March 10th, 2018

Hey there,

Have been kicking off the posts lately with an embarrassingly cute photo from the picture archive, but Betty shared something at dinner the other night that demands you stop reading this right now and go to check out.  Nutscapes.com  Go.  NOW...!

How long have you been sitting on that nugget Betty?  Gorgeous photos from idyllic locations with dudes balls imaginatively shot in the frame.  Who said that art is dead?  It is times like these when my faith in humanity is restored and realize that the future of the planet is in good hands.

OK...here is what I think is the most adorable/cringe worthy photo from the recent picture haul.

That's me and buddy Tommy in our best attempt at KISS makeup at age 11/12.  I try to work into most conversations that KISS was my first concert at age ten (technically it was the opener that night Cheap Trick, also cool).  Half of my waking moments from that era were devoted to thinking about/listening to KISS and can go deep into their catalog all the way through Love Gun.  Recoil in horror when I try to listen to them now, but in the moment they were everything.  We put on shows lip syncing to set lists, which was harder then as it involved vinyl only, and this phot was probably before one such gig.  I was always Ace Frehley, which makes sense as it foreshadowed my life long love affair with discordant/fuzzy guitar.  While the best part of this photo personally is seeing that rock hard stomach that was not yet distended due to McDonalds, the funniest has to be that we drew on chest hair.  My how times have changed.

Hotter Than Hell (full album)

Notice how I haven't whined about the weather here for months now?  It has been cool and rainy, and downright cold at times.  Not only that, but consistently so for a longer stretch than I can recall in the 6 winters we've been on the Rock.  Wasn't gonna last of course as the jet streams inevitably shift, but was not prepared for just how quickly they do.  On Wednesday of last week, it got clear and the rain stopped and we had two glorious days.  By Friday however, the humidity set in and am once again in misery.  The shower handle went from all the way left for heat, to 3/4 of the way right for cold within 48 hours.  Ugh.  In the winter, never use deodorant cause frankly, I don't need it.  Will work up a sweat but a simple rinse takes care of business.  Since the switch was turned on, now wake up in the morning with a sweaty t-shirt collar and am met with armpits that are best described as smelling tangy.  And it isn't even hot (hot hotter than Hell) yet.  

Not the worst part, but equally distressing is that the mosquito bloom is instant and fierce.  Whenever I sit still for a few minutes, the skin crawls as it feels like they are all over you.  Walked into the home office the other night and Babydoll screams 'close the door' as she is hunting one and doesn't want to let it loose.  She isn't great at team sports as she just doesn't have that killer instinct in her, but if there was a way to channel the intensity and blood lust on display as she methodically went after the mosquito, vowing to end not only it's life but that of its entire family, she'd be the next Serena Williams.  Moments later, I catch a glimpse of one flying out of the corner of my eye, but it is lumbering like the plane in Fast 6 that was so  weighed down, it  took 20 minutes and 23 miles of runway to take off.  Easily tracked this one down and squashed it between my hands, and it had to have at least 10CC's of someones blood in it.

Speaking of 10CC...big boys don't cry

Here is a note that is hard to believe.  While driving yesterday, saw the first dead animal on the side of the road in all the time we've been on the Rock (Have been calling Taiwan the "Rock" this week in a nod to the annoying habit of island dwellers to describe theirs as such...get a sideways glance when I have and don't think it's gonna stick).  It was a pigeon looking bird, but with all the stray mutts that roam the streets, is hard to believe this was the first time we've seen a carcass of any kind.  Of course there has to be many and suspect that the locals treat this kind of thing as a public health issue and are diligent about removing road kill efficiently.

In a possibly related observation, have noticed a lot more dog doo about the neighborhood.  You'd see it before, but the sharp rise in it everywhere has been noticeable,  As a fall risk, I am constantly scanning the path ahead and even managed to step in some the other day.  As we have been in the two week long Chinese New Year season, which ended last night with the Lantern Festival, a lot of society takes off a bunch of time from their regular gigs and think it likely that the low waged cadre of orange vested street cleaners are the first to be part of the world's greatest migration.  Hoping the rash of poop is a result of that exodus and we soon return to the quality of life I have grown accustomed to.  However, there is a fear that this is another symbol, along with the hysteria surrounding the toilet paper shortage, that there is a real breakdown in the fabric of society.

Postscript to the above...the cleaning people did come back, and with a vengeance.  Not only haven't seen poop, but pressure washing of most sidewalk surfaces has been going on last few days.  All is well.

Have to tell a story that will likely get me in trouble for sharing, but feel it necessary to commit to the family record.  After I returned from the States, Betty had a trip planned there and she arranged to spend a couple days in SF to see my mom/family.  Mom was still at her Skilled Nursing place and have previously related that nearly all of the nurses and caregivers are of Filipino descent.  Have also mentioned a few times that a lot of people look at Betty and assume she is Filipino, especially Filipinos.  You can probably guess the end of this one at this point.  She shows up to see my mom and the plan was to break her out of her prison to go out to dinner.  They are both carnivores so a night eating a piece of prime rib had them both drooling like a congressperson over some of that sweet sweet NRA cash.  

Betty showed up at mom's directly and I probably should have told her some of the tips and procedures of the place, one of which is that whenever you take her out, you need to alert the front desk who you are and when you'll be back.  It's not a jail, but there are some senile folks in there and you don't want them getting taken for the proverbial ride.  Betty doesn't know this and she just starts to stroll out of the door with her and the alarms go off.  She is accosted by the staff, who assume she is another one of the Filipino caregivers, and scold her for a serious breach of procedure.  They are more than apologetic once they get the real story, but Betty hates when that happens and am surprised she even told me as she hates it even more when I rib her about it.

Something that has been on the list to talk about for a while now was a statement I heard in some interview I can't recall where the dude had read an article that said that boys that were breastfed were more likely to be breast men while those that were fed from a bottle were butt guys.  Something about proximity was the reason given.  Have tossed this out as a conversation starter and usually get a reply about asking about what happens to the girls.  The  'we all know their issues stem from daddy' comment doesn't go over well, and so have yet to get any traction on this topic.  Decided to do a shallow and quick Internet search and this article titled The Science Behind Being A Boob Or Butt Guy pops up.    Based on studies in the UK AND Argentina, it's just good science.  Starts off with a note about certain island tribes that like big butts cause it indicates they can not only gather resources and are able to lactate/procreate, but they are free of digestive parasites.  Hard to argue with that.  And learned a new word for the condition where large amounts of fat accumulates in the buttocks...steatopygia.

While it doesn't say why we are more prone to bust or  butt other than it being societal based, it does point out the merits of what one prefers and  sounds like the butt guys have it better.  More organized and white collar, they are said to be likely to self-abase in social situations and to be less stoic.  I had to look up self abase..."humiliation of oneself, especially as a result of guilt, shame or the like".  Huh.  Boob guys like sports and their independence and are also quitters and want to be the center of attention.  They are also more likely to smoke.

To be honest, not entirely sure where I land.  Have always thought myself preferring butts, but I exhibit all of the traits listed above (with the exception of the self abasement).  As my beautiful bride has is it going on like you read about on both sides of the equator, I guess that makes sense.

Finally for today, it is Women's History Month and we had our monthly coffee morning on the 8th, which was International Woman's Day, and so we had a speaker in on the subject.   We were lucky to get a professor (Lillian Wang) from National Taiwan University who received her PhD in Social Work from UCLA and has been among other things, a visiting professor at Oxford.  To say that this lady knew her stuff would be an understatement as she is the undisputed authority on the Status of Women in Taiwan.

She used data from the United Nations reporting on gender issues to frame her talk about how Taiwan fares when compared to the world on equality.  It must be said that Taiwan isn't in the official UN data as they aren't an official UN country (so weak), but they collect and process the data so they can compare and find the areas where improvement is needed the most.

We had a big crowd (for us) of about 40 people, and there was only one other fella there.  A 20:1 ratio of women to men is a crowd I feel most comfortable in, but the nature of the topic meant that I had to be on my toes with regards to my usual "wisecracks" as there were a couple ladies in attendance that were ready to pounce on any fact that didn't jive with their view of the status of women.

Sized up the crowd before the show and identified a couple of potential militants, and they didn't disappoint.  The speakers first section outlined where the data she was presenting originated and then asked how the crowd felt that Taiwan would fare in the world metrics.  The two Taiwan "Taiwan" ladies and I were the only ones that felt that the island fared well, while all the Westerners felt it would rank poorly.  The speaker then declares that Taiwan is the 'best'.  That is when they pounced.  The two that were spotted pre-show jumped in...one turned out to be from Sweden and she was aghast and declared 'no way' and that her country was ranked highest.  Our speaker was a pro and she qualified it immediately by saying Taiwan is the best in Asia.  Throughout her remarks, whenever she would be challenged on something, she calmly diffused the dispute with facts.

What was great about her was that she presented the info both clinically and compassionately.  Taiwan, along with Singapore, fare well in Asia.  The usual suspects ranked way down the list and both S. Korea and Japan ranked surprisingly low.  The speaker shared the details both with pride and the appropriate amount of disdain.  One stat showed that attempted suicides are the same between men and women, but that men were far more successful in completing the mission.  I got to raise my fist in pride at that one.  A stat on sexual assault showed that the vast majority of incidents were committed by men aged 24 and younger.  One dope in the back asked why it was young men that committed the acts of violence.  Hello?

What our more vocal participants didn't like was that things were still unequal now.  Of course things are not equal now.  Pay, responsibility for the kids, sexual assault...all of it is awful for women in a manner that is unacceptable.  But...it is way better than it was and is getting better every day.  You can't turn off millennia of patriarchal society like a light switch but you have to fight to do so every day.  And young dudes hormones are such that the need to stick their dicks somewhere is pretty much a 95% of the time endeavor (that's my stat, not one from the UN)   It's how you fight it...don't accept the status quo, understand the history and work calmly to fix it.  Our speaker gave her life story, where she was raised in a small town here, kicked ass in school and made it to the top of her field, yet she sees all her bosses are still men, and while I am sure she feels it unfair, fights the power with her mind and tireless work ethic.  That is how we're gonna make it better tomorrow and that is how she (and a lot of other women along with a few fellas) has made it so much better today.  Yelling at men will not get the job done.  By the way, there are plenty of the females out there that aren't helping you out much either and hope you are talking to/yelling at them too.

The last "question" of the day was from the Spanish lady that declared the only way we can fix it is by making the men do the dishes and take care of the kids.  She was at my 7 o' clock and could feel her eyes cutting through me.  Outnumbered, was not gonna react, but I did relate my life status to a friend within her earshot after wards.  The usual... am the stay at home dad, do most of the cooking and all of the dishes, and gave up my career to foster that of my spouse.  Ended this soliloquy with a hearty, "I am every woman's dream!"  We all laughed.

I had a bunch of gags holstered for the day and kept most of them to myself, but in the post talk social time, me and the other dude were chatting (hiding) in the corner and a lady comes up to us and relates that in a building full of women, she was surprised that she just went to the bathroom and the toilet seat was up.  I got to use one of my favorites...that you shouldn't be mad or disappointed in men for leaving the seat up, but we should be celebrated for lifting it up in the first place.

Is it wrong for me to say there were a few hotties in attendance?