November 11th, 2017

A friend asked on Facebook for some podcast recommendations the other day.  I loved that cause I have many and also got to hear about some new ones.  As an early adopter of podcasts, the ubiquitous and variety of them is almost to the point that I am overwhelmed by having so many to listen to or check out.   A new one that I am liking and recommend highly is called Intelligence Matters.  The host is Michael Morrel who was in the CIA and gave the daily briefings to Obama and was the one who delivered the news of 9/11 to W.   His guests are all extremely well connected government officials and the conversations are enlightening.   Not just US politics either...the one that led me to it was with the former head of the Venezuelan gas giant Citgo before Chavez.  Policy wonk shit.

But the reason I am mentioning it today is to recommend this MP3 player.

It is by Transcend.  I don't put music on it, so can't attest to how it does with sound quality, but it is 8gb so holds a ton.  It is really tiny, so fits anywhere and the controls are simple to use.  Why I think it is superior to others is that it is really a USB, so can plug into any charger, and the interface with a computer makes loading/deleting so easy.  And that it is a USB, if you are ever in need of an emergency storage device, there you go.  It has saved my butt a couple of times on that front.   It also has a sound recorder, so if one is ever in a situation where you need to get a clandestine recording, while it may not be admissible in court, it may just provide enough to use as blackmail or prove your innocence.  Finally , it has an FM radio, and while that may not be a huge need these days, in the event of a natural disaster when all cell service is knocked out, it may provide just the right bit of info to save a life.

Thought about the value of that last benefit yesterday as we had a disaster preparedness talk at the monthly Coffee talk at the Center.  Have lived for the vast majority of my life in places where massive earthquakes are always in the back of everyones mind and information about what to do in the event of one are some of my earliest memories.  Knowing what to do during and after a disaster is ingrained in my DNA and pray that all that training flows out should one occur.  It is the tips to do before one happens in preparation is what I found most valuable yesterday.  I am putting together a family "Go" bag, that has our documents, money, and some other must haves.  Plus it is very Jason Bourne.   Also updating our communication protocol and where we should meet and such.  We had speakers in from the US trade office (which is effectively the embassy here in a country that has no official diplomatic relations) and they shared some info about being a US citizen abroad.  One that I am gong to start doing is to lodge when we are overseas.  You can go onto State.gov and input your name and passport number and what countries you will be in and when.  If something happens where you are, the US government will know you are there and it may help in extracting you should the shit hit the fan.

One more thing about the Transcend MP3 player is that they are a Taiwanese company.  Taiwan does some interesting design work as this CNN article will attest.   Clever folk.  They are still the shittiest drivers and will never be able to fully commit to them until they change that, but still.

Betty is a nut.  She travels more than you can imagine...just took her to the airport for a run to Jordan for instance.  The work trip before this one was a two week, 14 flight marathon to Peru and Mississippi.  In between those, she elected to make a personal visit to go see the Boy at UVA for the Parents Weekend festivities.  They took in a football game, for which they stayed only for a quarter as it was in a downpour.

 There was a dinner in the UNESCO designated building called the Rotunda that was designed by Jefferson.  It was a smallish affair where you were chosen by lottery.  She didn't get chosen, but worked the system, using the fact she traveled 12,000 miles for the event, and got her party in the building.  I asked if they were served in traditional Jeffersonian style...by black folk.  Was told that gag was too soon.

The other lady in the photos is the Boy's "other" mom.  My good friend from college Laurie, who has appeared in the space in many a story, she resides in DC and Boy-o lived with her a couple summers back while doing an internship.  They developed a nice rapport and is close enough to be considered family in my book.  Having her 2 hours away makes us feel better about being so far from him and she is truly his other mom.  At least I thought so.  I  am told that they were at brunch the final day  and the moms were offering to take him to a store to get him supplied with something he needed.  Target, Staples...the usual.  And then Laurie says, "the liquor store?", and he jumped on the offer and he ended up with a giant bottle of vodka for his dorm room.  A mom wouldn't do that.  She is truly the wicked Auntie.

I did hear through Betty that Boychik has completed the most important rite of passage for any self respecting UVA student.  During their time at the school, tradition dictates that one must run the length of The Lawn (400+ yards) and back naked.

At American, we didn't need any dumb ass tradition to run around naked.  

By all accounts, the little shit is doing too well.  Have told you about him getting around, but Betty learned he has made a "special friend" and even invited her out for brunch where they told a story of jumping into some Jefferson fountain in their skivvies.  Have I mentioned that I am totally jealous and envious?  What wasn't good was I asked him about the recent election.  Was on him about getting registered, especially cause Virginia is on the front lines of the political divide.  He did get set up in time, which was good, but he didn't vote.  He was lucky that things broke the right way this time, but I told him he was lucky and that I was pissed.  Like I said...little shit.

Allrighty...it is now time for the top 11 portable snacks.  Of course, as one that believes Spinal Tap holds most of the answers to life's questions, this had to be a top 11.  There are no losers here as all are all true delights, but as a true 'merican, ranking is part of the culture.

As a reminder, these things have to be self contained snacks, easily transported, can be held in a 360 degree rotation without spillage, and taste just as good at a minimum of 30 minutes after purchase as it did right out of the over/deep fryer.

11 - Corn Dog.  Barely meets the longevity requirement.  These bad boys are "best" right out of the deep fryer and really only taste good to someone over 9 years old when eaten at the county fair or right after they lustily voted for Trump.    At the Washington state fair, they call them Krusty Pups and think that was the place where I last had one at least a decade ago.  I remember it well cause as I'm sitting there enjoying mine, a couple of local girls were sharing one nearby and were practicing fellatio on it.  Hot

10 - Calzone.  Probably shouldn't be on the list as you really can't eat them without a knife and fork.  And seriously, they are just pizza with twice the bread, and who needs to double down on the carbs at my age?

9 - Chicken Bake.  This one would rank higher if one of the criteria was 'you can have only one and you're starving'.  Total gut bomb.  Delicious, but they have a time and place.  Get the hot dog/coke for $1.50 (NT$50) as it's a better deal.

8 - Egg roll/Lumpia.  A tough one to rank as the variety and quality can vary so much from recipe to recipe.  At their best, the combination of savory meat and vegetables, especially when dipped with some sweet/hot chili sauce is sublime.  Problem is, that perfect combo is rare and the amount of times that I get a batch and enjoy them is maybe 2 out of 10.  And the frequency of the perfect blend has to be under 5%.  What happens is that the proprietor has good intentions initially,  but then goes for an extra buck and fills it with all cabbage, which has zero flavor, so they end up tasting like deep fried insulation

7 - Cha sao bao.  Probably didn't spell that right, and even if I did, every Chinese speaker would tell me I spelled it wrong.  These little gems are the pork buns you get at dim sum that have that lovely pork inside.  They have baked kinds, but the best are steamed.  While they are portable, they are best eaten right off of the cart.  Probably the best one is after it has gone around the lazy Susan a couple of times, you spy it from across the table and do that fast, (but not too fast cause you don't want to look like an animal, which you are) spin and snatch it up.  As with the egg rolls above, these suffer from consistency as the makers cheap out on the sweet sweet pork and of the three bites you take, two of them are just doughy goo.

6 - Empanada.  OK...we are getting into some lofty real estate now.  Empanadas have a tasty shelf life for as long as the meat inside doesn't spoil.  Savory?  Check.  Woulda ranked them higher but they too suffer from inconsistency as some people get too cute with the fillings and you don't know it until you are tonsil deep that some hippie thought putting quinoa or kale inside would be a good idea.  And I don't see them around enough.

5 - Samosa.  Yum.  As infrequent as you see an empanada, samosas can be found everywhere.  They get high marks for staying power and they are almost always good, no matter if you get one at the high end Indian joints, or at the end of the day at a street fair.  Think they dumb them down on the spice meter for the non-sub continent types and have to deduct a half point as they are deep fried to near death.

4 - Arancini.  You have probably never had one.  I was 51 years old before they entered my radar/bowels, which is an absolute crime.  I eat a ton of Italian and have since forever...how are these golden nuggets not anywhere.  A rice ball, coated in breading and usually filled with Bolognese sauce and mozzarella, although I had a couple filled with ham and cheese that were equally delicious.  Eminently portable and just a bit greasy.  Just this past January, we were at a decent sized tourist attraction in the middle of nowhere Sicily in the off season.  There were a ton of tourist trap shacks there, but since the crowds were low and it was during the holidays, all but two were shuttered.  One that wasn't had a case that had three arancini left and you could tell they had been sitting under the heat lamp for hours.   Hungry, we gladly paid 1 euro each (cheap...another bonus) and wolfed them down in the car.  They were fucking awesome.  I will remember that moment for the rest of my life.  That a traditional (re. not Chinese-ified) Italian joint would open up a short walk from the apartment and sell them every day, from 9am till midnight, almost immediately after I discovered them just a couple of months earlier is the definition of kismet.  Not sure how you do it, but find one, eat it, and thank me.

3 - Puff pastry.  Probably ranked too high due to recency bias (I ate three for dinner last night).  Not too greasy, baked and filled with just savory enough curried goodness.  Lasts for hours.  These have to be all over the planet, but have only noticed them here in Taiwan.  Really, just in Taipei.  I would add maybe 15-20% more filling, but close to perfect.  At # 3, they have to be.

2 - Meat pie/Sausage Roll. While very different, these two are a team.  Like a great mixed doubles pairing at the Australian Open or the Dynamic Duo.  While they originate in the UK, the ones that I'm talking about here are Australian only.  The Brits invented them, but out of necessity and their historic lack of taste and culinary decorum, they put weird body parts inside.  The Aussies have mastered the technique and these are the quintessential foods from Down Under (no offense to you Croc Dundee and your shrimps on the Barbie, which I never had or saw there).   Eat them anywhere, anytime.  You can read Green Eggs and Ham and substitute Meat Pie and Sausage roll.  I introduced the family to eating a Meat Pie (the ubiquitous 4 & Twenty brand) at an Aussie Rules football game and know their lives were forever changed.  At the game, the lady in front of us told us about a "Pie Floater", which is a meat pie in a bowl of pea and mint soup.  Immediately added to my bucket list.  While she claimed this was the best way to eat a pie, I told her that to me, the truest example of a traditional pie/roll experience is hitting the 7-11 after the pubs closed and getting one out of the heat lamp case that was molten hot on the outside, and partially frozen on the inside, and lustily devouring it next to the dumpster outside.  Good times.


1 - Burrito.  You had to see this coming.  Portable, flexible, diverse.  You can put literally anything in one.  Drown it in sauce, chimichanga the shit out of it, breakfast style or filled with cerebro or lengua, what can't you do burrito.  You know how sometimes you are lying in bed and it is cold but the window is open, you have a comforter that is just the perfect feel and weight, and it is a Sunday morning after a night of boozing and you have no plans or have go anywhere.  You are awoken by the need to pee, which you do, but immediately go back to the sack knowing you are going to gloriously  zonk out for a couple more hours.  You grab that blanket and what do you do?  Wrap yourself up like a gawdamn delicious burrito is what you do.  The only thing about a burrito that may be classified as a criticism, and it is not a critique of the burrito but of the establishment, is that at some of the burrito bars about the planet, the meat will sit too long and one can get a touch of the squirts.  Not always a terrible thing, and well worth the risk to be able to make the burrito in just the way you want it.  How are there not more songs written in your honor?

Lemme tell you how much I love burritos.  Have mentioned annually about the pilgrimage to my hometown and really, to Taco Lita for a combo burrito.  Have probably also mentioned that am not a huge tattoo fan, but am cool with one or two as long as they are meaningful to that person (and is old enough to have enough life experience for anything to be meaningful for the duration of their remaining days on the planet).  Don't think I mentioned that I want one but could never figure out what that meaningful thing was, until I did.  Haven't told Betty yet, and may just be doing so now, but I have decided to get the Taco Lita sun on my arm.  Here it is...

This will happen.  Still to be decided is on which arm (is there some protocol like where you put a bandana or earring?) and who is going to apply it.  I am opening up the forum to suggestions on both, and if you have any additional information on the topic, please feel free.

Finally for today, went down the US Festival '82 memory lane here recently and yesterday had a Pat Benatar retrospective in the car.  I fell in love with her and Spider Geraldo on my birthday at that show and found it in its entirety on YouTube last night.  I can place the exact moment that our threesome affair was consumated at 42:55 through to the end of Promises In The Dark.

Tell Grandma you fell off the swing.