A way to pass the time is to come up with Johnny Carsonesque gags...
Me: It was so hot in Taipei today.
Studio Audience: (shouting) How hot was it?
Me: It was so hot, Fox News reported that global warming is real, or
Me: It was so hot, the cows are giving evaporated milk/chickens laying hard boiled eggs, or
Me: It was so hot, I saw a rat dipping a cockroach into some bubble tea.
Another stat in that screen shot above is that the "wind" was 6mph. Taipei sits in a basin surrounded by mountains on three sides, so most breezes are blocked and the place roasts. Makes it safer in typhoons, but seals in the heat the rest of the times. And as with any large city, there are the typical funky garbage/sewage smells that are amplified in the heat. Combine those with a 6mph wind, and it reminded me of college, waking up on a Sunday morning on a buddies couch after a long night of tying one on. This friend decides it was time to wake me up, so he sticks his ass in my face and rips a microwave been and cheese burrito and beer fart right in my face. A 6mph "breeze" on a 111 degree humid day felt and smelled exactly the same.
One more...even in this heat, I try to go on a walk every day. Am not humble bragging, it's that I need to lose some weight and going for an hour power walk has me dripping in sweat. A lot of the time, will just walk the track in the afternoon at the sports college across the street as it is nice and flat, and some days, will see the cross country team from the kids school jogging by. When I see them, am immediately transported to 1980 when I ran my only season of cross country at Arcadia High School. Feel like I've talked about that stupid choice before. Hated every second of it, but did it cause a girl I liked was on the team...she was faster than me and never caught up to her. Anyway, the season started in the Fall, so we had to train all summer long. This is 1980 So Cal, so it was not only hot, but those were some of the primo smog days...before most cars had catalytic converters and way before the Prius. Torture, but at least we ran early in the morning before the heat really kicked in and not in prime time humid hot like these poor kids. I remember distinctly it was 1980 as a buddy, who was also on the team and I would go back to his house and watch the last half of The David Letterman Morning Show.
Am usually a sarcastic guy and couch it in humor, but the heat makes me downright ornery, cranky and angry and takes away any of the good naturedness of my ranting and raving. Anyone can get pissed about ISIS or Boko Haram. And my head nearly explodes when I hear educated people say matter of factly that global warming is a media conspiracy. I will grant to those people that scientists may be wrong about the ultimate effects that man's trashing of the environment will ultimately have, but claiming that it's all a hoax really makes you sound like a total idiot and I have no respect for anything you say after that. I will work as hard as possible to get away from that person as soon as possible as their personally informed take on the Fox News party line on ObamaBenghaziGunControlGayMarriageObamaAffordableCareActWomensRightsObamaObamaObama is just around the corner. What is the harm to encourage and promote research into renewable or clean energy? You really want to be on the wrong side of that debate dipshit...it's the planet for crying out loud, not food stamps. That one really boggles.
And while those big issues do push my buttons, I was raised in an age where people thought globally and acted locally. That is why the little things that people do bug me so much...for instance;
- This happened yesterday...every couple of months as I'm taking the kids to school, will see this 40 something Western lady riding her bike. She must be a teacher or something at the school but have never figured out who she is as we are always behind her. We go on this two lane "road", which in Taiwan equates to a glorified alley, and typically is cut to 1 1/2 or a single lane as there are double parkers (at times, me included) all the time. And at this time in the morning, it is choked with parents (and in a lot of instances, the families drivers) taking their kids to school. If you are a frequent reader of this space, you will know that the term "family driver" refers to a local that is employed as a chauffeur, the key word there being "local" and therefore has an 83% scientifically proven probability of being a total dick behind the wheel. The bike rider lady is in the middle of the street, and as she is turning onto the one that leads to school, she flashes her left arm out in the bicycle equivalent of a left turn signal. This alone is completely ridiculous as not only does no one else in this town use bicycle hand signal gestures, the use of turning signals in vehicles and scooters is rare. The worst part is that this lady is not wearing a freaking helmet. To be fair, it is rare to see a bicyclist wearing a helmet here, but Miss Hand Signal is obviously trying to make some point about bike safety, and for her to not wear a helmet pushes the O-rings in my head to the breaking point. I have plans to stand at that corner to identify her and to hopefully engage her in a meaningful conversation about her choices. See...acting locally.
The other one that got me this week was an email from the PTA inviting parents to join in a weekly drum circle. "An hour of drumming each week is a great way to rejuvenate, relieve stress, and connect with others. Bring a friend and learn to play the djembe as we work on traditional African rhythms together as an ensemble. The goal of the class is to promote community, well being, and balance of life through learning to play the djembe in a fun, group environment."
Have tried to reflect on why this gets to me. Perhaps it was going to many a Dead show way back when and seeing the smellier of the hippies going off in a drum circle...either playing or spinning to the "music". It may be that the constant pounding is the primitive version of techno music, which I find grating to the extreme. I understand the trance like euphoria one can reach with this kind of music, being induced by herbal teas in pre-historic times, magic mushroom laced veggie burritos at the Dead shows, or whatever industrial solvent the kids are huffing at the clubs these days. It's the group of uptight moms at the local prep school getting down with this that I can't comprehend, although my working theory is that many of them are getting funky with prescription meds. Still working on unraveling this one.
Well then...someone needs to chill out eh? I wish. I look longingly at the 5-day forecast as it will show a high temp of something in the mid-80's, but with alarming regularity, that forecast goes up, degree by degree, until the day arrives and we have mid-90's and 59% humidity. Check back next week...hopefully this breaks and I can return to normally scheduled programming, or you may simply find a virtual sweat spot stain.
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