March 22nd, 2018

Hey there,

Quick programming note...we are off for Spring break next week so there will probably not be an entry next Friday.  Here is a random episode from October 18th, 2014 for you to enjoy in the meantime.  The links still work.  Since it is a short week, below is quick and dirty so forgive the abundance of typos and lack of clarity

Picture archive time.  This week...Quality Parenting part II

That was my first real bike and you can see the training wheels on it.  This was like a week before the time when BMX blew up and within days of this photo being taken, every cool kid had the latest model.  I remember feeling inferior around my friends with this ride as not only was it not a BMX bike, it was made by an Italian company called Philippus.  I mean, it has Puss right in the name of it?  Hadn't thought about that bike in ages until I saw this photo.  Tried to look up the Philippus company and could not find it on line, which could be one of the ten things that doesn't exist somewhere on the Internet.  All I could locate was that Philippus is a Roman name that means 'fond of horses" so they probably got the it from that.  As I look back on that bike today, I wish I still had it.  Was a bitchin' color of yellow, had cruiser style handle bars, shiny front and rear chrome splash guards, the less nut crunching banana style seat, and freaking white wall tires.  I was ashamed of and ridiculed at the time for it, but that is a classy machine.  Kids can be so stupid and hurtful.

I included the second picture as that is an aerial view of the house I grew up in and it shows the vacant lot next door.  My recollection is that some guy flew a plane around the neighborhood and took photos of all the houses, then went door to door trying to sell them to the owners.  My dad happily snatched them up  and they hung in the hallway outside my bedroom for my entire childhood.  Wonder if they are hidden away somewhere?  That was Google Earth in my days kids...when a picture was still on film, and a man still had body hair and displayed it proudly.

My point was the vacant lot next door.  Was the only vacant lot I can remember anywhere near our place and we always thought the owner was a lunatic for not selling it (turns out he waited a couple decades and it appreciated at least 10 fold, so he was a genius as are most lunatics).  The best part about having a vacant lot next door was that we had a vacant lot next door.  It was the playground for all of the finest neighborhood troublemakers and was our Roman Coliseum.  When we were little, me and my buddies would throw the tips of these weeds that had ends that looked like cat tails at each other, and they would sail like paper airplanes and sting if you got hit in just the right way.  This soon evolved into more elaborate trench warfare as we'd dig huge holes connected them into giant  castrum.  Once the fortifications were constructed. we'd  have massive dirt clod wars against each other.  Can even recall a process where we manufactured the dirt clods with rocks inside to inflict the most pain.  Seriously...can you believe that?  I swear to you that is true.  Fuckin' dirt clods...  

At night we'd shoot bottle rockets all over the dry grass and weeds of the lot and never set it on fire, and never did an adult intervene or tell us to stop.   And we made bike tracks with killer jumps and then race each other like Ben Hur...without helmets.  Needless to say, my trusty Philippus and I were at a steep disadvantage to the BMXers, but we battled honorably.   We all lived to tell the tale but as I've said many times before, have taken a lot of blows to the head and definitely took a few on the arena that was the vacant lot.  

Before moving on, recommend that you write it down.  Am well into year 6 of this space and it is my therapy.  A way to document our experiences, tell stories, work on jokes, communicate with friends and more.  Hadn't thought about the vacant lot or that bike since forever.  Told you a few weeks ago about the chat I had with an acquaintance that was adopted at birth that just located with his biological parents.  Just had a follow-up talk with him about their meeting and was enthralled by his story.  Did make me sort of nervous about doing my own 23 & Me this summer, especially considering that time in my life when I made a living donating sperm.   May share some of his tale one day, but told him he has to write this stuff down somewhere so he doesn't forget...he even said he remembered stuff just talking to me about it, like why they decided on the restaurant where he met his biological parents.  Funny, heart wrenching, uplifting, all of it.  You don't need to write a novel or whatever this thing is, just start with  a note or two every day.  I wasn't a writer and really don't consider myself one now, but the process has opened up parts of my  mind and soul that were forgotten and unexplored.

Okey dokey...how about a little Two for Tuesday Taiwan Ying/Yang.

Ying...I had a filling fall out the other day.  It was the first one I ever had and was so long ago that it was gold.  Went to our local dentist who said, "haven't seen one of those in a long time".  What I heard him say was, 'damn, you are old'.  He made quick work of re-cementing it back into my jaw and all is good.  The price out the door?  NT$700, which is US$24.

Yang..."Crank that shit up!", said no one ever about Chinese music.

Ying...Have to say from time to time how great a spot we landed in apartment-wise.  So convenient to walk to anything we need.  Downtown and all it has to offer is 20 minutes by car/taxi, or a cheap subway ride away, lovely view and all that.  But today's Ying goes out to the staff that tends to this place.  None of the security guards or cleaning people speak English, but they always give me a real smile and wave, and we give hearty good mornings and such...I do my best Mandarin impersonation and they throw me some English.  I particularly love the dude that is here 6 days a week cleaning stuff.  One of the life lessons I pound into the kids is to always be nicest to the people doing the shittiest jobs wherever you go.  Receptionists, wait staff and cleaning people; not only is treating these people like they are not invisible simply the right thing to do, but these are the people that can make your life better on a daily basis in real ways.  In addition to clumsy words to the staff, always throw out a hand gesture and have a different one for each of them. Peace sign, hang loose, toodle-oo finger wag, double guns, etc., and the one for the cleaning guy is always the Elvis Presley, which is outstretched thumb, index and pinkie fingers accompanied with a 'thank you very much'.  He started doing it back to me but incorrectly, so we got together and showed him the proper style and tried to explain who Elvis Presley was.  Little things mean a lot

Yang...Was chatting with some teachers at the school last week and we were talking about different parenting styles.  Many of the local parents (and to be fair, parents in all parts) are real pushy on their kids and in every talk or meeting the school puts on about stuff, like summer camps or college prep, they encourage these parents to give their kids a break and let the school do their thing.  This teacher mentions to me a conversation he had with a parent that had  enrolled their kid into an intensive SAT prep class over winter break in preparation for the SAT's last weekend.  This 2 and 1/2 week, 8 hour a day class with 8 pupils in it cost NT$1,000,000 per student.  That is one million local dollars which converts to US$34,500.  I thought it couldn't be but had it triple confirmed, so that is a real thing.   The teachers were aghast and so was I.  Talking with Betty about it and she defended the parents.  While I disagreed with her about certain points, like I thought it cruel to deprive your kid of a break from school, I did come around to the fact that while these Taiwanese/American kids speak English pretty well, they aren't as well versed in the King's as a person growing up in the States and so probably do need some extra help.  And a bunch of parents at this school have more money than they can spend (there are multiple Maserati SUV's in the parking lot), why not invest that cash into prepping your kid best you can.  At least they can say they tried.  Anyhoo, that's good money for the instructors and they don't even give you a guaranteed score.  While discussing this around town lately, I hear that to take a regular driver's ed class, it cost about NT$3,200 (US$120), but there is a place where you can pay NT$15,000 (US$520) that guarantees you'll pass your exam.  That class is given by the same people that issue the exam.  I double verified that piece of info too and it is common knowledge.  Hard to believe that corruption could be so blatant but perfectly explains the driving situation here.

Bonus, is this Ying or Yang?  I had a dream last night that was all about being in Taipei, but there was not a single Chinese person in it.

Moving on...seems I have had to explain the game Punchbug quite a lot recently, usually in an effort to explain the origins of Punchbucks, and what I find hard to believe is how not a single sole has ever played Punchbug.  How is that possible?  A combination of being old enough to live when Bugs were everywhere and the movement away from slugging someone for little reason perhaps...

One more gripe for the record.  Bicycle riders attire.  This is not for the people that use bikes as a means of transportation, but the douchiest of bags that ride their bikes as a religion.  Possibly more annoying to talk to than golfers in that the self-righteousness of them getting exercise added to the tedium of them explaining their latest bike ride pushes them ahead of the grass hackers.  And while golf attire is the same as present day neo-Nazi garb, the Lycra body suits in neon colors with Italian soda company advertising on them seems pompous and looks like you're auditioning for a low budget sci-fi direct to video movie.  And no one wants to see your recently squashed penis bulge.  I get that you need bright colors so people can see you right before you get nailed by a car cause you are going too fast in a place you shouldn't be, but let's get the fashion community working on something that isn't so offensive.

Was thinking the other day that it would be fun to get the Happy Days catch phrase 'Sit On It" to reenter the lexicon, but then realized that it would be considered highly offensive in a sexually macro-aggressive way.  Still, may try to work it in here and there.

Last week we played the game "Who Is The Bigger Asshole"  This week, have to confess to something I did as evidence as to just how much of one that I am.  You'll recall that after our trip to Portugal I railed on how shitty their cuisine is, and I stand by that.  We have a friend here who is second generation Portuguese...has family there, speaks it, etc.  He is a terrific guy but our relationship is one where while  we tend to agree on almost everything, we love to go at each other about anything.  We are just both cantankerous cranks who enjoy sparring verbally.  After we got back from our trip, we made arrangements to have dinner together and I suggested the Portuguese restaurant in town with the intention of hassling him about how shitty Portuguese food was.  We battled over bachalau and Port wine most of the evening, much to the chagrin of our table mates, but I had a good time and think he did too, but still, total asshole am I.

I may be am an asshole, but did you see this story from Arizona?  Two 40-something "women" take their 5 and 6 year old kids to vandalize a mosque.  Video, that they shot and posted on Facebook, has them saying all kinds of vile crap about Muslims and encouraging their demon seeds to deface property.  If you really want to see just how dark these smiling happy women get, go check out the video.  These pieces of trash should have their effin' uteruses ripped from their bodies but am sure they'll be sent home with a slap on the wrist and those poor kids will be allowed to stay with them and will grow up to be chips off the ol' block/GOP stalwarts.  You know they have sweat stained MAGA hats that are their prized possessions.  Congrats America.  Haven't seen these two delicate flowers political leanings, but come on, they are totally emboldened by Bone Spurs.

It's hard to watch the "Prez" these days cause it's all schoolyard taunts that I thought I'd left in the past, but his recent whine fest from Pennsylvania was on the news the other day and right behind him were these three 20-something gastropods lustily screaming 'yeah' when he told the standard lies, and 'boo' when he insulted women of color.  You know they were vetted like contestants on the Price Is Right to ensure they played the part, but they had to do so willingly.  Go ahead and check them out below...won't take more than 10 seconds for you to start shaking your head.

For these ladies, I am dropping my short lived desire to bring back 'Sit on it', cause while they appear to be attractive-ish, if they sat on it, 'it' would go limp instantly.  Instead, want to start using a term that was popular on the vacant lot in my day.  Ready? Don't think you're gonna like it but here goes...to my lady friends, I need you to identify these females early, like Middle school,  and implore you to start using your Mean Girls power to shame these twats into a destructive eating disorder.

Twat.  Haven't heard it in years but it sounds good, no?  Think the Brits still use it with regularity.  Maybe this is awful, like the "C" word, but maybe , just maybe this is that hidden gem I've been looking for.  Mused a while back about the difference between assholes and dicks and didn't have a female equivalent for the ladies for the male dicks.

OK, the above isn't fair cause the amount of dudes that are dicks far outweigh the twats.  But still, as a dude (and an asshole) any attempt at mansplaining to these delicate flowers what's what would be ineffective.  I'll work on the Tech Bros and other assorted intolerant Nazi's I come into contact with, but need you ladies to get on your twatier associates tout de suite

Have been making an effort to end these things with a positive thought.  The annual Feb/March sports drought is just about over.  Tried to fill that void this year by getting into University of Virgina basketball, that went into the Tournament # 1 in the nation then shit the bed by loosing to the #16 seed, which was some Community College whose team name was the Retrievers.  Hoops bore me, but around the corner is Opening Day of baseball season, and tonight is the Opening Bounce of the AFL (Australian Football League) season.  Thankfully, there is still a sport that values a good blow to the head.

March 16th, 2018

Hey there,

Today from the picture archive...quality parenting.

First of all, yes, this is possibly the first "Nutscape" shot ever.  Taken at Santa Anita racetrack and I had to be 9 cause my first horse crush was a stallion named Avatar, who most famously won the 1975 Belmont under the reigns of Willie the Shoe.  Am guessing this shot is from the day he won the Santa Anita Derby on March 30th, 1975.  Notice the Daily Racing Form in hand is obviously well read.  If I haven't said it lately, thanks for everything Mom and Dad.

Don't have any themes this week, so how about a game or two?

First game...Who Is The Bigger Asshole?  As I am one of the choices, guessing this is a vote I will win going away, but here goes.  This takes place with two common elements of this space.  The Costco and the car.

The scene;  Going to Costco about 2pm on a random Wednesday, which is not prime time but is not empty either, and the destination warehouse is the one in Neihu that not only has the narrowest shopping aisles, but one of the trickier parking lots that they make anywhere.  The parking lot is three levels below ground and each level has 4 lanes.  Each lane is narrow and is in a single direction that are clearly marked because if people went whichever way they want, chaos would ensue.  When you pull in, lane 1 on B1 is blocked off cause that is also the way to go down to level B2.  Lane two goes to the right, lane three is for cars coming from the right, an lane 4 goes to the right.  Here is a diagram I made to help with the visual.  The incident in question takes place near the star.

You can hold your criticism of the drawing as I'm a crap artist and did the above in 2 or 3 minutes.

They have made some improvements to this lot recently as it shows on a board before you enter how many spaces on each floor are available and once inside, red/green lights are above each spot so you can see where the open ones are.  As Costco is very transitionary, things are changing fast.  One more note on the lots at this (and all) Costcos in Taiwan; there are signs recommending that people pull their cars in head first.  It seems like a normal thing to do, especially at the Costco where purchases are huge and loading into the trunk of your car is easier this way, but the Taiwanese are instructed by the government to always back into parking spaces as they view it to be safer.  Not gonna argue with that as there is has some merit and have found myself backing into spots more when I'm in the States now as it is more efficient on a case to case basis in my opinion.  Point is, at the Costco here, it is asked you please pull in head first, but that request is not followed by the majority of patrons.

Pull into the driveway and the board says floor B1 is full, there are 2 spaces free on B2 and 4 spaces on B3, so it's tight.  As there is an escalator that feeds from the warehouse that is on the far lane (lane 4), that lane is prime territory cause you don't want to have to push your cart across the parking lot, especially with the buttholes that call themselves drivers in this neck of the woods.  At any time of day, cars will be stopped in the lanes all over the lot  as people see others filling up their cars and are waiting for the spot to open.  A reasonable move but as the lanes are just big enough for two cars to fit next to each other, space is at a premium.

As finding a parking spot near the front door is my Super Power, I always go to lane 4 first.  I don't expect one to be open at this location but...you know...Super Power.  I pull around into the lane, and there are two cars going my direction with their blinker on waiting for a spot.  Further to the end though is a third car, facing the wrong way with no blinker on.  As the first two cars are on opposite sides of the lane, I weave through and just as I'm about to pass the third car sitting in the wrong direction, a guy behind him pulls out.  I know that Mr Backwards driver thinks he's gonna swing out and back into that spot, but I have momentum and the correct angling on my side so scoot around him and pull in head first into the spot.

Pop the car into park and see in my rear view mirror that Mr Backwards is coming to discuss the situation.  As I get out of the car, the look on his face makes me believe he is surprised to see a white boy.  After a beat, he starts jawing at me in Chinese, so I jaw back in broken English, point out the arrows on the floor that he disregarded and tell him something about the norms of society.  Feel it important to note that I did not bring up his lineage in any way.  I grab my bags and head off.  I do see him later in the store near the pallet of cat food and give him a wave.

So who is the bigger asshole?

Have related this story a few times since and the ratio that think I am the asshole is about 9:1.  That one however called me a hero.

Next game...Yo, Is This Racist?  This is not my game but got the idea from a podcast I used to check in on from time to time called Yo, Is This Racist?  Can't remember why I stopped listening to it but the idea stuck.  So this game is rapid fire...will throw out some comments/observations and you say either "Yo, that's racist" or "I'm feeling you".  OK, let's play.

- Chinese women are more cross eyed than any other race/gender.

- I think it's wrong when a white person walks around town wearing one of those sneeze masks but is perfectly acceptable for a local to do so.

- Whenever I see a black person on the street in Taiwan, I stop in my tracks in wonder as to what the hell are they doing here.

- Asian women in California are more attractive than their equivalents anywhere else by a factor of 10.

- Finally, received a couple of comments on last weeks entry, specifically about Women's Day and my reaction to the lady that said that to get equal rights women shouldn't be doing all of the house work and that men needed start carrying their "fair share"  My public reaction in the moment was to tout my liberation as the primary caregiver.  What I didn't share was what I thought but kept to myself and is the statement that is for you to answer in this game.  Hey ladies, I get why you are mad at the dudes for the last 3000 + years, and I'll have a word with my brethren about that, but in the meantime, perhaps have a chat with your sistren and encourage them to hold off letting the offending dudes climb on top of them naked and allow them to be penetrated unprotected.

Speaking of liberated men, here's a household tip for all you ladies and fellow disembarrassed men out there.  Clean behind your refrigerator.  I, along with the lady that cleans our place once a week...actually, I just helped pull it out and she did the dirty work, cleaned behind ours the other day.  First time since we've lived here and only God and the roaches know how long it was before that since it's been done.  Have wanted to do so for a while, but had that traumatic experience with a used fridge and roaches back in '93 so have a real fear of what goes on in that real and metaphorical dark place.  Complete filth, crusted remains and grime.  The amount of corroded dust on the fan was more than one can imagine and it had to be a real fire hazard.  At the very least, it had to hindering the performance of the unit.  While there were no cucarachas to be found, a couple dozen roach traps of every brand were retrieved.  Ever since the dishwasher broke a couple years ago started doing the dishes by hand immediately after use, have seen nary a one, but after cleaning out behind/under the fridge and confirming we were pest free, I slept like a log.

One more cleaning tip, if you have a home with a hot water tank, clean that bad boy out.  Do it now.  I can tell you from personal experience the cost in both money and time if it corrodes and empties into your basement...and it is just a matter of time before it does.  Quite easy as this 'how to' instruction from the Art of Manliness site will attest.  No gag, just good advice.

One more thing on the female sex.  Mr Richard Fader from Fort Lee, NJ suggested I touch on the Stormy Daniels thing.  Don't really want to cause it is sad.  Is there a soul that doesn't think he'd bang a porn actress during his wife's pregnancy and then pay her to keep her mouth shut?  I know Melania signed on for whatever she gets by letting him climb on top of her naked and allowing him inside her unprotected, but the humiliation she has to feel is too awful to make fun of.   I would respect her more if she dumped his ass, but he must have some contract that would devastate her if she did.   Sadder are the 'people' that are still OK with this guy.  There are just no words, or maybe it is all the words, to describe anyone that continues to carry his water.  The process that one must have to go through in their minds, regardless of gender, creed or religious affiliation,  to say you still support him is not one I can possibly understand.  Any chance I will ever respect those folks in the future, no matter how their personal come to Jesus moment manifests itself, is gone.  Only God, in whatever form with which you chose to confide in her in can forgive you at this point.

To end today on a super positive note...Yo La Tengo.  New album drops today, I have tickets to see them 8 times in 10 nights this summer, and just now they announced a three day tour (Osaka/Nagoya/Tokyo) in October and have already scoped out plane and train schedules.  I have got to write my love post to them soon.  They taped an hour long show with some of their new stuff for Pitchfork recently  and it was well shot and recorded.  Love and respect.

March 10th, 2018

Hey there,

Have been kicking off the posts lately with an embarrassingly cute photo from the picture archive, but Betty shared something at dinner the other night that demands you stop reading this right now and go to check out.  Nutscapes.com  Go.  NOW...!

How long have you been sitting on that nugget Betty?  Gorgeous photos from idyllic locations with dudes balls imaginatively shot in the frame.  Who said that art is dead?  It is times like these when my faith in humanity is restored and realize that the future of the planet is in good hands.

OK...here is what I think is the most adorable/cringe worthy photo from the recent picture haul.

That's me and buddy Tommy in our best attempt at KISS makeup at age 11/12.  I try to work into most conversations that KISS was my first concert at age ten (technically it was the opener that night Cheap Trick, also cool).  Half of my waking moments from that era were devoted to thinking about/listening to KISS and can go deep into their catalog all the way through Love Gun.  Recoil in horror when I try to listen to them now, but in the moment they were everything.  We put on shows lip syncing to set lists, which was harder then as it involved vinyl only, and this phot was probably before one such gig.  I was always Ace Frehley, which makes sense as it foreshadowed my life long love affair with discordant/fuzzy guitar.  While the best part of this photo personally is seeing that rock hard stomach that was not yet distended due to McDonalds, the funniest has to be that we drew on chest hair.  My how times have changed.

Hotter Than Hell (full album)

Notice how I haven't whined about the weather here for months now?  It has been cool and rainy, and downright cold at times.  Not only that, but consistently so for a longer stretch than I can recall in the 6 winters we've been on the Rock.  Wasn't gonna last of course as the jet streams inevitably shift, but was not prepared for just how quickly they do.  On Wednesday of last week, it got clear and the rain stopped and we had two glorious days.  By Friday however, the humidity set in and am once again in misery.  The shower handle went from all the way left for heat, to 3/4 of the way right for cold within 48 hours.  Ugh.  In the winter, never use deodorant cause frankly, I don't need it.  Will work up a sweat but a simple rinse takes care of business.  Since the switch was turned on, now wake up in the morning with a sweaty t-shirt collar and am met with armpits that are best described as smelling tangy.  And it isn't even hot (hot hotter than Hell) yet.  

Not the worst part, but equally distressing is that the mosquito bloom is instant and fierce.  Whenever I sit still for a few minutes, the skin crawls as it feels like they are all over you.  Walked into the home office the other night and Babydoll screams 'close the door' as she is hunting one and doesn't want to let it loose.  She isn't great at team sports as she just doesn't have that killer instinct in her, but if there was a way to channel the intensity and blood lust on display as she methodically went after the mosquito, vowing to end not only it's life but that of its entire family, she'd be the next Serena Williams.  Moments later, I catch a glimpse of one flying out of the corner of my eye, but it is lumbering like the plane in Fast 6 that was so  weighed down, it  took 20 minutes and 23 miles of runway to take off.  Easily tracked this one down and squashed it between my hands, and it had to have at least 10CC's of someones blood in it.

Speaking of 10CC...big boys don't cry

Here is a note that is hard to believe.  While driving yesterday, saw the first dead animal on the side of the road in all the time we've been on the Rock (Have been calling Taiwan the "Rock" this week in a nod to the annoying habit of island dwellers to describe theirs as such...get a sideways glance when I have and don't think it's gonna stick).  It was a pigeon looking bird, but with all the stray mutts that roam the streets, is hard to believe this was the first time we've seen a carcass of any kind.  Of course there has to be many and suspect that the locals treat this kind of thing as a public health issue and are diligent about removing road kill efficiently.

In a possibly related observation, have noticed a lot more dog doo about the neighborhood.  You'd see it before, but the sharp rise in it everywhere has been noticeable,  As a fall risk, I am constantly scanning the path ahead and even managed to step in some the other day.  As we have been in the two week long Chinese New Year season, which ended last night with the Lantern Festival, a lot of society takes off a bunch of time from their regular gigs and think it likely that the low waged cadre of orange vested street cleaners are the first to be part of the world's greatest migration.  Hoping the rash of poop is a result of that exodus and we soon return to the quality of life I have grown accustomed to.  However, there is a fear that this is another symbol, along with the hysteria surrounding the toilet paper shortage, that there is a real breakdown in the fabric of society.

Postscript to the above...the cleaning people did come back, and with a vengeance.  Not only haven't seen poop, but pressure washing of most sidewalk surfaces has been going on last few days.  All is well.

Have to tell a story that will likely get me in trouble for sharing, but feel it necessary to commit to the family record.  After I returned from the States, Betty had a trip planned there and she arranged to spend a couple days in SF to see my mom/family.  Mom was still at her Skilled Nursing place and have previously related that nearly all of the nurses and caregivers are of Filipino descent.  Have also mentioned a few times that a lot of people look at Betty and assume she is Filipino, especially Filipinos.  You can probably guess the end of this one at this point.  She shows up to see my mom and the plan was to break her out of her prison to go out to dinner.  They are both carnivores so a night eating a piece of prime rib had them both drooling like a congressperson over some of that sweet sweet NRA cash.  

Betty showed up at mom's directly and I probably should have told her some of the tips and procedures of the place, one of which is that whenever you take her out, you need to alert the front desk who you are and when you'll be back.  It's not a jail, but there are some senile folks in there and you don't want them getting taken for the proverbial ride.  Betty doesn't know this and she just starts to stroll out of the door with her and the alarms go off.  She is accosted by the staff, who assume she is another one of the Filipino caregivers, and scold her for a serious breach of procedure.  They are more than apologetic once they get the real story, but Betty hates when that happens and am surprised she even told me as she hates it even more when I rib her about it.

Something that has been on the list to talk about for a while now was a statement I heard in some interview I can't recall where the dude had read an article that said that boys that were breastfed were more likely to be breast men while those that were fed from a bottle were butt guys.  Something about proximity was the reason given.  Have tossed this out as a conversation starter and usually get a reply about asking about what happens to the girls.  The  'we all know their issues stem from daddy' comment doesn't go over well, and so have yet to get any traction on this topic.  Decided to do a shallow and quick Internet search and this article titled The Science Behind Being A Boob Or Butt Guy pops up.    Based on studies in the UK AND Argentina, it's just good science.  Starts off with a note about certain island tribes that like big butts cause it indicates they can not only gather resources and are able to lactate/procreate, but they are free of digestive parasites.  Hard to argue with that.  And learned a new word for the condition where large amounts of fat accumulates in the buttocks...steatopygia.

While it doesn't say why we are more prone to bust or  butt other than it being societal based, it does point out the merits of what one prefers and  sounds like the butt guys have it better.  More organized and white collar, they are said to be likely to self-abase in social situations and to be less stoic.  I had to look up self abase..."humiliation of oneself, especially as a result of guilt, shame or the like".  Huh.  Boob guys like sports and their independence and are also quitters and want to be the center of attention.  They are also more likely to smoke.

To be honest, not entirely sure where I land.  Have always thought myself preferring butts, but I exhibit all of the traits listed above (with the exception of the self abasement).  As my beautiful bride has is it going on like you read about on both sides of the equator, I guess that makes sense.

Finally for today, it is Women's History Month and we had our monthly coffee morning on the 8th, which was International Woman's Day, and so we had a speaker in on the subject.   We were lucky to get a professor (Lillian Wang) from National Taiwan University who received her PhD in Social Work from UCLA and has been among other things, a visiting professor at Oxford.  To say that this lady knew her stuff would be an understatement as she is the undisputed authority on the Status of Women in Taiwan.

She used data from the United Nations reporting on gender issues to frame her talk about how Taiwan fares when compared to the world on equality.  It must be said that Taiwan isn't in the official UN data as they aren't an official UN country (so weak), but they collect and process the data so they can compare and find the areas where improvement is needed the most.

We had a big crowd (for us) of about 40 people, and there was only one other fella there.  A 20:1 ratio of women to men is a crowd I feel most comfortable in, but the nature of the topic meant that I had to be on my toes with regards to my usual "wisecracks" as there were a couple ladies in attendance that were ready to pounce on any fact that didn't jive with their view of the status of women.

Sized up the crowd before the show and identified a couple of potential militants, and they didn't disappoint.  The speakers first section outlined where the data she was presenting originated and then asked how the crowd felt that Taiwan would fare in the world metrics.  The two Taiwan "Taiwan" ladies and I were the only ones that felt that the island fared well, while all the Westerners felt it would rank poorly.  The speaker then declares that Taiwan is the 'best'.  That is when they pounced.  The two that were spotted pre-show jumped in...one turned out to be from Sweden and she was aghast and declared 'no way' and that her country was ranked highest.  Our speaker was a pro and she qualified it immediately by saying Taiwan is the best in Asia.  Throughout her remarks, whenever she would be challenged on something, she calmly diffused the dispute with facts.

What was great about her was that she presented the info both clinically and compassionately.  Taiwan, along with Singapore, fare well in Asia.  The usual suspects ranked way down the list and both S. Korea and Japan ranked surprisingly low.  The speaker shared the details both with pride and the appropriate amount of disdain.  One stat showed that attempted suicides are the same between men and women, but that men were far more successful in completing the mission.  I got to raise my fist in pride at that one.  A stat on sexual assault showed that the vast majority of incidents were committed by men aged 24 and younger.  One dope in the back asked why it was young men that committed the acts of violence.  Hello?

What our more vocal participants didn't like was that things were still unequal now.  Of course things are not equal now.  Pay, responsibility for the kids, sexual assault...all of it is awful for women in a manner that is unacceptable.  But...it is way better than it was and is getting better every day.  You can't turn off millennia of patriarchal society like a light switch but you have to fight to do so every day.  And young dudes hormones are such that the need to stick their dicks somewhere is pretty much a 95% of the time endeavor (that's my stat, not one from the UN)   It's how you fight it...don't accept the status quo, understand the history and work calmly to fix it.  Our speaker gave her life story, where she was raised in a small town here, kicked ass in school and made it to the top of her field, yet she sees all her bosses are still men, and while I am sure she feels it unfair, fights the power with her mind and tireless work ethic.  That is how we're gonna make it better tomorrow and that is how she (and a lot of other women along with a few fellas) has made it so much better today.  Yelling at men will not get the job done.  By the way, there are plenty of the females out there that aren't helping you out much either and hope you are talking to/yelling at them too.

The last "question" of the day was from the Spanish lady that declared the only way we can fix it is by making the men do the dishes and take care of the kids.  She was at my 7 o' clock and could feel her eyes cutting through me.  Outnumbered, was not gonna react, but I did relate my life status to a friend within her earshot after wards.  The usual... am the stay at home dad, do most of the cooking and all of the dishes, and gave up my career to foster that of my spouse.  Ended this soliloquy with a hearty, "I am every woman's dream!"  We all laughed.

I had a bunch of gags holstered for the day and kept most of them to myself, but in the post talk social time, me and the other dude were chatting (hiding) in the corner and a lady comes up to us and relates that in a building full of women, she was surprised that she just went to the bathroom and the toilet seat was up.  I got to use one of my favorites...that you shouldn't be mad or disappointed in men for leaving the seat up, but we should be celebrated for lifting it up in the first place.

Is it wrong for me to say there were a few hotties in attendance?
 

March 2nd, 2017

Hey there,

Picture from the vault this week.

I'm not gonna claim I was a great dancer but did give it my all.  During the years where we were going to a lot of weddings, the above was pretty standard.  I call your attention to my lack of footwear...could not truly get funky with shoes on and had the socks to back it up.
In Taiwan news this week...TPapocalypse!  Due to product disruptions in Brazil and forest fires in Canada, they are anticipating "steep rises" in prices for toilet paper.  The locals went all "It's A Wonderful Life"  and cleared the shelves of all the toilet paper in Taiwan.  There were lines out the door at Costco and when I went yesterday, and there was nary a sheet to be seen. If you want to see the nuttiness that was at Costco, click on this link from Taiwan News as it has a short video.  You won't be disappointed.

If you recall, mentioned a couple of months ago that there has been an influx of pop up shops all over town that have only the claw machine arcade game in them.  It seems that these claw machine operators have taken advantage of the TPanic and removed the cheap stuffed animals and filled their machines with toilet paper.  Add to all of this a report that an outbreak of diarrhea has struck the island and you have a perfect storm.  I had a few potty talk puns for this section, but the facts seemed funnier.  Will not let you down however and leave you with this video of a guy in China peeing on the elevator control panel, short circuiting it and getting trapped inside.  Impressive stream this dude has.

Walking around town lately, have noticed an influx of California Angels baseball hats on the heads of the locals.  Took a few steps to realize that they must all be on board the Shohei Otani bandwagon cause no one other than the sleeved dude-bros and their big haired ladies would be an Angels fan otherwise.  Will be dialing up their games to watch him too.

I have been on a roll lately in getting people with some need in touch with folks that have a solution and have been developing a bridge metaphor for myself.  Still in the workshop phase, but I see myself as a man of bridges.  I am either building them, or burning them to the ground.  In Bridge On the River Kwai, would I be Japanese Colonel Saito or British Colonel Nicholson?  Madness!

A bridge I've been trying to build/blow up is amongst anyone I encounter, and their phone.  Mentioned last time about the tech ethicist and his tips on how to realize how we are being manipulated by tech geeks and some tips on how to lessen that addiction.  Since last time, they popped this 5 minute video up on YouTube that outlines the issue and three things anyone can do on their device.  Am over a week into this thing, and while I don't have data to support it, am noticing a real difference in how often I reach for the phone and how long I play with it when I do.  Have even left it at home twice and didn't realize it for good while.  Betty's eyes roll when I launch into my grayscale rap and have yet to find anyone even willing to admit they have a problem let alone come down this road with me.  Have talked to the head of tech at the high school in hopes they address it with the kids.  If not getting them to turn off their notifications, at least raise their awareness about how they are being used.  Am serious about this.

A couple of SF trip clean-up items for the record.  A show we don't get here that seems to be on constant rotation on the cable channels in the States is Modern Family.  There was an episode where Phil had a problem.  Seems every morning when he takes off his underwear, he flips it up with his toe and catches it.  If he misses it, his day becomes a disaster and the episode took off from there.  I do the exact same maneuver without the superstition but never occurred to me that I was even doing it or that every other man does the same thing.  Perfect sitcom writing.

One thing that is more noticeable every time we're on the west coast, it feels that the homeless camps get bigger and bigger.  In SF this trip, noticed that RV's lined the long stretch of El Camino Real in front of Stanford University.

Had seen them before and assumed they were there to tailgate for football games but realized this trip these are the Palo Alto version of a homeless camp.  We have a lot of problems that get more attention, but this thing is out of control and have not seen a solution that seems viable nor a good reason it is exploding.  Depressing on just about every level.

Finally, after spending some time with mom, wrote a paragraph or three  about getting old, quality of life and such, but it started dark and went full black hole, so I deleted it.  You're welcome.  I did have an existential realization during this dive that I will share.  Am certainly not a religious person, but have considered it my whole life.  Catholic school till 4th grade and have looked into the history of most of the Christian faiths, have read the Koran and while not to a monkish level, have studied at various times Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, Zoroastrianism, Greek/Roman gods, the Druids, Mormons...even the cult of Mithras.  Am a long time fake Jew and am not forgetting agnosticism/athiesism either.  My personal conclusion...some good stuff in all of them originally but exponentially find that they quickly became perverted by men (always men) and they are used to control the people who come into them in good faith.

Cannot remember how, but stumbled onto Deism the other day and am pretty sure I've been one the whole time.  In a sentence, "human beings can know God only via reason and the observation of nature, but not by revelation or by supernatural manifestations"  

Here is what the Encyclopedia Britannica has to say about it.  Takes the moral lessons form everything without the blind adherence to someones interpretation of any.  Think Thomas Jefferson...am not claiming to be TJ (for better or worse), but he cut and paste (with scissors and glue) a bible taking the moral stuff out and leaving all the Lord of the Rings things behind. The religion of "Don't Tell Me What To Do"  Am all in.

Travel tip time.  I like to take a snack on board planes and think that there is an etiquette in place that they should be smell neutral that most of us follow.  If not, there should be some public shame to those folks, not to the point of fisticuffs like the farting incident recently, but will (and have) have called it out on flights.  The tip though has to do with taking your snack through TSA.  Two of my favorite treats to bring aboard are a refrigerated Taco Lita burrito out of LA, or the meatball sandwich from Italian Deli when departing from the Bay Area.  Have always put them in my backpack and every time I do, TSA stops my bag after x-ray and pulls it out to dust for explosives.  Something about the sweet nectar in the sauce must glow on their machines.  Not gonna stop bringing them on, but will now take it out and put them into their own tray.  Probably won't prevent them from swabbing them down, but at least you won't have to undo a carefully packed carry on because of it and you make the TAS already stressful lives a little better.  

Mentioned last week that I have been working feverishly on family summer plans, and think I stuck the landing this year.  Every summer since we've been here has been a little different based on our desires and things we needed to do.  Take care of my mom, go see universities, connect with friends, etc.  As the kids are both older now, their requirements have evolved.  The Boy has figured out some internship for himself on campus.  The details are still a bit nebulous to Betty and I, but appears that he is going to be in C-ville the whole summer.  Babydoll was a bit more complicated.  As a rising high school sophomore, Betty has been promoting the idea of her going to some kind of camp to broaden her world view.  B-doll was pushing back as she is not the type that likes to go off on her own like that.  I was OK with the idea of road tripping with her and showing her some of the world we haven't been, but an opportunity popped up that seems to good to be true.

On my list of topics to plug into this space for a couple months now was a discussion I had with B-doll where she expressed an interest in becoming a teacher and one day returning to Taipei to teach at her current school.  Initially took that as a typical dream of a teenage girl, like becoming a pony veterinarian, but she has mentioned it on and off since.  Was at the school for a coffee talk about the camps and classes they were running, and saw a slide that mentioned something about teacher's assistants.  They weren't pushing it, but asked the guy running the program, who is also a family friend, and he said B-doll would be great for it.  A month working in a classroom with a teacher as their assistant.  And while it isn't a paid gig, it is free (as opposed to the month the long chemistry class that cost US$3500).  That she gets real experience in a classroom and it'll look nice on her resume for colleges are valuable bonuses. Sounds perfect, no? 

But that is not the too good to be true part...I get a month in the States with no kids to roam about and see things/friends.  Should probably not be doing a victory lap touting my good fortune, but damn.  Already mentioned that I am seeing Yo La Tengo for 8 shows in 10 days the first week of June.  Also planning to see a buddy in Atlanta for a few days and road trip up to DC to see the boy/old college friends.  In addition to that, The Feelies are playing in DC on June 22nd.  Easily in my top 10, and probably in the top 5 of my favorite bands...saw them only once in '91 right before the broke up.  They got together a few years ago and have put out a couple of new (and good) records, but only play in NJ/Philly/DC and maybe 6 shows a year tops.  That we can meet up again this June is too good to be true.  The rest of our break will be spent in SF seeing my mom and in Seattle doing Costco/friend stuff as usual.  See ya soon and will be reaching out shortly to make some dates.