That's General Public's 'Hot You're Cool' and tool around singing that song a lot these days. I need to whine for a second. Won't take long but need to state for the record that the heat is killin' me. We have been back for exactly one month and the lowest 'high' real feel temperature of any day has been 106 degrees. Had to listen to Seattleites complain when it hit 90 for two whole days in a row, and those evenings cooled off to at least the low 70's. We may get into the 80's at night on occasion, but more likely it is in the 90's all night long. Sorry for math problem, but this is science run amok. When I talk to you and you ask me how Taiwan is, and I reply 'it's effin' hot', just nod or say I feel for you. Am saying it only cause it is the first thing that comes to mind and have to clear my mental slate to move onto something interesting. What I don't need is you equating it to that summer back in Aught 6 when it got hot for a week straight., or telling me you're from Alabama or Arizona, cause there are either breaks in the wave or it cools off when the sun goes down. It is seriously messing with certain body parts that will remain unnamed. This was Wednesday.
I simply cannot understand why they even have a 'Real Feel' designation. If it feels like 114, then it's 114 no?
That did not make me feel any better. You know what does make me feel better? Swearing.
Think I suspected as much, but that article talks about studies that show the benefits of cursing. In addition to it improving tolerance to pain, which explains certain personal predilections, a person who swears is effective at communication, is honest, tends to have higher IQ's and larger vocabularies, performs better at exercise, and is generally calmer. Fuck yeah we do.
I have a confession to make. I am an idiot. 'You finally admit it.' I can hear you say. I have never been an early adopter of technology and sometimes do so near the end of that versions life. Was about a decade late to the iPod for instance. I have heard it talked about for a few years now and the Imbros bought the Spotify Family plan a year ago. We all got our own accounts but I never logged in. Over the summer, saw a bunch of people using it and decided to dial it up when we got home as we purchased a dedicated computer just for media to hook up to the TV and stereo.
Spotify is a perfect way to digest music you love, want in the background, or check out new stuff. While it doesn't have everything, it almost does. All the stuff on my list to check out, things that I heard live years ago at some festival but never dug into, all of it. And for a few bucks a month, the savings are amazing. The amount of money spent on music in my life has to be in the tens of thousands and would easily pay for a year of the Boy's college tuition. Probably spent 100 bucks on CD's this summer alone. Haven't played anything else since logging in and find stuff from my favorite bands that I didn't even know existed, even from my beloved Yo La Tengo. Artists will post playlists of stuff they love to help you discover more and it also has most of my favorite podcasts. I am a cheap ass so knowing how dumb I was to ignore all the recommendations at my own expense frosts my butt. I really hope that the artists make a few bucks from them cause that is a concern for me, but I was buying CD's almost exclusively used anyway and this may get more into their pockets...at least that's how I'm trying to justify that ethical conundrum. A must have.
Speaking of tunes, something happened here for the first time since we arrived in 2012...saw a local band that kicked ass. Couple of buddies said there was a record release party on a Sunday night and that the band was noisy. That description was good enough for me so we went down to Legacy to see the show with the three bands. Had seen the first one somewhere and they had some moments, but never took it to 11, even though they were capable of doing so. This one was a bit too precious.
This school year has seen a couple more acquaintances of Babydolls leave to go to boarding schools in the states. While I appreciate there are situations where sending 15 year olds to the other side of the planet is beneficial, got me wondering what is worse for a kid...home or boarding school. Feels like child abuse either way to me.
It was my b-day the other day, same as Beyoncé, and the Google banner on the search page was wishing me a Happy Birthday John. What's next...telling me that eating the whole box of cookies isn't a great idea or congratulating me on how well I rubbed one out?
Something I forgot to talk to my doctor about was the particular hearing problem I've been having. Not that serious and should be worse with all the abuse I have put my ear canals through, but there is a scenario where I notice it greatly. Doesn't happen often, but in a crowded and noisy room, I cannot hear anything clearly and it becomes this ear splitting roar. Was in a room last weekend that started mellow, but as it filled, could not hold any type of conversation and the pain became so great that I had to leave the party. My mom gets it too and wonder if this is a thing that is hereditary or happens to a lot of us. If I had brought it up to my doctor, suspect she'd say "yeah...that happens".
One thing I did bring up with my doctor that I left out last time was this problem I have with regards to jokes. When we were with Babydolls friend in San Francisco, after another one of what my mom calls my "little comments", the friend says that I am really dark. That hit me hard and thought about it that night like Robin Williams character did after his first meeting with Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting...an existential crises. I do not consider myself a comedian per se, but am always trying to make people laugh. It's kind of a problem cause it is my default setting. During every conversation or interaction, am looking to make some kind of comment that will make the other person laugh. And then another, until it goes all the way to the lowest/dirtiest/grossest It is kind of bizarre and don't go into any of them with that in mind, but it just happens reflexively and involuntarily.
Tell this to the doctor, she feels my skull for a few minutes and asks some questions like "have you taken any blows to the head?". I reply, "many", and she says that it sounds like I may be suffering from Witzelsucht. I wouldn't expect you to read that whole description, but here are a couple of excerpts...
Witzelsucht is a set of rare neurological symptoms characterized by a tendency to make puns, or tell inappropriate jokes or pointless stories in socially inappropriate situations.
These patients have difficulty fully interpreting a joke's content, but can recognize the importance of the form of a joke. Patients with witzelsucht often find non sequiturs, slapstick humor, and puns funniest since these forms of humor do not require integration of content across sentences.
Early cases of witzelsucht observed damage to the mesial-orbital region of the frontal lobe.[5] In general, damage to this area results in puerility, disinhibition, and an inappropriate jocular affect.
OK, none of the part about talking to my doctor about it is true. I came across this disorder by accident somewhere and while I thought it was kinda funny, sounds a bit too on the nose, no?
Cleaning through the summer notebook in an effort to put it away soon, made some notes about America and trends we saw during the summer break that found their way in on more than one occasion. In no particular order or coherence.
- Words...have a couple friends with jobs in the HR field and we had talks about words that are now interpreted differently than they used to be. Weird, different...lots of things on gender. The consensus is that us older types are having a real tough time keeping up, and being correct politically is being used by certain elements on the right to complain about their political rivals, with some justification. They go too far obviously, using attacks on PC culture to justify their intolerant beliefs, but they do have some reason. This is an intensely evolutionary period culturally and language is a part of it. Total faith it'll work its way through as it always does, hopefully without too much destruction, but to the youth of today (and you will be old and out of touch like us soon enough), go easy on us older types. Don't think we're bad cause we use the wrong words, but explain it to us without accusing first. You're right in most cases and many of us will try to understand. Might be grumpy about it, but still.
- Lemon wedges...I like a lemon in my vodka rocks. This summer, nearly every time I asked for one from the bartender, he/she would reach across the bar top and angrily wring the fucker out into my cocktail like they were drying off a pair of underwear. Was there some change to the Bartender Encyclopedia? Felt unwelcomingly aggressive. The assault on all of us with fruit infused liquids continues unabated.
- Mr Darcy...what is it about that character that gets ladies all hot? In every interaction he has a stink face, is never happy and shows such deep seated signs of repression that you want to have him lie on a couch and 'ask him who did this to you?' You know your never gonna get anything but a deep conversation on etiquette with that guy. It has to be cause he's rich no?
- Fireflies...are cool
- Forgive, but don't forget...heard that one all over. Not sure what I'm supposed to do with that. I forgive you for that heinous thing you did/believe in, so let's share some nachos while I keep thinking about what a waste you are? I am more of the mind to agree with X when they wrote "Your phone's off the hook, but you're not."
- Ice cream...did you know that they don't make 1/2 gallons any more? They are all 1.5 pints now. When did this happen? Get that they didn't want to raise the price and that Big Ice Cream colluded to trick us consumers. Someone pointed it out to me as I hadn't noticed, but become enraged every time down the ice cream aisles ever since. Not much we can do about it obviously, but be aware. And does anyone remember the Pepperidge Farms Lido cookies? They were the best and have completely disappeared. Research shows them discontinued in 2013 so they could focus on other varieties. I suspect another conspiracy. If we weren't so fat, I'd suggest we rise up to fight these injustices.
- Doctors...if you aren't licensed to be able to put a narcotic, surgical instrument or digit inside my body, do I have to call you Doctor? Bill Cosby is a "doctor" but is going to jail for doing two out of three of those. I totally respect the huge amounts of effort you dedicated to your studies, but just because you read a lot of books and put together a thesis on some topic that the other egg headed "doctors" deemed plausible in a pyramid scheme to justify their own titles, I am not feeling it.
- Distressed trucker hats...are a thing for old guys now. They were everywhere throughout the States this year and while they used to be the headwear of millennial hipsters, they jumped to the cargo short crowd over the last year. Knock it off old guys and while your at it, shave those gawd awful soul patches off your wrinkly old ass faces please. You look ridiculous. Yes, I am the fashion police
- Flopping...watched some World Cup this summer and the longest I went without seeing this flopping for a call move was 4 minutes. Pretending you're hurt to gain an advantage is OK with you soccer purists? They could legislate that out of the game instantly but we've all agreed it's cool? Tell me another sport that has anything like it? When I talk to these soccer aficionados not a single one likes it or is willing to defend it, but gives that 'part of the game/culture' shit. Soccer could be a great sport but until this gets fixed, you're a fool for watching. Any American that gets off watching MLS is just into European cosplay. Whatever. we all have our peccadilloes, but I am all out.
- Gameshow hosts...are all black guys bow. I like it, but every one seems like a bit of an overcorrection. Have written often about how great Wayne Brady is in Let's Make a Deal, but they are rebooting even the shittiest of games shows and putting any available black guy behind the microphone. Joker's Wild with Snoop Dogg?
It is brilliant, but still.
- Back-up cameras...was in 7 different rental cars this summer. All different rides, both foreign and domestic, and since they are all relatively new models they had the latest in back up camera technology. It has come a long way from just looking straight back and they now all have a fish eye capability that let's you see what is coming from the right and left to almost 180 degrees. Brilliant in parking lots and while it would be impossible to know how many lives/broken bones they have saved, am sure it is a lot. Another new feature we had in one car was this yellow indicator light near the rear view mirror that would engage if a car was in our blind spot. Once you got in sync with it, it was so valuable and can see them being standard in next year's models. Kudos.
- Siri/Alexa...has gotten a bit out of control. I heard "you've gotta get it" at least a dozen times. I'd ask why and they would then ask their device what the weather was or to change music, which never worked quite right. The only time I enjoyed it was when someone told their device to tell them a joke. Went something like. "Is your dog a French poodle, cause it is going Oui Oui all over." Not bad. Am not feeling a need to get it, but as with Spotify above, am I just spiraling down the same ignorance toilet as always? While I understand that any computer has a risk of recording you, does having a device expressly designed to silently listen and record every word or grunt you utter turned on all day and night sound like a good idea. It's like having a creepy dude silently watching you all the time. Ick. Additionally, no one ever thanks Alexa for doing whatever and perhaps if they would, maybe we'd have a nicer society.
- 57/29/11...listened to an enlightening guest on the Ezra Klein podcast about racism in America and made me see things in a new way. Yes, we all know that the Fox News watching geriatrics have that shit ingrained from a life's worth of experiences and getting it out of them will be close to impossible, but this podcast shed light (with statistics) about something we all know...that all racial groups have racist leaning against others. The Mexicans hate the blacks, blacks against Asians, etc. etc. From my experience, the Asians hate all y'all. Anyhoo, the statistic that shed the light on what is part of the root of this problem is all about is this...the average age of a white person in America is 57. Blacks and Asians are surprisingly the same at 29 years of age. Latinos average age is 11. Do with that what you will.
- Nose rings...why? You know that they put rings in bulls noses as they are naturally aggressive creatures and having them in their nose will make it hurt when they try to fight with another of their ilk. I saw a ton of humans of all genders wearing these things and at no time did I think it looked attractive. These people must get laid, probably with the dudes with the slave driver beards, but they have to be coated with dried snot all the time, no? This trend must stop. How about we stop hiring these tools, especially in the food service industries, which is probably the only field in which they are remotely qualified?
Weed...as it is legal recreationally on the whole of the west coast, it was a topic of conversation. Each year it seems more socially acceptable, and am not thrilled that it has replaced alcohol as the vice of choice for our high schoolers (and I do get the hypocrisy of that statement), but what is now obvious is that it ain't going away anytime soon. There is just far too much money in it for anyone to say 'nyet'. The amount of dispensaries proves that it is a successful endeavor, so business is on board. Betty was telling me that their biggest flower suppliers are getting out of that biz and switching their fields over to the bud. Politicians love it cause it is fresh cash for them to spend. Even the Thumpers are having a hard time coming out against it cause there has been zero evidence that the crashing of society (and cars) has been accelerated. I wish I had that ability to see the investment of the future cause somebody is gonna figure out how to become the Starbucks of weed and the folks on the ground floor of that are gonna get filthy rich.
- The Homeless...are everywhere. Perhaps the weed from above is having an affect on society, Homeless have been everywhere since I was old enough to be aware of them, but what has happened on the west coast the last few years is grotesque. Have mentioned it in the recaps from all our stops along the 5. I think I brought up the subject with everyone I talked to this summer and my question was always, why, what changed and who are these people? Most people kinda threw up their hands and those that did offer something were in clichés. My Seattle friends had the most to say as they wanted to submit Amazon to a head tax to pay for the problem was a hot political button recently, but was surprised to hear that these folks from all sides of the political spectrum agree that was a mistake as that the government had already thrown a ton of cash at the problem with little success in alleviating it. What the debate was lacking was a comprehensive sociological survey and analysis as to where these folks come from and what it would take to get them off of the streets. Is it cost of housing, mental health, lack of resources...all of that, or none of it? All the governments seem to want to do is build more housing, but have a hard time understanding how that solves the problem. Some school or think thank needs to roll up its sleeves and interview as many of these people as they can and only then can there be some real studies to identify the real sources as to why these people are out there and come up with realistic solutions to start to turn it in the right direction. I cannot blame these homeless folks cause I just don't know and while I feel bad for them, want them off of the sidewalks and out from under the overpasses. C'mon U-dub, you got enough bleeding hearts at that dump to devote some resources to this.
Finally for today, am gonna tell you the nasty thing I said the other night at school. That was obviously a tease cause you know I was gonna share, and since I'm feeling very witzelsuchty this morning, now seems like a good time. Am burying it down here cause while it isn't really too racist, it is extremely mean and some folks around this town do read this on occasion and hope I can slip one past the goalie.
We're at back to school night and the teacher in one of the classes is a slight of height man of Irish descent, complete with the red hair and an accent out of central casting. He starts talking and I type on my phone to Betty, "I wonder where he is hiding his Lucky Charms".
Did I mention we were going to Ireland in December. I may not make it out alive.
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