Welcome to my diary...the goal is to share with you the sights, sounds, and yes, even the smells of what it's like to be an Imbrogulio in a foreign land.
This week saw the best headline yours truly could hope for...Taiwan faces cool week ahead. OK, obviously the best headline would be 'President Arrested', but that was good and it has been absolutely delightful around here fall week. I thought for a second that we might have gotten the arrested thing when I saw this article with the headline Taiwanese police bust 'Trump' dope lab, but it was one detailing how these guys got caught making 'narcotic coffee powder' and put it in pouches with 45 on it.
After reading the article, not sure what these things are made of or do, something about coffee and bath salts, but have to give the guy props for his marketing skills
One more piece of local news that is all the rage, the Taiwanese woman fined at a beach resort in the Philippines for wearing an itsy-bitsy, teenie-weenie micro bikini.
It took a long, long time to find an image that wasn't blurred or pixilated, but I take the time for the sake of art and in devotion to the folks that click on this space. Of course this image found was from the Daily Mail as those Brits love them some public nudity.
Staying in this part of the world, have to share this beginner's guide to Asian hot sauces. Have never gone on an exhaustive personal search for them as they are always oily and disappointing, I have had all of these somehow and the one we keep in our fridge is Laoganma chili oil with black beans. Use it on rice when we eat Asian food and it does a decent job. Never knew it was called Laogammaas we have always referred to it as the Angry Lady sauce due to the angry lady's face on the jar. As the old adage goes...If it pisses off a Chinese woman, it has to be good.
1) If you don't finish the rice in your bowl, you'll get freckles on your face.
I personally think freckles are cute. More for me I guess.
4) If you bit your tongue while talking, it means meat for dinner tonight.
A commentary on the state of nutrition and seems that one would be trying to bite their tongues in getting some glorious meat to eat. Left out is what kind of meat they are to get
6) Always eat chicken feet in even numbers, otherwise your hand will tremble when you write and your characters will be ineligible.
Two of my favorite things finally together...eating chicken feet and writing in Chinese
11) Eating earwax will make you dumb
As a purveyor of all things that have to do with body emissions, I have never heard of eating earwax nor has it ever crossed my mind. Gimme a second... Not bad. Tastes more like a French thing though
12) If a girl is kissed by a boy, she will soon have a child to take care of.
Some things have been true since the first creatures crawled out of the seas. Updated version...if a boy rides on the back of a scooter a girl is driving...
14) Infants can't eat chicken feet or they'll tear books when they grow up
Who is tearing up a book? I've seen muscle men tear up a phone book and videos of book burnings (just last week as a matter of fact). With all the little bones in a chicken foot, choking would be my number 1 thru 10 concern.
15) Two people that share a duck head will soon start quarreling.
Makes perfect sense
19) If you cut your toenails at night, you'll fall down the next day.
I sweat this is true. Saw Babydoll doing it a few weeks ago and sure enough, she took a spill the next day.
22) If you ride a dog, the crotch of your trousers will split.
Now they're just making shit up
25) If you do eye exercises with your eyes open, you'll go blind (Chinese children have to do eye exercises twice a day in school. They hate it as it's boring and infringes on play time, while teachers are very strict watching them).
Would have thought I had heard about this before now, but apparently they do eye exercises at school twice a day to combat high rates of myopia found in Asian students. This might explain why I see so many crosseyed folks around town. I don't know if they do that in Taiwan schools but am on the case. I always thought myopia was seeing things in a narrow way intellectually but totally makes sense that it also means nearsightedness. Anyhoo, here is a great video of the eye exercises they do.
I did them and felt a lot more relaxed.
Finally for today, am sharing this video of 45 doing an impersonation of two people having sex. He did this last week and he is the President of the United States.
New to the 'only funny to me' file, our friend from the UK came here to work and he stays with us for a few days, and when he's here we watch a bunch of football games. A commercial that has been in heavy rotation is one for AT&T that has Gordon Ramsey handing out samples at a place that looks like Costco. When the American woman angrily mocks how Gordon pronounces "use a cocktail stick", it busts me up every time, Our friend is not nearly as amused as I am and even less so when I greet him with a hearty 'Mornin' Cocktail Stick'
Quicky hair update. Still in 'grow it out' mode and am having fun experimenting with scrunchies and letting it blow in the breeze. Should have seen it coming but has come as a bit of surprise that hair is all over the house. Fully realize that mine is falling out and that I have a decent sized bald spot, but the depressing part is that it is everywhere. I have complained for years about the girls hair clogging drains and being all over the floor, but it is now just as much mine as theirs and you can tell it's mine as it is all curly-q. It is typical here to have tile floors and ours is white, so dark colored hair really pops. Likely that I have even more hair on the ground but as it is primarily grey, it gets camouflaged.
I'm sitting in my chair the other day and see something moving out of the corner of my eye. With the creatures here, it is moving with the speed and size of a giant cockroach. This is the time of year when we can open up our windows and get a damn fine cross wind through the house, so what is happening is that my hair is collecting like a tumbleweed, which bound their way down the hallway and end in spot behind the couch that is in a wind shadow. As you can see below, the result is having pubic hair tumbleweeds
Here is one mid-hallway.
OK...back from the States after an amazing week of shows by my beloved Yo La Tengo. 7 days, 5 shows, 1 in the air and a free day Sunday (to watch football). First night was in LA and arrived early morning, which gave ample time to head to Arcadia for a Taco Lita run.
Hasn't changed a lick since I was in Middle School. Exact same decor, food and even the two ladies behind the counter have been there at least 35 years. So good. Got an extra one for the next day too.
Know I talk about it every year, but it was unexpectedly closed when the family went in July, so getting this annual fix was special. What I may not have relayed before is that it has a haunted bathroom.
I've never seen any apparitions and didn't feel any presence when I peed this time, but it is legendary amongst the poltergeist hunters. You can read about it here.
After a huge nap at my buddy Norm's house, we were off. LA gets a ton of crap for traffic, but you know where else has shitty traffic? Every other big city. Driving around LA with the windows down and tunes cranked makes me feel complete.
Another great thing about LA is that it is the best food city in the world. You can bet better tapas in San Sebastian, couscous in Fez, or General Tso's chicken in whatever city that fascist came from, but you can get the second best of everything in LA. San Francisco,, NYC or lots of other places will say that their city has it all, but in LA, there are 50 different places all owned by 1st generation immigrants. You have to put in the time and calorie intake to find the best Persian food for you. This evening, my buddy took me to a Japanese sake house (creatively called Sake House) and I had a spicy salmon roll that might have been the best I ever tasted. So good.
One more note about this restaurant. In looking at the bill, saw a 4% charge for "Health Insurance" It was explained that California implemented some requirement recently that required restaurants to contribute to employee health insurance funds (heaven forfend) and that some places that disagree with the abominable thought of taking care of their employees want you to know that it is costing you to do so. Would love for them to put a percentage as to how much of the bill is their profit. As a healthy fuck you to this fuck you, I wrote up reviews on TripAdvisor and Yelp (even creating a Yelp account to do so) to tout the great food and grotesque way they think of their employees. If you have a better way of voicing your opinion, or have a different one, I welcome your input.
The first night of the tour was at The El Rey Theatre and had never been to that venue. It was a lovely space and the show was amazing with a fine setlist. Tired Hippo is a tune I don't think I'd ever heard and they rearranged it into something haunting. During the part of Ohm where they hand the guitar into the audience to mangle, it was immediately crowd surfed to the back of the crowd and disappeared. So LA.
During one particular portion of noise, Mr Kaplan tripped and fell into his amp, but he didn't stop the proceedings and turned an accident into even more distortion. A master at work.
The highlight of the night came during the encore. First song was a rollicking version of The Gun Club's 'She's Like Heroin To Me'...an LA classic. Before these tours, have been emailing the band with a song request. David Kilgour (of The Clean and solo), who I know the band is a fan of and who released an album this very day and knowing that, requested a particular The Clean song. Not only did they play it, but freaking David Kilgour came on stage to play it. What a moment...my friend, who I had earlier informed of this request, was duly impressed.
That new record of David Kilgour is called Bobbie's a girl and it is fantastic. Feels mellow throughout and can be played while doing work, but if you listen close, there are a ton of layers. Have played it with friends and they have all asked what it is and added to their playlists on the spot. Highly recommended for all ears.
One more LA note...after the show, my buddy asked if I was hungry and wanted to eat at the best taco truck in LA. Duh. The best? I would have to spend a year eating at a different one to personally make that call, but I respect the opinions of those I respect and it was damn good. I had chorizo tacos and added salsas and chilies from the obviously hygienic tubs that you see on the table below. LA takes a ton of crap, and know I have some personal bias, but I love everything about it...warts and all.
Speaking of the best, at dinner, my buddy was talking about a road trip he was on with friends where they had a running gag about the word 'worst'. The premise is that people use that word for things that really aren't and gave an example by saying, 'you know when you walk up to an intersection and the light turns red just as you get there? That's the worst.' I found it funny and countered his 'Worst' with our story of the Italian tour guide we had that criticized Americans that need to know what 'The Best' is. Two sides of the same coin.
The next night was a show in Big Sur at what was called a festival but was really just a show at some campground in the woods. The good thing was that you have to go up Highway 1 to get there. It is a long drive and one I hadn't done in at least 20 years, but it is unquestioningly one of the most amazing drives and places on the planet. You think that you are looking at the most beautiful sight you've ever seen, then round the bend and it is even more glorious. And there is next to nothing civilized for a couple hours straight, which makes it a good place to meditate. I vow to make that drive with the Boss in the next couple of years.
The Big Sur show was weird. Got there around 4ish as the opening act was starting. His name is William Tyler who is a solo guitarist with no vocals. Interesting, but knowing he was going to open for them in SF in a couple nights, didn't pay that much attention and instead did some people watching. To say that it was 21st Century millennial hippie (the worst kind of hippie) would be an understatement. A lot of irregularly washed longhairs flopped out on Mexican blankets. They have no issue with pro-creating as there was a ton of their little brats running around. An OG hippie had set up a table and was distracting some of the kiddies with a table to draw pictures. I watched them for a while, half out of curiosity and half to ensure this guy kept his hands to himself, and the kid wearing the hoodie said at one point, "I'm the only kid here that has had caffeine." Those hippie genes are surprisingly strong.
Yo La Tengo starts as the sun set, and not a single sole stood up. The entire front of the stage for at least 10 feet was completely open, which was soon filled with all the pre-teens jumping around the entire show. You can sorta see it below and should have taken better photos of them.
The band played as mellow a show as I've ever seen. I couldn't be the only one standing up in the front so stood off to the side in front of the speaker, which was OK. They did break out a couple of distortion gems near the end, but will say something that I never thought I'd ever say...could/should have skipped this show. I know, I'm as stunned as you.
Sunday was a day off and did an early AM drive into the Bay Area. On this route one has to pass through Castroville. Most people know that Gilroy is the Garlic Capitol, but did you know that Castroville is the Asparagus Capitol? I love asparagus and in my future drive down with the boss, am already planning an extended stop to experience all things asparagus. You know the toilets have to smell amazing.
This rock and roll pilgrimage was a good excuse to hang with mom for a bit and we had some time to grab a few of our favorite things to eat. Poor thing doesn't get around well and so doesn't get out much, but she still has her taste buds and relishes a good meal. She gets her food delivered by her facility 3 times a day, and even though her place is a quality one and the menu items sound good, it is still institutional. As it is delivered to her room long after it is prepared it is always cold. Add that these old people places must be on some edict that adds no salt or spice and the food is downright awful. Seeing the look of ecstasy on her face when she puts her lips around an In-N-Out Burger makes me happy knowing that she is happy.
I would go over to her place every morning in time to watch Price Is Right, which is on her TV every morning and gives a welcome respite from the daylong barrage of Fox News that poisons her mind. She has been through some major surgeries the last few years and is afraid to take much medication out of fear of becoming addicted, but that Fox is as much of a mind control drug as anything a doctor would prescribe. If I am lucky enough to get close to her age, I will not make the same mistake and will gladly swallow all psychotropic substances they give me.
Anyhoo, one morning we're watching Price Is Right and it is the last contestant game of the day...the one where the four folks bid on an item to go up on stage. The second to last woman bids $1.600 and the last twenty-something guy bids $1,599. $1,599! The price is $1,640 and the woman goes up and as she is jumping around and heading to the stage, you see the dude face palm himself in realization of just how bad he choked on national TV. The woman makes it through the wheel and into the Showcase Showdown where her bid is within $100, and she wins both the showcases. She effectively wins $60K all because some dumbass didn't bid $1,601. Classic.
The last three nights of the trip were shows at The Chapel in the Mission District and my Brother-in-Law (BiL) went along to all three. We have similar music tastes but disagree on as much as we agree, but we both get off with the super noisy stuff that Yo La Tengo do and so he was a willing partner this week. Will comment on the band shortly, but a couple of SF observations first.
We both like to eat and he is trouble for me cause his body chemistry allows him to eat like the Cookie Monster and remain thin. Good/bad thing was that he always has snacks when we got home late night with a case of the munchies. We had a couple of nice meals at a trendy place across the street from the shows called Water and Flour, but the real highlight was the night we went to the Filipino burrito truck on the same block as the club. What is a Filipino burrito you ask?
Similar to a Mexican one, but the meat is certainly seasoned differently and in Filipino style. The one I got had pork and was loaded with salsa and chunks of avocados...and french fries. So freaking good.
BiL drove the first night and I did the next two. On his night, we parked at their new SF apartment and as he fears not getting a spot, we Ubered over. Seeing who our driver was immediately knew that this run of shows was blessed from above.
First of all, their apartment is hilariously on a street called Uranus. Second, like meeting a Chinese man named Tyrone, you don't meet a black guy named Ira every day.
As for my driving two nights, I naturally found great parking. On the first night I drove, got a spot on the street equidistant between the club and the taco truck. "How about that spot?" I asked BiL and he said it was "It's alright". Alright? It was a gawdamn masterpiece. Couldn't believe my ears so texted Betty this outrage and she calmly explained that some people just don't understand superpowers. She watches all the Marvel stuff so will take her word for it. I think she then forwarded me this article titled The science behind finding the perfect parking spot. Kinda thin, but the premise is correct...always go to the front unless it is a situation where it is more efficient to park in a place that offers the least resistance. Some will say that a great parking spot is Doris Day or Kojak parking, but those two would call it a Gomez spot.
While it was probably due to where we were, did not see a ton of the homeless camps either in LA or SF, but was assured they are all still there. In SF, BiL told me that a new tactic businesses are using is putting giant rocks on the sidewalks so people can't set-up their tents. A classic caveman tactic and pretty low tech for Silicon Valley, but as this article will attest, it's true. We have got to do better than this.
During this trip I had conversations with people, some older than you'd think, where I had to go to ultimately unsatisfyingly great lengths to explain the following: Cheech and Chong, what the carbon copy in BCC means, goldenrod, and Federal Express. The last one was to my 28 year-old nephew who was home one day that I was waiting for an important package and told him to be on the lookout for Federal Express. He looked at me like I was explaining the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics in the original Finnish s he had no idea what Federal Express was. I think he got a bit scared as I'm on their front porch yelling at him "Federal Express! You get stuff delivered to this dump everyday by them...you have to know what Federal Express is!" No one was on my side in this outrage (as per usual) as they took his side saying it has not been formally called Federal Express for many years. Apparently I'm just some out of touch old guy now. When did that happen?
Quick follow-up to that last item...last night at dinner, asked Babydoll out of the blue if she knew what Federal Express was and she didn't hesitate in saying 'FedEx' . She's 12 years younger than her cousin. In the nature v nurture debate, I think we have an answer.
One more thing about the bay area. It's teeming with tarantulas! Don't fear, they are just looking for mates and the likelihood they are going to deposit their eggs in your ear canal while you sleep is very low
As for the shows, they were freaking amazing.
Night one saw William Tyler open and BiL liked him a lot. What no one was expecting was for Mr Tyler to get on stage with Yo La Tengo and play their entire set with them. I have never seen them do that before and as this guy was a guitar master, his presence added to the sound nicely. This night also had on the bill some liquid light show so it had a true 60's SF vibe going. To complete that vibe, they played a 12 minute version of the Dead's Wharf Rat that was as good as Jerry & Co ever did.
Note liquid light show...wasn't as trippy as I envisioned those in the 60's being, but maybe it was the (lack of appropriate) drugs.
The Chuckleberries opened this night and you are not alone if you've never heard of them. As far as I can tell, they are a long time local cover band that YLT seems to love. Sloppy fun is what they were with the drummer dude being infectiously awesome.
On the Yo La Tengo Facebook page, they put up a photo of the marquee of this evening like the one I added above. I don't comment publicly often but the Yo La Tengo page feels like a safe space to me and click on the comments section to make one. It is there that where I see some piece of crap named Kirk Baugh make the following comment: "I'll be going late. Cant stand the Chuckleberries." Why? Why do people feel obligated to make some shitty comment about another person or their art for no reason or point? Social Media absolutely fucking sucks.
This was the night we decided to work our way up the front. BiL isn't a big fan of that move, but this crowd isn't pushy and I wanted him to see the magic happen up close. A dirty secret about being up front on the stage is that the sound sucks more often than not, and this was the case for The Chapel. Watching Mr Kaplan contort his guitar and effects pedals is a treat though, and you can watch the interplay of all the players in a unique way.
This evening's setlist was quite good too and had them playing a couple of my favorites along with a dripping 15 minute version of the VU's Heroin. The date of this show was September 25th which was also our 25th wedding anniversary (going to the shows was my present and for the record, the Boss got a lovely ring...you should ask her about it). During the encore, they announce that they are having a friend up on stage in honor of his 25th wedding anniversary to sing a song to his wife in the audience. This friend is obviously not a musician and screamed through the lyrics of a song called Aba-Daba-Do Dance. The odds that this dude and we would share a 25th wedding anniversary moment with Yo La Tengo has to be incalculable. Never heard this tune before and it was really fun for all concerned. Check out the original...it is worth 2:12 of your time.
It is always with mixed emotions going into the final night of any concert run.
Meg Baird was the opening act and she was fine. BiL liked her a lot more than I, her voice was powerful, and for the dreaded singer/songwriter, did not hate it.
The setlist for this night was one I might write up if I had been granted a wish. Even though I'm a huge fan, two songs of theirs compete in my mind as my favorites, and they played both of them in succession.
They did the guitar in the audience song again this evening (obviously having rescued it from the LA crowd), and the more sophisticated SF audience were entertained by it appropriately. That song, Ohm, was written in 2014, but the lyrics feel ripped from the headlines/our souls. Here is a sampling.
Sometimes the bad guys go right on top Sometimes the good guys lose We try not to lose our hearts, not to lose our minds
Sometimes the bad days may take their grip Sometimes the good days fade But the rain today hurts the head to drink
But nothing ever stays the same Nothing's explained The harder the we go The longer we climb
'Cause this isn't the road we know So say good night to me Lose no more time No time 'Cause it's been fun
They did a music video for that one, and here it is...resisting the flow.
During the encore, they played Ant Music (by Adam and the Ants) and The Hollies Bus Stop before bringing Meg Baird on stage to sing local icons The Jefferson Airplane's White Rabbit. Sometimes they will do a cover and it is a bit clunky, but you could tell they had really practised this one as the music was ripping. Ms Baird has a lovely voice, but she really put her heart into this song and the entire joint was freaking as she belted out the last line..."Feed Your Head"
I've seen more than my share of Yo La Tengo shows...my first was in 1991 and have seen at least 70 and probably closer to 100, and this night has to be in the top 3. For a band that has been playing going on 35 years, being able to astonish this longtime fan was something else.
Left the next afternoon, which gave time for me to pick up a meatball sandwich (with double meatballs) from the American-Italian Deli to enjoy on the plane, which I doubly did.. I get to the ticket counter for Eva Air, which is a Taiwanese carrier, and a move I make is to ask the clerk if the plane is full. If not, ask them if there is a window or aisle seat that currently has no one in the middle. They do. But in typical Taiwanese fashion, they can't simply change my boarding pass but have to physically write out some waiver form for me to sign. They love themselves the CYA forms in this culture. They gave me a copy of it and cannot find it to share at the moment sadly, but it is classic mumbo-jumbo. The best part, the color of my copy was goldenrod.
Got back from California a few days ago where I was fortunate to see Yo La Tengo for 5 shows. I have so many things to share about that trip but am not sure where this week went and have not had a second to put fingers to keys. I have less obligations this Fall yet seem to have a lot less time. and something is not adding up. So as to not miss a week, am gonna cop out and share a couple of things from about town.
I will say one thing about California and that is that the weather cleared up my crotch rot/diaper rash. Could feel it going away almost immediately upon landing and it was nearly gone by the end of the week. Came back here and a heat wave snapped back and am almost at full itchy/scratchy again. Don't remember it being this bad years previous and figure that either my body chemistry is changing with age somehow, or global warming has reached some level that affected my corner of the animal kingdom.
This week saw a bridge collapse about an hour east of Taipei that killed 5 fishermen of Indonesian dissent. Those folks always seem to be in the path of destruction. You can easily YouTube several videos catching its collapse and have linked one below. Craziest thing to watch is the tanker truck that is crossing the bridge when it starts to fall and almost makes it across before flipping 90 degrees and crashes to the ground. Amazingly, the driver only suffered some cuts and bruises.
Finally for today's abbreviated effort, adding to the list of favorable lists where Taiwan has been ranked highly, Switzerland's IMB Business School placed Taipei 7th in the world on the "smartest cities" ladder. While Singapore was # 1, two Swiss cities attained top 5 ratings, so we should take the process that they used to rate the cities with a grain of salt.
This article outlines some of the criteria used to conduct the survey with things like use of Internet to register for hospital visits, attitudes towards the use of closed circuit TV in fighting crime, and satisfaction with transportation as indicators. This comes on the heels of another report, also by IMB, that ranked Taiwan 9th in technology and 13th in digital competitiveness.
As we are now in our 8th year in this place, I have to agree with all of these reports and accolades. This is a great place to be, with lovely people and a future forward culture, and feel lucky that this is the place we happened to end up. I know I have said and written this sentiment before many times: I bitch about the food and traffic a ton, but the food is a personal preference and traffic sucks in any large city, but if it wasn't for the heat, this could be a perfect place. I am waiting to see something out of Switzerland that ranks Taiwan high on the CRI (Crotch Rot Index)
Programming note. There will likely be no post next week as yours truly is making his annual rock pilgrimage. This one is to California to see my beloved Yo La Tengo for 5 shows in 6 days (LA, Big Sur!, 3 nights in SF). You know where my mood lies and that next time will be another ode to them.
A story popped up in my feed today about figs. I like figs so clicked on it.. How figs are fertilized and that they are not fruit, but flowers, this was a really fascinating account about them. Expand your mind and prepare for it to be blown
One note from the previous summer recap from SF that I forgot last time was regarding my sisters mutt. She got a new one and he celebrated his 2nd b-day while we were there. He's a chocolate lab named Buck and we were told that he has an appetite for socks. We were warned not to leave them lying about and one afternoon saw a pair of my nephew's on the ground. Pointed it out to him and he said that the dog doesn't eat his anymore. Buck slept with Babydoll during our stay and one morning she tells me how pissed she was cause the dog woke her up at 5am (she typically slept till at least 10a) puking out some socks. Of course I asked whose socks they were and she didn't know cause they were covered in bile and she immediately threw them into the garbage outside. Being a bit self conscious in killing the previous dog, I fished them out of the trash and they were the nephew's.
Skipping over Chicago for now as I haven't downloaded photos from Betty's phone. After ORD, we spent the last couple of weeks in Seattle where the weather was simply perfect. Warm during the days, a couple of sprinkly/misty mornings, and just perfect at night. Doesn't do me any good now sitting here with crevices caked in rash and hydro cortisone, but a good memory.
Seattle is when we get our annual check-ups. Babydoll doesn't have to go but her school requires a signed medical update. No news from her other than she dropped 13 pounds from last year. She has developed a regular workout regimen and dances all the time, so getting results like that help keep up the motivation.
Betty had her first colonoscopy. Tried to tell her but she underestimated the impact of the pre-procedure colon cleanse. My gag that you probably heard this sumemr was that this was the first time in her life that she wasn't full of shit. They have these things down as she was in and out in exactly one hour. Betty was definitely out of it when the doctor came in to tell her of the results, which were glowing. Doc said she had an immaculately clean and smooth colon and I asked if she was a perfect asshole. Took her back to the hotel for a nap after and had to walk her on my arm down the hallway. The cleaning lady's cart was blocking most of the hallway and as we tried to sneak by, I walked her face first into a wall. She didn't remember and I did feel bad about that, but also laughed a bit too.
As for my doctor visit...another reminder that getting old sucks. Lost another 1/4 inch of height for instance. My doctor said she noticed me walking more hunched over. My mother is really bent over all the time now and her mother/my grandmother was so bent as to be at a complete right angle. Try to tell myself to stand up straight, but know this is my destiny. I had a pain between my toes that I thought might be an ingrown toenail, but turns out it was a corn. That's an old person thing, yes? She did not do the typical prostate finger up the butt as she said that it can be detected through the blood draw, so if your doctor is still doing that to you, they are just sexually assulting you at this point. . All of the results from that blood work gave results that were all solidly in the preferred range. With the shit I put into my body, how is that possible?
This was near the end of a crazy driving day. They are always crazy days in Seattle having to drive the kids/Betty around and meeting folks for dinner every night, but this one was insane. Here is the route for the day...Issaquah, North Bend, Ballard, Downtown, Issaquah, Downtown, Woodinville, Ballard, Pioneer Square, Ballard, Queen Anne, Issaquah. I stated it often but the locals weren't buying it...I thought Seattle traffic was better this year. The Viaduct/Tunnel opened and the revisions to the carpool lanes have made going across the water less congested (in my opinion). There was only one afternoon that we got nailed in a jam, but that was the same night as a pre-season Seahawk game and we knowingly went into the teeth of it. Just sayin'.
Went to the annual Mariner game with the fellas (6 of us go to a game and get drunk in the LF bleachers). Many years, there is some event or altercation to relate, like last year when I got kicked in the head by a fellow Mainer fan, but this year was unremarkable. The only thing to say is that we have a bet and the winner drinks for free. I haven't drank a beer in several years and the other boys would always give me crap for ordering wine, This year, they all drank wine. Getting old fellas...haw haw. The Boy and his buddy came with us to the game but didn't sit with us. They caught a foul ball the little shits. Apparently, one stopped it and the other caught it on the rebound. Took me 48 years to get one and the little Prince got his at 20.
Saw a really great band at the Crocodile. I looked long and hard for something to see while in town and landed on a Turkish act called Atlin Gun. They play70's Turkish disco and were super fun. They must be big in that community cause every hairy mustachioed Turk in the PNW was there and they all sang along to the songs. Riveting band...the lead guitar player also played a raucous stringed instrument called a Suz, and the female lead singer wore the tightest of jeans and a vintage tube top that came loose when she dove into the crowd. If you ever need a band recommendation, lemme know.
Overheard this while in town. "It's not my fault Pangea split into 5 pieces".
Finally, Babydoll decided to get her ears pierced. Have never talked about it before and I wasn't in any hurry cause I know that'll mean she has something new she wants to buy, but Grandma opened up her jewelry case to her and she picked out a pair so needed to get them done. My experience with the process is nill and only remember my sister getting hers done at Bullocks department store. A lot of folks said there was some kiosk in Northgate mall but also heard as many stories about infections. Luckily, Seattle doesn't have a shortage of places to get your body pierced (tattoed and branded). We took her to Pierced Heart and they had all the bolts and nipple clamps you could want. They did a nice job, and liked the fact that I had to sign off on the procedure with her being under 18.
Okey dokey...see you in a couple weeks, but before we go, three thoughts on the NFL season so far.
- The flea flicker always works.
- Steve Young has hit the age where his dyed hair looks out of place (I.e. completely ridiculous).
- They talk about the Patriots Way, which I now understand as the Patriots (looking the other) Way. Seeing Tom Brady hugging rapist Antonio Brown made me sick to my stomach.
Usually try to open these things with some local news but do not have much to relate as it is simply too hot to do anything other than the bare minimum outside the house. Not a local story, and not even a new one, but here is a nice story on the immigrant couple that founded the Panda Express empire. They lived across the street from me growing up but other than seeing them get the newspaper at times, never had any interaction with them. My town was as white as it came and the Panda family were part of the first wave of Chinese that moved into the neighborhood. I regret many thoughts and words from those days.
Fortunately, this is an amazing time of year for sports so have some indoor fun to distract my mind. The big drama this week came courtesy of Antonio Brown. Not gonna rehash it here as you either know it or don't care. Watched MNF with some buddies the other day and one of them follows college ball over the pros so did not know any of the story. I related to him all the events from the last couple of years and it took almost 5 minutes to get through it. And that was before the rape allegations. The reason I am even bringing it up here is that I had a day this week that I was seriously renouncing my Raider fandom and becoming a Patriot honk. Am sick of always losing and those guys do everything right and wrong to win. They're gonna put that piece of shit AB on the field this weekend. Why not lean into being a Pats fan and own the Libs? Then I realized that if there is a heaven, I would like to gain entrance and defending those guys would put me on the bad list.
I will do a local update about how the heat is messing with my pH balance at the end today and spoiler...it ain't pretty.
Alrighty. Will spend a few minutes continuing on with some summer trip notes.. Last I left you we were flying to San Francisco to spend a few weeks with my mom while my sister took her annual summer vacation. As you may recall, a couple years ago when house/dog sitting, her 10 year old lab died under my care. As she was leaving town this year, my sister's instructions to me were not to "kill my dog or my mother." No pressure.
For a lady that just turned 93 and has had two serious surgeries (subdural hemotoma and shoulder replacement), the old girl is in great shape. Her long term memory seems pretty intact and she not only remembers who I am, but all of the mistakes and bad things I have done in life. Her short term memory however... I wish I was a better person to not get frustrated by having to repeat the plan 10 times in a row. I think I could make it through them if she didn't accuse me of never telling her stuff, which puts you on the defensive. I should probably read up on the subject and develop strategies to cope with that.
We weren't at my sisters alone as her son/my nephew is living there these days. He has a life and we didn't see him a ton, but at one point as we are negotiating time with the washer/dryer, he says that it is time to 'process' the laundry. Figure that is a millennial term but Babydoll and I loved it and now process our own laundry, dinner, homework, etc.
Here is a word my kids throw at me at times and hear it used by other kids in this generation too. When I am trying to explain something that they really don't want to know about and ask if they understand, they will throw out a dismissive and questioning 'Sure?' said in a vintage valley girl accent. Have you experienced this? Drives me absolutely fucking insane and I immediately attack them for using it. They get real defensive and mad at me for getting mad at them but feel someone should tell them now before they use it on a boss or teacher.
I know Betty hated when I did this with the Boy, but did it again with Babydoll this summer and that was to spend an hour or three teaching them how to drive. I am most careful as to where we go, first starting late at night in a huge empty parking lot, then on some deserted airport access roads late at night. I think she did pretty well. Our concern with B-doll has always been her sense of direction, or lack thereof. Some folks internal gyroscopes are flipped magnetically and up is down for them. With all the driving and map applications now though, I think she could maneuver effectively in the world.
I don't need to rehash my issues with Palo Alto and the pretentious bubble that exists there as I have probably railed on it the last 6 years in many forms. The only new weird thing about it this year were the squirrels. I saw a dead one somewhere the first three days and so wrote down in my notebook all the times I saw them going forward. In 16 days there, I saw at least one dead squirrel on 14 of them. My theory is that they have become pests to the point that the locals are poisoning them. I know that is against the law, and would be unethical to their stated bubble belief system that all creatures should be free to be themselves, but that belief only lasts until something interrupts their view of nirvana, and then it is bring on the rat poison.
One more bit of Palo Alto culture that bumps me the wrong way is Philz Coffee. This is a regional chain that specializes in blended brews. If you visit their website, this is a company that has a 'story' and needs to describe to you the 'exeprience' you'll have drinking their coffee. I need a cup and this place is on the way, so pop in and peruse the menu. Almost walk out cause they have names like 'Ambrosia of God' and 'Canopy of Heaven', but need my fix so settle on Tantalizing Turkish cause I enjoy Turkish coffee. It is described on the menu board as having flavors associated with cardamom, herbs and tobacco. I'm the only one in line and it takes them a good 7-8 minutes to handcraft my beverage, which gives me time to look around the store which has 17 hipsters with their heads down looking at 17 laptops. I swear there was not a single conversation or any eye contact in the joint. I get my cup and it tastes like a freaking kebab. So precious.
A positive thing to mention that happened during this time is that I got Babydoll to start watching Veronica Mars. Me harping on how awesome it was her entire life finally jelled with one of her besties agreeing with me. Hulu had a reboot of it and they streamed the first three seasons. She binge watched all and has come to love it. We wanted to watch the new season together when we got back to Taiwan, but she is too busy, so I polished it off (and watched it again already). It was great. I only mention this in hopes of spreading the word of one of my favorite shows ever. Why not try it?
Another fun thing that happened while we were in Palo Alto this year was that 4 of the boys I coach on our varsity baseball team enrolled in a 5 day baseball camp at Stanford. I went over to watch them a couple times and could not have been happier for them. There were some serious ball players at this camp. All of the kids at this camp were high quality and a lot of these high school boys looked like men. Big men. One kid looked like mid-career Jayson Werth, complete with greasy mullet and scraggily beard. I watched two kids hit homers that were easily 375 feet. Our boys looked like elementary school kids in comparison, but they held their own and the experience they got playing with better kids at a facility that was world class will help with our upcoming seasons training for sure. Getting to hang and talk with them about it at the ballpark gave me some credibility points too.
One of the kids mom and little sister were there and we hung out watching the game. The sister must be one of those poor siblings that gets dragged to all the stuff cause she is prepared and is reading a book the whole time and does little talking. After the game, we all meet up with the boys and their son/brother is a catcher. Ask if he was getting beat up behind the plate and he lifts his shirt to show me one of his bruises. The sister reacts immediately and flicks it as hard as she could...love her.
One of the other baseball coaches is a Bay Area native and an Oakland A's fan, so we planned on a Sunday afternoon game to go to together.
I love that dump and for whatever reason, the games are always a spirited affair and this game ended in a walkoff win for Oakland. It was Mark Semien free t-shirt day and I got mine. It is OK...has his name and a graphic of him on it and their 2019 team slogan 'Rooted In Oakland' is on the bottom. I wear it a few weeks later and Betty looks at me and says, "Is that guys name Semen?". I point out the slogan and tell her that the A's are trying to get a new stadium, and with the Warriors moving across the bay and the Raiders making a move to Sin City, the A's are promoting the fact they want to stay in Oakland. Nice. One of their best pitchers is from Australia and is good enough to have gotten his own bobblehead this year and it says Rooted In Oakland on the base of it. This particular bobblehead is highly sought after down under because "rooted" in Australian means fucked. This pitcher loves the fact that his bobblehead says 'Fucked In Oakland' They have a great sense of humor down there one I hope doesn't get washed away in this era of righteous indignation
Here is a little tip for any visitors to San Francisco. We had to get a hotel for a couple nights and got one just south of the airport. In taking my morning stroll, stumbled upon a trail right along the bay cleverly named Bayshore. On maps, can see it goes all along the west side of the bay, but this stretch was a couple of miles that terminated at the cyclone fence of SFO. If you've flown into SFO before, you may have been on a plane where another plane was flying right alongside and you basically race to the runway. Along this stretch, you can see the planes lining up for miles and watch them come in side by side. Your view of the entire tarmac is uninterrupted so you can see them taxi and see the other planes lining up to take off, which is also in pairs of two. It reminded me of stories during the Berlin airlift. Along the path is a Starbucks (thankfully not a Philz) and outside they put some Adirondack chairs to watch the world go by. SF is a particularly gorgeous city with a thousand stunning vistas, but this one might just be my favorite. If you have a flight out of town, maybe go an hour or so early and meditate. It is only a 5 minute drive from the terminals. Seriously.
Betty came to town for a couple days and then we drove down to LA to see her family....dog and mom survived. I wouldn't recommend buying it, but the rig we rented for this trip was a Jeep Compass. Drove fine, was a bit ergonomically wonky inside but looks bitchin'. I definitely put the Ass in Jeep Compass.
Forgot to mention that while my sister was gone that she let me drive her new Subaru. She finally sold off her Lexus, which was my dad's ride that she got from him way back when. That thing had a ton of miles on it and had none of the Bluetooth or other features a new Ford Focus would have now, but it always drove smooth. I hope she doesn't read this, but that new Subaru was the most passive-aggressive car I have had the displeasure of driving. You cannot start it without clicking on some terms and conditions button promising you'll drive safely. And the fucker dinged at everything. Change a lane without using your blinker? Ding ding ding. It even dings when the person in the back seat isn't buckled up but isn't smart enough to know that I just put something heavy back there. I like a car with an assertive horn, but this thing was more of a Debbie Downer whine. We dubbed it the Subaru Palo Alto edition.
The drive to LA is another annual trip and the highlights are always a drive through Gilroy to pick up some garlic peanuts, counting how many trucks full of tomatoes we'd see (115) and the game of asking "is that you?" as we pass by Harriss Ranch (aka Cowschwitz) and their heard of 10,000 cattle. Also a highlight is the obligatory stop at Vim for Thai Food...a family tradition since 1991.
We had a pleasant visit with her sister's family and mom. Betty's mom is quite spry and I envied her knees. We go to visit her dad's grave every year to clean it and say a prayer for him. In the car after, mom is asleep in the back seat and her arm is hanging on to the strap on the roof of the car. I say to B-doll that you can tell a lot about her side of the family's origins as that is exactly what an orangutan looks like when it is sleeping. We all laughed really hard cause it's true. Don't hate me for making a racial joke cause one of that side of the family's current gags is talking about the way the Asians drive in Orange County. Asian Drivers...No Survivors. Am sure this is a biased statement since I grew up and learned my driving chops there, but LA drivers are the best there is.
After LA, we sent B-doll up to Seattle while Betty and took a 5 day trip to Chicago. Will save that for another day and time.
Gonna finish up today with a crotch rot update. Obligatory warning that this will be crude.
Since last time, the diaper rash has improved a bit in the areas that were affected, but it has also migrated, crossing the landbridge that is the taint and up the butt crack. It's a freaking abattoir down there. Abattoir is a great word. It then defied gravity and jumped up to viciously attacked my arm pits. Am still battling all of these hot spots with every ointment the drug store has to offer. Raised my arms in the mirror today and my armpits looked like Rocky's eyes after his first bout with Apollo Creed. 'Cut me Mick'
That's not all. While this rot is concentrated in all the crevices that are dark and sweaty, another annual tradition has come into play. I know that I go on and on about how shitty the weather is here, but there has to be something more than just heat and humidity going on. Since we returned one month ago, there has not been a single day where the temperature did not have a high of at least 104. All gawdamnday long. When we go to and from this place, and to and from the cool climes of the Northern California or PNW, it takes a week or two but certain body changes occur that I have a hard time understanding. Each year upon returning to the States, my hands will peel. Fingers, back of hand and palm will shed in sheets. Doesn't hurt, but is just kinda gross. What happens when we come back here? Glad you asked...my meat and potatoes will start itching uncontrollably. Not all day, only when I go to bed. I will wake up and it'll be itchy. Think that I must go at them initially in my sleep cause they are on fire. I should just get up and put on the Benadryl cream, which seems to help, but lie there in a half coma scratching them mercilessly until I cant stands no more. This morning in the light of day, I took a close look at it and it has the exact same color and texture of an AM/PM pepperoni stick that is past its sell by date. I don't know if they are national, but there is a company that sells dried meats called Oh Boy Oberto. I went to look for a clip that says their trademark "Oh Boy' line to add to the end of this post, but found this amazingly poignant commercial of theirs instead. Enjoy.
After reading the article, not sure what these things are made of or do, something about coffee and bath salts, but have to give the guy props for his marketing skills
