Last I left you, was bringing the Boy home from the hospital from his tail removal. All good...no infection and he is feeling little pain. The Doc took out half the stitches last Monday, we are getting the other half out tomorrow, and he should be able to return to his full sedentary lifestyle. What I never would have anticipated was having to wipe his ass and change his diapers at the age of 16 as I assumed that the next time that would happen would be him changing mine (or at least hiring a Filipina lady to do so). Suck it up and do your parental duty of course, but that he seems to enjoy people attending to his butt is both annoying and so Imbrogulio. I did get sign off from him to share some of the gory photos of his ass...have posted them at the bottom of this entry and you'll have to scroll down to see them but know they are graphic and avoid if that kinda thing (blood, guts, hairy white asses) disturbs you.
Have started a new list...Chinese Things That are Better Westernized. The current Top Three...
#3 - Women. I know they like their girls demure, with pasty tofu-esque skin and the muscle tone of a person that has been bed ridden for years, much like an astronaut that has been in space for 6 months. Give me a tanned, muscular and sassy Chinese girl any day (love ya honey).
# 2 - Food. I added this to the list as we were strolling through the food court in the basement of the hospital. As the hospital is a place that is really centered on the local population, the food courts there serve quintessential Taiwanese style food. Everything is gooey and chewy and oily and I swear that no one looks like they are enjoying any of it...there is no eating with gusto or delight and that it is simply fuel to them.
Speaking of oil, one of the things I do to assist the local Community Center is to organize their monthly coffee mornings. This entails finding the speakers, getting the food together, etc, and this month, we had a local lady and friend of the Center come to talk about flowers that are native to the island. A good talk, and as we are chatting post-chat, the local lady comments on the snacks that I purchased, specifically on the cheese medley. I know that Asian digestive systems have evolved without dairy, but the attendees to the talks are primarily Western and the cheese gets eaten. The Taiwanese lady says that cheese is like oil to the Chinese body. I say to her that I totally understand and counter with the question, "do you know what is like oil to a Westerner that is in all Chinese food? Oil." Don't think she got it. I find myself explaining jokes a lot...I spent 10 minutes the other day explaining the 'I want to die like my father...peaceful and asleep. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.'
# 1 - Chinese Democracy. Axl is so misunderstood.
I know that was a long way to go for a bad/obscure Guns N Roses reference, but I have time on my hands. In reality, Taiwan seems to be doing a better job on the democracy front that the States. Last time, I shared the 10 things that make President elect Tsai Ing-Wen such a badass, and as I was looking at them again it is clear that she is totally a lesbian. Unmarried...check. Is totally in favor of LBGT rights...check. Loves her cats...ding ding ding. As is the Chinese way, no one talks about it openly, but the signs are obvious and don't know how I missed it before. Have asked a few folks that don't get bent about such things and they say matter of factly that she is for sure. I looked up openly gay politicians, and it seems that while there have been many in governments, the only openly gay head of state was in Belgium and there are very few in all of Asia. And while she isn't open, love how it is not even a thing that is mentioned. It is not that they are so enlightened about it as it is like the States in the 70's, where we all loved totally gay celebs like Paul Lynde and Charles Nelson Reilly, but no one ever said anything about them being gay. Or maybe they are totally enlightened. The boy was in the hospital for 4 nights and we would go and hang out. Pretty boring stuff so we had the TV on and watched movies and there was this set of two local commercials (in Mandarin) for some video game that played during every commercial break. The premise of the ad that two guys are standing at the urinal and one of their phones rings. He turns it on and starts playing a game. The other fella, seeing his buddy's hands are occupied, reaches over and grabs his friends penis to help him finish urinating. And then they add a laugh track. I mentioned there were two commercials, both have the same two guys, but in the second one, after the guy grabs his buddies dork, they cut away to talk about the game, and when they come back to show the two dudes, the penis holding guy now has angel wings that are gently flapping. WTF?
We came home and I tried to Google them up on YouTube to share with you to no avail, but seems that at the same time, McDonald's ran an ad locally that shows a son coming out to his father and his father accepting it. It got some decent play on international sites and you should check it out as it is not only quite powerful, but you have never seen such a nice looking McDonald's. I made the mistake of reading some of the reaction to it, and while there are the standard groups that are intolerant cause they are rooted in the past, what you don't see is the part of society that finds homosexuals abhorrent cause they are interpreting some book, written by men to control society by quoting the words of God. Fuck you Ted Cruz.
Finally for today, have a new theory that I'm working on. I know that makes your eyes roll, but hear me out.
One of the things I have heard a few times is that many/most of the peoples of the Pacific originally descended from native Taiwanese. Not China, but Taiwan, and since there is no record of Taiwan being a center of civilization or as a seafaring society, have always found it odd that they would be the one that spread their DNA the furthest. Then it hit me...in the ancient past, Taiwan was visited by aliens. Exactly how that went down is lost to time, but I would surmise that some type of alien landed here and was able to breed with the local humanoids. Their more evolved DNA proved superior and it was naturally stronger and spread further. Over time, it was diluted and mixed, but it's superiority is still evident today. I am confident that years from now, scientists will find some strands in the human genome that will prove this, but here is the evidence that led to this theory. First...they function best in naked and bright light. For anyone that has ever heard a story of alien abduction, lying on a cold table under such light during their anal probes is ubiquitous. Second, they are hairless. How is every other group of people on the planet covered with hair, but the Asians have only in a couple of spots...and what they do have is so different follically than any other kind? Third, the big heads and shape of the eyes. I've seen depictions of aliens...lots of 'em...you tell me there is no similarity.
Speaking of which, below are some (literally) nasty ass photos. Scroll at your own risk.
Hospital selfie...why?
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