What is goin' on around these parts? For the most part, this is the best time of year. It was my b-day on Wednesday marking the 54th time I've been around the sun. Do you know what I wished for when blowing out the candles? Same thing I wish for every time I go to sleep...that something terrible happens to 45. Dying would let him off too easy. This isn't the best time of year cause of my birthday but rather is the sweetest spot of the sports calendar. Baseball is in the home stretch and it feels like if the Dodgers don't win it all this year, it'll be a huge disappointment. NFL cranked up on Thursday and while my Raiders continue to be a laughing stock, the Seahawks have become a model of franchise stability and hope. And September is playoff month for Aussie Rules. My Bombers made a predictable exit in round 1 on Thursday, but the whole shebang is just glorious.
I say that it is great "for the most part" cause what is definitelynot cool about this time of year here is the heat in this town Am gonna say some crude things about my body in this paragraph so if that is not your style, please skip ahead. This last week, have had an unbelievable bad bout of swamp crotch. Not being in a building that is air conditioned all day it is impossible to keep the nooks and crannies dry,and since I am walking around a lot, have rubbed myself more than raw. It's a freaking mess down there and worse than you are imagining. Have been looking for any relief and one of the ways for a little is to get a Taiwan blow job. A TW BJ is when you put on loose shorts and sit in front of an oscillating fan. If no one is home, then the shorts come off. This morning, I pleaded with the higher powers that I sometimes talk to to intervene and make me better. Have researched remedies on the internet and have used a lab full of creams and powders. My current regimen is an alternating combination of Neosporin and corn starch from the pantry. Have to add that with a liberal dose of corn starch and then a walk outside, that I am cooking up 'Taiwan Corn Dog' downstairs every day.
OK...some quick hits from summer..
- Duffs. Before the break, told you that the joint where we had the greatest wing experience, Duffs in Buffalo, had recently opened an outlet in Atlanta. Was super excited in hopes that we would have an experience that would come close but knew in our hearts that it could never be the same. While the wings were good, excellent in fact, it did not meet our lofty expectations. My Atlanta buddy said that we would go the next day to the best hot chicken sandwich in the country. Turns out that Nashville's iconic Hattie B's opened an outlet in Atlanta too so I knew the potential for something delicious was high. Sadly, we learned when we arrived that they are closed on Sunday. Who could have possibly known that?
- Hands in the air. My ATL buddy and I are longtime concert going pals and we always try to see something when we get together. He scouted out an act named Little Sims who is a hip hop artist from the UK. I swear that I go to hip hop shows with an open mind, but every time get wildly annoyed by the constant urging from the stage for us to put our hands in the air. Little Sims made us do so at some point during every single song. I will continue to go when a friend wants to see one, and will also try to not be the old guy hating on new music, but the next time I see one of these shows that I like will be the first time.
- Tobacco repurposing. Will say that the tobacco growing region has done a spectacular job in taking old tobacco processing buildings and turning them into useful commercial and public spaces.
- Southern hospitality. It is supposed to be legendary and a symbol about what is right about the south. With every 'hoow y'all today' I heard, I could not help but think about how these people love them some Confederacy and that this is just utter bullshit that I want to tell them to fuck off every time. I know that is a me problem, but still. I have adopted their use of the term "All y'all" and more specifically use it 'Fuck all y'all'.
- Costco in Virginia. The Boy's summer job was cart wrangling and other gopher stuff at Costco in Charlottesville. Babydoll and I planned to roll into town towards the end of his shift with the intention of sneaking up on him in the parking lot while he was working and giving him a blast of the car's horn. Sadly, he was working inside and so we went into find him. We spied on him as he helped cashiers loading carts.
It was nice to see him and he seems to be in a good place. Working 40 hours a week is a good life lesson so he works harder to get to a place where he can be a little more in control of his life rather than just working for the man. When we told him that he seemed tired, he got all defensive and said 'well if you worked all day...'. We laughed at him. He had just moved into his new room for the year, which is in a fraternity house. As you can imagine, it had the exact same smell and disgusting array of discarded couches that every other frat house in the country has. I can't imagine living in such a shit hole, and while he seemed to bristle at others lack of cleanliness, did not seem to complain as much as I would. Babydoll and I went in and after 2 minutes told him that we'd wait outside cause we both felt gross in a variety of ways. She was aghast at the state of the communal bathroom and I felt things crawling on me.
This is also when The Boy explained to us why the unofficial nickname of UVA is the Wahoos. He said that the wahoo is a fish that is capable of drinking twice its weight. Proud fratboy is he. I looked it up later and it seems that claim is a load of crap, but it makes for a good story.
Speaking of the Boy, this thing came into my news feed. The guy in the photo kinda looks like him and so Boy has a new nickname. You can say it like Chef does in Ratatouille
- Monticello. Took the kids to Monticello cause Linguini Boy needed to see it and B-doll is taking US History this year, so the life of Thomas Jefferson and the conflicting feelings I got about how his great words of freedom were juxtaposed with his use of slaves will give her insight in her studies. The guide this year mentioned the life of Sally Hemmings and the twisted relationship they had, but it wasn't close to being as effective and affecting as the docent we had last year.
- Washington DC. I so love going there and would not hesitate to relocate to the DMV if given the chance Great food, all the sports, music, art, history that I love, and it has an cross section of humanity that only the most international of cities can offer. They call it Chocolate City for a reason. Babydoll turned to me at one point after walking around town how much she loves the way black folks seem so open and happy. We were driving with a couple of friends one evening and I see a lady in tight pants with an ass that was majestically round and proclaimed that you would never see a booty like that in Taiwan.
An old buddy of mine lives there and is another one that is a devoted concert goer and we also try to find something to see when we are together. Turns out that the night we were able to hook up that the legendary Minus 5 were playing at tiny Rock and Roll Hotel. The Minus 5 are a collection of musicians from other groups I love like Dream Syndicate, Fastbacks, Young Fresh Fellows and 3/5 of R.E.M. Great set.
Please enjoy their classic 'Aw Shit Man' from a show they played in Philly the next night.
Took an Uber home from the show and at one point a dude with no shirt comes walking in the middle of traffic screaming at all the cars. Totally out of his mind. The driver says that he is probably on K2. Was not familiar with that drug and the driver explains that the kids are going into their grandmas bathrooms and stealing their potpourri. They then go into her garage and douse the potpourri with things like Round-Up or rat poison and then smoke it. That sounds like a good idea.
One more thing...we stayed with one of my oldest friends from college who has appeared in many stories from the old days, most notably the eastern Pennsylvania car crash episode of '87. She is family, and like family, they have habits that confuse but we have to accept. We shared multiple group houses back in the college days and while I was always the one tidying up, she was the type of person that never could put anything in its place. She is not dirty, just unorganized. We came to an understanding back then that her personal space could be as she wished, but the communal area remained clutter free. We visit this time and her place is clean, but crap is piled everywhere. It really is a struggle for me to be in an environment like that, but being a guest, really tried to keep my mouth shut. Last summer we stopped by and on her counter was a double pack of Jif and triple pack of grape jelly from the Costco, so you know the containers are giant. As a Costco devotee, recognize the product and knowing she lives alone and that she could never eat that much stuff, ask her what's up with it. She says that she was organizing a work function where they were gonna make a ton of PB&J's, but that it got cancelled. We show up this summer and I see the same containers on the counter (the kitchen counter, right in the middle of everything mind you) and ask her about them, and she proceeds to tell me about the same work function that got cancelled. When I tell her that we heard that story a year ago and point out that 5 massive Costco sized jars have sat unmoved on her precious kitchen counter space for over a year, she laughed. I guarantee they are still sitting there and I hope to be fortunate enough to return to DC next year to see if they are still there.
- Short people.After our east coast run, it was time to spend a few weeks in Palo Alto with my mom while my sister went on her vacation. Babydoll and I got our tickets late and so had to sit in different rows and I shared my row with a lovely family of midgets. Can I tell you what I learned about midgets on airplanes? Very little.
More next time.
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