April 20th, 2015

You must have those people in your life that, no matter how positive the subject, will always throw a wet rag on it and just bum you out.  SNL came up with Debbie Downer. for a reason. 

Hold on...we interrupt this entry as we are having a big earthquake right now...just heard something crash  and need to wait till the place stops shaking before I can go investigate...

Bunch of picture frames fell over, but no glass broke.  Was 6.3...they have a great website that posts the location and magnitude within minutes.  Am sure it feels bigger being on the 16th floor (it definately shakes longer), but that was powerful and get under the desk kinda scary. 

Back to Debbie...always try to minimize contact, but what I don't get is that they are inevitably married to really fun people who don't seem to notice how annoying their spouse is.  There has to be some syndrome that defines it, but it always perplexes. 

Finished off a couple of big projects this weekend, and Betty is out of town for a few days, so hoping to get caught up with a couple of entries this week, beginning with closing out the Thailand travelogue.

Have already mentioned Bangkok and Chiang Mai, and after those, we headed to Phuket for a few nights.  This is a destination that everyone points to as one of the best, so was excited to get there.  We got hooked up with a highly recommended tour company that helped us plan our stay, but hate to say that I was very underwhelmed.  We had two days budgeted to get on boats to see beaches and snorkel.  First bummer was that it took 1.5 hours in the car to get to the docksides, which meant early wake up calls.  Then, it was another 1.5 hours on the boat just to get to where we were going.  Back and forth, that is 6 hours of travel.  The boat rides were OK...the weather was nice and scenery was good, but once we got to the spots, seemed like the entire world was there.  And once we got in the water, thought that the quantity and variety of things to see was down right poor.  We all agreed that after the amazing waters of Palau, that we are now snorkel snobs.  When speaking to people about it afterwards, they all had this same complaint about Phuket.  So why does no one volunteer this information in advance but rather, all you hear is how beautiful it is.  My guess is that they either went 20 years ago when it was less traveled, went to some private island that only the uber rich can afford, or have never been and are just repeating lies that others have told.  Please people, share the truth about your feelings.

Look at that sea of people...took this from the ocean where there was a ton of cigarette butts floating around.

 We stopped at Monkey Beach, which we were looking forward to, but they wouldn't let us off the boat saying the monkeys bite.  That didn't stop this other group of college dudes from going on it.  They were totally wasted...the one dude climbed into that ratty cage while his buddies rolled him around.  Monkeys were far cooler.

 Our second day trip was billed as going to the "Virgin Island" where we would feel "alone".  Would have had there not been 15 other boats loaded with tourists landing there at the same time.  The nature walk was lame too...there are sea turtles and hairy crabs that have sex in trees, but we saw none of them as they are nocturnal.  Could have mentioned that in the brochure.  Did see this bitchin web with the "X" camoflauging the spider.

 It was a gorgeous beach, but it took a while before we could get the family photo without tons of people in the background.

Another day, we toured old Phuket city and popped into one of the more popular beaches.  Old Phuket had a few streets of charming 19th century Portuguese style buildings.

 



Stopped into the local "best" temple...why are temples (and churches for that matter) so busy with relics.  Have to say that of all the religions, Buddhism seems the most appealing.  All about peace and serenity, meditation and love.  That is why seeing this sign was a bit of a bummer.

We stopped at the Big Buddha...it was big.  I started singing "I like Big Buddha, and I cannot lie", and even talked Paul into posing rap style with me.

Gangsta. 

Our best day of all was the one where we did nothing and just sat poolside all day.  The hotel was on a beach, a very beautiful and quiet one, but in the water were these as yet to be identified creatures that would bite you everywhere...like you were being pinched constantly, even inside your swimsuit.  We ended up calling them nematodes.  They didn't leave any marks, but were constantly annoying, and once I mentioned the creatures that crawl up your penis and lay their eggs, going back in the water was out of the question.  And I looked at dozens of reviews about this hotel and not one mentioned the fucking nematodes.   A pretty important piece of information to leave out I think.  But having a day eating lunch, having tropical smoothies, reading a book (Keith Richards biography Life...highly recommended) and taking a nap was just lovely.

I am sure we could have done better in our tour and hotel selections, but it seemed that everywhere we went, it was piles of tourists.  I know, that's what we are too, but will be looking for something off the beaten path for next time.

To recap, Bangkok...fine if you have to go, but don't make it a destination.  Phuket...be careful and don't just do your homework, but get a money back guarantee.  Chiang Mai...go.  Go now. 

And now for the random observations about Thailand page from my notebook.  In no particular order...

- A couple of travel tips.  First from Paul...always have a key card from another hotel in your wallet.  You can use them in the slot that turns the power on in the room and you can take that room's key with you when you go out.  It sucks having no power in the room to charge your devices while you are eating dinner.  Second, invest in packets of flushable wipes and take one along.  Costco sells them by the box load.   They are better than baby wipes as they are flushable (duh), and are great for wiping off your hands after a sticky meal.  They are essential in those cases when you have to use a public bathroom, and even in the nicer hotels, they tend to use scratchy cheap toilet paper.  You never know when you are gonna eat that certain something and be stuck on the toilet, so having something soft and moist to take care of business can be a life saver.  Pretty much a must have.

- Speaking of flushable, our toilet got clogged one morning.  It was not entirely clear if it was Betty or I that did the clogging, and as I'm walking out to the lobby, I catch the end of Betty's conversation with the staff telling them about it and blaming me.  How dare she when it could have been her that did so and proceeded to point and blame her for the plugged up toilet. 

I did later confess at lunch to the family that it was indeed me that did it.  I related that once I noticed, and after waiting for things to loosen and hopefully clear up, found that it wouldn't do so.  Sometimes, they leave a plunger in the room, but not at this place.  Looking around for something to use, saw that the hotel pen was extra long, and tried chiseling  away at the mass to get it to go down.  It did clear enough so it wasn't visible, but not for it to flush normally (I did throw the pen away)  That is why Betty wasn't sure if she did it or not, but she didn't know it at the time, so that was still low for her to blame it on me to the staff.

- Thai women were cute in the normal percentage that you would say about most cultures.  Found some to be striking, most to be regular looking, and some to have really bad acne.  The guide on one of the boats was this 6 foot tall monster...cute enough, but not the 80 pound things that get associated with Thailand.

- I was constantly on the lookout for the famous Lady Boys of Thailand.  I didn't see many, or at least I didn't notice them.  From the media and what people say, I was expecting half of the dudes to have female features.  I am sure that it wouldn't be hard to find, but that was not on the family vacations itinerary.

- What I did see a few times were the solo Western guys hanging out at the coffee shops.  They all had the same uniform...flip flops, khaki cargo shorts and short sleeve white button up shirt.  I saw the same type of guy three times...sitting alone mid afternoon, talking to whomever was there, and having the same shit eating grin on their faces.  I determined these are the guys that come to Thailand on sex tours and that this is the time they had woken up for the day.  Subsequent conversations with people that go there a lot say that this is exactly what I saw. 

- What is huge in Thailand is MuayThai fighting.  Every city was advertising matches, they sold the boxing shorts at all the shops, every other billboard had schedules for upcoming matches...was just everywhere.  Didn't have the opportunity to go to one unfortunately but would plan ahead to go if we went back...looked up some highlights on line and this is crazy shit.  They have gloves, but the most effective blow is one where the crack their elbows upside the opponents heads.  The Thai people are not large in stature, but would not mess with any dude there as I figure they all practice this shit at home. 

- At one point, I got Put the Lime in the Coconut song in my head and, much to the kids annoyance, could not stop singing it for the better part of an afternoon.  I didn't know that Harry Nilsson wrote it, but do now.  Great song.

- What is it about air travel that makes me so hungry...I will eat anything and can't get enough.  And the greasier or more revolting it is, the better.  Am I alone in this? 

- They day before our day by the pool, we stopped at a large store to pick up snacks for the day called the Big C.  All 'C' puns aside, this was a huge store, kinda like a Target, only heavier on the grocery side of the business.  I was so pissed off at Taiwan afterwards.  This place had everything...prepared foods, all kinds of sausages, they even had this jar of peanut butter infused with dark chocolate.  Taiwan has nothing...NOTHING...like the Big C.  I hate that about you Taipei.

- Driving home at the end of a long day, we had the van pull over at a side of the road pineapple stand.  Perhaps the best pineapple I've ever eaten, but the true revelation was they gave you this little packet of seasoning to put on it.  It was a mixture of salt, sugar and chili peppers, and when you dip a slice of pineapple into it, pure magic.

I guess this is the time to talk about the food.  The one word review...awesome.  In general, food that you eat outside of the country of origin usually tastes different.  Makes sense as it is modified for the taste of the people eating it.  Explains why I hate the Chinese food here and make Panda Express my first stop when I get off the airplane in the States.  But the Thai food in Thailand tastes very similar to what I've eaten elsewhere.  The curries are bit thinner, and every curry tastes a bit different, but they were certainly close. 

One night, we went to this place that was popular with the locals and I pointed to the yellow curry with pancake and shrimp.  They lady looked at me and said "no, too spicy".  After ordering the other stuff, I felt a bit insulted and told her to bring it.

It was spicy, the stuff in my head that is usually gooey all liquified, and I was sweating out of my eyeballs, but it was not close to the spiciest food I've ever eaten.  Of course, felt obligated to eat the whole thing as she laid down the challenge.  More than 20 years ago, a friend of mine introduced me to a Thai joint in LA called Vim.  I had eaten Thai food before, but fell in love with it from that day forward.  They are on Sunset in East Hollywood now, but used to be on Vermont between 8th and 9th, which was the epicenter of the riots in 1992.  A couple of weeks after they ended, we had to go see if it survived.  Driving through that part of town then resembled a war zone...most of the buildings were burnt to the ground and those that weren't hadn't even had time to be boarded up.  As we got onto the block that Vim was on, all the buildings on the corners were still smoldering, but shining like a star, and open for business, was Vim.  Seems that the people in the hood loved it so much that they spared it from the fate that all the other businesses suffered.  We used to take everyone that visited town there, and we still make the annual pilgrimage there on our visits to LA (just scheduled an afternoon there on June 25th...join me won't you?).

While all of Vim's food is fantastic (our typical order includes shrimp fried rice with pineapple, coconut chicken curry, spicy green beans with pork and Thai ice teas), their crowning dish is the spicy seafood soup.  Crammed with fish, mussels, clams, crab and shrimp, it is served in the most perfect spicy broth.  I dream about it often...a couple of before and after pictures from the archive.

And yes, I do own a Vim t-shirt.  It has a couple of holes, and the collar is frayed, but I will break it out on special occasions.  Have been searching the planet for spicy Thai seafood soup that is better for decades. We had a few in Thailand, and they were very good, but just could not match the perfection that is Vim. 

We ate at a couple of fancy restaurants, which were both delicious, but felt that we had just as good stuff at the little holes in the wall, or at the places on the side of the street.  Plates of pad thai or curries for 40 baht (about $1.25) that were awesome.  I got on a kick after one of them saying that Costco should add pad thai to their menu.  I know that we like the hot dog deal, but wouldn't you kill for a plate of $1.50 pad thai from time to time.  Plus, as it is rice noodles, it is gluten free...tell me that's not a selling point to the crazed diet fanatics?   Think I ranted on this idea for 30 minutes in the car before Betty told me to shut up.

And these cheap good meals were everywhere...we did not have a bad plate of anything Thai the entire trip.  Our hotel in Phuket had this red curry with crispy duck that we shared one night.  We all loved it so much that we went back our last night and each got an order of it for ourselves.

What follows to the end of this entry is basically food porn.  You have been warned.

Probably the widest variety of stuff we saw and ate were the two nights at the Chiang Mai weekend night markets.

Quail eggs were salty and good

 Fried pumpkin served in banana leaf

 Did not try either the heart or stomach

 Insects were popular, but I've done that before and didn't need to do any stunt eating this time.

 The cicadas were huge...and everywhere.  They are horrible looking creatures and make a loud buzzing noise when they fly, sorta like a V2 rocket.  In the lobby one night, one of them flew right into my crotch and must have liked it, cause he decided to hang out.  I flicked him off roughly, and the lobby guys carefully picked him up and gently put him in the bushes.  Probably saving him for dinner later

 Love to watch craftsmen at work

 Paprika fries are even better than they sound

 These tiny quail were spinning on the rotisserie, and it was mesmerizing watching their heads snap as they made each rotation

 BBQ snails

 Salted fish

 Stopped in Phuket one day at the place where you have to point to get what you think you want.  Very good lunch and slurped up every drop.

 Outside of some temple in Bangkok was a huge tent with all kind of food vendors.   Cooked inside a piece of bamboo is sticky rice with sugar and black beans.

 And this was our first (of many) 40 baht pad Thai's.  Yes, I said two orders please.

And nobody got sick once.  Here is to you Thailand and your marvelous cuisine.  You have moved into 2nd place on my personal list of cuisines of the world (just behind Italian and right above Indian and Hungarian, which are tied for third).  Speaking of Italian food, I proposed a fusion Thai-Italian restaurant called, obviously, Thaitalian.  A subsequent web search shows there was such a place, in Pasadena of all places, but has since closed down.

Talk soon.