Was talking about crazy people with a buddy of mine who shared his theory on how to spot them. Apparently, he argues, if you can see the whites of a person's eyes all the way around their cornea, it is a sure sign that they are dangerously insane. I made the racist-ish observation that it obviously doesn't apply to Asian people. Had been thinking about his theory and could not think of such a person in my life, but was on the lookout. A few days ago, I needed a new show to watch on Netflix and there has been a lot of smoke around Master Of None and started in. A 10 episode Netflix original, I freaking loved it and cannot recommend it highly enough. Very funny but the stories and dialogue feels totally natural and without ridiculous endings or forced plot. I bring this up as the star, Aziz Ansari, totally has the visible whites around his eyes. He very likely could be batshit crazy, but seems lovable and normal in this show, so am questioning my friends theory.
Went for a walk at the track this morning and I see these two girls warming up for their run/workout. I glance out the side of my shades and notice that the taller girl with the long pony tail has weird looking shading on her legs, which upon closer inspection, see that it is this stringy long leg hair. I spent the next two laps thinking that I had never seen a Chinese woman with any type of leg hair...not even a hint of it or sign of stubble. I am catching up to them on lap three and they are now holding hands. I saw in the news last week that Taipei was just host to the largest gay pride parade Asia had ever seen. In our time around these pares, had never seen such an outward show of affection between the same sex and here I am seeing not only my first lesbian couple, but one of the girls is so butch that she is letting her freaky leg hair flag fly. Quite a momentous day. Finally catch up to them and turn to get a look at the happy couple, and the butch lesbian has a massive Adam's apple and is not a chick at all. Bummer.
Speaking of butch, time to finish off the summer travel log with some accounts of our stay in Seattle. The last 10 days of our summer trip to the states also saw the end of our MLB tour with a 4 day stand at the friendly confines of Safeco Field. To recap, Paul and I caught games at;
Nippon Ham Fighters at Sapporo Dome in Hokaido, Japan
Oakland A's at O.Co
San Diego Padres at Petco Park
New York Yankees at Yankee Stadium
New York Mets at Citi Field
Pittsburgh Pirates at PNC Park
Washington Nationals at Nats Park
Seattle Mariners at Safeco Field.
Pretty damn good for a baseball fan. We saw three playoff teams and one World Series participant. By the time we hit Safeco, the Mariners were 8 games out of first, preseason predictions were strong for the team this year and hopes were high that they were a winning streak away from being in contention. Our calendar aligned so that I could catch 4 out of 5 consecutive games with a variety of our best Seattle friends.
They lost all of them in increasingly depressing fashion, and combined with nice winning streaks by the teams ahead of them in the standings, we were present to see the end of their playoff hopes and the beginning of the dismantling of this versions management team. I/we had a great time as there is a certain joy (think the Germans call it shadenfreude) in watching a team disintegrate before your eyes, but the yearly march to oblivion by the Mariners is becoming so routine as to have little emotional affect.
One my coping mechanisms of being a fan of a crappy franchise (and only the Mariners and Washington National have never appeared in a World Series, so yeah) is becoming attached to the most lost cause on the team. There are two kinds of these players. One is the young player who the team-controlled media presents as having a super high ceiling but has never actually displayed any consistent play that would justify such hope. The other is the journeyman that we have acquired, usually in return for the above mentioned phenom that never panned out but would go on to be a functional player for another team. This journeyman has also had moments of superb play but is really a sub .240 hitter with a massive strike zone that has more holes in it than a GOP presidential contenders policy platform.
This years Mariner to find a special place in our hearts was Logan Morrison...LoMo!. We would be on edge of our for seats every one of his at bats (thank would end in a rally killing strikeout or double play), would be pissed when he was given the day off (benched) and would pretty much laugh ourselves silly making up comments about him. The best was one of Paul's buddies saying he was a flaming LoMosexual. You have to have something to pass the time...those games are long.
Got to thinking about the Mariners that fit this description for me over the years we had lived there and present it for your consideration here.
2015 - Logan Morrison aka LoMo
2014 - Justin Smoak (Smokey)
2013 - Danny Farquhar
2012 - Chone Figgens
2011 - tie between awkwardly named Doug (Mr.) Fister and Charlie Furbush
2010 - tie between Milton Bradley and Michael Saunders (the Condor)
2009 - Jason (Circus) Vargas
2008 - Richie (Big Sexy)Sexson
2007 - Yuniesky Betancourt
2006 - (Jurrasic) Carl Everett (who didn't believe in dinosaurs)
2005 - tie Jeremy Reed and Joel Piniero
2004 - Bucky Jacobson
2003 - Jeff Cirillo
2002 - Ruben Sierra
2001 - 116 wins, entire team on steroids and the great John Halama-ding dong
2000 - Jose Mesa
1999 - Russ Davis, with a special call out to Butch Husky...see below
1998 - David Segui
1997 - (Thank you) Paul Sorento
1996 - (Jose) Luis Sojo
Regarding 1999's call out, Butch Husky was on that team and holds a special place in our hearts. When Betty was giving birth to Paul in May of 1999, we put the Mariner game on the radio as the birth process took most of the afternoon, and Butch Husky had his best day as a Mariner. We (very) briefly considered Butch as a name for the Boy. A few weeks later, we made a family outing to a Mariner game, with an infant Boy in tow, and are sitting in our seats right in front a couple of ladies that were clearly a couple. As they are announcing the line-up for that day, they announce that Butch Husky will be batting sixth, and one of the ladies turns to the other and says in a sexy voice, "Butch Husky? That's a great name."
I really had never thought about this as being an annual rite of passage, but in researching and documenting the list above, wonder if this is just a thing I do, of do all fans have a version of this list.
The final game we went to was a getaway day game against the Diamondbacks. We weren't planning to go, but Felix Hernandez was pitching so we decided to get tickets in the King's Court. The Court is a section of seats down the left field line where everyone gets a very bright yellow t-shirt and card with a big K on it. Devoted to all things Felix, the main function is to stand up whenever he has two strikes on a batter and yell K in unison in hopes for a strikeout.
In the bottom off the second, these three very well dressed black guys, like they are going to church, arrive and sit behind us. They don't have their shirts or cards and figure they must have scalped the tix or they were given to them cause they did not look like they intended on being in the Court. In the top of the third, Felix gets two strikes and the very white crowd all stand up and stark yelling K-K-K. I have no idea what was going on in the black guys minds at this point, but can only imagine that it was not comfortable hearing a bunch of drunk white folks chanting it. I waited till the end of that inning and talked to the fellas and explained what was happening.
I went into Seattle a bit a few weeks ago in this space, but there are two "fashion" trends, one male and one female, that I found supremely annoying. The first is one that most people think is ridiculous, and that is the man bun. They will one day be viewed as dopey as the mullet and the only redeeming fact is that they will make you go bald. For the ladies, it is the side body tattoo. Harder to notice than the man bun, was stunned at the amount we saw when we visited the water park or beaches. Call me an out of touch old man all you want, but they look awful and am convinced there are major unresolved "issues" that haven't been addressed to make you think this looks good or is a good idea. My favorites of these were the ones that had full on bible verses scrolling from rib to thigh. That is just want I want to see when it is time for some serious snuggling.
Seattle also is the time we catch up with our doctor visits. I feel bad for the Boy as he is getting everything bad that I have physically. From benign things like a cleft chin, to the annoying like the early stages of chronic psoriasis, to the bizarre like the family tail. Yes, the Imbrogulio men have tails. The medical term for it is a pilonidal cyst and while there does not seem to be a medical consensus as to what causes it, many believe that the body is sending proteins to the bottom of the spine where we used to have tails, and this causes a pocket to grow that then acts like a huge pimple on the top of the butt crack. Lovely. In many cases, these go away never to return while in others, they have to be cut out, which can be quite painful.
Am not sure whether to warn him about the new malady that I have developed. The doctor diagnosed it as pruritus ani, which is Latin for itchy anus. I know. Apparently, it is common in people aged 40-60, right in my demo. It can be managed with cream and proper maintenance, and am glad it wasn't what I feared going in, which was some kind of colon cancer. One thing that it did prove was that those 'Confucius Says" quotes are true...Man who go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with smelly finger. I know this is gross and that some will ask why I share, but I think it is important that we do share these crazy things so that others can learn and address the similar problems. Much like Movember is prostate cancer awareness month, think we could devote August to pruritus ani awareness as it is hot as ass.
Another highlight off our Seattle stay was being a part of the Elliott Bay Leisure and Music Club's (EBLAMC) 100th disc anniversary. At a Christmas party in 2002, a few fellas were listening to some girls talk about their book club. They would meet monthly to talk about a book they all read, but really it was an excuse for them to go out boozing together. Us fellas knew we needed to have a similar thing, but none of us really liked to read, so we came up with the idea of a club where music was the gravitating factor. Our first meeting was on January 17th, 2003 and we have been meeting roughly every 7-9 weeks ever since. What we do is we all submit songs and compile them on a CD, which is shared with the group. Over the next few weeks, we listen to and rate the tracks. Then at the next meeting, we discuss the past disc, pass out the new ones and then have an evening of convivial conversation and liberal imbibing. Sometimes, we get too political in our discussion and there have been walk outs, but mainly, it is a great time for us to get together. Going out for music club is never questioned by the family and this idea is such a solid one that it should be a part of every ones life in some way. Our motto is the 4th Generation of Luxury, which comes from an article that describes previous forms of luxury having to do with money or prestige, but in our times, the definition of luxury is having the time to spend with family or friends. Brilliant.
We arranged our schedule so that our 100th meeting/disc would happen this summer so that we could all be together. On Friday night, we had a party and invited all of our friends (awesome night and you are lame if you weren't there), and then we all went to one of the EBLAMC members cabin out in the Hood Canal for a boys weekend. Eating well, drinking better and general BS by the campfire with great friends makes memories that last forever. And it is great to act like the stupid boy that is in all of us. Our host had rigged up a not so small zip line through the woods on the side of his cabin, and we all did midnight ride. The line comes far too, and very dangerously close to trees, but none of us cracked our skull open. That was pretty stupid, but probably the dumbest activity was the bi-athalon contest, which consisted of downing a beer and then shooting a pellet gun at a target. What could possibly go wrong, and how old are you are fair questions. Anyhoo, a great time with great friends.
On the last day in town, the kids and I went to the Safeway to finish off our purchases of foodstuffs that we need to bring back to Taiwan. Things like Mexican rice and fig paste. We are standing at the checkout line while the checker scans a dozen cans of baked beans, and the lady behind us tugs on my shirt and mumbled something. I say excuse me and it is immediately clear that she is hearing impaired as she says in the accent of someone that is, "Nice shirt." I say 'thank you'. She says something else that I didn't understand, so ask her to say it again, and she does the ring on the finger motion and says in that accent, "Are you married?" "Why yes I am", point to the kids and we walk out. "Way to go Dad" says the Boy and must say that it did feel good to get hit on.
Went out later that night to see some music with friends and had had a conversation about a mutual friend that is from Germany and has a distinct German accent. I then relate my story from the Safeway and say the lady's part in the deaf person accent. Was told that was horrible and that I shouldn't make fun of the deaf and the way they speak, but the accent is what made the whole thing go from amusing to hilarious. One of the people ask me to speak like a deaf person with a German accent. After a couple of pathetic tries, realize that you can't have a deaf person accent in anything other than that way as they don't hear the different accents.
That's it for today. Will likely be taking a 2-3 week break from this space as I/we are traveling. This is travel season...on Tuesday, I am heading to the Pacific Northwest for the annual Rock and Roll pilgrimage. Bumbershoot had an unappealing line-up this year but had already bought plane tickets. I changed them to November as my favorite band, Yo La Tengo, is making a run from Eugene to Vancouver BC so will get to see 4 shows in 5 nights and get to meet up with friends along the way. About 20 hours after I return, the family is heading to Panglao Island in the Philippines for the long Thanksgiving weekend. I was telling someone about the Philippine trip and they asked if I was going to saran wrap our luggage. I wasn't planning on it, but she says that the there are stories that the Philippine TSA is introducing weapons into people's suitcases so they can extort bribes from the foreigners. Fab...looks like we'll be strictly carry on this trip.
Talk soon.
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