Week of May 31st, 2014

Last night was 5th grade recognition night for Carolyn, while not billed as a graduation, it signified the end of her elementary school years as they move into middle school next year.  As with everything that place does, was a phenominal evening.  Every kid is in either strings, band or choir, so they all performed in one way or another and were all entertaining.  They had kids introduce the acts and whoever helped them write their scripts did a great job as there were several laugh out loud one liners.  For example, when acknowledging Mr. Whalen, the lower school counselor and all-around great guy, the boy giving the testimonial related their appreciation on how he taught the classes on puberty, explaining the changes that "will be taking place with our bodies and why we smell so bad."  Good stuff from an 11 year-old.  Touching slide show and a finale when all the kids got on stage for a final song together.  They then all marched together through the aisles and out the door.  Kind of a bittersweet night for me.  Gonna miss the TAS lower school as I've made some great friendships there and it is such a warm environment.  And when I think about my little babydoll becoming a young woman, I get a lump in my throat that hurts.  Not looking forward to some of the girl things on the horizon.  While I know that boobs, boys and menstruation are but three that will be awkward for both of us, it's the ones I don't know about that really scare me. 

Here we are on her way out the door.  She is getting taller, but she is wearing heels while I am getting shorter and am in bare feet.

As we do most mornings, we were watching the 15 minutes of headlines on CNN International over breakfast today and we were all appalled by what we saw.  The lead story was about the Pakistani woman that was stoned by her family in front of police at a courthouse for wanting to marry a man that wasn't the one her father had "given" her to.  They call it an "honor" killing, and included in the group of 20 odd people that bashed her head in with bricks were her father and the guy that was jilted.  They then go onto say that the guy that she wanted to marry had killed his first wife.  He acknowledged this allegation saying that killing her was justified because he loved this new woman so much.  Holy shit.  CNN then segued into the next story from India where two early teen girls were gang raped and hung on trees while the police allegedly did nothing. 

I could be criticized (possibly rightly so) for letting my kids watch this, and have to say that this was far more graphic than the usual morning CNN news fare of the Ukraine, Thailand and flight MH370, but tried to make it a learning opportunity.  For Carolyn, told her to always make sure she goes places with friends and to always make friends with people that look after each other.  Never leave them alone...ever.  For Paul, to always stand up for women in distress even if it might put himself in harms way.  There will be times in life where he will see a women that is out of her senses from being over served, but that it is his responsibility to make sure she gets home safely.

I looked up the definition of honor and while it all sounds good, the perversion of its meaning in the name of whatever these people believe in that justifies killing their wives and daughters.  It ties my brain into the ugly concept of saving face to protect ones honor and have come to the conclusion that I will never use that word again.

The big news in Taiwan this week was the mass killings on the Taipei subway.  Some loser of college age (sound familiar) went on a stabbing spree and killed 4 people.  It was this article that caught my attention...during the melee, after he got his first four victims, he went after a woman who fended him off with her bag of library books.  Another 52 year old guy steps in to keep him at bay, using his umbrella to do so, then a 62 year old fella with martial arts training subdues the guy until they hit the next station.  Two things in this amazing story would never happen in America.  First, there is a person walking the streets with a bag of library books.  Second, the dude has a gun and blows away the woman and the two dudes, and probably more.  How are we (Americans) not freaking out about gun violence and forcing our government to do something?  My mind nearly explodes when I think about it.  A horrible thought I have is that I wish someone would shoot Joe the "your dead kids don't trump my Constitutional rights" Plumber's kid and see what happens. 

I think the heat is messing with my brain, so am consciously looking for things to ease the pain.  A friend on Facebook shared a link of 20 things to start doing in a relationship.  It is from a blog titled Buddhist Things.  Whatever your religious predilection, these are such great messages and hope you take a minute to look at them.  This is my favorite...

10. PAY ATTENTION TO WHO YOUR REAL FRIENDS ARE.

As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.  Remember, life is kind of like a party.  You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, and some show up really late.  But in the end, after the fun, there are a few who stay to help you clean up the mess.  And most of the time, they aren’t even the ones who made the mess.  These people are your real friends in life.  They are the ones who matter most.

Most people I know, which is likely you, embrace these simple concepts and I like to think that I do too.  I am good at a lot of them and know that I can do better and need to work on others. 

 

Week of May 23rd, 2014

Big TV recommendation this week...House of Cards.  If you've watched it, you know.  If not, and you are a fan of politics, political dramas, or just plain old twisted and dark entertainment, start binge watching as soon as possible.  Then look me up when you're done so we can break it down.

Some happy news on the stupid trend front (I think).  Was talking to Paul the other day about ridiculous fashion trends that  kids will adopt, and he told me the whole wearing of the pants down around the hips is over.  Next up, the dorky flat brimmed/leaving the tags on baseball caps.

Speaking of fashion, have one good and one bad one for the adults.  Bad...cargo shorts for dudes.  Here's a secret that you need to know.  They look stew-peed.  Unless I see you wearing them on a hiking trail and the side pouches are filled with granola bars, they look terrible.  Otherwise, it looks like you've taken three dumps in your pants and had to put the first two in the side pouches to make room for the third.

As for the good, women that wear skirts or dresses.  With few exceptions, you look so much better in them (am particularly fond of the black cocktail dress).  For girls with no butts, they kind of accentuate the region and provide some much needed swish.  For those with a bit of the badonkadonk, the juxtaposition of the smaller waist and booty looks delicious.  And if you are lucky enough to have one that's just right, please proceed to the front of the line.  While tight pants or short shorts may show it off in clear detail, it's like waving a set of keys in front of a baby.   Dudes like a bit of mystery and it gives us a chance to use our vivid imaginations.  Plus, they seem way more comfortable, no?

Next week, will discuss the renewed trend of the turned up collar on Polo shirts.

Over breakfast this morning, kids and I had a long debate about insects and which ones were the worst.  They have only lived in Seattle and Taipei, so they are unaware of the horrors of cicadas and highly aggressive ants, but are well versed in mosquitoes, spiders and cockroaches.  They eliminated cockroaches as even though they are big and gross here, and sometimes get airborne, but they realize that they are relatively harmless.  I used to see them around the house on occasion, but haven't in a while.  Our dishwasher broke several months ago and I got used to doing all the dishes by hand right after eating instead of rinsing and loading up the machine and then running it every 4th day.  I think not having any tempting morels lingering in the kitchen has driven them elsewhere in search of sustinence.  Note to Summer Betty.  No eating in the office please. 

Paul feels that spiders are worse than mosquitos.  While it freaks him out when a mossy buzzes his ear while he is sleeping, he is more concerned about spiders more potent bites and sudden appearances.  Plus, walking face first into a huge invisible web is annoying.  Carolyn came down on mosquitoes being worse as the bite frequency on her is heavy.  She is currently sporting at least a dozen itchy ones and knows not to scratch them as they leave scars.  Her hairless legs are way more inviting that Paul and mine as they usually only get us at the ankles, while she is a walking smorgasbord.  As the debate chair, the fact that mosquitoes carry viruses, like Dengue fever, pushes them to the head of the class. 

Quick follow up on last weeks commentary on the 91 Things that make you realize you have been in Taiwan too long.  Number 37 states that "smiling and nodding is Chinese body language for "go away and leave me alone."  Last Friday was the Teacher Appreciation lunch at school.  A bunch of the parents will bring in dishes for the teachers (286 of them) to enjoy.  I had time to go and help serve this year.  Some teachers had said that this was their favorite day of the year, but I thought they were just being polite.  Was surprised to see so many dishes that looked really good.  While the community is mostly Chinese, there were dishes from around the globe and the buffet was hugely impressive.  I was assigned to help stock and serve at the vegetarian table, and one of the offerings was a crock pot full of red beans (with rice on the side).  At one point about 30 minutes in, I looked closely at the beans and saw what appeared to be bacon.  My co-worker and I sampled them and we confirmed this to be true, so we were then obligated to warn the customers that this wasn't truly vegetarian.  Came up with the line that the beans were Chinese Vegetarian, which means they only have pork.  I thought it was funny enough for the situation and my co-worker agreed, but said that the Chinese wouldn't think so.  I took that challenge and sure enough, every Chinese person smiled and nodded. 

Finally, something that always amazes me when it happens is how emotional vibrations flow across space/time.  This week, I'm driving somewhere in bare feet and realize that I am controlling the pedals with my big toe only.  Have done this as long as I can remember and never really thought about it until one day while on a trip with old college friends in Lake Tahoe circa 1990, a really good friend comments on this habit.  This got me to think about this friend and all the funny/weird times we had together.  I haven't spoken to her in several years and has been a long time since we even exchanged emails, but is one of those people in life where it can be decades since you communicate, but when you do get together it seems like you saw them yesterday.  She hadn't even crossed my mind in ages, but this random toe driving thought made all these memories come rushing back.  The next morning I wake up and receive an email from a mutual friend that her dad passed away suddenly.  Coincidence or is there some string that intertwines our consciousness with friends.  I have been experimenting with meditation lately and think I may be freaking out.

Week of May 16th, 2014

Snuggle up...this week's post goes on for a while.

Finishing off our Vietnam trip, we did a two night trip to Halong Bay.  A four hour drive out of Hanoi, it is a bay in the Gulf of Tonkin that is home to 1600 monolithic limestone islands.  The typical way you visit Halong Bay is to take a junk off varying sizes. Ours slept 20 guests and had six crew. 

Our family were the only Americans.  We had Dutch, Brits, Canadians and Aussies.  One of the Dutch couples were teachers that worked for Royal Dutch Shell and their assignments were in places that had large petroleum industries, but little other international presence.  I thought that was more interesting than they did, but it didn't feel that the Dutch get excited easily.  Of course, the Aussies were the most fun

 

Gorgeous and peaceful.  We kayaked and swam.  The food was always well prepared and heavy on seafood.  One morning we got dumped on by a tropical downpour, which canceled our activity but I thought was really cool. 

One of those places that I am glad to have been able to see.  One thing that I noticed here, as I have noticed everywhere we've been in Asia, is that the sky never gets that deep blue color.  At first, I thought it was pollution, and while that is probably true to some extent in some places, we have been far from major cities and still can't find them.  I think it is all the moisture in the air that gives the sky a greyish haze all the time.  I miss blue skies.  As Perry Como famously sang, "The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle."

On our last day, they took us to a fishing village.  Much like those on Tonle Sap in Cambodia but they did have a more progressive outlook on dumping their garbage and have a government sponsored clean-up program.    One of the other tour guides looked like a bad guy from a Jackie Chan movie.

The highlight of the trip was having dinner in a cave.  We all donned our life vests for the shuttle boat ride.

We were not expecting how large it was. It used to be a family home until the government evicted them and sold the island to a tour company.  The food was good, but the atmosphere was unparralled.

On the drive back to Hanoi, they stopped in the middle of a rice paddy field so we could see some legendary Vietnamese water puppet theatre.  They were pushing the theatre since we stepped foot in the country.  Scenes from daily life of Vietnam...rice farming, protecting the chickens from the foxes, etc.  Hate to hate on their national treasure, but we weren't expecting much and received even less. 

It was time for the flight home...we get four seats across, me and the kids in the three together and Betty across the aisle.  Her seat neighbor gets on, sits down and opens up the newspaper to the obituaries and reads that for a good 20-30 minutes.  I would love to know what they are looking for...clients?  A new apartment?

I have been meaning to get to the list of things that indicate you know you've been in Taiwan too long if...  Am going to run through these using the free association technique.

 

1. You stop conjugating verbs.

2. You look both ways before crossing the sidewalk.

- I hope you do that anywhere you live

3. You turn left from the right lane.

- Can you believe these fuckers think this is OK?  I just spent an hour at the community center where I volunteer ranting on this very topic.  You know those people are always happy to see me.

4. 70 F feels cold.

- I wish.  70 in the winter time is very nice and still shorts weather in my book.  Not much you can do when the humidity kicks in (which is now) and the temps rise.  I am physically miserable all the time...sweat condenses in my fat rolls.  Just gross in every way imaginable

5. You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there's room for two more.

- The locals call scooters 'motorcycles', but they are still scooters.  I like to see people with their dogs on them personally.  Whenever there are three or more people on a scooter, there are always children involved, and the parents will have helmets on and the kids rarely do.  Disgusting. 

6. "Squid" sounds better than "steak". 

- This is true for me anywhere, but more so here.  Never order the beef as it may be locally raised.  With the heat, I don't think the cows can grow big and fat and the meat is always tough.  Took Betty to the new burrito joint near our house...crappy (as is all the Mexican food here), but she had to experience it first hand.  She was so excited to see steak as one of the options but could see her jaw drop as she watched them put the driest looking scraps of flesh in her burrito.  My mistake was telling her post order to never order the beef in Taiwan.  Got the silent treatment for the rest of the night (never mess with Betty when it comes to steak), but she should know better, no?

7. There are more things strapped to your motorcycle than you ever put in a car.

- Best place to see this is at the Costco...the other day, I see this dude with the huge, 48 roll package of toilet paper between his legs.  It got loose from him in as he was going into a turn, exploded and basically tee-peed the entire intersection.  So funny.  

8. You drive on the shoulder to pass traffic.

- See # 3

9. The main reason you stop at a 7-11 is to buy tea eggs.

- Don't know what those are but think they are eggs hard boiled in soy sauce.  I go to the 7E to pay the bills.

10. Firecrackers don't wake you up.

11. You can distinguish Taiwanese from Hakka.

12. Your family stops asking you when you'll be coming back.

- Hope that never happens

13. Taxi drivers are considered "good drivers."

- This topic was part of our hour long conversation today.  My contention is that if "good drivers" equals "biggest assholes", then I totally agree.

14. Beer really isn't so expensive.

- As long as you are will to swill the local beer, imaginatively called Taiwan Beer, it is cheap.  I like it, but am a Coors Light guy, so am not the best to judge on quality

15. You stop and look both ways before driving through a red light.

- Ha ha...this is considered humor to the Chinese. 

16. "A", "an" and "the" aren't necessary parts of speech.

- Speaking of "A's", I was at school the other day and overheard a conversation between a Chinese tiger mom and her high school aged daughter.  The daughter said she went to the school doctor and learned she had Hepatitus B.  The mom grunted and said "Hepatitus B, I am so disappointed in you.  You should have gotten Hepatitus A".

17. You wear out your horn before your brakes.

18. The police call you to get information about other foreigners.

- What?  Like I'd rat on one of my own people?  Other than helping you bury the body, I'd do anything for a friend.

19. You know which place has the best noodles and duck meat at 3:00 a.m.

- My hard core drinking days are obviously behind me as I have no idea.

20. You speak Chinese to your foreign friends too.

21. You own a karaoke machine.

22. You leave the plastic on all new purchases.

23. Forks feel strange.

24. The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley.

- Totally true.  Betty hates it when I do.  Out of the corner of my eye, I can see her grabbing the armrest or bracing for impact.  So cute.

25. People don't see you for months, and when they do, they don't ask you where you've been.

26. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals.

- Am speechless at this one. 

27. You stare at other foreigners.

- I guess I look more closely at foreigners, but mainly cause I think I may know them.  Plus, all the Chinese look alike. 

28. Over half of your clothes were bought at night markets.

- Am pleased to say I do not own a stitch.  Well maybe I shouldn't be as I would probably have bought a grammatically awkward t-shirt or two, but the XL's here are two sizes too small. 

29. You become an expert on bug zappers: the best brands and where to get them.

- This one is very true.  In fact, just bought this one for the hallway.

 

This has happened more than once...I wake up in the middle of the night and walk to the kitchen for a drink of water, and the zapper will buzz with its latest kill and will cause me to jump.  It is satisfying to hear that buzz anytime of day.  Carolyn asked me what are mosquitoes good for...only thing we could come up with is that they are a part of the food chain.  Research confirms that as true.

30. The majority of foreigners who have been in Taiwan longer than you are buried here.

- If my body doesn't start acclimating to this humidity, I will be the one being buried.  Actually, it is illegal to be buried in Taiwan due to lack of space and you are cremated.  I was told that in the (not so) olden days, people would take their relatives and bury them in the hills surrounding Taipei.  The problem was that during the rainy season, landslides would cause them to come sliding down the hill like some zombie luge event.

31. You know which turn signal should be on when reversing the wrong way down a one-way street.

- This is a trick...Taiwanese never use their blinkers

32. You get homesick for Chinese food while away from Taiwan.

- Just the opposite...am counting the days till I can get my lips around some orange chicken at the Panda Express.  Kind of worried that I will never find anything local that make me yearn for the food here.  We only spent a couple of days in Singapore, Seoul and Cambodia, and there are a few things from those trips that I dream about.  The one exception is the Din Tai Fung, which they have in the States, but it is so much better here.  So disappointed in myself for not getting in sync with the local cuisine.  I ask people all the time what they like to eat Taiwanese style and the answer is always 'the street food'.  Not sure what it is that turns me off on it, but maybe it is the uniforms of the cart operators?

 

33. Praying at a temple for a winning lottery number becomes a regular thing to do.

- Puh-leaze...

34. Other foreigners give you a funny look when you tell them how long you've been here.

- I am obviously one of the funny looking foreigners

35. You can't think of any good reason to leave.

- I can give you three...humidity, humidity, humidity.  Have I mentioned it is hot here in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable 24 hours a day?  At least once a day, I get a hot flash...don't know if it feels the same as it does for women that go through menopause, but if so, I feel for the ladies.

36. The Statute of Limitations has expired and you still don't go home.

37. You understand that smiling and nodding is Chinese body language for "Go away and leave me alone."

- People smile and nod at me a lot.

38. You've spent more time on the island since 1990 than any of the Taiwanese you know.

39. Locals are surprised to find out you can't vote in the upcoming election.

40. Your pets are bilingual.

- They are, but the kids aren't.

41. Pizza just doesn't taste right unless there's corn on it.

- The seafood pizza is the true travesty.

42. Your preferred parking spot is on a sidewalk (and you get upset when someone else parks there).

- I do this.  Maybe that is hypocritical, but it seems safe enough and it is getting the car out of the way in narrow streets. 

43. Most meaningful conversations take place in doorways or on slow-moving motorcycles.

44. Your job title has more than three words.

45. You think the service in restaurants isn't that bad.

- I don't think the service is bad, especially considering the servers aren't hustling for tips.  One thing that no place does is to make a pass by after the meal has been served to see if you need something.   It would make an enormous difference.

46. You're always the first on the elevator to hit the "door close" button.

- Elevator etiquette is a pet peeve of mine and there is definitely a unique protocol here.  I don't have time to go into it in detail here but have made a note to detail it later.

47. You start cutting off the gravel trucks.

- Another one of those comments that tries to make light of their selfish and dangerous habits on the road.  I find humor in everything, but not when it comes to justifying personal behavior that is rude at best. 

48.You eat squid on a stick.

- Damn right I do, although it could use some better spices and/or sauces.

49.You no longer send home bizarre and humorous articles from the paper.

- With the internet, I don't think I would ever stop this practice.  Just check out this link to an article about Chinese women wearing 'face-kini's' at the beach so they don't get tan.  The quote that "a woman should always have fair skin.  Otherwise people will think you are a peasant" always kills me.  I learned in Middle School not to give a shit what "people" think of me, and am fascinated that there remains entire cultures that run on that concept.

50. When the fashions in the stores look really hip.

51.You spend more time driving on the lines instead of in between them.

- Sigh....

52.You read books from back to front.

53.You start to like Kaoliang brandy more than XO.

54.You think packs of dogs are cute.

- Absolutely true.  I've said a lot about how much I love the stray dogs around here.  You see far fewer these days after their round-up last summer due to some outbreak of canine disease.

55.You are back in your home country and you say "hsie hsie" instead of thank you.

56.You think that all babies have flat heads in the back.

- And all the women have flat asses.

57.You think that $3,000,000 NT for a golf club membership is a steal.

58.You drive like this all the time.

- See...this is a thing.  I am not making it up. 

59.You think that Taiwan is really trying to protect endangered species.

- I don't understand this one.

60.Your pinkie nail is over one inch long.

- If I ever allow this to happen, please feel free to hold me down and cut it off.  You are also welcome to kick me in the nuts.  I have done some research as to why they do this and there are two themes that emerge.  The first is to make it easier to dig into one's orifices.  That is comforting to know as you get your change handed back at the 7-11 by a dude with a long nail in a shade of brown that Crayola has never seen.  And it seems a prerequisite to have one if you work at one of the street food carts (see #32).  The other reason given for growing the long pinkie nail is to signify that you do no manual labor and that you are rich and intelligent.  This was a custom of the Imperial court in the Emperor days to signify their higher culture, breeding and wealth and is carried on into today's world.  Another one of those things in life where people go to a lot of effort to try and fool people into thinking they are something, but are always just fooling themselves.  Sad really.

61.You catch yourself telling a taxi driver to hurry up.

- I find myself telling them to mellow out, but they don't understand.  Note to self...learn how to say 'mellow out' in Mandarin.

62.You hum along to the tunes in the taxi.

- As with #26, hard to understand how people can listen to Chinese music.  I am as big a music snob as anyone I know.  I scored a 56 on this music snob quiz for example.  Some types of music make me feel uncomfortable, but there are always a few things in any genre that I enjoy or at the very least, can appreciate for their virtuosity or emotions.  I want to be wrong about this, but have yet to stumble across one from an Asian origin. 

63.You think walking up Yangmingshan looks like fun.

64.When US $4.00 is just about right for a cup of coffee.

- My guy sells a nice latte for $1.50.

65.You can tell the difference between spring rain, plum rain, and the rainy season.

- I didn't know the difference and had to look up Plum Rain.  It is the month of steady rain/high humidity that works its way from south to north in a steady stream late April/May in TW).  We watch CNN for 10 minutes over breakfast, and the last minute is devoted to area weather, and you can watch as this horizontal line of moisture slowly works from the Philippines up to Japan/Korea over the course of three months.  Pretty interesting. 

66.The last time you visited your mother you presented her with your business card.

- I would be ashamed if I ever did that

67.You can tell, just by looking, which moon cake has the egg in it.

68.You feel nervous and giddy when you get around fresh air.

- I'm a product of LA in it's smoggiest path, so fresh air is a relative term.  As stated above, I do miss the blue blue skies.

70. Everything you own is pirated.

-  Not everything...except for a brief period when Napster first started, am not a believer in pirated music.  We have been grabbing TV shows off of this site called Kick-Ass that I'm sure is not legal.  The good news is that I am totally caught up on season 4 of Hawaii Five-O

71.You get used to the habit of not paying any tips while traveling.

- It is so great not to have to tip.  Or calculate tax.  The price you see is what you pay...

72. You can read and write romanized Chinese in three different systems. 

- I wish

73.The red light is merely suggestive to you.

- Life is cheap in these parts appparently

74.You greet people by inspecting whatever they're carrying or telling them how fat they've gotten.

- This is so true.  I haven't been here long enough to do this thankfully, but get this all the time.  Every time I see Betty's Aunt, she tells me I've gotten fatter.  Listen lady, I'm fat, but I haven't gotten fatter.  And what is it with checking out what I'm carrying.  They don't even try to be sly about it and will literally stick their head into my shopping cart to check out my selections.  I don't even have a guess as to why they do this and is on my list of cultural curiosities to figure out.

75.You can no longer tell the difference between a cracker and a cookie, or toast and bread.

76. You stop telling people about the giant cockroach you saw.

77. Metal scaffolding at construction sites seems much more dangerous than bamboo scaffolding.

78. It's been at least 18 months since you used  the word "tacky" to describe anything.

79. Your parties have an agenda, but your meetings don't.

80. Getting in an accident, you tell the ambulance driver which hospital to take you to.

81. You stumble going up a flight of steps that are all the same height. 

82. Rats are considered "wildlife."

83. You salt your fruit.

- Betty salts a lot, but have never seen her do this.

84. You don't much mind drinking beer with ice cubes in it. 

85. "Long Life Cigarettes" is not an oxymoron.

86. You wear your coat backwards when riding a scooter.

87. You make elevators go faster by boarding first and taking over the controls.

- Will address this in my elevator etiquette posting

88. You're very concerned about not losing face.

- Face...here is what Wikipedia has to say about it.  This concept is present in every culture, and probably in most every person to some degree, but it feels like it the Chinese take it to its logical end.  Losing face can be a good thing.  For example, if you smack your kids around in public and word gets around and people start avoiding you because of it, then losing face is a good thing.  That is just how the cost of breaking basic social contracts are levied.  The difference is that losing face to the Chinese can take on this component of pride and prestige that feeds prejudism.  The quote from face-kini lady above about having a tan makes her look like a peasant is perfect example.  That is not just a made up line for the newspaper but is a very real sentiment.  It conveys that you are better than a peasant because of the color of your skin.  Sound familiar?  It is hard to imagine that person's friends who would actually think less of her because she had color on her skin.  Betty is dark skinned and gets this all the time.  The comment to her that she looks Filipina is code for 'you are just a lower class farm worker'.  I know it used to drive her crazy but I hope she is realizing that it is the people that are judging her that are the ones with the hang-up.  Oh well...I know I'll never see the day when this kind of attitude goes away and in the meantime, it is nice know that as a white male, I remain at the top of the food chain. 

89. The words "Ice Cream" never enter your head when you hear the garbage truck.

- Funny...it took about a year, but the reflex to grab money to get ice cream when the trash truck makes its nightly pass has finally subsided.  Here is a sample.

90. You don't feel comfortable using a urinal unless there's a woman mopping the floor behind you.

- Hey baby, check out this stream.

91. You say "Wei?" instead of "Hello?" when you pick up the phone.

- I don't, but am going to start doing this when we get back to the states in hopes of confusing the telemarketers.

 

 

Week of May 9th, 2014

Have felt a lot of rage this week.  The temperature here just turned to sauna and it is affecting me in a bad way.  First thing that threw me into a fit was reading this article about how Taiwan is considering fining pedestrians in intersections using their smartphones.  The quote that got me was, "according to the government, Taiwanese drivers don't yield to pedestrians (even when they have the right-of-way)."  I get into many conversations about driving and the local habits, and anyone that has been here for extended periods of time laugh off how pedestrians are the lowest rung on the streets, or going through red lights is the way things are.  Survival of the fittest they say.  This stuff is ingrained in the Chinese DNA from thousands of years of fighting for every scrap.  Total bullshit.  First of all, trying to legislate stupid is infuriating mainly because it is the idiots themselves and their ridiculous lawsuits that force us to warm people that coffee is hot or not to iron your clothes while you are wearing them.  I'm good with the fact that if you are dumb enough to text in an intersection and get wiped out, that the collective gene pool will be better off without you.  If you dig into the links on the above link that reiterates the law that pedestrians have the right in the crosswalk and how they are hoping that drivers respect them without heightened police enforcement.  I have never seen someone get pulled over for any infraction and watch the cops standing by while incredibly dangerous maneuvers are pulled and simply shake their heads.  There are cameras everywhere and it seems that the way it works is that you can do whatever you want, but if someone gets hurt, they will prosecute you based on what the cameras show.  Am sick of how the social contract breaks down as soon as there are no consequences for your actions.  Shame on you Taiwan.

Something else that has been riling me up the last 3 weeks is the Boko Haram abductions of 230 girls in Nigeria for having the nerve to go to school.  On April 14th, there was a brief story about it on CNN.  Up until the last couple of days...nearly 3 weeks after the kidnappings, there was almost no news coverage and no one that I talked to had even heard about it.  Over the last few days, have finally/thankfully seen world governments/press reacting to it and even some Muslim organizations denouncing it.  World outrage and action should have been swift and unceasing.  The way that women are viewed in some cultures is sickening and I am calling you out on this Islam.  I give the Asians a lot of crap, but they recognize that women are strong and smart and deserve our respect as equals (for the most part).  Western societies have issues with objectification, but we have women leaders in all walks of life and feel it evolving further.  The Muslim world allows this shit to happen institutionally.  Women have to cover their hair so men aren't tempted by their beauty.  What?  Cutting your nutsack off would be far more effective long term.  I remember on my first study abroad overseas that they taught us to respect the differences in other cultures...they aren't weird or dumb, just different.  Any culture that allows women and girls to be treated this way, or even allows it to happen by inaction doesn't deserve to be called culture.   I better stop cause my head wants to explode whenever I think about it.

OK, one more thing.  Sarah Palin's baptising terrorists with waterboarding literally made my stomach hurt.  I think most of us agree she is a horrible creature,  and this was uniformly denounced in the media (except Fox), but there are still a significant amount of morons that clapped at this rhetoric.  And I would bet that 99.9% of those that did call themselves Christians.  Sorry for the above denunciation Islam, Christians are capable of the same horrible thoughts.  I seethe when I hear Ted Cruz, Sean Hannity, Rush et al blame all your problems on Obama and it makes me that much sadder to realize that a sizeable chunk of Americans buy into it.  Do I defend Obama on everything...hardly.  It's this constant refrain that everything he does is the opposite of the right thing, and that any problem on the planet is a conspiracy by him/caused by his ineffectualness just astounds.  It makes dialogue about compromise and solutions impossible.  The Dems are hardly innocent bystanders here, but I am a person that identified myself as Republican from as early as I can remember.  Have been binge watching The Newsroom, and whatever your feelings are on Aaron Sorkin, there was a passage at the end of an episode by Will McAvoy that said what I have been thinking better than I could.  When he was asked if he calls himself a Republican so that he can rail on them ,his reply was, “No, I call myself a Republican because I am one. I believe in market solutions and I believe in common sense realities and necessity to defend itself against a dangerous world. The problem is now I have to be homophobic. I have to count the number of times people go to church. I have to deny facts and think scientific research is a long con. I have to think poor people are getting a sweet ride. And I have to have such a stunning inferiority complex that I fear education and intellect in the 21st Century. Most of all, the biggest new requirement-–the only requirement-–is that I have to hate Democrats.”

I fully intended on going into detail about this list of 100 things that indicate you've been in Taiwan too long.   but got sidetracked obviously.  Will take it up next week. 

Week of May 2nd, 2014

There is something about the concept of "saving face" that is bugging me.  Not yet ready or able to articulate it, but have been thinking about it a lot.  How say you?

Alrighty...Vietnam then.  We didn't get from the airport to the hotel without three characteristics of Hanoi becoming completely clear.  Driving in from the airport, the first thing that you notice is how slow everyone drives.  Not a kilometer over the speed limit.  It is not like they are orderly drivers as intersections are complete chaos...just chaos in slow motion.  We learned that the local authorities are serious about nabbing speeders and saw it first hand on our drive to and from Halong Bay.  Every time a car would speed by, moments later we would see them pulled over by the cops.  Way different that Taiwan where scofflaws seem only punished via traffic cams.  It is a point of contention to some, but in my book, the Taiwanese are still the biggest a-hole drivers due to their proclivity to make dangerous and illegal moves to get ahead of the pack, and the attitude of everyone else that that's OK.  Do you know the difference between a vacuum and a scooter in Taiwan?  The position of the dirt bag.  You can replace "scooter in Taiwan" with Donald Sterling's Clipper seats by the way

The second thing you notice are the power lines. 

Like Sideshow Bob waking up after a long night of drinking.  They are incredibly dangerous and from the sheer volume of them around, the government's goal of burying them all by 2015 looks unlikely.  I found them mesmerizing and it would seem the locals find them as a source of pride as they sell t-shirts emblazoned with their image.

Third, the city is crawling with what I would politely call Western bohemians.  The hotel we were staying was in the middle of the Old Quarter, and it is closed to vehicle traffic on weekends as the streets are packed with people sitting on small plastic chairs drinking locally "crafted" beer on the sidewalks (and street).  Pretty cool actually...very social atmosphere and the beer is cheap, something like 50 cents for a big bottle.  With  the streets closed, we had to walk a few blocks from the main street to the hotel, and at these sidewalk bars, drinking with the locals was a sizeable chunk of Westerners in their smelly hippie garb.  Rastafarian colored clothes, no shoes and hair that looked like the power poles overhead.  We concluded that Vietnam is a mecca for the low budget traveler as it is so unbelievably inexpensive there.  I have zero problem with that, it just feels that their poor look seemed too well crafted. 

As mentioned, Hanoi was just rated as number 8 on TripAdvisors list of popular tourist destinations.  I think it has to do more with the affordability of the city along with the proximity to many interesting sites nearby than it does with the amount of stuff to do in the city proper.  The city is quite nice, just not as spectacular as many of the other cities listed further down on the list (like Paris?).  The downtown core is very dense so you could basically walk to any major site in no more than 30 minutes.  On our first day, we hired a couple of Cyclo's to drive us around the Old Quarter.  Cyclos are two seater carts powered by a bicycle and an hours ride cost $2 each.

One of the great things about being able to travel around so much is seeing how each destination solves their transportation needs so differently.  The Old Quarter is about 10 square blocks big and each street is dedicated to a different product.  Kitchen ware on one street, toys on another, or government propaganda.

We had our Cyclo drivers drop us off at the Hanoi end of the Long Bien Bridge.  At the time of the Vietnam War, this was the only bridge connecting the city with the ports and the Americans dropped 100's of tons of bombs trying to knock it out, but never could, so it is a place of national pride.  It was designed and constructed by the same team that built the Eiffel Tower.

As we were walking back from the bridge, we passed in front of a police station that had a big board in front that was warning against the dangers of scooter riding.  There were a good 30 "after" pictures of scooter accidents that were pretty horrific.

The heart of Hanoi is Hoan Kiem Lake.   A small lake dead center in town, it borders the Old Quarter on the North and the French Quarter to the South, it is the spot where the locals can go to hang.  We passed by it several times on our walks and always saw stuff going on...ballroom dancing, lovers doing what lovers do, or people playing the local version of hacky sack where a badminton shuttlecock is used instead.

At one end is a small island the houses a temple where you can light some incense and chill.  They also have the mummified remains of a giant turtle that was found in the lake a few years back.

 The history of the lake is quite interesting and is one of those places that every city needs.

The French Quarter has bigger streets and is not as interesting as the old quarter, but there is a nice Opera House in French design, and we treated ourselves to a nice lunch at the Metropole Hotel.  It was the luxury French colonial hotel from 1901 and they have restored it to its glory.  Think Raffles Hotel in Singapore.  Nice sandwiches and old time service made for a pleasant respite from our walking tour.  Caught this couple posing for wedding pictures...she took one look at me and as you can see, was having second thoughts.

Lovely.  I was expecting the Vietnamese to look like extras in a Charlie Sheen/Michael J. Fox movie about the War, but felt that they looked very Chinese to me.  The history of Vietnam is deeply tied with the Chinese on their northern border so their appearance as Chinese looking is not a surprise (Donals Sterling told me we'll all look like them one day).  I understand they look very different in the south and hope to report on that one day. 

One morning, we got up early to go stand in line to see Ho Chi Minh's embalmed remains.  We went on a Wednesday and the line was long.  Sorta wanted to bail, but it started moving and the wait was about 45 minutes.  Like Magic Mountain, where they show Looney Tunes cartoons while you wait in line (pure genius), they would show movies about the life of Unkie Ho.  The Americans do not come out well in those.   Once you get into the mausoleum, you do a semi-circle path around his body.  Apparently, he wanted to be cremated and his remains spread in his village, but the government disobeyed his wishes and had the Russians come in and use their expertise to do the preservation thing.  I thought he looked pretty good, but Betty said he looked worse than he did a decade before when she visited.  Photography is strictly prohibited.  Afterwards, we went out front to take a few snapshots of the mausoleum and we lucked into this scene of a huge pack of women dressed in pretty dresses.  We guessed this was all of the Miss Vietnams from the last 40 years getting together.  Can you spot Paul doing the 'Where's Waldo' thing?

Adjacent to the memorial are the main government buildings and residence of Unkie Ho during the war.   Born in 1965, I have memories of the War and of the protests, but they were those of a child.  I remember playing Vietnam War with my army men, setting them up based on the maps that were on the TV.  Did read and study about it quite a bit in school, but took this opportunity to reflect upon it with 40 years of history in the mirror.  From everything I have seen and read, they Vietnamese were not an enemy to us but were portrayed as such being a pawn of the Cold War.  They certainly used Russian assistance, but as a means to justify the end.  Ho Chi Minh was a pragmatist, exceptional geopolitical strategist and his commitment to not falling for the trappings of power but rather, to live a humble and simple life gave me a new found respect and admiration of him.  My favorite quote attributed to him came at the end of WWII.  Once the Japanese were defeated, the choice was to allow China to gain influence in the country, or allow the French to return as colonial overlords.  Sensing that the French wouldn't have a taste for long term occupation, he chose to go with the French rule telling his comrades that "I'd rather smell French shit for five years than eat Chinese shit for the rest of my life."

Had a chance to visit what remains of the Hoa Lo Prison.  Also know as the Hanoi Hilton, it is where they held the American pilots shot down during the war.  It was originally built by the French to hold political prisoners during their time of rule and the museum showed the horrible conditions the Vietnamese people endured at the hands of the French.  The guillotine was still there.

The literature provided indicated that the Americans received far better treatment from their Vietnamese hosts than the Vietnamese were treated by the French. 

Like I said, the list of things to see in Hanoi isn't long and we had hit most of the major ones except the spot that had the biggest write up in the guide books.  Learning what it was, the kids were not excited about going, but with time left on our visit and nothing else major to see, I decided it was time to go.  That place...the Temple of Literature.  If you travel at all in Asia, you know that they love their temples.  Have you seen this temple?, or you gotta see that one are two popular refrains.  I've seen quite a few and they all sorta blend together...much like seeing that 40th church when you're in Rome.  Add in the choking smell of incense and I do not rush to see them.  The kids are even sicker of them than I, so when you combine Temple with another favorite term of kids...Literature...the fact that this was a vacation was hard to believe.  I didn't tell them we were going so I could catch their expression when we walked up to it.  Surprise! 

It was very nice...big, well maintained, but bo-ring.  I have mentioned that the kids go to a good school but it can tend towards uber-nerd.  We're walking around the grounds and we run into one of Paul's school friends doing the same.  Where else would you run into a kid from TAS in Vietnam but the Temple of Literature? 

I know a lot of people that go for Vietnamese food, but it never did it for me and this visit did not change my taste for it in the least.  As far as food goes, Hanoi has way better international options than Taipei does and we had respectable French and Italian food as well as some damn good meat at an Argentine restaurant.  The local cuisine is super basic and cheap, but so unappealing.  They of course have the crazy (to me) items on the menu.

One thing I did read about beforehand and had to try was the Kopi Luwak or Weasel coffee.  This is coffee made by feeding weasels coffee berries, the beans then ferment in their digestive tracts and are harvested upon defecation.  Had it a couple of times and couldn't really tell the difference between it and any other espresso.

Asian languages are filled with examples of words that sound dirty in English, but it felt like every word or phrase in Vietnamese can be made to sound inappropriate if said in the proper tone.

Even their money is called Dong. 

Of course, English is no stranger to the unintentional double entendre

Feels like this one has gone on long enough so will add a few notes about Halong Bay next week.