January 12th, 2018

Hey.

Got back a few days ago and the body clock has not reset completely.  Need to get started cause there is a lot to share, but before the trip recap, a couple words about the kiddies.

The Boy and Babydoll finished their first semesters of college and high school respectively and both did very well.  Nary a B+ or lower in either card, which is nice but am fully aware that many places are reluctant to give low grades these days so am keeping it real with the expectations.  Still, better than I ever did and while I trust that the Boy worked hard, can see Babydoll putting a bigger emphasis on her schoolwork, so all good and hope they keep it up.

Right before the break, Babydoll went to her first High School formal dance and here is a snap of her crew before heading out.  The Boy has learned well and had the best line upon seeing it..."which one are you?"

Second from the left.

Also right before we split, the big people in the house had a night of slumming it with friends in the Shrimping District.  My favorite Taipei activity by a long shot.

 Local sausages taste so much better coated with a fresh dose of nicotine.

Am gonna try to do the travelogue a bit different this year by doing it daily diary style.  Will see if this help with my focus and keep things from going off the rails.

December 22nd, 2017 - Taipei - Istanbul - Lisbon

We (girls and I) arrived around 10am into Lisbon after an uneventful flight.  The Boy was coming from the States and arrived later.  Can't recall seeing any movies of note.  I will say that the game we invented that is sweeping the globe - PunchBucks - was on like Donkey Kong with two Starbucks outlets in the Istanbul airport.

Lisbon airport was super efficient and from touchdown to hotel was a total of 45 minutes.  We had a few hours before the rooms were ready and the Boy arrived, so we set out to see what we could see.

We were at the Marriott on Avenida da Liberador, which is a 10 minute walk to everything and was really great.  Their breakfasts were the best we had all trip with avocado toasts and as good a British style baked bean as they make.  We tooled down to the main squares and were immediately struck by the amount of shoe stores.  Seems the Portuguese take pride in a bustling footwear industry and both the kids ended up buying boots at a local vendor called Seaside.  Nice ones and cheap...like 60 bucks.  We grabbed a nibble at the heralded (in our guide book anyway) Café Nicola

 And one of the "famous" pastries across the square at the highly touted Pastelaria Suica.

OK, I said I was gonna try to be linear, but we need to talk about Portuguese food.  In two words...Gag Me.  Reading up on the place going in, did not have high expectations, and they proceeded to not meet even those.  They love them some sardines, which people like, but I cannot stand.  As it was not sardine season, they were not recommended, but every place we went, and this goes for the entire time in Portugal, there was cod on the menu.  Am not opposed to it, but it wouldn't ever be my first, or even fifth choice.  Most of the places we went had it on the menu as a majority of the items and there is a saying that the Portuguese have 365 ways to cook it.  My dumps are different 365 days of the year, but that doesn't make them any more palatable.

They call it bachalau, which unlike aubergine does to eggplant, doesn't make it taste any better.

You know what?  They don't even catch it in the waters off of Portugal but import all of it from Norway and Canada.  WTF?

I ordered the least offensive type I could find one night...Cod cakes...and they sucked.  Dry and fishy in not a good way

This restaurant was really nice...packed to the gills, tons of famous Portuguese celebrities pictures on the wall and even some singer all the locals went ga-ga over came in and everyone turned to admire him.  Betty went for it and got the bachalau special.

It went mostly uneaten and she never ordered it again.  And she is Chinese and eats all kinds of nasty things with gusto, and this even grossed her out.  

We ultimately found a place at the end of our time in Portugal that we liked and went to two nights in a row, but they served tapas, which really aren't a Portuguese thing anyway.  Other than that, every meal we had was mediocre and the best thing I could say about any of it was that we didn't get diarrhea.  For dinner on this first day, we walked around the hip part of town (the Barrio Alto and Chiado) that was said to have all the good eateries.  We strolled past dozens and it was bachalau this and sardine infused that and there wasn't a single spot we got excited about.  We ended up at the hamburger joint (go ahead and call us ugly Americans, but you woulda too) and got burgers that looked really good, but were not.

They even managed to fuck up empanadas into flavorless colon blockers.

And it is not just the entrees.  Their famous pastries (a photo of which I cannot find at the moment) were bland.  Betty said they got the recipe from the Chinese when they controlled Macao.  Not sure I am convinced, but will concede that they are as tasteless as the deserts you get in Asia.  They look good but not once did anyone bite into one and go mmmmmmmm.

And the booze?  They love this stuff called Ginjinha, which they sell at little stands everywhere.  You go up and get a shot in a chocolate cup.  Ginjunha is a sour cherry liqueur that tastes like cough syrup.

And skipping way ahead, we went to the home of Port wine.  They even named the town after it (or the other way around).  Anyway, here is the dirty little secret...the grapes they grow in that region are crap and they have to fortify the port wine with something called spirit alcohol.  So this is basically moonshine that they have convinced themselves is high class.  And from personal experience, just because it gets older doesn't make it better.

We got back to the hotel after our tour of the Port Wine lodge and the guy behind the desk asks me how I liked it.  I sorta lowered my voice and said I wasn't a big fan.  I wish I had a picture of his reaction cause his eyes bulged in disbelief like a Looney Toones character when he sees Bugs Bunny dressed up like a girl.  Cockburn's?  Indeed it did.

The only redeeming foodstuff we encountered was their hot sauce, which is called Piri Piri.  Really spicy and you gotta use it liberally when in Portugal.

OK...one more Portuguese food thing and promise not to mention it again.  In Porto, we had heard and read about their famous sandwich.  Inspired by the Croque Monsieur but using local ingredients and adapted to Portuguese tastes (which by that point was a red flag).   I give you the Francesinha.  Quoting Wikipedia..."A Portuguese sandwich originally from Porto, made with bread, wet-cured ham, linguiça, fresh sausage like chipolata, steak or roast meat and covered with melted cheese and a hot thick tomato and beer sauce served with french fries."

We had been told several times that it was a heart attack waiting to happen and we were pretty excited to try it.

We went to the reported birthplace of the thing to get the real deal.  The Regaleira.

Nasty.  And surprisingly flavorless.  It was a gut bomb as promised, but not much else.  Those chips were hot and fresh but the ones not on top suffered as they became limp quickly.  

OK, I had to do that cause while I didn't think it was possible, have finally encountered a culture whose food is the equal in crappiness to the Taiwanese.  Some people say they like it but they would be wrong.

To finish out day one, the Boy showed up right on time and it was a delight to see him.  We all went out to the above mentioned hamburger and saw some of the city.  Lisbon was completely leveled by an earthquake in 1755 and so it is a relatively new city with a street plan that was laid out by modern (not medieval) design.  Wide avenues feeding well paved roads with 18th century buildings dominant in the downtown historical core.  It is also a city of hills so there are neat trams and funiculars (which they call elevators.  For my money, the coolest structure in town is the Elevator de San Justa, which carries you up from the main squares to the Barrio Alto quarter.

Designed by a Gustav Eifel protégé, it looks like the tower in Paris and was worth the 5 euro ticket.  The views on top were spectacular.We took the funicular/elevator called Gloria back down, which conveniently left us a block from our hotel, after dinner.

That was day one and I took a long detour.  Am gonna cut it here cause I went long but promise the rest of Portugal will go quick now that this food atrocity has been brought to light, but before signing out, I feel like I better say something nice at this point. 

My first note, and one I made several times during our time in Portugal, was that the people were nice.  In a real and open way.  I did not meet a single person that gave us a sideways glance or was not helpful, but rather were giving of their time and made us feel comfortable every step of the way.  The women were attractive in a conservative fashion and the dudes seemed normal and fit.  There was a little of the hipster thing going, likely due to their love of soccer with the haircut passing as culture, but very subdued.  Apparently, they had a long period where bushy moustaches were all in vogue, but that has passed.

And they speak English.  Everyone everywhere.  Was surprised as I woulda thought Spanish would make more sense being all Iberian neighbors and such, but they have a long friendship with England and its roots must be deep.  Portugal must also be hot with American an travel agents as we heard American accents all over the place constantly.  Really great people.