November 1, 2012

Went back to Chinese class yesterday and told the teacher about my new Chinese name...PinPin.  She said that it was more of a feminine sounding name or like the way you would talk to a child,  In Chinese, they will say a word twice for baby talk (nai is milk so they say nai nai to kids)...much like we will add an "e" to a word (nice doggy) in English baby talk.  She said I should ask my family for a Chinese name, which I informed her they already had (Pon su, which translates as fat ass).  She laughed but confirmed the notion that it is very common for families to give mean nicknames to each other.  And you can only give a nasty nickname to a younger relative...not to an older one.  The teacher's nickname for her younger sister translated into "the ugly one".  One of the ladies in the class said that sucked cause she was the youngest child, but the teacher said, "that's OK...you can give your brother or sisters children an endearingly mean nickname".  I know that their calling me Fat Ass is supposed to be endearing, so I asked her about the name they call my wife's sister's husband, who happens to be Israeli.  They call him Yo Tai Gue...the Jewish Ghost.  Teacher didn't think that was so nice...my classmates were pretty much horrified. 

The teacher said I should try this website to give myself a Chinese name. You put in your name, birth date, and a defining characteristic. My name came up as Yan Zhi Han . For fun, I loaded my name in the Gangsta name generator and it came back as Fat Ugly Pud. When even the computer is mocking you, it's time to lose some weight.

We learned how to say numbers yesterday.  The number seven is pronounced "chee" and the teacher said that you are supposed to say that when you want someone to smile for a picture.  I mentioned that our family says "Whiskey" instead of Chee or Cheese.  That was met with another look of disbelief. 

An interesting note about numbers...in Chinese, the number 13 is said "1 ten + 3", 62 is "6 ten + 2" and so on.  The teacher said there was a study done and they found that the Chinese were better at math at earlier ages as the language made learning how to count easier.  With the stereotype that the Chinese are good at math, it kinda makes sense.  I said that is good to know so I can tell it to the Chinese side of our family, who always says their superiority in mathematics was due to a higher intellect.  A classmate chimed in that she wasn't surprised they would say that since they sound like alcoholic racists. 

Had an interesting back and forth with my (9 year-old) daughter this morning...they have swimming class this week and she was wearing her swim suit underneath her t-shirt.  She said that the swim top felt like a training bra.  She is definitely not ready for that yet, but said that she sees some of her friends starting to wear them.  I asked her what a training bra was training them to do?  She took a beat and then gave me one of her more disgusted looks.  Betty said it was to train them to stay in the right place...if you don't wear a training bra, will you end up looking like this?.




 That's the hot new fashion trend in Japan...bagel forehead saline injections.  I do not make this stuff up.

They have lots of holiday's here...last week was Taiwan Restoration Day, commemorating the return of Taiwan to China from Japan after WWII.  Japan had controlled Taiwan for the previous 55 years after the First Sino-Japanese War.  Yesterday was Chiang Kai-shek's b-day (Happy 126).  The ones I am still a bit confused over are the days when the Taoist/Buddhists burn the money.  Have detailed the practice of having a burning trash can outside of homes and shops where they burn money to appease the spirits, but on certain days, everyone starts lighting these things up and the whole city has a smell of burning paper.  Have not been able to figure out when and why these periodically happen, but am working on my understanding.  I think it has to do with the lunar cycle.  Another thing they do on these days is put out food offerings.  These are usually on a small card table in front of their stores and have incense and fresh fruit, and on almost every table, a bag of Doritos (Nacho Cheese or Taco flavor).  I love 'em too, but still cannot wrap my mind around why the spirits are so into them.  Much like Kwai Chang Caine, Grasshopper has a lot to learn..