December 12, 2015

Doing this diary is like doing homework in your favorite class.  It never feels like a chore and always learn a valuable lesson while doing it, but when there is homework in a lot of other subjects that I don't enjoy as much, I know I have to do the harder stuff first or I will fail.  Kinda where I am this week as there is so much going on lately that I sadly don't have the amount of time to devote to this thing that I love to do. 

Quick recommendation...finally dialed up a show that I've been told was a classic for years.  Freaks and Geeks...one season, 18 episodes on Netflix.  I don't usually laugh out loud when watching stuff by myself, but do to this show every episode.  From 2000, it depicts high school life in 1980. First show by most of these actors that have gone on to great things, is Judd Apatow's first thing and hits on so many nerves accurately from my school days.  Freaking brilliant and am sad I have only two episodes left.  I am probably late to this party, but please do yourself a favor and search this out.

Over the summer, I started making a list of movies that the kids need to see.  Godfathers, Animal House, etc.  If you are so inclined, shoot me a list of your top 5 that every young person needs to view as I am constantly updating.  Will share in a future post.

In the Taiwan Today file, a quick driving note for this week.  I have been able to figure out why the locals do most of the dickish moves that they do here (still don't approve, but get their motivation), but one thing is still perplexing me, and that is the use of turn signals.  I understand that when they are in motion on the road, that they don't use their blinkers to indicate a lane change (until they are 1/2 way into the next lane) is because the people behind them will speed up to cut off their lane change if they know they are going to make it in advance. 

The part I don't get is the situation where they are the first one at a red light in the far left lane that can go both straight or make a left turn.  They are sitting at the light with no blinker on, so one would assume that they are going forward.  As soon as the light turns green, the left turn blinker goes on and they just sit there.  Why?  WHY!  This happens all the time so it is a thing that they are trained to do.  They are obviously aware of their blinker and the function it is intended to serve.  I like to think of myself as having an empathetic streak that attempts to understand others motives, but this one has eluded me to date and frosts my ass to no end.

Came across this article about Taiwan's Strawberry Generation.  Likened to the Millennials, these are people born after 1980 and are called "strawberries" by older generations as they are considered soft and bruise easily.  I like the metaphor, but if you read the article, these kids are chastised for not being "manufacturers" while preferring to open coffee shops and trendy boutiques.  That shit takes a lot of effort and while that may not be as substantive as the older folks like, having a town with cool places to visit and hang out is a sign of a society that has progressed.  Resist the urge to make blanket judgements on the youth that they are the worst, cause you were just that in your day.  And screw you old man. 

As mentioned, went on my annual rock pilgrimage late November.  This year was a trip to the Pacific Northwest to see the greatest band of all time (to me), Yo La Tengo, play four shows in five nights in Eugene, Portland, Seattle and Vancouver.  Most people that I tell this to cannot understand why I would do this nor do they know who Yo La Tengo are.  Even my rock and roll buddies think I'm a bit nuts, but they aren't secluded on a desert isle.  Only one guy, and old Deadhead, really understood and was jealous.  Not sure I can explain it well, but think about the thing you like to do the most and it is like that.

It is a long ass flight or two from TW to Seattle and notice that every time I get on a plane that I become ravenous.  Always bring along snacks, which I eat immediately, but then devour the airplane food no matter how awful and then start eyeing the stuff my seat mate isn't eating and wonder how I can snag their chicken ala king.  This is not a new thing either.  On the way home from Paris after our honeymoon, I had finished whatever dinner it was and saw that Betty had barely started her chicken entrée.  She is at the window seat and I look over and say, "That's Iceland down there".  As she is searching the seas from 36,000 feet for a glimpse of Iceland, I stab her chicken and down it is less time it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.  As Peyton Manning might say, Stolen airplane chicken parm you taste so good.  I did look up to see if I was the only one this happens to and found this.

8. Bingeing on plane food. Of course you should eat when you're hungry — whether you're on a plane or elsewhere. But polish off all the inflight food just because you're bored, and you'll enjoy it less than you would on the ground: Dry cabin air and low air pressure can reduce your ability to perceive salty and sweet tastes by 15 to 30 percent — which can make foods taste worse when you eat it in the air, according to a German study. All the noise from the airplane engine doesn't help either, according to a Cornell University study that confirms the obvious: Environmental distractions can affect your sense of taste. Some airlines compensate for the ambiance by serving saltier foods, so you could end easily end up overdoing it on sodium.

One of life's biggest pet peeves to me is "out of it" people in public situations, but the coma's that people get into at the airport are the worst.  The TSA's don't make it easy on you as they are always changing the rules (shoes on/shoes off, my belt sets this machine off but not the last 4, computers in the tray, leave them in the bag), but carrying the bottle of water through is always a no no, yet see someone get stopped (and holding up the rest of us) every single time.  And I think that there is some type of hallucinogenic strobe effect in the departure signs that causes epileptic seizures in many.  I plead with you to live your life in 360 degrees.

Having a few days in Washington and Oregon allows one to sample the many fine recreational marijuana dispensaries.  Not a huge secret that yours truly enjoys that vice and would choose it over booze any day.  What is unexpected is the fantastic customer service you receive in them.  Everyone is so happy and friendly and are more than willing to offer suggestions.  The lady behind the counter asked what I was looking for and I said to her, "something that won't put me into a coma".  She came back with four suggestions, describing each and telling me which one is her favorite.  It was even on sale.  Tell me the last time you had a pleasant shopkeeper engage you when buying a six pack of Coors Light. 

First night was in Eugene and was a great show.  Small college town and small venue.  Stood right at the front of the stage (as I did every night), and if I needed to go to the bathroom or head outside to partake, could come back and my spot would still be waiting for me.  All that for $18.  I am going to write my love letter to the band in the New Year so will save the show details for another time. 

Spent the night in Eugene then headed in the morning up to Portland.  Some friends from Taipei just moved there, so arranged to have lunch with them.  Great couple that have kids the same age as ours and were one of the families that we went to Palau with last Chinese New year.  The husband is an American that moved to Taiwan 25 or so years ago, married a local girl and had three kids here, so the rest of the family had never lived in the States.  They decided it was time to start anew, and as they had family there, Portland was the destination.  We went to their going away party last June, and what we didn't know at the time but learned later, the wife was diagnosed with breast cancer the night before the party and a week before they were to get on the plane for good.  Having lunch with them that day, heard the full story that they had already quit their jobs, shipped their stuff and so the decision to go was set when they got the news, but that the wife had to stay back (with family) to get treatment as they had no US health insurance.  She had just arrived in Portland a couple weeks before we hooked up and hearing their story, like signing up for Obamacare, applying for green cards, was like it was cut right out of the front pages.  The wife is doing well with her treatment and they seem really happy.  It was funny as we were walking around their neighborhood and we would come to an intersection, they were still clinging to the curb, afraid the cars would run them down.  People are almost too deferential to pedestrians in the PNW these days and it was cute to watch how they are adapting to the new cultural nuances.  As we were walking back to their place after lunch, stopping into cute stores and such, the wife grabs my arm and says how much she loves it there.  After all the horrible crap that she went through, and the massive life change, I was kind of worried about them, but that she was so delighted with her current state of affairs made me smile.

Portland is such a neat city these days.  You can still get around anywhere on the roads in about 15 minutes as they aren't as plagued by overcrowding and massive construction projects that Seattle now has.  And each neighborhood has its own quirkiness, trendy restaurant next to a pot shop, next to a thrift store next to a dress boutique.  Really fun and very real.  If I had a choice, think it would be my number one choice as the place to live in the States.

Went to the show that night with an old friend named Malibu (she used to own a Chevy Malibu and so earned the nickname Malibu Kathy).  She was a regular at Bumbershoot for years (along with another buddy named Howie) and we shared some funny stories.  One Bumber, Yo La Tengo was playing an afternoon show, and this was a couple weeks after some fertilized eggs were implanted in the Boss in an IVF procedure, and this was the day that we were going to find out if it took.  Not only was I worried about that news, but what if it was not successful?  Would I miss out on the Yo La Tengo show?  Fortunately, we got the call that baby boy was brewing away nicely and so we were able to go to the show with smiles on our faces. 

Another time, we (Howie, Malibu and I) took a day off of Bumbering and decided to drive to Mt Rainer.  At some point we stopped for a snack and Howie was looking at the Bumber line-up and said "John Wesley Harding".  I responded, "Tiffany Amber Theissen".  What then happened for the next 8-10 hours was us trying to come up with famous people that go by three names.  We'd drive in silence  and every few minutes, someone would throw out a name and we would cackle with laughter.  Some of the more hilarious ones...Boutros Boutros Ghalli, Juan Antonio Samaranch, and Keisha Knight Pulliam.  It became obvious that this game could not end until we reached 100 and finally hit that mark around 9pm that night.  Malibu kept the log and present it here for posterity.

1. David Allen Greer
2. Jessie Collin Young
3. John Wesley Harding
4. Tiffany Amber Thiessen
5. George Washington Carver
6. Billy Joe Hobert
7. Billy Bob Thorton
8. Billy Ray Cyrus
9. Billy Joe McCallister
10. David Lee Roth
11. Anna Nicole Smith
12. Mark Paul Gosslar
13. Paul Michael Glasier
14. John Paul Boureley
15. David Hyde Pierce
16. David Ogden Stiers
17. Charles Emmerson Winchester
18. Keenan Ivory Wayens
19. Jean Luc Picard
20. Haley Joel Osmitt
21. Alexander Grahm Bell
22. Rodney Allen Rippy
23. Johan Sebastian Bach
24. Mary Tyler Moore
25. Frank Lloyd Wright
26. Andrew Lloyd Webber
27. Kathy Lee Gifford
28. Sally Jessie Raphael
29. Meredith Baxter Birney
30. Edgar Allen Poe
31. John Wayne Bobbit
32. John Wayne Gasey
33. Mary Joe Pierce
34. Lee Harvey Oswald
35. Jamie Lee Curtis
36. James Earl Jones
37. John Quincy Adams
38. Stevie Ray Vaughn
39. Kareem Abdul Jabar
40. Sara Michelle Gellar
41. Tammy Fay Baker
42. Lin Sue Sheppard
43. Jimmy Dale Gilmore
44. Martin Luther King
45. Neil Michael Haggerty
46. James Earl Ray
47. Mary Kate Olsen
48. Philip Michael Thomas
49. Julia Louis Dreyfus
50. Lisa Marie Presley
51. Gena Lee Rollins
52. Jan Michael Vincent
53. Arancha Sanchez Vicario
54. John Claude Keeley
55. Courtney Thorne Smith
56. Ricky Lee Jones
57. John Wilkes Booth
58. Jon Bennett Ramsey
59. Sarah Jessica Parker
60. John Phillips Sousa
61. John Lee Hooker
62. Jimmy Dale Gilmore
63. Harry Dean Stanton
64. Neil Patrick Harris
65. Francis Ford Coppala
66. Mary Kay Place
67. Mary Kay Letourno
68. John Paul Jones
69. Cathy Lee Crosby
70. Michael Anthony Hall
71. Catherine Zeta Jones
72. Hans Christian Anderson
73. Mary Lou Retton
74. Kisha Knight Pullam
75. Harry Dean Anderson
76. Lou Diamond Phillips
77. Edward James Almos
78. Jackie Joiner Kersey
79. Cindy Lee Barryhill
80. Jean Paul Sarte
81. Mark David Chapman
82. Mary Chapin Carpenter
83. Mary Stuart Masterson
84. Laura Flynn Boyle
85. Juan Antonio Samarache
86. George Bernard Shaw
87. Jose Maria Olazabel
88. Tommy Lee Jones
89. Olivia Newton John
90. John Ford Coley
91. Jerry Jeff Walker
92. Robert Lewis Stevenson
93. John Paul Getty
94. Henry David Thoreau
95. Ralph Waldo Emmerson
96. Jean Luc Ponte
97. Jennifer Jason Leigh
98. Charles Nelson Reily
99. Jerry Lee Lewis
100. Carol Bayer Sager
101. Daniel Day Lewis
102. Jamie Lynn Stiegler
103. Billy Jean King
104. Brian Austin Green
105. Mary Joe Fernandez
106. June Carter Cash
107. Phillip Seymore Hoffman
108. Melissa Sue Anderson
109. Joyce Carol Oates
110. Soleil Moon Frye

One of the greatest days of my life.

Anyhoo, Malibu brought a friend along to the show, an old boyfriend that works for the forestry service and has winters off, he was going to house sit her cats as she was going on vacation the next day.  Lorenzo seemed like a decent guy and we sat at the bar for a while before the show...he liked a shot of Hornitos and a Hefewiezen.  At one point, he went to the bathroom and she told me how nice a guy Lorenzo was, but that sometimes he drinks too much.  Smash cut to three songs into the show and I am sitting between he and Malibu.  I should mention that this tour was an acoustic one, so it is pretty calm and quiet when the band is playing.  He was sitting peacefully, but the show must not have been what he was expecting, and he leans forward and yells, "Hey Red (Malibu has red hair), we gotta go!"  We try to get him to talk quieter, and everyone in a 10 row radius has now turned to look at us, and he yells again, "Red, now...we gotta go!" 

She takes him home but is able to get back for the start of the second set (another reason to love Portland).  We grab a fantastic meal of Cajun food at some hole in the wall under a freeway overpass and I crash on an air mattress on her floor. 

The next morning, I get up and am looking for my pants to put on after a shower, and cannot find them anywhere.  I know I folded them up nice and put them with my gear, and have no idea what's up.  Check everywhere, even go out to the car, and then Lorenzo comes out of the room he's staying in holding up my pants and says, "are these yours"  Good times.  Bizzare, but still.

Seattle is next and obviously, there are many people to see there but only had time for a few and stayed with friends in Madison Park.  I miss Fall in colder climates...the smells, the colors, being chilly, but the one thing that is kinda similar here is the sound of crunching leaves under foot as you walk around.  Not exactly the same as the trees are evergreen in Taiwan, but if you close your eyes, the crunching sound of walking on dead cockroaches can transport you to Fall in New England. 

The Seattle show was great of course.  We are standing there right before they go on, and my buddy Don says that the crowd is quite homogeneous. Look around, and the place is filled with 45-55 year old white dudes and the women that got dragged along with them.  No sooner are the words out of his mouth, but a couple of younger girls walk up to stand next to us.  One of them is an early twenty year old black female little person.  Kinda blew my friends racial profiling of the crowd out of the water.  Her friend was plus size and we got to chatting.  We called her Griselda (after a much loved/loathed song Yo La Tengo frequently covers).  She smelled like toast.  Not exactlylike  a fresh piece of toast, but more like the tray of burnt toast droppings that collects at the bottom of a toaster that you forget to clean for months.

Vancouver was another great time.  The buddy that was going to come out that night had to work, so went solo.  Sat next to a couple of neat fellas and we talked music and movies and such...one of the guys after the show went up to the roadies and got me the set list.  So nice.  We went out for some 1AM Chinese food (they don't call it Hongcouver for nothing) that was better than any food I've had here in 3.5 years. 

Soon, it was time to fly back to reality.  I know you shouldn't do this for many reasons, but I usually grab a window seat, take a couple of Zanax and slide off into oblivion for as long as possible.  Usually, your seatmate is happy to oblige and leave you be, but this time, the older lady wants to chat.  Fell for the oldest trick in the book, she asked me where I was going and made the mistake of returning the inquiry.   She led off with this..."Well, it hasn't been a good day so far.  My cat died this morning." 

That's it for now.  Won't be back until a couple weeks into the new year as we head out on Thursday for our winter break trip.  This year, we are going to Spain and Morocco.  Will save the details for the travelogue, but is shaping up to be a great time. 

Until then, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

December 5th, 2015

Wash your thumbs.  Heard that piece of advice the other day and knew it needed to be passed along.  Most people (apparently) don't scrub them when washing their hands, but stick them into their eyes/mouths as much as any other digit.  I can think of nothing else now when I wash my hands and now you will not be able to either.  You're welcome

Before moving into this weeks travelogue, have two new theories on life that I am working on and need your help in fleshing out.  The first concerns women and how many (not all, and certainly not you) will go into non-speaking funks.  We all have been victims of this maneuver and know you know what I'm talking about, but basically, they will give you the silent treatment when they want you to think that they are mad at something that you have done.  Here is the revelation...they will only do this when they are mad at you, but are totally in the wrong and have no other means of winning the argument, or even putting up a rational coherent counterpoint to whatever they feel aggrieved at.  This way, they can make you feel that you are in the wrong without having to explain why (which they can't cause they know deep down that they are).  Dudes don't do this in general as they are typically happy arguing for a lost cause and usually go away thinking they are right anyway.  This theory is pretty solid and I'm amazed that it just came to me now.  What to do about it is another thing as there seems to be no way out.  Continued explanation as to why they are wrong is met with monastic silence, and apologizing for whatever (in most cases, you wouldn't even know what to apologize for) is both ethically wrong and is also met with simply silence.  Only way to deal with it is to do nothing and go about your day (and night and sometimes another day) until it subsides.  Most of the articles I looked at tried to frame it as both genders pulling this stunt (ladies, if your man gives you the silent treatment, he ain't gonna be your man much longer), or were written from the woman's perspective.  This one seems to address it the best, but if you have another way, would love to hear it. 

Hard to believe, but my second theory is even more touchy.  The 33%.  This one posits that 1 in 3 people believe in an unsupportable crazy crackpot conspiracy theory.  In my youth, the most popular was the Kennedy assassination.  Others include (but certainly not limited to) staged attacks on the World Trade Centers/moon landings/Sandy Hook (and many other massacres), vaccinations causing autism, the War on Christmas, Jews...these folks have tons of "facts" supporting their theory, none of which can be empirically validated and can only be true if there is some shadowy cabal pulling the strings in secret. 

Here is where it gets touchy.  Have been raising this theory in small groups and the initial response from almost everybody is agreement, but when you dig deeper (really, only scratch their lottery ticket), out pops those peoples nutty thoughts.  Goes something like this:

Me: After explaining the 33% theory..."For instance, how about 9-11 truthers that say the WTC were rigged to explode and collapse?"
Them: "Exactly, those people are crazy!  But you know that Building 7 coming down that day was orchestrated to eliminate government documents?"
Me: "Check please."

After initial testing of this idea, it is clear that 33% is low and that the real number is not only over 50%, but may well be over 75.  And there is simply no way to rationalize with these folks beliefs.  Look, there are no conspiracy theories.  Yes, people/groups try to pull shit, but their motives are usually well telegraphed and are always (always always) found out in short order.  It is much easier to control peoples actions if they believe in absurdities that rationalize bad things in their lives rather than confronting and discussing the root causes that are obvious but hard to solve.  Look inside yourselves, and whenever you find yourself saying that Mexicans are the cause of America's decline or that 97% of scientists are in cahoots on global warming (for what end is never really mentioned), knock it the fuck off. 

OK...am going to skip the PNW trip to go on tour with Yo La Tengo this week as I want to write a love letter about that band and give it the time it deserves, but do have one follow-up that needs to be mentioned.  When I went to the Alamo to get the rental car, the lady behind the counter said I was on the "Do Not Rent" list.  Apparently, they have been trying to bill us for the lost keys in the Pittsburgh sewer incident, and since we are hard to reach here, had sent us to collections.  After an hour on the phone, and coughing up $250 bucks, we were finally able to put a button on that episode. 

The day after I got back from Seattle, the family went on a long Thanksgiving weekend trip to the Philippines.  Specifically, three nights at South Palms Resort on Panglao Is.  While Manila is only two flying hours from Taipei, and it is another hour in the air out to our destination, it takes about 12 hours to get from door to door.  It shouldn't, but it would seem that domestic flights in the Philippines are almost 100% not on time.

Not too much to say about our hotel other than it was picture perfect.

Literally step off our rooms porch onto a fine white sand beach and into tropically warm waters.

Tours of the island were available, and some of the sights sounded kinda cool but with only two full days this trip, hammock time was top priority

We headed on the hotel shuttle into the little town (Alona Beach) about 5km away one evening for dinner. 

Transportation doesn't get any more colorful than in the Philippines

While having dinner at sunset on the beach is pretty nice, our meals were awful.  It is rare when all of us leave food on our plates...actually, this might have been the first time ever.  It was my own fault that this was a crappy place to eat.  We took the recommendation of the shuttle driver to go to this joint and then broke the cardinal rule in choosing a restaurant.  Never go to the place that offers everything as they do none of it well.

In retrospect, should have gone with my first instinct and eaten at the Thai place, the unfortunately named ISIS Thai

Since this post is full of red flags for the NSA (hiya guys), was reading the local English language paper at the hotel one morning and they were detailing the recruiting efforts of the Filipino ISIS affiliate...the Moro Islamic Liberation Front...better known by their acronym MILF.  Now that is an Islamic terrorist organization you can put your arms around.

 

We did set out for a 4 hour snorkeling trip the second day.  It was a good one, boat rides in calmish tropical seas are a treat, and there were nice amounts of colorful fish, but think we have all been soured on snorkeling after our CNY trip to the amazingly rich waters in Palau last February as nothing we have seen compares.   

We did see a bunch of turtles, which was very cool.

For some reason, they deposited us on this sandbar of an island called Isola Di Francesco.  As you can see from the photo below, it used to be called Virgin Island

There was s display on the island detailing why the name was changed...to make a long story short the island got fucked.

 

Whoever owns it now, like most Filipinos, is super religious as there were shrines all over it. 

 

Am not usually inspired by religious relics, but this man is now my new Patron Saint

The waters around the island were teeming with Hermit crabs.  I know what they are but can't remember ever seeing them before (other than on SpongeBob).  These two were either fighting over a shell or making sweet crabby love.

Overall, a very nice time.  Of the places we have visited while here in Asia, Filipino people are my favorites.  Everyone you meet calls you Sir or Ma'am.  I know that it is rote on their part, but they always say it with a smile and it is so disarming and lovely that you can't help but smile back.  I have said it here before, but the fact that they are the worlds caregivers (the instinct to nurse is powerful in their DNA) and that their population spans the globe as construction workers, who have left their homes to work in awful conditions (enjoy their work at the 2022 World Cup in Qatar for instance) so they can send money back to their families, makes me feel that these are the best people on Earth.  The common perception among other Asian people is that they are the lowest class due to their being the regions manual laborers, but to me, it's what makes them the best.

Our trip home to Taipei had us with a 10 hour layover in Manila (which became an 8 hour layover with flight delays).  We took the opportunity to arrange a tour of the highlights of Manila.  Manila is not a city that seemed to offer a ton in the way of sightseeing.  Did the research and didn't find a lot of (any) must see spots, but figured that we might as well take the opportunity to see for ourselves.  The verdict is that Manila is indeed not a tourist destination.  The sights were fine (churches/forts) that had histories that were based in savage colonialism (mainly Spanish, but seems that every other empire from the Brits to Japanese put their stamp of oppression on it) or natural disaster (typhoons/earthquakes).  I learned that I hadn't learned much about this past history and was glad to do so now as it makes their narrative clearer.  Their national hero is Jose Rizal, and like all other things Filipino, lived a tortured life that ended in violent death.   Brass footprints tracing his path from prison to gallows.

While he is interned elsewhere, this is the vertebrae that was hit by the firing squad's bullet that ultimately killed him.

But as with anyplace, there is beauty to be found.  As gorgeous a sunset as I've ever seen.  Even the kids, who are as jaded to marveling at a beautiful sunset as they come, were impressed.

And food.  Anyplace that offers a dish described as having Classic Meaty Goodness is OK by me.

 

 

November 14th, 2015

Hey there,

Was talking about crazy people with a buddy of mine who shared his theory on how to spot them.  Apparently, he argues, if you can see the whites of a person's eyes all the way around their cornea, it is a sure sign that they are dangerously insane.  I made the racist-ish observation that it obviously doesn't apply to Asian people.  Had been thinking about his theory and could not think of such a person in my life, but was on the lookout.  A few days ago, I needed a new show to watch on Netflix and there has been a lot of smoke around Master Of None and started in.  A 10 episode Netflix original, I freaking loved it and cannot recommend it highly enough.  Very funny but the stories and dialogue feels totally natural and without ridiculous endings or forced plot.  I bring this up as the star, Aziz Ansari, totally has the visible whites around his eyes.  He very likely could be batshit crazy, but seems lovable and normal in this show, so am questioning my friends theory.

Went for a walk at the track this morning and I see these two girls warming up for their run/workout.  I glance out the side of my shades and notice that the taller girl with the long pony tail has weird looking shading on her legs, which upon closer inspection, see that it is this stringy long leg hair.  I spent the next two laps thinking that I had never seen a Chinese woman with any type of leg hair...not even a hint of it or sign of stubble.  I am catching up to them on lap three and they are now holding hands.  I saw in the news last week that Taipei was just host to the largest gay pride parade Asia had ever seen.  In our time around these pares, had never seen such an outward show of affection between the same sex and here I am seeing not only my first lesbian couple, but one of the girls is so butch that she is letting her freaky leg hair flag fly.  Quite a momentous day.  Finally catch up to them and turn to get a look at the happy couple, and the butch lesbian has a massive Adam's apple and is not a chick at all.  Bummer.

Speaking of butch, time to finish off the summer travel log with some accounts of our stay in Seattle.  The last 10 days of our summer trip to the states also saw the end of our MLB tour with a 4 day stand at the friendly confines of Safeco Field.  To recap, Paul and I caught games at;

Nippon Ham Fighters at Sapporo Dome in Hokaido, Japan
Oakland A's at O.Co
San Diego Padres at Petco Park
New York Yankees at Yankee Stadium
New York Mets at Citi Field
Pittsburgh Pirates at PNC Park
Washington Nationals at Nats Park
Seattle Mariners at Safeco Field.

Pretty damn good for a baseball fan.  We saw three playoff teams and one World Series participant.  By the time we hit Safeco, the Mariners were 8 games out of first, preseason predictions were strong for the team this year and hopes were high that they were a winning streak away from being in contention.  Our calendar aligned so that I could catch 4 out of 5 consecutive games with a variety of our best Seattle friends. 

They lost all of them in increasingly depressing fashion, and combined with nice winning streaks by the teams ahead of them in the standings, we were present to see the end of their playoff hopes and the beginning of the dismantling of this versions management team.  I/we had a great time as there is a certain joy (think the Germans call it shadenfreude) in watching a team disintegrate before your eyes, but the yearly march to oblivion by the Mariners is becoming so routine as to have little emotional affect. 

One my coping mechanisms of being a fan of a crappy franchise (and only the Mariners and Washington National have never appeared in a World Series, so yeah) is becoming attached to the most lost cause on the team.  There are two kinds of these players.  One is the young player who the team-controlled media presents as having a super high ceiling but has never actually displayed any consistent play that would justify such hope.  The other is the journeyman that we have acquired, usually in return for the above mentioned phenom that never panned out but would go on to be a functional player for another team.  This journeyman has also had moments of superb play but is really a sub .240 hitter with a massive strike zone that has more holes in it than a GOP presidential contenders policy platform.  

This years Mariner to find a special place in our hearts was Logan Morrison...LoMo!.  We would be on edge of our for seats every one of his at bats (thank would end in a rally killing strikeout or double play), would be pissed when he was given the day off (benched) and would pretty much laugh ourselves silly making up comments about him.  The best was one of Paul's buddies saying he was a flaming LoMosexual.  You have to have something to pass the time...those games are long.

Got to thinking about the Mariners that fit this description for me over the years we had lived there and present it for your consideration here.

2015 - Logan Morrison aka LoMo
2014 - Justin Smoak (Smokey)
2013 - Danny Farquhar
2012 - Chone Figgens
2011 - tie between awkwardly named Doug (Mr.) Fister and Charlie Furbush
2010 - tie between Milton Bradley and Michael Saunders (the Condor)
2009  - Jason (Circus) Vargas
2008 - Richie (Big Sexy)Sexson
2007 - Yuniesky Betancourt
2006 - (Jurrasic) Carl Everett (who didn't believe in dinosaurs)
2005 - tie Jeremy Reed and Joel Piniero
2004 - Bucky Jacobson
2003 - Jeff Cirillo
2002 - Ruben Sierra
2001 - 116 wins, entire team on steroids and the great John Halama-ding dong
2000 - Jose Mesa
1999 - Russ Davis, with a special call out to Butch Husky...see below
1998 - David Segui
1997 - (Thank you) Paul Sorento
1996 - (Jose) Luis Sojo

Regarding 1999's call out, Butch Husky was on that team and holds a special place in our hearts.  When Betty was giving birth to Paul in May of 1999, we put the Mariner game on the radio as the birth process took most of the afternoon, and Butch Husky had his best day as a Mariner.  We (very) briefly considered Butch as a name for the Boy.  A few weeks later, we made a family outing to a Mariner game, with an infant Boy in tow, and are sitting in our seats right in front a couple of ladies that were clearly a couple.  As they are announcing the line-up for that day, they announce that Butch Husky will be batting sixth, and one of the ladies turns to the other and says in a sexy voice, "Butch Husky?  That's a great name."

I really had never thought about this as being an annual rite of passage, but in researching and documenting the list above, wonder if this is just a thing I do, of do all fans have a version of this list.

The final game we went to was a getaway day game against the Diamondbacks.  We weren't planning to go, but Felix Hernandez was pitching so we decided to get tickets in the King's Court.  The Court is a section of seats down the left field line where everyone gets a very bright yellow t-shirt and card with a big K on it.  Devoted to all things Felix, the main function is to stand up whenever he has two strikes on a batter and yell K in unison in hopes for a strikeout. 

It was (for Seattle) a hot day, but beautiful and hopes were high.  People/strangers in the section would greet each other with Happy Felix Day and the mood was good.  Until the game started.  Felix gets hammered for 4 runs in the top of the first (2 of which came on a home run by a catcher we traded to Arizona to get Mark Trumbo...Mark fucking Trumbo!).   Felix lasted 4 innings giving up six runs, but he still struck out a half dozen guys and even though we're getting blown out, the members of the Court would all stand when he got two strikes on a guy and chant "K".

In the bottom off the second, these three very well dressed black guys, like they are going to church, arrive and sit behind us.  They don't have their shirts or cards and figure they must have scalped the tix or they were given to them cause they did not look like they intended on being in the Court.  In the top of the third, Felix gets two strikes and the very white crowd all stand up and stark yelling K-K-K.   I have no idea what was going on in the black guys minds at this point, but can only imagine that it was not comfortable hearing a bunch of drunk white folks chanting it.  I waited till the end of that inning and talked to the fellas and explained what was happening.

I went into Seattle a bit a few weeks ago in this space, but there are two "fashion" trends, one male and one female, that I found supremely annoying.  The first is one that most people think is ridiculous, and that is the man bun.  They will one day be viewed as dopey as the mullet and the only redeeming fact is that they will make you go bald.  For the ladies, it is the side body tattoo.  Harder to notice than the man bun, was stunned at the amount we saw when we visited the water park or beaches.  Call me an out of touch old man all you want, but they look awful and am convinced there are major unresolved "issues" that haven't been addressed to make you think this looks good or is a good idea.  My favorites of these were the ones that had full on bible verses scrolling from rib to thigh.  That is just want I want to see when it is time for some serious snuggling.

Seattle also is the time we catch up with our doctor visits.  I feel bad for the Boy as he is getting everything bad that I have physically.  From benign things like a cleft chin, to the annoying like the early stages of chronic psoriasis, to the bizarre like the family tail.  Yes, the Imbrogulio men have tails.  The medical term for it is a pilonidal cyst and while there does not seem to be a medical consensus as to what causes it, many believe that the body is sending proteins to the bottom of the spine where we used to have tails, and this causes a pocket to grow that then acts like a huge pimple on the top of the butt crack.  Lovely.  In many cases, these go away never to return while in others, they have to be cut out, which can be quite painful. 

Am not sure whether to warn him about the new malady that I have developed.  The doctor diagnosed it as pruritus ani, which is Latin for itchy anus.  I know.  Apparently, it is common in people aged 40-60, right in my demo.  It can be managed with cream and proper maintenance, and am glad it wasn't what I feared going in, which was some kind of colon cancer.  One thing that it did prove was that those 'Confucius Says" quotes are true...Man who go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with smelly finger.  I know this is gross and that some will ask why I share, but I think it is important that we do share these crazy things so that others can learn and address the similar problems.  Much like Movember is prostate cancer awareness month, think we could devote  August to pruritus ani awareness as it is hot as ass.

Another highlight off our Seattle stay was being a part of the Elliott Bay Leisure and Music Club's (EBLAMC) 100th disc anniversary.  At a Christmas party in 2002, a few fellas were listening to some girls talk about their book club.  They would meet monthly to talk about a book they all read, but really it was an excuse for them to go out boozing together.  Us fellas knew we needed to have a similar thing, but none of us really liked to read, so we came up with the idea of a club where music was the gravitating factor.  Our first meeting was on January 17th, 2003 and we have been meeting roughly every 7-9 weeks ever since.  What we do is we all submit songs and compile them on a CD, which is shared with the group.  Over the next few weeks, we listen to and rate the tracks.  Then at the next meeting, we discuss the past disc, pass out the new ones and then have an evening of convivial conversation and liberal imbibing.  Sometimes, we get too political in our discussion and there have been walk outs, but mainly, it is a great time for us to get together.  Going out for music club is never questioned by the family and this idea is such a solid one that it should be a part of every ones life in some way.  Our motto is the 4th Generation of Luxury, which comes from an article that describes previous forms of luxury having to do with money or prestige, but in our times, the definition of luxury is having the time to spend with family or friends.  Brilliant.

We arranged our schedule so that our 100th meeting/disc would happen this summer so that we could all be together.  On Friday night, we had a party and invited all of our friends (awesome night and you are lame if you weren't there), and then we all went to one of the EBLAMC members cabin out in the Hood Canal for a boys weekend.  Eating well, drinking better and general BS by the campfire with great friends makes memories that last forever.  And it is great to act like the stupid boy that is in all of us.  Our host had rigged up a not so small zip line through the woods on the side of his cabin, and we all did midnight ride.  The line comes far too, and very dangerously close to trees, but none of us cracked our skull open.  That was pretty stupid, but probably the dumbest activity was the bi-athalon contest, which consisted of downing a beer and then shooting a pellet gun at a target.   What could possibly go wrong, and how old are you are fair questions.   Anyhoo, a great time with great friends. 

On the last day in town, the kids and I went to the Safeway to finish off our purchases of foodstuffs that we need to bring back to Taiwan.  Things like Mexican rice and fig paste.  We are standing at the checkout line while the checker scans a dozen cans of baked beans, and the lady behind us tugs on my shirt and mumbled something.  I say excuse me and it is immediately clear that she is hearing impaired as she says in the accent of someone that is, "Nice shirt."  I say 'thank you'.  She says something else that I didn't understand, so ask her to say it again, and she does the ring on the finger motion and says in that accent, "Are you married?"  "Why yes I am", point to the kids and we walk out.  "Way to go Dad" says the Boy and must say that it did feel good to get hit on. 

Went out later that night to see some music with friends and had had a conversation about a mutual friend that is from Germany and has a distinct German accent.  I then relate my story from the Safeway and say the lady's part in the deaf person accent.  Was told that was horrible and that I shouldn't make fun of the deaf and the way they speak, but the accent is what made the whole thing go from amusing to hilarious.  One of the people ask me to speak like a deaf person with a German accent.  After a couple of pathetic tries, realize that you can't have a deaf person accent in anything other than that way as they don't hear the different accents.

That's it for today.  Will likely be taking a 2-3 week break from this space as I/we are traveling.  This is travel season...on Tuesday, I am heading to the Pacific Northwest for the annual Rock and Roll pilgrimage.  Bumbershoot had an unappealing line-up this year but had already bought plane tickets.  I changed them to November as my favorite band, Yo La Tengo, is making a run from Eugene to Vancouver BC so will get to see 4 shows in 5 nights and get to meet up with friends along the way.  About 20 hours after I return, the family is heading to Panglao Island in the Philippines for the long Thanksgiving weekend.  I was telling someone about the Philippine trip and they asked if I was going to saran wrap our luggage.  I wasn't planning on it, but she says that the there are stories that the Philippine TSA is introducing weapons into people's suitcases so they can extort bribes from the foreigners.  Fab...looks like we'll be strictly carry on this trip.

Talk soon.

November 7th, 2015

Hey there.

An all-Taiwan edition (kinda) today.  Know that I am hitting on some familiar tropes (see, trying to use my new word in context) here, but need to update/elaborate on them.

Went out with some friends to a well reviewed, fairly upscale Italian restaurant last week.  It's no secret that I have contempt for the local Western food offerings, mainly as the recipes are geared towards local tastes.  Totally get it, appreciate that the Chinese restaurants in the States make their delicious concoctions to whet my butter stinker palette, but still.  So we goes to this place and everything looks like the real deal; Very warm atmosphere, great looking menu, a host obviously proud of the authenticity of his establishment and its offerings, and I am getting really excited about the meal to come. 

It was OK, which was a major disappointment.  Won't do too deep a dive as this isn't the A Hungry Girl's Guide in Taipei blog (which is excellent), but will tell you about my entrée as an example.  Ordered the penne pasta Bolognese with the Italian sausage as I want to try something basic to gauge the place.  Overall, I was pleased with it, the sauce felt like it was made in house and while it wasn't spectacular, they put enough sauce in the dish (which is unusual as the Chinese seem averse to high intake of the New World fruit) and the sausages were nice (was happy that the owner said he would sell to me in bulk).  While it was good, it was not outstanding in any way.  As I fished around the bowl, felt there were double the amount of onions needed, and about 1/10th the amount of garlic I would have added.

This then started a table discussion about what one should do or say at a restaurant when you feel dishes could be improved.  There is a  Mexican joint in our hood that could be awesome and I would be there at least once a week, but they miss on authenticity and taste on every dish.  Have been wanting to say something about it for three years but cannot bring myself to do so.  Betty gives me the standard "they cater to the palette of the local clientele" line, but why can't they offer off menu items to 'wanna-be brown' white boys from the valley like me?  We all know Chinese restaurants in the City have a special menu for their Chinese customers. 

The table pretty much agrees that one should keep their mouth shut, maybe review them fairly but gently, and definitely anonymously, on social media.  Not more than a minute later, the owner asks us how our meal was, and the other fella at the table gives him a fair but unfavorable review of his meal.  It was done in a very positive and constructive way, and the guy kept smiling, but you could see he was shaken to the core.  We were then given a free dessert to share and a nice taste of some interesting Spanish (?) whisky, ostensibly to make up for the comments about the bad steak was.  While we enjoyed the treats, we all felt a bit bad about it and this proved why you don't say anything. 

I have ranted about the crappy food in this space often, and have had several dozen conversations about it with others around town.  Those conversations always go like this.

Me: "The local food here doesn't really jive with my taste buds and I would posit that it is just not good." 
Them: "You're crazy, there is all kinds of great local stuff."
Me: "Great, what and where?"
Them: After a brief pause, "Din Tai Fung is awesome.",
Me: "Granted, but I can get that in Seattle (or California or Singapore or...), what else you got?"
Them: Even longer pause, "Have you tried that (fill in the blank foreign but usually Japanese) place?"
Me: I will reply either "yes" or "no, where are they located" but end with, "but that is not Chinese or Taiwanese food."
Them: Very pregnant pause, "there is this noodle/chicken/pancake shack near my house we go to that is awesome"

After a bit more back and forth about their 'local', it becomes clear that the place really isn't that great, serves horribly oily and/or fried whatever, and they only eat it cause its convenient and cheap.  They then mumble something like, 'I cook at home mostly' and excuse themselves awkwardly from the conversation.  And yes, I never wonder why I don't have a ton of friends.

The reason I bring this up is that I was forwarded yet another article by someone that doesn't live here about how Taiwan is so great for food.  Take a minute and read this article in Esquire called "How Taiwan Became the Hottest Food Destination on Earth"

Now that you're back, does anything in there sound good to you?  Let me tell you from first hand experience that it is not.  The best thing I can say about it is that you won't get diarrhea as they deep fry any parasites out of everything.  To be fair, that article was from the UK edition of Esquire and that place wouldn't know good food if it was sitting under a heat lamp for several hours then wrapped in newspaper.

Another type of article that gets tossed around in the ex-pat circles are the touchy-feely coping with life as an ex-pat variety.  Read them all in hopes that I will glean some nugget of info that will help explain things or a tip on how to make the kids experiences better, but always come away disgusted by the whininess and air of self importance by the writers.  The latest one had some promise as it was about something that does bum me out quite a bit, which is how to deal with the constant departure of people annually.  I lost four super quality dudes (and their families) to job transfers last June and was interested in comparing that sense of loss with others.  Try reading this article about ex-pat life and tell me you don't want to throttle the author.  Wah wah wah, goers, stayers and newbies...these things are never written by the person who is working overseas as they are too busy to internalize all of the minutia, but are written by the 'trailing spouses' who are overwhelmingly female.  God love you women, I think you are awesome but you all have this sympathetic streak that is great in most cases, but can also manifest itself in ways like that stupid article.  Want another example...after a friend posts a new picture on FB, usually with some missive that is either humblebragging or a cry for attention (and often both simultaneously), how many of their girlfriends will reply that you are so gorgeous, such a great mother, etc.  You know what all the fellas think when they see that picture?  If you don't know, you don't want to know. 

At the risk of creating an incident, am copying a recent FB post from one of the above ladies to help illustrate this further..."Ok, Michael Bolton just friended me on Facebook.. on my other individual Facebook account where I have about 1000 friends. I had met Michael in NYC this summer at a private event. (You all are on my family account of about a few hundred friends because you know my kids"

Am I right or am I right?  All right, since I popped the seal, one more...I am really hitting a home run with my daughter with talks this week. We were having a long deep talk again last night when she suddenly said "Mommy, you are so likeable.. by everyone. You are wanted by everyone for work and you have friends everywhere, in every city we travel to! Even Geneva and Norway. Mommy, even Norway! Haha. I want to be like you when I grow up!" Wow! What a compliment! ‪#‎awesomemommydays

Wow! is right.  You can guess as to some of the replies but I won't repeat them here so as to not make you cringe.

Since we are on the topic of the ladies, was driving with Betty yesterday morning and she points out an ad on the bus that had all the Japanese cartoon stuff on is and says how much the Taiwanese love the Japanese anime stuff.  I will assume that you know what I'm talking about but if not, Google Japanese anime.  It's true, they use that imagery to sell everything from soda to roach poison.  She had just returned from mainland China and asked if they are inundated with it there, and she says no and that they use the tall models with the skinny legs and tight pants to sell stuff there, and adds that the pants look ridiculous on the women as they either have no butts so the seats are baggy, or look terrible due to the lack of hiney. 

I totally agree and am sure that I have documented that in this space on more than one occasion.  Taking it a bit further, last Saturday was Halloween, and while it is not a huge thing with the locals, it is a thing.  One of the best things about where we live is the huge park across the street.  There is a major league baseball stadium on the corner, but the space behind it is an athletic college and there is a major gymnasium, proper Olympic sized indoor pool and diving facility, etc.  There is also a large open space with track, ball fields, basketball and tennis courts and a huge open lawn.  Very cool to have this area to enjoy and I am there nearly every day to go for a walk as it is the only exercise I can do with the bad wheels.  Not only that, but the track is a great place to walk as not only is it free from the local car/scooter drivers that have zero respect for pedestrians, but there is always something going on to distract attention.  Kids or adults playing any sport you can think of; soccer, rugby, track and field, croquet ,cricket, base and bacci ball.  There are always individuals or groups doing the Tai chi thing which is fascinating and on my short list to try.  And there are two of my favorite guys that I see often.  One is the dude that comes to practice his opera singing, and the other guy with no legs but massive upper body doing speed laps on the track on his custom racing wheelchair.  Conversely, two of my least favorite guys (multiple versions of each) are also there...the dude that runs the wrong way on the track, and the other dude that runs for miles in his flip-flops.

So at this parks open space last Saturday, there is a massive Halloween festival.  Must be a big thing in all of Taipei as there was a traffic jam in the neighborhood for hours and the place was packed.  All kinds of fun games, candy and food and inevitably, the stage show playing the awful Chinese music way too loud on Chiang Kai Shek era propaganda speakers.  Was strolling around the food vendor area and the workers at the stands were all dressed up in costume.  There were two costumes that the women were wearing that stood out for their ubiquity.  On the bad side were the French Maid outfits.  Great in theory, very hot on French girls, but the local girls were definitely not pulling it off.  The hotness of those outfits is due to the amount of sexy thigh and busty bust that is exposed.  Sexy thighs and busty busts are not the common traits of the cute Asian ladies and these outfits looked like poor fitting black and white garbage bags covering an upside down mop.  On the good side were the Hot Devil girls.  Saw many of these and their outfits consisted of sleek form fitting fire red dress to above the knee, devil horns and tail.  Very good.  This worked well as it accentuates their slim figures while the dresses give the impression of a fuller figure.  Isn't the goal for those with fuller figures to appear slimmer and vice versa. I might not be Karl Lagerfeld, but am available for personal shopping.  By appointment only.

Finally for today, am all in on the big news in these parts with the announcement that this Sunday, the presidents of Taiwan and China will meet for the first time since Mao and Chiang Kai Shek posed for a picture with Douglas MacArthur in 1945.  The whole dynamic between Taiwan and China is eminently fascinating to me and read everything I can find about it.  Could discuss it for hours but will share one thing today that I have seen said a lot in the recent discussion, and that is how it is commonly said that Chinese people could never live in a democracy due to 2000 years of Coufucian political thought.  At the highest level, its main tenant is filial piety, which means unconditional respect to ones elders, and it is the elders responsibility to do the best thing for future generations.  Again, the merits of this can be debated endlessly and one cannot argue that it sounds good in theory, as long as the "elders" aren't hosing the people to make a buck, which is what it all comes down to everywhere always. 

Most of the articles about this meeting tomorrow are about how China is orchestrating this to persuade Taiwan to reunite with the mainland and to influence the major election for a new government that is happening here in January. I like the counter argument that as Taiwan is an example of a homogeneous Chinese society that does have a vibrant democracy, that they out-box their weight with influence and are subversively proving to the mainland that there is an alternative to one party rule and that democracy is viable in their society.  Much more to come on that and feel lucky to have a ringside seat.

Was hoping to finish off our summer travelogue today with our final stop of a couple weeks in Seattle, but have run on too long this morning and will get to that soon.  A couple of teasers...a big KKK demonstration at Safeco Field and getting totally hit on at the Safeway.