like I've talked about that stupid choice before.  Hated every second of it, but did it cause a girl I liked was on the team...she was faster than me and never caught up to her.  Anyway, the season started in the Fall, so we had to train all summer long.  This is 1980 So Cal, so it was not only hot, but those were some of the primo smog days...before most cars had catalytic converters and way before the Prius.  Torture, but at least we ran early in the morning before the heat really kicked in and not in prime time humid hot like these poor kids.  I remember distinctly it was 1980 as a buddy, who was also on the team and I would go back to his house and watch the last half of The David Letterman Morning Show.  

Am usually a sarcastic guy and couch it in humor, but the heat makes me downright ornery, cranky and angry and takes away any of the good naturedness of my ranting and raving.  Anyone can get pissed about ISIS or Boko Haram.  And my head nearly explodes when I hear educated people say matter of factly that global warming is a media conspiracy.  I will grant to those people that scientists may be wrong about the ultimate effects that man's trashing of the environment will ultimately have, but claiming that it's all a hoax really makes you sound like a total idiot and I have no respect for anything you say after that.  I will work as hard as possible to get away from that person as soon as possible as their personally informed take on the Fox News party line on ObamaBenghaziGunControlGayMarriageObamaAffordableCareActWomensRightsObamaObamaObama is just around the corner.  What is the harm to encourage and promote research into renewable or clean energy?  You really want to be on the wrong side of that debate dipshit...it's the planet for crying out loud, not food stamps.  That one really boggles. 

And while those big issues do push my buttons, I was raised in an age where people thought globally and acted locally.  That is why the little things that people do bug me so much...for instance;

- This happened yesterday...every couple of months as I'm taking the kids to school, will see this 40 something Western lady riding her bike.  She must be a teacher or something at the school but have never figured out who she is as we are always behind her.  We go on this two lane "road", which in Taiwan equates to a glorified alley, and typically is cut to 1 1/2 or a single lane as there are double parkers (at times, me included) all the time.  And at this time in the morning, it is choked with parents (and in a lot of instances, the families drivers) taking their kids to school.  If you are a frequent reader of this space, you will know that the term "family driver" refers to a local that is employed as a chauffeur, the key word there being "local" and therefore has an 83% scientifically proven probability of being a total dick behind the wheel.  The bike rider lady is in the middle of the street, and as she is turning onto the one that leads to school, she flashes her left arm out in the bicycle equivalent of a left turn signal.  This alone is completely ridiculous as not only does no one else in this town use bicycle hand signal gestures, the use of turning signals in vehicles and scooters is rare.  The worst part is that this lady is not wearing a freaking helmet.  To be fair, it is rare to see a bicyclist wearing a helmet here, but Miss Hand Signal is obviously trying to make some point about bike safety, and for her to not wear a helmet pushes  the O-rings in my head to the breaking point.  I have plans to stand at that corner to identify her and to hopefully engage her in a meaningful conversation about her choices.  See...acting locally.

The other one that got me this week was an email from the PTA inviting parents to join in a weekly drum circle.  "An hour of drumming each week is a great way to rejuvenate, relieve stress, and connect with others.  Bring a friend and learn to play the djembe as we work on traditional African rhythms together as an ensemble.  The goal of the class is to promote community, well being, and balance of life through learning to play the djembe in a fun, group environment."

Have tried to reflect on why this gets to me.  Perhaps it was going to many a Dead show way back when and seeing the smellier of the hippies going off in a drum circle...either playing or spinning to the "music".  It may be that the constant pounding is the primitive version of techno music, which I find grating to the extreme.  I understand the trance like euphoria one can reach with this kind of music, being induced by herbal teas in pre-historic times, magic mushroom laced veggie burritos at the Dead shows, or whatever industrial solvent the kids are huffing at the clubs these days.  It's the group of uptight moms at the local prep school getting down with this that I can't comprehend, although my working theory is that many of them are getting funky with prescription meds.  Still working on unraveling this one. 

Well then...someone needs to chill out eh?  I wish.  I look longingly at the 5-day forecast as it will show a high temp of something in the mid-80's, but with alarming regularity, that forecast goes up, degree by degree, until the day arrives and we have mid-90's and 59% humidity.  Check back next week...hopefully this breaks and I can return to normally scheduled programming, or you may simply find a virtual sweat spot stain.

Week of September 12th, 2014

After last weeks post, I know you are wondering the same thing I was on the morning of Day 3...after two all-around solid days, could this be the best Bumbershoot ever?  There always seemed to be something holding it back on at least one of the days.  Bad weather, lackluster bands/performances, torn meniscus from jumping down some stairs, sound issues, even one year where a helping of pad thai with double peanut sauce (complete with mega peanut chunks) induced an episode of diverticulitis. 

Before we dig in, thought I'd give a quicky update about TW.  We have started year three here (out of a projected 5).  Carolyn just began Middle School as a 6th grader.  More homework seems to be the biggest complaint, but other than that, she is loving it, saying it is way better than elementary school.  Still playing soccer and gymnastics, has also joined the middle school student council.  The changes in her are slow, but noticeable.  Far more mature, walking to and from school by herself, more interested in bigger girl things but still lacking too much of the drama.  Saddest thing for me recently happened when I came up to hug her...I grabbed her from behind to give her a bear hug and got a handful of boob.  That move is now off the table and while I am proud of the little women she is becoming, I so miss the little girl she was.

Paul is a sophomore this year.  Betty got him hooked up with a guy at her work that has a men's softball team and he has been going out on weekends to play with them.  I think they like him most cause he isn't hung over on Saturday mornings.  Plus, they are older and/or smokers, so they put him in the outfield and let him track down the fly balls.  Other than school and sports, he has become addicted to some shoot 'em up game on the computer.  He gets on Skype with a bunch of buddies, with names like Webber and Conks, and they team up on line to go after the bad buys.  Seems innocent enough, except he will play pretty much all day and night if he can.  On Sunday (Monday being the Moon festival holiday with no school) , he got up around 10ish and other than eating (quickly) and taking a shower, which his mom made him do cause he was really stinking up the office, he did not stop playing all day.  I got up at 1AM on Monday to watch NFL RedZone (as that is 1PM EST on Sunday), and he was still at it. 

Betty told me a story she heard while sitting in there with him.  It seems that if you go onto the web and listen to some promotional video, you can earn a new weapon to play with in the game.  You can only log in once and have to listen for a certain period of time to attain the "prize" and that it matters how many users are logged in to the site...less users, less time listening to the video.  Betty is sitting with him and sees this going on and that he is keeping some kind of list...he says that this (middle of the night) is a good time to log in as there are few people (at the time 15) on line and can get his stuff faster.  He explains that he has created different logins so he can get more prizes and the list is how he is keeping is multiple identities straight.  She asks how many he has going and he says that he is 6 of the 15.  And that Conks has 4 of the others. 

Not much new with Betty, still traveling a ton.  We learned that we get a big tax break if she is off of the island for 193 days in a given year.  Adios my dear.  Friend her on Facebook if you want to see where she is at any given time.  Other than that, she seems happy with her job and with me at times.

As for me, things are fine.  Going to Bumbershoot was huge obviously.  Have dialed into certain friends that are awesome and that makes a huge difference.  Takes a while to feel out who the cool people are and think we have identified several.  Look forward to seeing them, not having to be polite and can just be ourselves.  As for Taipei itself, things should be fine once the gawdamn heat goes away.  I've gone on and on as to how miserable it makes me, but let me go a bit further.  We crank the AC in the bedroom and also sleep with a fan directly blowing on me...oscillating from head to toe.  It is just barely enough to keep cool.  Then I wake up and make breakfast before school.  Our kitchen has no AC, so standing in front of the stove for 20 minutes leaves me dripping in sweat.  Then we get into the air conditioned car which freezes the sweat on my clothes.  Then as soon as I get out of the car, it's back to the sweat.  Come in and take a shower, then hit repeat on that sweat/freeze all day long.  Open a door to the outside and it feels like you are opening the oven door and I oftenfeel like a smelly version of a just baked  Pop N Fresh.



Day 3 of Bumbershoot broke without a cloud in the sky.  Our first must see band wasn't until 5:30, so we decided to go slow in the morning and have a proper breakfast.  In the car the night before, I threw out that I'd like to have some sausage (preferably spicy), eggs, peppers and cheese, and if it could be served in an iron skillet, so much the better.  My buddy suggested we go to the lovely and quiet Sazerac downtown where I had The Diablo.  A cast iron scramble with chorizo, sauce piquant, cotija cheese, cilantro and crema that was damn good.  Nice start.  It was onto Bumbershoot one more time on the Monorail.  We'd parked daily downtown and take the 3 minute ride to and from the show on the monorail, and as we were in the musty cars with all the creaking sounds, the running gag was how we were gliding our way on the transportation of the future.  Doesn't seem as funny in the light of day, but after all the fun we were having, we would crack each other up with tales of living in the distant future...the year 2000. 

Hitting the grounds around 1ish, hooked up with a one day Bumber visitor and her daughter and decided to look at some of the totally neglected visual arts.  It is a music, comedy and arts festival after all, and I never did get so see any comedy although I hear there was some really good stuff.  I just listened to the Doug Loves Movies podcast from day 2 and it was hilarious (I rarely miss one of his podcasts, and this was one of the better ones).  Saw an interesting photo exhibit and another interactive video game presentation.  Here is my goddaughter (on the right) and some random girl battling a couple of boys in a game that was much like king of the mountain (they lost)

Girly-o wanted to see some teeny bopper band on the Mainstage, so the rest of us scanned the line-up and landed on seeing DakhaBraka.  The Stranger's guide said "do NOT miss it", which was good enough for us.  Mind blowing and face melting, hands down my favorite show of the entire weekend.  Ukrainian folk music updated into an "urban chaos" style, it was a quartet of one guy and three women who wore wedding dresses and foot long woolen hats.

They were all multi-instrumentalists playing various kinds of percussion, accordions, cello, keyboards, and they all "sang".  I put that in quotations as it was as much singing as it was soundscapes.  Different noises and sounds from each player that would build upon one another, starting slow but building into these jamming ragas that were hypnotic. 

 

On one song, the woman on the right went into this obviously angry rap rant that was as terrifying as it was beautiful.  Between songs, the woman standing next to us who could speak Ukranian, told us the song was about a woman whose was angry at her mother who was a whore, and it all went downhill from there.  A couple other times in the performance, she would be playing the cello and would launch into these searing distorted drones (you remember how much I like searing distortion).  The best part was that since it was early in the day, and they were an act that wasn't well known, the crowd was small and we were right up front.  Normally, this is the worst place for sound quality as the amps on stage bleed into the PA's, but it was absolutely perfect for this show. 

I don't know how it'll sound on a disc, and they don't sell their stuff on iTunes that I can find, but as Hans and Franz would say, 'hear me now and believe me later', find a way to see this group. 

 

Had a few hours until the next band we wanted to see, so decided to check out Mexican Institute of Sound, which was Mexican hip hop.

I don't mind the hippity hop, but like my music with a bit of nuance and this just felt like they were yelling at me, so beat a retreat after a couple songs to check out Twin Shadow. 

 

Described as bringing back 80's synth pop, Twin Shadow were pleasant enough to hang out for a few songs, but do we really need to bring back 80's synth pop?  The keyboard player was pretty sexy though.

Time for dinner before Bomba Estereo and had some lovely pizza at a new to Bumber (for me) pizza joint.  Quite yummy to satisfy the munchies.  As you know, Washington state is one of two that has completely legalized marijuana.  I've been waiting for the backlash and horror stories about how it is causing the end of society to come out, but all I've been reading is how it has reduced the use of heavier opiates and how much revenue it is bringing in.  I truly believe it is less destructive than alcohol and if I had to pick one or the other, it would be the weed in a landslide. 

You could always smell it historically at Bumber, but it was omnipresent this year.  In listening to people that live in Seattle, the thing that is a bummer is that people are smoking it in public places, particularly at parks where kids are playying, which is really uncool.  There has to be an etiquette established and think (hope) that will work itself out over time.  At Bumbershoot, it should be relatively free game, but realize that it is an all ages thing so one needs to be discreet.  One of the out of town friends asks me on Day 1 where the stores are.  From "research", there are only a couple open in the Seattle area, and they are unable to keep stock on hand, but heard that there are delivery services available.  Told them to look at (local city paper) The Stranger, and they could find a multitude of options.  The next day, I hear that they found a telephone number without problem and from the time they called, delivery to the hotel was within 20 minutes...better than Dominoes (which was probably the very next ).  As they were enjoying their stuff during the shows the next morning, I asked "Is it delivery of DiGiorno." 

Whatever ones feelings are about public consumption, the true attack on the senses at Bumbershoot, and really on the city of Seattle, is the wearing of Utilikilts.  I feel pretty strongly that cargo shorts look ridiculous, but these things are over the top. 

Full disclosure, I will wear a sarong from time to time, but only around the house or to/from a fancy beach (much to the kids chagrin), but would never strap one on in public.  The usual wearers of them are a particular offshoot of metal guys, with black tops and army boots being part of the attire, but you will sometimes get the sad Parrothead guy.

Wrong in every way...you can't see it in this snap, mainly because he was moving really fast to the music and was hard to catch, but he had a nice bushel of nose hair too.  We have played the "spot the Utilikilt" game for years...5 points for every spotting, but now just simply stop and point at them, hoping that a little public humiliation will cause them to make better choices, but fear that it may only encourage them further.

There are always lots of freaks and freaky stuff to see at a music festival.

That last guy was copying images from an anime comic book during the next show of the day...Bomba Estereo.

What is it with the Japanese and their love of animal ears on women?  I cannot find anything that describes this fetish.  Anyway, Bomba Estereo is a Colombian hip-hoppy group that was very propulsive.  They had the angry sing/rapper like the Mexican Institute, but backed it up with real musicians and had differing rhythms and texture, and not simply that techno beat assault that I loathe.  The band rocked it pretty hard, and the lead rapper chick was simply an animal on stage.

Evening on day 3 came, and it was time for the much anticipated Jonathan Richman.  Fell in love with Jonathan at a Bumbershoot circa 1998, and love seeing him whenever possible.

Could not get a photo to come out at all at this show.  It's hard to describe Jonathan...singer songwriter doesn't capture it.  Troubadour isn't right...perhaps a minstrel?  They guy is totally unique and improvisational in a sweet way.  This may sound weird, but I would give the guy a big hug if given the chance.

This was the point where we waked to see Real Estate and stopped in for the Ben and Jerry's as described last entry, so was enjoying my ice cream for the first few songs listening to them.

A perfect accompaniment...light and bouncy, listening to them is sorta like lying in the grass on a warm day and watching white puffy clouds go by.  Great songs and a perfect atmosphere.

After their set, we popped our heads into a couple of songs by Rev. Horton Heat (who will always be awesome), but the three of us that were left were dead on our feet, so we thought we would pop into the Blue Water Taco for a final drink.  They were closing up shop, but as some of their best customers, they were easily persuaded to sell us the last cocktail of the night.  The dude was feeling generous cause my Jameson rocks was to the brim with just a hint of ice.  The perfect end to, yes, the perfect Bumbershoot. 

 

 

Week of September 5th, 2014

Have been thinking about super powers lately.  Not the Marvel/DC kind, but rather the ones each one of us have.  The things that come to us naturally that when we do them, others are speechless.  My greatest power is the ability to find the perfect parking spot in any condition.  Not just one close, but right in front, rock star parking on a Seahawk game day.  It's not feeding the poor or righting the wrongs of the world, but it is pretty damn useful.  I used to be afraid of mentioning this ability for fear of jinxing such good luck, but once I realized that this was a gift, it changed me profoundly.

Have been wondering if I had any others that were latent and realized that I have a knack for being able to insult a person to their core after knowing them for less than a minute (not all powers are good ones of course).  This realization occurred a week or so back when we were out to dinner with some friends at Taipei's best Bulgarian restaurant.  How many Bulgarian restaurants are there in Taipei?  I have no idea, but we were looking for a new place and TripAdvisor had this rated top 5 in town.  None of us had ever eaten Bulgarian food before, and TripAdvisor has a very high accuracy rate once you know how to read the comments.  Being able to immediately tell a crackpot commenter and discount his displeasure is essential (perhaps another hidden power?). 

Bulgarian food is very similar to other Mediterranean cuisines (although according to the proprietor, it is nothing like other cuisines and is far superior to any other).  Liberal use of yogurt as a marinade, fresh veggies and the interesting use of lamb were all present.  The Bulgarian guy that runs the place (it was only him and a local server) chatted with us the whole night other than when he went into the kitchen to make the food and yes, we could have done with a bit less monologuing from him, but we learned a lot.  In the taxi on the way over, we pooled our knowledge on the country, and none of us could name a city in Bulgaria other than Sophia, and even as someone who prides himself on his knowledge of geography, had a hard time visualizing where it was on the map.  We learned that it is on the Black Sea south off Russia and north of Turkey.  Albania and the former Yugoslavia are neighbors.  Bulgaria is known to be an ideal spot for European retirees as it is inexpensive and you can buy a home on the coast for as little as US$9000.  They are also (along with Georgia), the oldest producers of wine.  Their local grape is called Melnick...we were with our wine expert friend and even he had only heard of it tangentially.  We got a nice bottle and all enjoyed it, so there is a tip if you are out looking to bring something unique to your next dinner party.

We also learned the difference between lamb and sheep.  Lamb has a reputation of being gamey and needed to be marinated for a week for it to be edible.  Remember Jerry Seinfeld spitting his mutton into the napkin...our Bulgarian host informed us that is true, but only when the sheep have started eating grass.  Good lamb meat comes from animals that have only been drinking mother's milk, and once they start grazing, that is when the meat gets fat and tough.  Makes sense.  Kinda hard to really enjoy it after hearing that it was baby sheep, but we managed to devour it and lick our chops in delight afterwards.  The dude went on to say that the best meat comes from the back of the neck and there is a joke in Bulgaria about how when a wolf catches a sheep, he eats the neck meat and leaves the rest for the French.  Not a bad one...he went on to tell us a couple more sheep related jokes that weren't as funny, and were a bit bizarre to be honest.  I guess we also learned that Bulgarian jokes are sheep-centric, but I always suspected that Bulgarians had a carnal love for them.

Back to my insulting superpower.  We loved a lot of what we ate and I feel comfortable endorsing Bulgarian food to you should you get the chance.  After the meal, a buddy and I went out front to have a puff, and a couple walks by...white dude and Chinese chick.  They are looking at the restaurant and we tell them our food was good and they should check it out.  The women spoke good, but not native English and we had the following exchange.

Chinese Chick - "Are you American?"
Me - "I am, my friend here is from England"
Chinese Chick - (Pointing at white dude) "He is from America."
Me - "Where you from?"
White Dude - "Seattle"
Me - "Me too...from Ballard".
White Dude - "I'm from Puyallup"
Me - "Puyallup's not Seattle...that's where we go to get our krusty pups" (local slang for corn dogs).
White Dude - "We gotta go".

For non-Seattle types, Puyallup is known as being white trashville and for having the annual state fair, where you can see enormous livestock, catch Toby Keith and/or REO Speedwagon, play carnival games and eat anything as long as it is deep fried, with the best and most popular thing on the menu being the corn dog.  I don't think my insulting power is very strong as there are many comedians that make a living out of insulting people.  I have always struggled with making friends because of this ability to instantly piss people off, but if I had realized I had this power earlier in life, I may have been able to harness its strength for good or profit.  So that is my advice to you...look inside yourself and understand your super power.  If you have kids, help them to identify theirs and do what you can to help them excel.

Another (super) ability I have is being able to navigate Bumbershoot to have the most amazing experiences.  Bumbershoot is a Labor Day weekend music/comedy/arts festival held at the Seattle Center right in the middle of downtown.  It is on it's 40th year and I have been going regularly since '95...that is till we moved to Taiwan.  Had missed the last two, but when the music line-up was announced in the Spring, saw that it was very friendly to my tastes and worked with Betty to get a cheapo-miles ticket and fly back for the weekend.  What follows is a diary of the three days, what I saw, heard, and ingested.  I am writing this up for posterity, so will not be offended if you peel off here.

Attending all three days were a couple of Seattle friends and a friend from college along with three of her buddies.  A handful of other Seattle types came out for one day excursions.  Will keep their names out of here to protect their privacy, but they know who they are.  I stayed with the Seattle couple, and on day 1, they went to an afternoon Sounders game while I caught the Monorail (the mode of transport into the future circa 1962) to meet up with the college types.  Got there early so started with a "power pop" band called Dude York.

 

(One of) The great things about these festivals is catching bands you'd never heard of, but then fall in love with immediately.  Dude York were not one of those, but they were a lot of fun and totally punk.  Great way to start the weekend.

Found my college friend, met her crew and game planned.  They were keen to see Panic! At The Disco on the Mainstage, but talked them into stopping by Big Freedia for a couple songs on the way.  Billed as "booty rap", Big Freedia set the Guiness World Record for "Most People Twerking Simultaneously", so how could you not check that out.

Only could take a couple of songs as the rap was too hard core for my taste, but seeing the two chicks savagely twerking their bootys (booties?) off was new to me.  How can they work those things so hard for so long and not have a chiseled ass.  Extraordinary. 

We dove in to see Panic!, but not being a 13 year-old girl, I left the girls to check out another unknown quantity, Gregory Porter.

Instant love and the first amazing show of the weekend.  Soul singing jazz compared to Nat King Cole and Lou Rawls...if you like any of those words, go find his stuff NOW.  Guaranteed.  You can thank me later.

Caught a couple of (very forgettable) Mac DeMarco songs in the beer garden (never a good place to appreciate a band) before heading into the Mainstage for Elvis Costello.  Elvis was a huge part of my life from '80'-'84ish and his first 4-5 albums, but it's been a couple of decades since I've been truly moved by his stuff.   Have seen him a bunch of times in those years with mixed feelings.  Still, it was Elvis and it must be seen.  Along with 2/3 of the Attractions, he played a tight and enjoyable set, hitting all the things there is to love about the guy.  Highlights for me were Clubland, Radio Radio and Pump It Up, but not a clunker in the batch.  Good times.

There are beer gardens at all the stages, but the true gem for a drink at Bumbershoot was the Blue Water Taco in the Center House (now called the Armory).  Centrally located on the festival grounds, you could get any type of drink you desired and it was never crowded.  There was always a table inside/picnic bench outside to sit down and recap what just happened and devise a plan of attack.  We'd split up to go see whatever, but always knew we could go back to the Blue Water and someone would be there.  It is also close to the secret clean bathroom that only those in the know knew.  A true oasis from the frenzy of the crowds...I wish I had taken photos of it, but only have this one from Sunday with a buddy doing his version of the Bernie Lean.

We had a couple hours before the main event that night, so decided over a Jameson on the rocks to go check out The Both, which was a band made up of Aimee Mann (Voices Carry) and Ted Leo (of the Pharmacists).  Totally pleasant and instantly forgettable...didn't even remember to take a picture.  She did close with Voices Carry, which is still as annoying today as it was then, although the line, "he wants me, but only part of the time" is a good one.  We had time for a another drink and then it was time for the Afghan Whigs.

My love of the Whigs goes all the way back, and was pretty pumped to see them.  It'd been 15 years or so since they put out a disc, but newly reformed, the new album is great and expectations were high.  They did not disappoint, bringing their brand of loud, dark, dirty, sexy rock and roll in its fullest.  Best moment was when Greg Dulli sang Bobbby Womack's 'Across 110th Street'.  Womack died a couple of months ago and was supposed to play Bumber.  Had been excited to see him too  so this was a poignant moment.  Even after a day on my feet, I could have gone a couple more hours.  Epic and brilliant way to end day one. 

Day one weather had a few sprinkles in the morning with partly sunny skies the rest of the day.  Day two moved to partly cloudy and a little warmer with day three being that Seattle late summer blue sky day that is probably the most perfect anywhere.  Each day was short sleeves with the evening cooling down to put on the light jacket.  At those times when I stopped to appreciate the environment (especially after coming from 'standing in front of the oven hot' Taiwan), I would look up and there would be the needle framing the scene.

 



Photos aren't Ansel Adams, but OK for being taken on an HTC One while rocking out.  And it doesn't have much in the way of telephoto, so all the band shots are basically where I was standing.  At every show, except for the Mainstage, which was always pretty crowded, you could literally walk right up as close as you wanted.  My favorite spot is about 5 rows back and off to the side in front of the speakers to feel the most out of the sound, which was always crisp and clear and just loud enough that the ears would be ringing in a pleasant way when I laid my head down at the end of the night.

Day two was expected to be the best with the most bands I like, but I will digress into a word or two about the food.  It's festival food and not haute cuisine, but arguably as fine a mix of that kind of fare as you could want.  Day two started out with a mixed dim sum platter, and over the weekend, I had very good pizza, pirogi, coconut shrimp and a couple of yummy falafel pita pockets.  Eating one of those at the Blue Taco bar, one (of the three)falafels fell out and onto the top of my buddy's shoe.  Some of the girls were taken aback when I picked up the yummy morsel, reinserted it back into the pita and enjoyed it with gusto.  Near the end of day three, it was time for Ben and Jerry's.  Had been saving that treat till then end of the weekend.  From experience, you want to make sure to ask for a freshly made and still warm waffle cone to mix perfectly with the ice cream.  Went to their stand mid-evening on day three only to find them sold out of chocolate.  In my book, there are two flavors...chocolate and chocolate/peanut butter.  The destroyed look on my face when I saw they were out of chocolate must have been evident to the dude and he said there was some remnants of fudge brownie left that he didn't feel right offering for full price, and that I could have them at half off.  Dude...you had me at fudge brownie remnants, so bring it on.  I would estimate that the brownie bits constituted 36% of total volume and was a warm/cold slice of heaven.

Music on day two started with a one/two punch of unknown bands.  A duo called Hobosexual kicked off the day with an updated and stripped down country fried stomp.  I like that kinda stuff at times and they were good.  Would probably pick up their stuff in the used bin.

Next on that stage were Sandrider.  This summer, I asked the guy at the local record store what his hot tip was for Bumbershoot and it was these guys.  Never ignore the hipster record store guys recommendations. A loud head banger trio from Seattle, not one of my usual go-to genres, but I loved them and banged my head throughout.  The singer said that when he was an impressionable teenager, he'd come out to Bumber and was inspired to pursue music, and that it was a treat to now be playing it.  Great start to the day.

Next up was one of those that was highly anticipated...The Dream Syndicate.  Sloppy 80's LA slacker rockers, they hadn't been a thing for 25 years, but have recently gotten back together adding skronk-meister guitarist Jason Victor to the fray.  If you know me at all, you know I love me some distorted feedback guitar and Dream Syndicate supplied it all set long.  Loved every second of them and put this in the top 3 shows all weekend.

They played on the Mural Amphitheatre stage, which is a holdover from the 1962 World's Fair and was created by artist Paul Horiuchi.  With the needle towering above it, my favorite setting for sure.

The Replacements were next.  Another 80's reunion band that I'd never seen but have listened two since the 80's.  They played the Mainstage and just feel that big venues do not do most bands a favor and leave the music cold.  The Mats were good in their sloppy way, I liked their song selections and stage banter, but after seeing everything else so close and loud, kind felt a little bummed out (but in a good way if that makes sense). 

Anyway, I didn't feel bad about leaving 20 minutes early to go see the third in a row of 80's rockers...Mission of Burma.  More loud distorted guitar heroics.  Have loved them forever and can't see that changing.

Not on my wish list, but I talked myself into going to see Big Star's Third.  Turned out to be a super group of indie darlings performing Big Star's album 'Third'.  The group consisted of among others, Chris Stamey, a couple of the Posies, Peter Buck, Mike Mills, Mike McCready and Steve Wynn.  Big Star is one of those bands that indie hipsters love, and I have listened to a lot, but never quite hits me.  A bit too morose for my taste I think.  Anyway, the show was fine and quiet (and in reading the KEXP hipster blog, was the greatest thing this century), but I left bored halfway through.

I did so as I wanted to prep myself at the Blue Water Bar in anticipation of funking my brains out to Bootsy Collins, who was closing out the night.  Bassist for James Brown and Parliament/Funkadelic, 62 year old Bootsy is a legend and American icon.  If you've ever been to a proper funk show, you will understand the family vibe this show brought. 

 

They played a bunch of funk masterpieces in that uniquely tight but sprawling style.  Bootsy's banter was predictably hilarious...my favorite passage was when he was talking about getting down with the ladies and how he liked "finger funking", complete with demonstration as to how he does it.  He goes onto say that the the kids today don't go much for finger funking, "But I still do".  Late in the set, some of the family come to Bootsy to help him take off his purple sequined dashiki, and underneath he is wearing a Seahawks 12th Man jersey with Bootsy on the back.  The crowd went absolutely apeshit at this point.  He then crawls down off the stage and into the crowd, who respectfully makes a passage way for him to touch all the people.  Pure genius and feel lucky to have had the chance to now see this national treasure.

 

That was a labor of love but am too tired to finish off day three.  If you're still with me at this point, check back next week for day three and my take on the state of marijuana consumption in Washington and Utilikilts.