We've been in Taiwan for 5 years and one of the milestones is that the lease on our car came due. So we got a new rig this week...
Same model as our last one, just a newer version. Super nice inside but I think the exterior looks like
a Transformer. Babydoll didn't agree, but likes it too. The people in the spot next to us have the same car and as we pull into the garage last night I yell, "Transformer Twin Powers Activate". I don't know what transformers say cause I've never seen any more of it than what flashes across a screen before I turn the channels, but that is what the Wonder Twins say and Babydoll has no idea who they are, so took credit for originality.
Since there are so many of these exact rides around town, and that I like to show who I am (and what they are up against) to the drivers around me, allow one display of flair on the car.. Put a Sub Pop sticker on the last bumper...can you see my statement this time?
Let's zoom in a bit.
We accept you as one of us!
It has a radar detector, which will come in awfully handy for yours truly. The problem now is that it talks. And in Mandarin. It is obviously telling me stuff but God (and a billion Chinese) only knows what she is saying. And she won't shut up. She turns my tunes down and goes off on some angry rant. Am gonna have to figure out how to put her on mute, but haven't had much luck muting Chinese women in my life, so... And my track record of figuring out things in Mandarin is not good. For example, we regularly blow the fuse in the kitchen whenever the hot water pot, microwave and anything else is in use at the same time. That means the microwave clock needs to be reset and have yet to figure out the key pad on the machine so have to wait until Betty gets home to do it.
D-U-M-B Everyone's accusin' me!
That picture sucks I know...the kids and I all got new phones a year ago, and when Paul shows up this summer, the camera lens in his phone looks like it was punctured with a nail. Neither of us are shutter bugs, but he is going to school and I have alternate cameras, so we swapped sim cards and I took his. That means my photos taken with it suck (unless I am willing to take the point and shoot or detachable lens camera with me, which is not often) and that my summer photos were few and far between. So as we proceed with the summer travelogue, please bear that in mind. Speaking of which...
The kids and I all flew on the same flight to SF, but weeks apart, and we all sat in the same seat on the top deck of a 747, which was a first for all of us. Had always assumed that it was like Heff's grotto up there with velvet couches and crystal chandeleirs, but it isn't any luxury suite unfortunately and the only unusual thing about it is that half of the seats face backward. We all sat that way and while it didn't freak us out, if felt unusual.
I came a week early for the purpose of taking Mom to Vegas for a couple nights. We stayed at the Venetian, had awful luck, and ate like kings/pigs/King Pigs. The slot machines have taken a decidedly Oriental turn in motifs. Lots of dragons, eights and gold turning on the reels and the ability to play penny slot credits in the very lucky amount of 88 cents. Mom sat at one and said she would play it in Betty's honor and lost 20 bucks in the process. There was one set of slots near the bathroom entrance that were linked to a giant video board that would show bonus spin status across the casino floor. These slots had a money motif and if you got so many Jeffersons or Washingtons, you'd get whatever jackpot. I sorta loudly declared that we would never play on these slaveholder slot machines and got nary a sideways glance. (Note...said and wrote the previous line before the Trump/Fox News assertion of the same). I will say that it was here that I saw an example of what makes Vegas, and America so great. The slots were near the ladies room and Mom takes a long time in there, so got to watch the action a lot, and the Chinese were primarily playing this group, but this time there was a couple of big haired, big bootied Southern 40 somethings at the end and they win. Something. With a ton of noise, the video screen lights up and they both stare at it. A Chinese lady standing behind jumps in and without words, starts interacting with the video and showing them what to do. It was money falling and you got to keep however many of the dollars you touched. China and deep South are howling in joy together as they pound the screen All countries are represented in some form in Vegas and they all come together in the hunt for money. U-S-A!
I got dragged to Vegas starting as a toddler so have a good 45 years checking in on the scene. I remember the times when dressing up to hit the casino floor was di rigeur, but now, it is an effin slob fest. At best, the young 20-somethings dress in their hip garb, which for men this time were fitted button up shirts with humorous prints, the tight short legged pastel shorts, and the smelly beards. We will all laugh at these dopes while watching "Remember The Teens" documentaries in a couple decades. The girls don't have as culturally embarrassing a look this go around. The only people that still do it up classy are the black folks. The ladies hair and outfits were always done to the hilt, and the fellas came with style. The rest of you (including me), shame.
Even though I hit a $150 jackpot on a Frogger machine as I waited for her to go to the bathroom before we left for the airport that reduced the pain, we left poorer than when we came. Was glad Mom could make it and I still felt richer for the time we spent together. Her head bump and recovery from last November's brain drain seem OK. Can move around her apartment and keep all her appointments without much help. Not being allowed to drive kills her...she talks about it often. Her car hadn't been driven in months and the battery was dead and needed a new one. She hasn't wanted to admit that she can't drive it any longer but she finally has come around and is willing to let it go. If you are in the market for a 2003 Nissan 350Z with 42k miles that was literally driven by a little old lady from Pasadena adjacent Arcadia, drop me a line. It is a super fine looking machine, but I wouldn't want to drive it regularly. Things are starting to break and it'd be a money pit, but the worst part is that it is so low, that you feel every filled in earthquake crack in the road. And getting in and out of it has to be as difficult as it was for the Cosmonauts to get into Sputnik.
(Update...she sold it for Blue Book to one of the valets at her place that was in love with it, so win-win)
One of the things she wanted to do was to clean out some of her closets. She is probably sorry that she asked cause I am ruthless in throwing away stuff. She barely had time to say goodbye to things before it went to the Goodwill. The best was clearing out her pantry, which hadn't been done since she moved in 7 years ago. The reason I know how long she lived there is that in tossing expired product, about two-thirds of her supply, the oldest expiration date I found was July 2010. "But it might still be good" she would say to almost everything, but out it went with extreme prejudice.
In looking at some old documents we were purging, came across this gem.
Learned a valuable lesson about age and life this trip. If you go back a couple of posts, the one where the dog I was "taking care of" died, I mentioned having to carry his paralyzed body to the car. What I did not mention at the time was that it messed my back up something awful. I ended up getting an MRI in Seattle and while the doctors gave me a bunch of info about T5 through whatever and ambulatory this and that, what I heard was that even though I have a bulging disc likely caused by the poor lifting technique, no surgery is needed. But in addition to that, there is significant arthritic deterioration in several vertebrae and the doc said that I better find a physical therapist to help manage the pain that I will be feeling for the rest of my days. Swell. Anyhoo, to simply walk around this summer, had to use a cane often to stay upright. Other than being a hassle to lug around, people will start to do things for you, which sounds nice and know they mean well, but it pisses you off. Not that they are doing you a solid, but they know that you can't do it for yourself. And you know that you can't do it for yourself, which makes you feel worthless and feeble. I realized this as my friend Malibu went to wait for my burrito to be made at a rock show in Portland while I sat in the shade. I resented her for doing something nice for me. Thought about how cranky my mom gets and that it is probably due to the fact that we are doing things that she could do for herself, or did for herself for 89 years. Realize that is my fate and will probably be at an earlier age than her.
This paragraph is to my kids in the future...if I say to you that 'you never told me that', even though you've told me "that" 5 times already, don't get as frustrated at me as I do with my mom? Please keep the great attitude towards her that you have now when it is your turn to deal with your older mom and me. Remember the time this trip when we were in the car and we called her and she frantically said "you gotta help me...I lost Google!" After we laughed, Babydoll calmed her down and so kindly helped her find Google.
Kinda side note...at every instance of something confusing or different, and a majority of times when we would give her good news, like we'll be there for dinner at 5pm, she would reflexively say "youkgh".spent the better part of the summer asking people how to spell that sound. The one you make when something is unpleasant. Got a lot of replies and not one was the same. Kind of a cross between 'yuck', 'ook' and 'ugh'. Everyone says it but it has no written form. Ughck? Not sure what the answer is, either to my spelling, or painful age syndrome. .
Mentioned that Babydoll had one of her oldest friends down from Seattle to spend 10 days or so with us in SF. The friend had never been in the area before so tried to show her the sights...GG Bridge, cable cars, etc. We collected a lot of them but never felt the girls were into it. Like many 14 year olds, their silence is only broken by eye rolls or scathing commentary. For example, did the pilgrimage to Lombard Street and their comment was...'so it's a twisty street...is that it?" I'd like to think that they appreciated the touring and will leave it at that.
I do know that Babydoll's friend enjoyed stopping by and taking a photo in front of the Full House house. Funny what things from the past make it through to the next generations. One thing I am sure that they both enjoyed was going to the Pride Parade and festival. As you can guess, SF throws a huge one and the parade itself lasted at least 6 hours...dozens (hundreds?) of companies had huge contingents, lots of assembly people and other officials, and just loads of every freak the city has to offer gets to fly their flag on this day. Glitter and feathers galore.
The best t-shirt I saw said that rhinoceroses are just chubby unicorns. The girls were asked a couple times if they were a couple. And nude dudes...many uin-attractive guys just walking around without clothes on. I get that it is the day to let it all hang out, but you know these tools look for every opportunity to get naked. Boy Scout jamborees, Thanksgiving, Tuesdays. Reminded me of my favorite saying about San Francisco...the city where you walk a mile uphill to watch a homeless guy shit in the bushes. Babydolls friend was delighted to see a character from RuPaul's Drag Race taking photos with the crowd. Farrah Moan had such lovely skin.
Way too many people feel it is good form to bring their dogs to restaurants with them. I know you think your dog is family, you bathe it regularly, whatever, but the hubris on display in this town is astonishing. I will exaggerate in this space from time to time to make jokes, but I swear that I heard/overheard three times a sentence that started "This might sound elitist, but..." What followed was certainly that, but do give them credit for self-awareness.
Went to the Sunday Palo Alto Farmer's market a few times, and the food was delish in the vein described above. The emphasis on organic while admirable, felt a tad pretentious. The hipster beard guy handing out peach samples said to me as I asked if it was OK to take a second slice, "I'm not the Peach Police brah." What we could not get our heads around though was the organic gene spliced fruits.
We go there for extended periods every summer, so probably have covered most everything before and may rehash some things, but will throw out some thoughts from the official record anyhoo.
Nearly got sunstroke at an A's game on the hottest day of the year. While we spent it with dear friends from Taiwan that moved back (and had sumptuous Thai food afterwards...best crispy fish I've ever had), my ass was scorched from sitting on the plastic chair. I do love the O.co crowd and their 7th inning rendition of 2 Legit 2 Quit is a highlight.
Before my sister left for her trip, we did a run through of the house...spare keys, watering schedule, the usual. When we're done, they ask if I have any questions. "Just two, where is the fire extinguisher and the plunger?" They were not as amused as I.
Since my sister was gone, asked (and she allowed) me to use her car for the month. Her car was my dad's from 2003 and she got it when he passed away in 2007. A Lexus SUV, it still drives smooth and is in great condition (she drives like there is some centrifugal force preventing her from reaching the speed limit), but she could do a little better on keeping the inside clean. She also claims that at times, our dad (who we call Pete-Joe, which is a story for another day) speaks to her from the beyond. Of course I thought that was crazy talk, but am driving about a week into it and I hear his voice. He says to me..."Tell your sister to clean her damn car once in a while". Same ol' dad.
Got a note from her this week that she got a bill for $65 bucks for me crossing the Golden Gate Bridge twice. If you've been there, you'll know there is no way to pay for the toll at the time and that you either have one of their passes or they send you a bill. They don't mention that it is $32.50 a pop. Let me get this straight...they charge 30 bucks to cross that rusty death trap? I've seen a bunch of movies and that thing gets destroyed every other week in the most gruesome ways imaginable. They should be paying me SAG-AFTRA residuals just to be on it.
We used Google Maps on the phone for every trip. Many times cause I didn't know the area but for many others, it'll show alternate routes in real time and can help avoid accidents and delays. Kinda sucks at times cause it routes people to little known shortcuts, but the benefits outweigh... Babydoll says to me, "How did you ever find places before Google Maps? I can still look at a map like Jason Bourne, but yeah, another example that I come from the Greatest Generation.
Speaking of accidents, when the Boy showed up, got tickets for the two of us to hit a Giants game...a little pre-college bonding and it was a spectacular day and game. Was against the Marlins and we got to see our beloved 40-something Ichiro. Again...messed up photos
What wasn't lucky was that I parked in front of everyplace everywhere every time. I know say this often and the family is so sick of me doing a victory dance every time, but it's all I got, so let me have this. Anyway, have said for years that it is neither luck nor karma, but a super power and it occurs to me that having a superpower makes me a superhero, and what self respecting superhero doesn't have a catch phrase? The aforementioned 'Wonder Twins Powers Activate', 'Up, Up and Away' or 'Hulk Smash'. So I throw it out to the car (kiddies and mom) to help me come up with one for me. I come up with a couple...not great but we're work shopping at this point. No one likes my suggestions and mom throws out two. Yippie! and Hot Dog. Don't feel it is my style, but the kids pounce and so now, I call 'Yippie!' and the kids respond 'Hot Dog' Superman has several so am still in the market for one that feels right and am open to suggestion. Only serious submissions please cause again, let me have this.
While the Boy isn't an aficionado, Babydoll likes music and competes with me to listen to it in the car. She's into K-Pop these days and the song of the summer (for us...for everyone else it was last year) was Cheer Up by Twice. Enjoy.
I came up with a seated dance routine to it for the car in the style of Toni Basil. Once again...enjoy.
That is the definition of comedy. I thought the choice of host was bizarre and didn't know till I read the review the next day that it is Mike Myers in character s Tommy Maitland. Gonna have to find that bad boy on-line.
Finally, and have no recollection as to why I made this note, but at one point in the 90's. had the idea that I wanted to learn German and enrolled in a class at the local community college. Didn't learn it obviously, but took away two things. One, I can say 'Do you have a free room?' (Haben sie ein zimmer frei?). Second, the word for man is 'herr' and the word for woman is 'frau'. Think most people know that, but the teacher said that the word 'fraulein' is for an unmarried female and she would never use that term, nor should we as no female should need to be married to become a woman. Sage advice
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