There is a new trend on the roads in Taiwan that I understand, but don't like one bit. Have seen it a lot and with increasing frequency, the use of hazard lights to indicate all sorts of traffic scenarios. Coming up to stopped traffic or when it is raining are the most common, but have seen it used for things like: watch out cause I am going through this red light. From the invention of the things till now, hazards have been used when cars are disabled and my lack of being able to understand local communication may have led me to miss where the local authorities have decreed this is now what we do. I don't like it as the button to turn on the hazard lights is not placed ergonomically where you can keep your hands on the wheel at the same time like the turn indicators are. And these are the same people that don't use the indicators anyway and prefer to be 3/4 of the way into a lane change before turning them on. Additionally, before we leave this rock, someone is going to explain to me why police cars drive around all day with their red and blues flashing.
Big store opening news in the neighborhood. A new Family Mart opened near our apartment, which brings the total of 7-11/Family Marts within two blocks of our place to seven. They are still being out paced by bu-shi-bans within the same radius at ten, yet I still can't get a decent taco on this whole fucking island.
Part V - Seattle
Saw this quote about Seattle recently...
Nobody can afford to live here anymore and everyone’s addicted to heroin but at least the local government is taking a militant stance against plastic straws.
Sad but very true. This is our 6th annual visit to the PNW since we moved away and the rhythm of our visits are well established. See old friends for dinner, go to a couple ballgames/shows, do all the doctor appointments, shop for clothes and shoes and get totally boned by traffic caused by the Blue Angels when motorists rear end each other cause they are too busy watching the show..
Related the best of the Seattle stories from this visit last time. Did hear a slew of funny stories from our friends about their lives and families, but this isn't the place to share those. It is still a highlight to have this info dump each year and was such a treat to spend time with all of my loved ones. If we missed you this go around, what's up with that?
What can I share? Saw some shows. Saw X at the zoo. Even though it wasn't hard to do cause I love X, had to be talked into going because that venue is simply awful. They talked me into it cause it was going to be a bunch of friends that we wanted to see all in one place, but the day before the show, none of them wants to go and they sell off their tickets, so I go by myself. That was a low blow. The Zoo is an OK venue for the moms who have aged out of being soccer moms and want to see the bands of their youth, but they can't turn up the volume to 'bother the neighbors in a thin walled apartment complex' level.
Also caught my idol Pat Benetar. She was at the better sounding but far more disgusting Emerald Queen Casino in Tacoma. Looks like they are building a new facility next door and they are letting the current one go to pot. The place was gross, even for a person that embraces the seedy side like me. It is more than just smokey in that place but is nice that they keep it dark cause looking to closely at the clientele would be even more depressing. We're in line getting a drink and we comment to the guy standing behind us on the sunglasses he's wearing. "It's so I can see ALL the titties" he says.
Benatar was fabulous. She couldn't hold the notes as long but her voice at 65 still had the operatic range. The band was super tight and they went through a series of rock anthems that everyone knows. What bummed me out was that she played just a couple minutes over an hour, and at $100 a seat, felt a bit cheated. Hate to say this, and my love is in no way diminished, but may pass on her next time.
And the night before we left caught Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks at the Neptune. Extremely solid age appropriate rock and roll and a nice way to end a summer of music.
One night we picked up a friend of ours on the eastside to drive to town and meet up with her spouse and friends for dinner. The topic turns to how her husband is doing and this friend, who is very open about certain personal things, says that with menopause setting in for her, her husband is walking around on eggshells. I tell her that he is the lucky one cause I have to go through life like Tom Cruise in the first Mission Impossible movie during the scene where he is stealing the "noc" list and has to hang over the climate controlled room where all hell would break loose if a single drop of sweat hit the floor.
My wife is still hot though, except now it just comes in flashes.
There were a ton of highlights this summer, but one of the most unusual happened on our last day in town. We're visiting the family of the Boy's best friend, whose parents have become some of our favorite folks . We're shooting the breeze and the conversation turns to pedicures, how much I love 'em and how the other father has never had one. This guy has some nasty looking feet and invite him to go with me right now. His wife literally leaps up to say "Yes...Go". We go to the place in Ballard that I've been going to forever, get right in the chair and have the best time. This dudes feet were so gross and have never seen anything like the amount of dead skin that came off of his feet when the did the cheese grater thing on the bottom of them. At the end, he was astonished and how different his feet felt and we all marveled at how good they looked. His wife indicated that she'd let him play footsie with her in bed that night. He said the experience was surprisingly awesome and look forward to going back with him often. I rarely take a selfie, but this occasion demanded it.
What the world needs, nay is crying for, is a nail salon that caters to men. Most fellas I know wouldn't even consider going to the nail place cause it is for ladies, but once they get a taste of how amazing an experience it is, think it would take off. A place that has the game on, perhaps one with a liquor license, and not only offer nails, but maybe options for some waxing, massages, etc. That sounds kinda like a front for prostitution, but this would be above board and we would welcome the ladies equally too. Girls could bring their fellas and make a date out of it. The guys would realize it was a treat and the girls would get a cleaner man. Win-win. The name of the place even writes itself...Mails.
And that is not all. In my mind, and if I had the huevos, I would buy a strip mall and open up a series of places that mesh with each other. This strip mall would have a weed dispensary (natch), a sports bar with the best chicken wings in town (think I would get the brain trust from Duffs in Buffalo to partner up with us cause theirs are unquestionably the best I've ever had by far), and a place for the ladies to congregate while they wait for their partners. I am way open to suggestion on what kind of place you girls would like to have, but a coffee/juice bar perhaps? A place where the high tea and yoga pants sets are embraced equally. Who says no to this?
We all always go see our dentists and doctors and we all managed to get through them without any bad news. The worst was the Boy's tail is trying to come back and he'll have to deal with it at school, but that should be outpatient stuff. I love my doctor, she sees all of us and we all feel the same about her. She asks me if I have any concerns and while I didn't have many, shared a couple. Showed her a couple of new growths on my face and she said they were nothing to worry about. Also said that I have been peeing more frequently and got the reply of "that happens". Perfectly to the point and relieved any real concern about it. I pee in my pants now...great.
We're tying up the appointment and she says to me, "you seem really relaxed...much more so than before you moved" I took that as a very positive thing but felt like I have always been a relaxed kinda guy. I always had moments of agitation, still do, but don't recall ever being a stress ball. Was I? Whatevs...she asks me if anything is new and tell her that I, and our whole family did the 23& Me thing this summer.
Mentioned in the Spring we were going to do this and related the story of our financial advisor, who was adopted, doing 23 & Me and finding his birth parents. As soon as I mention this to my doctor she tells me that she was adopted and did 23 & Me and found her biological father through it too. He had recently passed but found 8 half siblings and was in contact with them. Is that amazing or just the way the world is headed.
We talked a lot about the DNA test, its moral implications and such over the summer and everyone has an opinion cause everyone has DNA. The concern that almost everyone that didn't want to do it was that your personal information to the molecular level would now be available to anyone on the planet, especially those with nefarious intent. I had no illusions that even with 23 & Me's assurances of total privacy that this info would be forever secure and assume it would be available to all. I did have a moment of pause before spitting into the tube that if any of my relatives did something bad and left their DNA at the scene that this would put them at risk of being apprehended (like the Golden State Killer). My immediate next thought wast 'good' cause if they did something heinous, they should be accountable for it. Soon, even within my lifetime, is anyone going to be able to commit a crime without the real risk of being caught by the use of DNA, and is that a bad thing? A huge ethical question that we should be asking if we weren't being distracted every fucking second by you know who. Also read this summer about people getting into groups called NPE...Not Parent Expected...after taking DNA tests. A lot of people are finding out their dads are not their biological as they had assumed/been told their whole lives and they are sharing the range of emotions that bombshell exposes. I find this subject eminently fascinating and think that anyone could talk about it endlessly.
What did I hope to find out when I sealed the package to send off my DNA? Family lore is that I should be 3/4 German and 1/4 Italian with my paternal grandfather being the Italian in the soup. (hence the word jumble last name). Lore in our family is not easily verifiable and we have evidence that some of it was bullshit. There is a story that I heard that Pocahontas was involved with our clan at some point. Another is that the Italian part was from Sicily and we know from True Romance that all Sicilians have some of that African blood in 'em. Tarantino's finest moment?
I really hoped I had something in there cause it is just more fun that way. And the jokes that it would open up... What did I learn? I am a white boy. Complete. 100% grade A European. And just like the family said, 3/4 German and 1/4 Italian. Things were a lot more fungible the further back you go and the DNA test takes it back 8 generations, so I had 3.5% Balkan, 1.7% Iberian, some Scandanavian and British Isles. The only thing that was any fun was 8 generations back contributed .2% Ashkanazi Jew. That means my great great great great great grandmother/father went ghetto. Having been a pretend Jew for decades, that .2% might as well be 200% and started peppering all of my conversations with Yiddish immediately.
You not only get the above breakdown, but it tells you how many trace DNA remnants of Neanderthal is in you...and we all have some. My Neanderthal variants totaled 256, which is less than 76% than other 23 & Me customers. I would have been delighted if I had above average Neanderthal as it would have explained the tail thing that we have in our family and have always considered myself less evolved. These variants can predict if you'll have certain traits and the ones I have leaned toward having curly hair and a lot of back hair. Guilty as charged.
Another feature is that they total how many DNA relatives you have in their system (I have 981) and based on responses to their questionnaires, they predict how likely you are to have certain traits. For example, I am 74% more likely to have red hair (hard to tell but true) and am 16% less likely to have asparagus pee (false cause I have it bad/good and love that I do).
The family all got theirs back and while I may share more details about them in the future, a couple of highlights. Betty and Babydoll are very Chinese. A relief for Betty for sure as we all presumed there would be a ton of Filipina in her. We did the extra reports concerning health risks for B-doll as she doesn't have direct family history knowledge and am happy to report that she received a clean bill of future health. And she does not have the gene that causes Asian flush, which I hope she doesn't ever find useful but is good to know. The Boy came back equal parts mom and dad, and as he was an IVF baby, had trace amounts of Pyrex.
Long story short, I would totally recommend you do this. It is loads of fun and a great conversation starter. I'd suggest you give it as a gift to a loved one too and please feel free to bring it up next time we chat.
Well there you have it. Did not relate part 1 of the summer trip, which was the 10 day west coast run of Yo La Tengo shows, but you know I'll get to that one of these days. Probably mentioned that I am seeing them in Japan in October but what you didn't know was that they added a 4th night to the JP tour and this morning I was able to get my ticket to that. That'll be 12 shows of theirs for me in 2018. There are a few people that get it. Maybe not the Yo La Tengo part of it, but the rabid fandom. Those are good people. The rest really can't comprehend the attraction and I really hope that you find something totally frivolous or bizarre that tickles your pickle/fits your tits.
Have been hammering these things out cause I need to move on with my life but can't until I catch up. Weird how I have come to need doing this diary. Is it an affectation? Probably. And justify it by saying it is for the kids and blah-ba-di-blah, but don't we all have them in some way. I don't think it is a harmful one nor is it ostentatious cause I barely promote it. The affect of it having on solidifying stuff into permanent memories cannot be denied and have said this many times before but can't say it enough...write shit down (just added a chapter to my self help book).
Made some notes about America in general...good, bad and ugly...that I hope to plop out soon. Until then my friends, stay sexy.
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