January 16th, 2021

Hey there,

So the thing this week is that mom passed.  She went out around 6pm on Saturday January 16th.  I was lucky to have a mom that was always on my side, even when I did the occasional dumb ass move and also to have one that was always ready to laugh.   She'd scold me, or warn me in advance of some event to please not make what she called my "little comments", but could always get a laugh out of her.  She made it to 94, and even though the last 4 years had been tough physically, from having a head injury and then a broken shoulder, she was pretty with it.  The last month or so was bad with her still remembering family, but little else and was starting to become angry and irate.  When she stopped eating a few weeks ago, that is always the sign.  She was unconscious the last week of her life and was told she passed quietly.  She hung on for a few days longer than expected and the nurses and doctor thought she might be waiting for someone, so they wanted me to call and tell her it was OK to let go.  Talk about a punch in the gut.  Talked to her just before a baseball practice and told her how I always appreciated that she came to every game and would be one of the loudest fans.  Her go-to cheer, no matter if we were playing defense or were up to bat, was "Double-Double".  Was pretty sure she meant a double play or hit a double, but could also mean that we'd get In-N-Out Burger after the game too.  I can clearly hear her yelling Double Double now and forever.  Of course I am sad that I couldn't be there for a final squeeze, but that is fast outweighed knowing she lived a long life, saw a bunch of things in the world and was genuinely a good soul.  

That is Tony Bennet

and Barbara Streisand

No question I was a Momma's boy and as the youngest, always her baby.  It was always a bit of a family joke, much like it is in our house, but that shit is so true.  I know that it must sting Babydoll a bit, but we try to laugh through it and I also do my best to develop our Daddy's girl relationship, cause that is what good people do.  You want to think that that is the norm in society but I also know that isn't the case for a lot of people.  Not all parents should be, and that it totally fucks up kids minds for their lives is in my opinion the cause for most of the world's ills.  My sister found her the great community she lived in and was there for her for everything, especially in this effin Covid lockdown.  She brought her home cooked food all the time, dealt with the caregivers and made sure she was protected, and spent the last week sitting by her side.  I cannot express my gratitude more for all she did and as I was raised in the Catholic tradition, will carry some guilt that I wasn't there to do any of the heavy lifting.  When she was coming out of her brain surgery or when the dementia started to really set in, mom would make comments about her that had to hurt her to the core, yet she blew past them and took care of her flawlessly to the end.  I like to think that I coulda done it but know that I probably couldn't.  Thank you.