Welcome to my diary...the goal is to share with you the sights, sounds, and yes, even the smells of what it's like to be an Imbrogulio in a foreign land.
John Clayton died yesterday. I loved that guy. When we moved to Seattle in 1995, he was just starting to do shows on KJR, which was then one of the few all sports stations in the country. Think I first heard him as a regular contributor on The Fabulous Sports Babe show. She was not fabulous, and certainly not a babe, but he caught my ear immediately as a guy that spoke about football in a way that was knowledgeable and fair. He got a 3 hour weekend show soon after that and I had to be doing something really important to miss it. And once podcasts became a thing, I never did. Not once. He's had a lot of the same callers for almost that whole time and hearing from them every week was familiar and comforting. He also did a 20 minute spot every weekday on one of the shows and never missed those either, so in the last 25+ years, I listened to this guy for a good 4-5 hours a week every week. His wife developed MS over this time and while he didn't dwell on it, it got through that she was bedridden and very hard to keep healthy and happy, and also that he loved her more than football, which he obviously loved a lot. He was on the air last week and the news says he died after a 'brief illness'. I worry about his wife and am gonna feel this loss every day for more than a while. Loved that guy.
Watching the covid news around here and how Hong Kong is struggling mightily with it currently. The statistic I've seen that I found astonishing was that only 30 some-odd percent of people over 80 had received full vaccination. Old people afraid of the Chinese vax apparently. If I haven't said it for a while, fuck you China. And here, they still are having less than 10 a day with a few zero case days recently. Still doesn't make sense to me. We do have the skeptics here too though. At the track where I walk, a dude I haven't seen for a while that likes to chat sidled up to me the other day. Side note: I hate chatting when I'm doing my laps at the track cause that is my time to listen to my shows (John Clayton) and meditate, so am not my usual gregarious self. Anyhoo, talk turned to covid and I mentioned the low percentage of vaccinations in HK, and this guy tells me about some relative in the States who knows doctors and says that a "lot" of doctors know but don't want to say (immediately know that something nutty is about to follow), that the vaccines are causing huge numbers of miscarriages. I hadn't seen anything like that and a quick search later shows that to be made up bullshit, but knew that already and told the guy that sounds like made up bullshit and that he should go do some homework. He peeled off shortly thereafter. Mission accomplished.
Here is another statistic that is puzzling. 35% of people over 40 in Taipei are unmarried. That is up from 12% from 20 years ago. They have a monthly lottery for newly married couples to incentivize them to get busy, but the rate continues to decline. It's a big national security issue to be sure.
Another local development is that it is getting hot. Not hot as balls hot, but enough where we broke out our fans. Have to have one going in the bedroom while we sleep and now we wake up with a headache and snootfull full of mucus. Our departure for the States is May 18th.
Until then, still a ton of baseball to go. Next weekend is our weekend trip to Hualien, so this space may be delayed or off for a week. As it is hot, need to drink a bunch more water and at one point during practice I said I need a minute cause "I'm thirsty". A couple of the fellas snickered and said "for who coach". I sorta knew that thirsty to these kids means to be hot/pining for someone, so there is another normal word that is ruined for us oldtimers, but one that I now have to use sporadically with them cause they love when a old guy uses a dirty phrase in conversation.
And yesterday was our last JV game of the year. That bunch is made up of Freshman and Sophomores, so they are extra squirrley. On the bus about 5 minutes from the field, one of the zanier boys screams from the back that he has to go to the bathroom. The look on his face is the classic 'I am gonna take a dump real soon, bathroom or no'. We get there and he jumps off the bus and butt clench waddles in a hurry towards the field. We all know there is no bathroom there, but he is determined. The rest of us grab our gear from the bus and start walking over and all of a sudden, he comes flying around the corner on the back of a scooter (without a helmet and still grimacing) driven by some girl associated with the opposing team. We all laugh. He comes back a while later looking much relieved. He doesn't have his belt on and we ask where it is, and he says that it broke as he was ripping it off in the 7-11 bathroom.
Lastly...haven't mentioned how my knee recovery is going. Knee is pretty good. Other parts still suffering. Had a recent x-ray and it showed something irregular.
It's been a while, but the last two morning's peace and quiet was shattered by effin' funeral processions. At 6am on Sunday and 5:30am Monday morning. Here is an example...turn the volume up full blast to get a feel for the torture.
I can't sleep past 5:30 anyway, so it is only irritating to me, but the poor boss was shaken awake far sooner than needed. Sometimes I wake up grumpy, but most of the time I let her sleep. The answer to the question 'what the fuck is up with a 5:30am wake up call for the dead' is always answered that it is due to being an auspicious time on the yellow calendar. Pagans. You don't see the early processions with the pole dancers either.
Pretty quiet around these parts. Got hot this week and broke out the oscillating fans. Also had my Aussie Rules Football fantasy/fairy tale draft. Feel good about that...got Christian Petraca and Marcus Bontempelli with the first two picks...the two finest Italian heritage fellas in the comp. Opening bounce is this Wednesday so that'll be on constantly through September.
And baseball got figured out. Happy to know that I'll be watching the Mariners a bunch this summer. As for our local teams, we have a couple weeks left of the season and a big trip to a tournament in Hualien the weekend of the 25 to finish off the year. Last year, our bus ride down was 11 hours as there was a horrific train wreck that day that killed 49 people and plugged the only route there. It has its own Wikipedia page.
Gonna be so much fun. The Boss is gonna come down and she has made friends with he parents and other coaches, so a good weekend away for us. The kids will of course be a riot. One of the topics this last week has been gut health. On Saturday, our starting left fielder made it to the game but couldn't play cause he had diarrhea The trainer had to take him to the porta potty out in left field and helped him hydrate after he evacuated his bowels. Another kid takes multiple poops in the morning, so our early games are a minefield for him. A few weeks ago, I am going to the porta potty for a pee, and I see this kid's dad with a pack of wipes trying to mop up the shit on his pants. Kid tells me, 'you don't want to go in there Coach' I didn't.
I was walking the track last week and one of the kids mom's was there too, so we walked a few laps together. I tell the kid I walked the track with his mom today, and another one of the dumber kids standing close by says, "does that mean you had sex?" Jeezus.
And will add one more reason why baseball is the best. At our game on Saturday, a kid takes a pitch well over his head for a ball. Of course, someone says 'good eye'. You'd have to have severe cataracts to swing at that pitch, but baseball is all about meaningless chatter. But then some smart ass on the bench sarcastically says 'superior' eye. We then spend the next 20 minutes coming up with synonyms for "good eye".
Lastly, I also help with a U15 and U12 team, and some of these kids are newish. Am talking to the U12's and they ask me how old I am, to which I reply 'how old do you think I am?'. Little fucker says 60. I mean, I am 56, but that still hurts.
Great story yesterday in the Taiwan News. Taiwanese student in underpants chases thief, dubbed 'Captain Underpants'. That pretty much sums it up...some guy was breaking into dorm rooms, got caught by a guy who was getting dressed and then chased the robber out into the street. The reason to click on the link is to see the CCTV footage of the robber getting chased by Captain Underpants. Classic Taiwan.
Have lamented the last couple of times how the weather has been particularly sucky here this winter and was validated by the news that Taipei has had the most February rainfall in 11 years, which coincides with just how long we've been here. Another report said there has been rain in 47 out of 52 days this year. A lot of folks were feeling the affects of SAD, but this PNW'er felt right at home.
The cold and rainy spell broke last weekend, just in time for our baseball team's tournament in Taichung. Taichung is a couple of hours plus south of Taipei, but as it was a long holiday weekend, the trip took about 4 hours each way with the added traffic. We drove but most of the others took the high speed rail, which takes 48 minutes. Sometimes my desire to always drive bites me in the ass.
So this is now a baseball talk entry. A brief history. For 30-some odd years, our school played slow pitch softball for boys and girls. I don't know why they didn't play baseball, but that is what we came to in 2012. In 2016, our school, along with the 5 other international schools we are associated with in the region (Manila, Singapore, Kuala Lumpur, Jakarta and Bangkok) voted to change to baseball. As there is no little league per se in Taiwan, and we didn't have a pipeline of players to work on their game at school, we didn't have many players that were good at baseball, nor many that had ever played. Learning baseball in middle or high school is not gonna produce a competent roster.
And it didn't. We sucked bad early on and progress was slow. We have a couple of teachers that are baseball junkies and they have poured their beings into working with the kids. Our high school guy is a great teacher and knows the game, which helped shape the older kids into ones that not only got better, but instilled a love of the sport so that many of them now seek out training outside of school. The other guy began a program in the middle and lower schools that gave kids an opportunity to practice and play year round. He is the equal to the HS guy in that he is a patient and positive teacher that loves the game to the core. I have been fortunate to ingratiate myself with both of those guys so get to come out and be with all the teams a lot. I may not be a great teacher but bring what I bring and am the extra set of hands to help wherever.
So our Varsity boys have maybe won 5 games total since 2017 and that is being generous as I can't remember 5 off hand. We also have a JV team and they have been...a lot of words come to mind and they are all awful. They have not only never won a game but cannot think of one that was closer than 8-10 runs. This year, after 5 years of development, we are...decent?
Our JV team has won their first 2 games. That team is comprised mainly of Freshman that have been playing together for several years and they are nice players and know what to on the field. This may be due to my bias towards baseball, but it is hard to be good. I've played and coached other sports, and have watched them all intensely to some degree, and there is no doubt that baseball is the hardest to master. They say hitting a golf ball is the hardest thing to do. That ball is stationary and the club is 3 times the size and flat. The bat is round and the same size as the ball and is moving. Sometimes fast, sometimes with a break, and sometimes fast with a break...often times right at your skull. Every position needs to do something for every ball in play and that something is dependent on the number of people on base, their speed, and where the ball is hit...and if you don't instinctively react instantly to the hit with all those factors being considered, you haven't done your job. A lot of folks say that baseball players are soft. How about taking a pitch to the body going 60-100 mph. Or in the field when a ground ball takes a nasty hop and hits your face or nuts. Sliding into base is fraught with peril for both the baserunner and the position guy. Baseball players wear spikes, metal ones as you get older. Take a peek at the 12 inches of scars I have on my foot after breaking it as a 14 year old. And I shudder when I even think of what a catcher goes through on every pitch. Oh yeah...the best batters fail 7 out of 10 times, so if you are soft, how do you get back in the box with any confidence at that rate. The yips were invented by baseball. Every interaction on the field is a one on one conflict, but if the other 8 guys don't do their part, you lose, so it is both an individual and team sport. Most importantly, baseball has the best bench situation with lots of time to interact, so if that dynamic isn't just right, it can affect what goes on between the lines. And trust me, the dugout is not only the best bench in all sports, but might be one of the coolest places to be in the history of humankind.
Then there are those that say it is boring. Will eliminate those that don't identify with any sport, but those that are and say it is boring, I don't think you are stupid...I know it. Sure, there are boring parts and boring games, but that can be said of any sport. If you are a parent that had little kids play baseball and got into one of those walk fests, I feel your pain, but the boring parts are also kinda the point. Baseball games have the perfect mix of quiet time where you can have a conversation, and just enough action to get you out of your seat. You also have to be smart to keep track of the statistics and metrics that are in opposition to human error. I am always happy to debate this topic but you will lose.
Our first JV game was a week ago Saturday and it was a 45 minute bus ride away. The other coach had to drive so it was just me and the kiddies, and we went on the short bus, which I had to explain to them why it was appropriate for them to be taking it. Without the other coach, who is a teacher at the school, the boys felt a little freer to let their dirty minds loose. These are majority Freshmen boys aged 14-15, so they are learning how to be perverts. They are playing the regular filthy hip hop songs and then one of the ringleaders asks if he can play and rap along with 3 Big Balls
Jeezum Christmas...
They all knew it too. Apparently, there is a whole genre of gay rappers singing the most graphic of songs, but this thing is AMAZING! It's on Spotify and has found a place on at least one of my playlists. That the boys felt comfortable with me to share this makes me happy. Probably shouldn't be, but there it is. We have played against this team for years and they spank us bad every time, and we are losing 8-0 through 4 innings. We score four in the 5th and then seven more in the 6th and then end up holding them off just long enough to win 11-10. Wow. I could share a play by play and highlights, but suffice it to say that there were some big moments. After the game, coach is giving a little chat and he uses the word 'stiff' to describe something. One of the more perverted of the crew starts to giggle and brings the chat to a hilarious halt.
A lot of us then hit the road to the 12 team tournament in Taichung for games on Sunday/Monday. We end up winning 3 of 4 and finish in third place. It is weird here as due to covid, we were unable to compete as the school at the start of the season, but the rules changed and we can now, but had registered for some games/tournaments as our outside of school club team called the Renegades. All the same players, just not a school sponsored event. It also gives us some flexibility on rosters so we can mix up the teams instead of strict Varsity/JV designations. All of our games were joyous...not only cause we were successful, but that we got to travel and hang as a group at the hotel/for dinner with families, and the weather was postcard perfect (after the long stretch of rain detailed above). The baseball program at school is also unusual as we do not have a field on campus where we can play games, so all of our contests are off campus. Other than golf, we are the only program where that happens and all other sports are played at school. And no one has been able to get away for trips cause of covid except for us.
The guys are so effin' funny. So many gags and comments and good natured ribbing. Each one has a screw loose and they all know where to poke the other. I am typically the bench coach so get to hear all the chats, and as I am emotionally a 15 year old boy, we relate to each other and they feel free to include me in the banter. We are watching our guys in the field and one of the points out how tight our 2nd baseman's pants are. His mom gets them tailored to be that way and now it is all I see. Our 1st baseman is rough and everyone barks like a dog whenever he bats or makes a play in the field. We have a relief pitcher that throws so slow that his balls are more affected by gravity than velocity. An outfielder draws pictures of Homer Simpson in the dirt with a bat between innings. I could go through every kid and tell you what makes them special and weird, but what goes on in the dugout, stays in the dugout. I will share one moment from the last day. One of my jobs was to make sure the fellas are staying hydrated and not getting burnt, and as I was going around, noticed a couple needed to reapply some sunscreen. One of them is the biggest perv of the bunch so told him, let's call him Daniel, that he needed to lube up. Borderline I know, but that started the rest of them off . Daniel laughs and says 'why do you have to say it like that coach', and his buddies then interject that Daniel brought lube along with him to the hotel. And then they say, not only lube, but a big container of it and they then describe how big this bottle is for at least a few pitches with each description getting funnier and funnier. They finally run out of comments and then I say to Daniel...'sock or tissue?" They liked that.
This past weekend, we were able to reserve the local professional baseball stadium to play a round of our tournament games in. We got a deal from the city as it was also a charity event. Admission was free but we asked for donations that will all go to Taiwan Association Against Depression (TAAD). Have written about it before, but we lost a kid at the beginning of last season and TAAD was a part in the recovery process for our community. Our head coach has been really good in making sure that we collectively remember to take mental health seriously and to give back to the place we live in any way we can.
Such a fun day. Our two teams lost all three of the games we played, but we got to play in a big league stadium.
A gorgeous setting. I know I got a charge just being out there, looking at the crowd, being in a cool dugout.
Our regular first base coach had to go out of town, and I prefer to be on the bench usually, but was delighted to be on the field for this day...I'm calling our guy safe before the ump. He was...have never made a wrong call.
Told the boys that I like being out on the field so all the women can look at me...and by women I mean their moms. This stadium is in the neighborhood where our school is so this is the closest we play to our friends. As our normal games are far and in crappy spots, we never get fans other than some parents, so it was cool that the boys had their peers out to see them. And their girlfriends. The parents learned a lot about what's what seeing the girls hanging with the boys. The other team noticed all of the girls out too and after the last game as we are all packing up and such, the coach of the other team comes over and asks if his team can take a picture with our girls. In the States, there might have been a brawl for just asking, but they let it happen. As fucked up a thing as I have ever seen.
Finally, one of the fellas showed me a picture of his brother, who is on the middle school team. The picture is of a poster that has been up at one of the local bubble tea joints for several months now.
I can never get a straight translation of things when I ask, but the gist of this says to please not leave litter in our store, especially litter from other establishments. They also now have CCTV and to please "Respect Yourself". BrutaL
