April 29th, 2017

Yep, that's what you get in this space.  A fresh and aged Italian. 

Drive by this billboard every day taking Betty to/from work (that's her building behind it) and made that comment to her the other day.  She snorted.  

Not sure you can be both fresh and aged, but if anyone can be, it is us I-talians.  Of what there can be no question is that I am truly Funky Fresh

We also drive by the below sign daily, which is a block away from our apartment, that Betty comments on at almost every passing.

It is an ad for breast enhancement.  We had it translated and the procedure enhances them by injecting fat cells from other parts of your body.  Can not figure out why she is fascinated by this one as she is more than covered in that area.  My guess is that people with something that is a burden cannot understand why people would want to voluntarily maim their bodies to join them.  I feel the same way when I see the local old ladies (and men) getting their hair permed like mine. 

It feels like I am long overdue for an (almost) all Taiwan edition, so that is today's intention.  Let's see how it goes.

Yesterday was one of those glorious Taipei days.  I groused a couple weeks back that it had turned to nasty hot season already, but was a tad premature as I forgot about the Plum Rains that roll through this time of year.  They are named that as the rain mixed with heat make my Plums moist.  Sometimes we get a day like yesterday where the wind has blown out all the dirt and the rain has cleaned the air so that the sky turns from its usual grey haze to a bright blue and the temp hits that sweet spot between 75 and 82 degrees.   Have determined the over/under on days like that per year in town is 10 and decided to chart it.  This was day # 4 of 2017

I seized the day in heroic fashion by gluing myself to a chair to watch the first round of the NFL draft.  I love all the story lines and don't regret my decision, but my teams were both decent last season so were drafting late and had to stick around to the end to see their picks.  The Seahawks traded down twice and out of the first round completely, and the Raiders at 24 picked the highly touted DB whose stock dropped as it was announced last week that he is under investigation for sexual assault.  Ah football...  At least I could tune into the weekend recap show of my other favorite sport, Aussie Rules Football.  This week on the Bounce, the hosts were talking about some cheap hits from Round 4 and the host turns to his partner, whose nickname is Spud, and shows him a particularly brutal clip from his playing career where he delivers a ruthless  head shot on a defenseless player.  I've seen a lot of gruesome hits, and this ranks up there as one of the cheapest.  They talk about it for a second and the host says to Spud,  'How many games (of suspension) did you get for that?"  Make sure you read these quotes to yourself in an Australian accent by the way.  Spud goes, "I didn't get any.  Got off on a technicality."  Host then asks what kind of technicality and Spud says, "They couldn't find his head."  Uproarious laughter (including from me sitting at home).  You haven't been able get to away with that kind of dark concussion humor about the NFL since the '70's, or at least on ESPN since the Olbermann/Patrick Sporstcenter days, but is still de rigueur in Australia.  Football is still better than a movie...

Almost.  Not that it is a Taiwanese movie, but Betty, the Boy and I caught the Fate and the Furious last Sunday night here in Taiwan.  Great of course.  Betty had seen many of the Fast movies on TV but this was her first time catching it on the big screen with me. She is more of a Lake House/Pride and Prejudice kinda girl, but the cartoon violence seemed to win her over, although she is not amused when I quote lines from it in the car.  My current one is 'It's not the car, it's the driver."

In local news, Taiwan was rated to have the most press freedom in Asia in 2016 coming in at #45 globally.  Fake News America came in two slots ahead at #43 but think they'll drop this year.  Unsurprisingly, North Korea came in last at #180 and notably, China was at #176.  Also, Taiwan was voted as being the third safest city in the world behind only Abu Dhabi and Munich.  Well deserved.   Finally, Tawian is also safer today for our pets as the government this week  banned cat and dog meat in the country. 

Here is a little experiment...not in the news recently has been earthquakes.  Haven't felt even a small roller in months.  By me writing this down, will the Butterfly Effect or karma now trigger a major temblor in the near future and if so, how many days will it take?  It is currently 6:07AM on April 29th, 2017.

What is new with  regards to food in Taiwan?  Scientists have finally found the equation that proves the tastiness of a cookie is inversely proportional to the amount of packaging that it comes in.  The math is over my head, but anecdotally, Betty brought home some cookies she got as a gift and it took me 15 minutes and three different devices to unseal the wrapping on the tin, burrow through three different layers of paper and plastic to get to a "cookie" that had the taste of...well nothing really. It was this piece of filament that appeared to have some sugar crystals on it.  I guess I should marvel at how they can take the taste of sugar out of sugar, but an unsalted rice cake would have satisfied me more than this thing.  Betty on the other had went at it like it was baked by the love child of Paula Deen and Guy Fieri. 

5 years in and am still having a hard time understanding how the Taiwanese palate works.  The kids seem to be getting broken down as they can always find a local tasteless snack they like at the 7-11 (bubble tea I will never understand).  Am driving in the car the other day (why do all great ideas come to me in the car?) and am thinking about how much I love Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.  They don't sell them here probably because peanut butter grosses them out.  On Facebook the other day, a person I know (female, of Chinese origin) posts out of blue, "Mayonnaise and peanut butter together.  So good!!!"  Whatevs.  So, am in the car thinking about Reese's and like a bolt of lighting, an idea for a Taiwanese version hits me.  A piece of Tofu wrapped inside a chicken's anus.  I know...they love both of those things so much that how is this not a thing already?  The ads write themselves.  "Who put tofu in my chicken anus?" "Ber-caw".  I would totally be down for starting up a cottage industry to make this happen if it weren't for the last part of today's all-Taiwan post.  Racism on social media.

Mentioned the new Italian restaurant that opened in the neighborhood that we loved a few posts back.  It has gotten so busy that it is booked solid a month out, and it would be further but they don't go any more than that.  As Yogi Berra (might have) said, 'that place is so popular, no one goes there anymore'  This week, an article is posted in an English language on-line paper  about the restaurant being accused of discriminating against a Taiwanese customer.  Briefly, a local person ordered a bottle of wine, but were brought a different one being told by the server that they were sold out of the one they ordered.  The server then tracked down this customer outside the restaurant after their meal and told them that they had the wine they ordered but the Western manager told her that the bottle they wanted was too good for them.

This totally blew up as you can imagine.  Dozens of 1 star reviews then appeared on Yelp (in Chinese) about how awful the place was, for the owners to 'go home', and worse.  The establishment is also now reported to be under threat of being closed due to illegal construction.  On the other side of the comments are charges that the locals are nice to foreigners until they feel threatened by them economically, and then their disdain for the foreigner surfaces with a vengeance.  I've always felt that when local people are looking at me that about 10% are happy to see a foreign face and the other 90% want me dead.  I don't eat at many local restaurants accordingly in fear of getting some tainted tofu in my chicken anus...or that the  anus isn't even a chickens.  I walk by this Italian  place nearly every day and looking in the window, the people sitting at the tables are nearly all Chinese, so having that attitude towards the vast majority of their customers seems hard to believe...but not impossible.  These people are Italian after all and their feeling of superiority towards the creators of their beloved pasta runs deep.  Anyway, the local expat community rose in support...on Facebook anyway.  There is a group on FB that is for expats in TW that has almost 1,500 members and there was all kinds of support and rumor being spread liberally.  At this point, gonna be impossible to know if this was idiotic and awful racism by the Italians, or mass overreaction to a disgruntled employee's axe to grind, but tend to lean towards the former.  I have reservations there in a couple weeks and am kinda in an ethical quandary about whether to go.  Will let you know what my brain and belly decide.

This kerfuffle paled in reaction of that FB group to the amount of comments and subsequent chatter around town about this post.

Hi all,
I was talking to one of my expat friends about meeting people in Taiwan and she told me that the newer expats here in town seemed cold, and not as friendly when you met or passed them on the street. I have talked with other expats who have been here a while and they also have noticed that many expats tend to ignore other expats when they pass them on the streets. This concerns me a bit, as as expats we represent our country in a strange land and the best way to reac...h out and make connections is to make eye contact and smile at other people, and even talk with them. Remember they may be feeling as strange as you did when you first arrived here and in need of a friend. As a person who tries to smile at people when walking and make at least a visual connection, I would like to challenge all of us to make that effort, to smile at every one, expat and Taiwanese, that you see and even say hello, and if the opportunity arises strike up a conversation. Studies have shown that being smiled at lifts the mood of the recipient and the smiler, as everyone needs to have some human connection, however briefly. Who knows, you may even end up with a new friend. Consider this the Smile Challenge, so many people are willing to do the ice bucket and other types of challenges, try challenging yourself to reach out as an unofficial ambassador of friendship

Arguing against smiling at people is like trying to argue that puppies aren't cute, babies heads don't smell good and the Beatles sucked (two of those are true by the way).  I wanted to reply to this post that it was bat shit crazy but know the perpetrator and suspect they've been huffing the guano for years, and it would just be seen as being sour grapes.   To use a phrase that I hear a lot and can't stand, need to unpack this a bit.  Every town I've ever been in gets accused of being cold to strangers.  Duh...they're strange.  This town is no exception but  would say that an expat community in general is typically more outgoing and accepting cause we are all the exchange student.  Kinda like going to college for adults.  And like college, there are tons of places and events to go to meet up with new folks.  People are different...introverts/extroverts/aggressive anti-socials.  Some of us like to have tons of friends and some like a close knit group.  Trying to meet people on the street is for psychopaths.  If someone comes up with a smile and starts talking to me, will think they are crazy.  Or Mormon.  And if a dude was to suggest that a woman smile more, we'd be considered a letch.  'Hey baby, why don't you curve those purdy little lips into a smile for me, you'd look way hotter.'

My only official "comment" was to link this YouTube clip from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Then there is a bit of the racist element here.  Suggesting that we smile at the Westerners to me sounds like white people.  What do you do when you're back in the States?  Smile at everyone/the Asians/brown folks? 

Why do I need to smile on the street all the time.  Perhaps I'm in a hurry, or busy, or have something on my mind or am in my own world.  And to be totally honest, if I see someone up ahead and don't want to have a 'stop and chat', will dive into a store or cross the street.  And to beat you to the punch, am fully self aware to know that people will do the same thing if they see me coming, and have zero issue when they do.

While this post was insane and I could almost let it go, it is the people that pile on with the comments that always get my goat.

Side note, that expression comes from horse racing.  "This expression comes from a tradition in horse racing. Thought to have a calming effect on high-strung thoroughbreds, a goat was placed in the horse's stall on the night before the race. Unscrupulous opponents would then steal the goat in an effort to upset the horse and cause it to lose the race."

To be fair, there were a handful of comments that called the poster out on it.  An introvert who had to 'apologize' that she is uncomfortable in public settings, the lady that said that common courtesy of holding doors and being civil in general is all we really need, or the person that pointed out that some cultures think that fake smiling is considered disingenuous and suspicious.  One guy says when he sees another westerner, he challenges them to a dance off and another true hero even said that she was 'gobsmacked' the post was 'written by an adult'.  But that was more the exception, with the majority being takes on 'What A Wonderful World' and word salad nuttiness like...

Well said. We live in a world today were too many people stay inside their bubble. We have our phones, our tablets, ear phones on. I do as you suggest, and smile at everyone...I even go as far (which embarrasses my husband) to strike up a conversation with folks, just to find out the are new. I have many friends here that laugh because we met at Carrefour when I walked up to them. I am actually shocked that some suggested you change your post. Perhaps you suggested some specific folks, but so many of us do live in a foreign country..and as such need to be there for each other. I smile at everyone, however those of us living away from home need friends that understand. I think your suggestion is beautiful. Nothing you said should be taken as offensive. Splitting hairs if you ask me... smiling is a gift you can and should give to all strangers.

Although this was one was chilling. 

I do try to make an effort, especially towards other women and especially mothers but as someone who has lived in Taipei for 12 years I understand why this happens. There are a lot of bad seeds who end up over here and since Taipei is the "easiest" place to live in Taiwan for new expats we get the bulk of them and the most turn over. There are just a lot of not nice foreigners who end up over here running away from their problems in their home countries and so once you've met/worked with enough of them you start to put your guard up a little bit.

The good news is that folks that I've talked to since feel the same as I  don't feel like a complete asshole anymore.  What is the takeaway here?  If I'm not a complete asshole, what percent asshole am I?

How was that...Taiwan-centric enough?   

Looks like today could be glorious day # 5 of the year, but round 2 and 3 of the Draft is  on.  What to do?