November 7th, 2015

Hey there.

An all-Taiwan edition (kinda) today.  Know that I am hitting on some familiar tropes (see, trying to use my new word in context) here, but need to update/elaborate on them.

Went out with some friends to a well reviewed, fairly upscale Italian restaurant last week.  It's no secret that I have contempt for the local Western food offerings, mainly as the recipes are geared towards local tastes.  Totally get it, appreciate that the Chinese restaurants in the States make their delicious concoctions to whet my butter stinker palette, but still.  So we goes to this place and everything looks like the real deal; Very warm atmosphere, great looking menu, a host obviously proud of the authenticity of his establishment and its offerings, and I am getting really excited about the meal to come. 

It was OK, which was a major disappointment.  Won't do too deep a dive as this isn't the A Hungry Girl's Guide in Taipei blog (which is excellent), but will tell you about my entrée as an example.  Ordered the penne pasta Bolognese with the Italian sausage as I want to try something basic to gauge the place.  Overall, I was pleased with it, the sauce felt like it was made in house and while it wasn't spectacular, they put enough sauce in the dish (which is unusual as the Chinese seem averse to high intake of the New World fruit) and the sausages were nice (was happy that the owner said he would sell to me in bulk).  While it was good, it was not outstanding in any way.  As I fished around the bowl, felt there were double the amount of onions needed, and about 1/10th the amount of garlic I would have added.

This then started a table discussion about what one should do or say at a restaurant when you feel dishes could be improved.  There is a  Mexican joint in our hood that could be awesome and I would be there at least once a week, but they miss on authenticity and taste on every dish.  Have been wanting to say something about it for three years but cannot bring myself to do so.  Betty gives me the standard "they cater to the palette of the local clientele" line, but why can't they offer off menu items to 'wanna-be brown' white boys from the valley like me?  We all know Chinese restaurants in the City have a special menu for their Chinese customers. 

The table pretty much agrees that one should keep their mouth shut, maybe review them fairly but gently, and definitely anonymously, on social media.  Not more than a minute later, the owner asks us how our meal was, and the other fella at the table gives him a fair but unfavorable review of his meal.  It was done in a very positive and constructive way, and the guy kept smiling, but you could see he was shaken to the core.  We were then given a free dessert to share and a nice taste of some interesting Spanish (?) whisky, ostensibly to make up for the comments about the bad steak was.  While we enjoyed the treats, we all felt a bit bad about it and this proved why you don't say anything. 

I have ranted about the crappy food in this space often, and have had several dozen conversations about it with others around town.  Those conversations always go like this.

Me: "The local food here doesn't really jive with my taste buds and I would posit that it is just not good." 
Them: "You're crazy, there is all kinds of great local stuff."
Me: "Great, what and where?"
Them: After a brief pause, "Din Tai Fung is awesome.",
Me: "Granted, but I can get that in Seattle (or California or Singapore or...), what else you got?"
Them: Even longer pause, "Have you tried that (fill in the blank foreign but usually Japanese) place?"
Me: I will reply either "yes" or "no, where are they located" but end with, "but that is not Chinese or Taiwanese food."
Them: Very pregnant pause, "there is this noodle/chicken/pancake shack near my house we go to that is awesome"

After a bit more back and forth about their 'local', it becomes clear that the place really isn't that great, serves horribly oily and/or fried whatever, and they only eat it cause its convenient and cheap.  They then mumble something like, 'I cook at home mostly' and excuse themselves awkwardly from the conversation.  And yes, I never wonder why I don't have a ton of friends.

The reason I bring this up is that I was forwarded yet another article by someone that doesn't live here about how Taiwan is so great for food.  Take a minute and read this article in Esquire called "How Taiwan Became the Hottest Food Destination on Earth"

Now that you're back, does anything in there sound good to you?  Let me tell you from first hand experience that it is not.  The best thing I can say about it is that you won't get diarrhea as they deep fry any parasites out of everything.  To be fair, that article was from the UK edition of Esquire and that place wouldn't know good food if it was sitting under a heat lamp for several hours then wrapped in newspaper.

Another type of article that gets tossed around in the ex-pat circles are the touchy-feely coping with life as an ex-pat variety.  Read them all in hopes that I will glean some nugget of info that will help explain things or a tip on how to make the kids experiences better, but always come away disgusted by the whininess and air of self importance by the writers.  The latest one had some promise as it was about something that does bum me out quite a bit, which is how to deal with the constant departure of people annually.  I lost four super quality dudes (and their families) to job transfers last June and was interested in comparing that sense of loss with others.  Try reading this article about ex-pat life and tell me you don't want to throttle the author.  Wah wah wah, goers, stayers and newbies...these things are never written by the person who is working overseas as they are too busy to internalize all of the minutia, but are written by the 'trailing spouses' who are overwhelmingly female.  God love you women, I think you are awesome but you all have this sympathetic streak that is great in most cases, but can also manifest itself in ways like that stupid article.  Want another example...after a friend posts a new picture on FB, usually with some missive that is either humblebragging or a cry for attention (and often both simultaneously), how many of their girlfriends will reply that you are so gorgeous, such a great mother, etc.  You know what all the fellas think when they see that picture?  If you don't know, you don't want to know. 

At the risk of creating an incident, am copying a recent FB post from one of the above ladies to help illustrate this further..."Ok, Michael Bolton just friended me on Facebook.. on my other individual Facebook account where I have about 1000 friends. I had met Michael in NYC this summer at a private event. (You all are on my family account of about a few hundred friends because you know my kids"

Am I right or am I right?  All right, since I popped the seal, one more...I am really hitting a home run with my daughter with talks this week. We were having a long deep talk again last night when she suddenly said "Mommy, you are so likeable.. by everyone. You are wanted by everyone for work and you have friends everywhere, in every city we travel to! Even Geneva and Norway. Mommy, even Norway! Haha. I want to be like you when I grow up!" Wow! What a compliment! ‪#‎awesomemommydays

Wow! is right.  You can guess as to some of the replies but I won't repeat them here so as to not make you cringe.

Since we are on the topic of the ladies, was driving with Betty yesterday morning and she points out an ad on the bus that had all the Japanese cartoon stuff on is and says how much the Taiwanese love the Japanese anime stuff.  I will assume that you know what I'm talking about but if not, Google Japanese anime.  It's true, they use that imagery to sell everything from soda to roach poison.  She had just returned from mainland China and asked if they are inundated with it there, and she says no and that they use the tall models with the skinny legs and tight pants to sell stuff there, and adds that the pants look ridiculous on the women as they either have no butts so the seats are baggy, or look terrible due to the lack of hiney. 

I totally agree and am sure that I have documented that in this space on more than one occasion.  Taking it a bit further, last Saturday was Halloween, and while it is not a huge thing with the locals, it is a thing.  One of the best things about where we live is the huge park across the street.  There is a major league baseball stadium on the corner, but the space behind it is an athletic college and there is a major gymnasium, proper Olympic sized indoor pool and diving facility, etc.  There is also a large open space with track, ball fields, basketball and tennis courts and a huge open lawn.  Very cool to have this area to enjoy and I am there nearly every day to go for a walk as it is the only exercise I can do with the bad wheels.  Not only that, but the track is a great place to walk as not only is it free from the local car/scooter drivers that have zero respect for pedestrians, but there is always something going on to distract attention.  Kids or adults playing any sport you can think of; soccer, rugby, track and field, croquet ,cricket, base and bacci ball.  There are always individuals or groups doing the Tai chi thing which is fascinating and on my short list to try.  And there are two of my favorite guys that I see often.  One is the dude that comes to practice his opera singing, and the other guy with no legs but massive upper body doing speed laps on the track on his custom racing wheelchair.  Conversely, two of my least favorite guys (multiple versions of each) are also there...the dude that runs the wrong way on the track, and the other dude that runs for miles in his flip-flops.

So at this parks open space last Saturday, there is a massive Halloween festival.  Must be a big thing in all of Taipei as there was a traffic jam in the neighborhood for hours and the place was packed.  All kinds of fun games, candy and food and inevitably, the stage show playing the awful Chinese music way too loud on Chiang Kai Shek era propaganda speakers.  Was strolling around the food vendor area and the workers at the stands were all dressed up in costume.  There were two costumes that the women were wearing that stood out for their ubiquity.  On the bad side were the French Maid outfits.  Great in theory, very hot on French girls, but the local girls were definitely not pulling it off.  The hotness of those outfits is due to the amount of sexy thigh and busty bust that is exposed.  Sexy thighs and busty busts are not the common traits of the cute Asian ladies and these outfits looked like poor fitting black and white garbage bags covering an upside down mop.  On the good side were the Hot Devil girls.  Saw many of these and their outfits consisted of sleek form fitting fire red dress to above the knee, devil horns and tail.  Very good.  This worked well as it accentuates their slim figures while the dresses give the impression of a fuller figure.  Isn't the goal for those with fuller figures to appear slimmer and vice versa. I might not be Karl Lagerfeld, but am available for personal shopping.  By appointment only.

Finally for today, am all in on the big news in these parts with the announcement that this Sunday, the presidents of Taiwan and China will meet for the first time since Mao and Chiang Kai Shek posed for a picture with Douglas MacArthur in 1945.  The whole dynamic between Taiwan and China is eminently fascinating to me and read everything I can find about it.  Could discuss it for hours but will share one thing today that I have seen said a lot in the recent discussion, and that is how it is commonly said that Chinese people could never live in a democracy due to 2000 years of Coufucian political thought.  At the highest level, its main tenant is filial piety, which means unconditional respect to ones elders, and it is the elders responsibility to do the best thing for future generations.  Again, the merits of this can be debated endlessly and one cannot argue that it sounds good in theory, as long as the "elders" aren't hosing the people to make a buck, which is what it all comes down to everywhere always. 

Most of the articles about this meeting tomorrow are about how China is orchestrating this to persuade Taiwan to reunite with the mainland and to influence the major election for a new government that is happening here in January. I like the counter argument that as Taiwan is an example of a homogeneous Chinese society that does have a vibrant democracy, that they out-box their weight with influence and are subversively proving to the mainland that there is an alternative to one party rule and that democracy is viable in their society.  Much more to come on that and feel lucky to have a ringside seat.

Was hoping to finish off our summer travelogue today with our final stop of a couple weeks in Seattle, but have run on too long this morning and will get to that soon.  A couple of teasers...a big KKK demonstration at Safeco Field and getting totally hit on at the Safeway.