December 3rd, 2020

 Hey there,

I left you last time talking about the protests against the importation of U.S. pork into Taiwan.  Those protests didn't just stop on the streets and last week saw a full scale food fight in the Taiwanese parliament.  The party protesting the importation brought trays of pig innards into the chamber and started chucking them at the opposition.  And then the fisticuffs ensued.  If you don't want to click on my link, just type in Taiwan pig guts into YouTube and you'll get all kinds of hits.

The ease and comfort all of the participants have in handling raw pig organs is beautiful and sexy.  I'd give anything to see Mitch get a face full of pig guts.  I remember TV clips from the 80's that had Taiwanese politicians fighting in the parliament, but thought they had evolved.  In the search for the pig guts fight, see that it is still happens with decent frequency.  Here is another recent one where they had a water balloon/chair throwing fight from 2017.

Also following up from last week, the government has announced they are going to start cracking down on tailgaters. This is long overdue...I detailed these monsters in my driving recap a month or so ago.  The Transportation minister, 

"pointed out that malicious tailgating threatens the safety of others and that he witnesses such behavior on a regular basis. He said it is a sign of poor driving culture and that complete reform is necessary."

Have to give this place credit for recognizing their shortcomings and taking this stuff on.  Maybe they have been reading my 9 year long diatribe?

And to continue the thread about Taiwan feeling neglected and alone in the world, two stories came out this week that demonstrate that.  Today, there are rumors out of Japanese media sources saying that 45 may visit Taiwan before leaving office.  The author says that 45 wants to complete all "unfinished promises" before January 20th.  I doubt it, mainly cause he isn't gonna get off his ass for anything other than golf and complaining, and the list of unfinished promises out of that guy would take a lifetime.  The realization is that the people here would welcome Satan himself if he recognized Taiwan as an independent nation, but as Beelzebub is not available, they will happily welcome one of his minions.  

The locals also got pissed at Bloomberg News for ranking Taiwan 3rd in its handling of the Covid-19 response behind New Zealand and Japan.  Can't really blame them for that as the evidence laid out in that article clearly shows TW kicked all the ass.  The only thing they really get dinged for is future access to the vaccine, but that isn't even a thing yet.  

OK...one more fun article to share.  The headline: Video shows Taiwanese man tied to pole dance jeep for birthday.  Take it away Taiwan News...

Instead of the standard pole dance performance for a wedding or funeral, a young man appears to have been "kidnapped" to take part in an elaborate birthday parade. At 9 p.m. on Saturday evening (Nov. 21), a male user of the Facebook group Baoyuan Commune (爆廢1公社) posted a video with the caption "My poor friend is having his birthday and he was tied to a pole dance jeep. He's just now finally passed Tainan's Dawan Road."

In the video, a scantily clad woman in a halter top, skintight shorts, white stalkings, and white high-heel shoes can be seen standing on the roof of a jeep while grasping a pole in one hand and a microphone in another. She can then be heard saying, "I'd like to first apologize to all our friends at the scene if we're disturbing you, I'm sorry! But you only celebrate your 23rd birthday once! Let's join together and help him have a birthday he'll never forget!"

She then called on bystanders to join in, exclaiming, "Can you all shout happy birthday with me? One, two, three ... Happy Birthday ... Yeah!" Next in the frame appears a man standing motionlessly as he is tied tightly with what appears to be several layers of plastic wrap to a dance pole on the trailing jeep, followed by at least two more jeeps with pole dancers at the ready.

"Instead of the standard pole dance performance for a wedding or funeral."?  I didn't get a stripper jeep at my wedding, and will obviously miss out on one at my funeral.  And I checked...there is nothing auspicious about the 23rd birthday that requires being saran wrapped to a jeep with strippers.  

Last week was Thanksgiving.  Our first Thanksgiving in Taiwan, we had the full meal at our apartment with a load of family and friends, but have always left the country for the long weekend in subsequent years.  Since that wasn't an option in 2020, we arranged to rent out a house with another family for a few days.

In August, Betty and I road tripped down the east coast.  We spent a night at a hot spring place in Su'ao, a couple nights at a BnB near Hualien, and then a few nights at another BnB in a town called Dulan just north of Taitung.  THe SU'ao and Hualien portions of that trip were nice, but we were both blown away by Dulan.  6.5 hours drive from Taipei, it is a beach town out of the past.  Where Taiwan sits geologically, the beaches are weird.  On the west coast, where all the people live, it faces China across the Taiwan Straight and have never heard of a single person that has recommended, let alone been to a beach there.  The east coast faces the Pacific and is along the edge of a fault, so the mountains shoot straight up near the coast, and the water drops of sharply and is at one end of the Marianas Trench.  It is also new geologically, so most of that sides coast is rocky and the currents are treacherous for swimming.  Add the fact that the Taiwanese are neither lovers of sun nor surf, and you do not get a ton of beach destinations that you would think would be abundant on a tropical island.  I forget how we stumbled onto it, but Dulan (and a couple of other little stops nearby) are the only real surf beaches here.  The small contingent of Taiwanese surfer dudes and their hippie counterparts have settled here, so the town looks like every other town here, but it is littered with cool little eateries and shops.  It is a throwback to a time in the States before the BEach Boys made catching a wave trendy, and it feels like we discovered an unknown gem before anyone else.  I haven't been everywhere here, but this is my favorite little spot by a long margin.

We also lucked into a really nice BnB in August...the place sits on a hill that has great views of the water and the mountains behind in perfect feng shui proportions.

They have two double and two quad rooms, and we asked the lady in August if we could use the kitchen for Thanksgiving.  She said if we rented out the whole place, we were free to do as we pleased, so asked another family we know with kids and booked the place for three nights.

The other family have two daughters in the upper school and also a niece that is 20-something, and they all hail from Texas.  To respect their privacy, I will refer to them as Tex ____.

We bought a cooked bird and some other fixins, cooked a bunch of side dishes and loaded up the rig.  Me and Tex Dad husband drove while the rest of the gang of 10 took the train.  We traveled on Thursday and planned to do Thanksgiving on Friday, so on Thursday night, we made reservations at their local French place.  Betty and I tried to go there in August, but it was fully booked.  We made reservations in advance for 10 for this evening.  We aren't giant French food aficionados, but the name of this place made us want to go.  Dulan Crap.  

The food was good, and we like this family quite a bit so the night was lively.  We had to ask the lady what was up with the name...like does crap mean something in French other than crap?  The place is run by the lady and her 'stubborn' French husband.  She was hard to understand so some of us thought she said 'sunburned' husband as a way of telling us he was black.  He wasn't.  We asked about the name and she said that everybody asks her that.  No shit lady, you named your restaurant Crap.  Anyhoo, she says on their first night in town, the owner of another restaurant they were eating at told the husband that he had a face that should be eating at the 7-11.  That was as far as she got into the story.  I have to assume that his response was that Dulan is crap, but 'having a face that should be eating at 7-11' is a classic put down. We saw the husband later and the description was spot on.  

Here we are...

 Friday was our Thanksgiving day.  The BnB cooks breakfast and it was great in August and the same this go around.  The caretakers use a bunch of veggies from the garden and provide probably the healthiest meal I've eaten all year.

Our plan was to hit the beach in the late morning, take a nap and then put out the spread, and we pulled it off with aplomb.  The beach in August was really nice, filled with kids taking surfing lessons, but so effin' hot that I literally got blisters on my feet from the sand.  This time, it was a delightful 82 degrees, the beach was empty except for us and the water was the perfect temperature.  Not cold enough even to make the boy parts shrivel up.  We took the football down and tossed it in the waves.

As part of our family, we brought along Carolyn's best/oldest school friend and Betty's nephew who took a semester off from university in the States to study Chinese in Taiwan.  He is staying with his grandparents, which I think is Betty's uncle but could be wrong cause family relationships are very confusing.  That is him on a rock with Babydoll.

Tex Dad is a gadget guy and he brought his drone to the beach.  I have never seen one in operation up close and now want one.  It was pretty windy on this day and I thought there was no way it was gonna fly, but the damn thing did it effortlessly.  He hooks his phone to it like you would a stand in the car, and he can fly it while watching the video from the camera on the phone.  And far...he flew it until we couldn't even see it, but he could eyeball its location on the phone.  The kids were out of sight over some rocks on a hike and he flew it so we could spy on them, getting so close that he ultimately crashed it into one of them (and broke a little skin).  While I want one, know it'd be a waste of time as I am not a gadget guy and don't have the patience to learn how to do it right before crashing it to bits.

Nap time was perfect, and then we put our T-giving feast together.

Hard to see, but in the background we hooked the NFL up to their TV and watched the entertaining Dallas v Washington game.  Cobbled together a meal with all the required items, including a decent version of the Imbrogulio family mac-n-cheese.  B-doll's friend has never lived in the States and this was her first exposure to a Thanksgiving throwdown...always like to be part of a person's introduction to something new.

We had pecan, Oreo cheesecake and a pumpkin pie for dessert.  We originally had two pumpkin pies.  Betty used her pull at Costco to reserve them in advance and when we went to pick them up, the store had long been sold out and we got some looks from others wondering where we got them.  One lady even asked us and I tried to convince Betty into us selling her one of our because we obviously had more than enough dessert with one, and to be fair, the Costco pumpkin pie is not the best.  That last statement might get me in trouble, but it is undeniably true.  Me and Tex Mom picked up the bird the next morning and it was our job to load the coolers with all the food for the drive down.  I'm trying to fit one of the oversized pumpkin pies into our regular cooler, and the thing slips out of the tray and is destroyed.  I know I'm in the doghouse cause I've been railing for the last 48 hours that we only needed one and that they are shit anyway, and then this happens.  I try to blame Tex Wife for the mishap but alas...

The BnB has some birds and they are allowed to roam free if the guests are cool with it.  I'm indifferent to birds...when we were dating, Betty had one that she used to let fly around the apartment.  Hated that effin' thing as it used to shit all over the place, but put up with it cause of love.  It disappeared one day and it's my recollection that Betty left a door open.  When I brought it up, I wasn't accused of killing the bird, so that must be what happened.  I will admit to manslaughter of the pumpkin pie though.  Tex Dad was uncomfortably comfortable with them.

The kids went and hung out and us big types played games...some Uno and something called Mexican Train dominoes (of course the Texans would bring a borderline anti-Mexican game to the table.  Loads of fun and a ton of laughs.  

We planned a lazy Saturday with the only activity being a 30 minute drive to the iconic sight in this part of the country, the Sanxiantai Bridge.  It does look kinda cool and leads to an island where you are supposed to be able to climb around.  I say supposed to as we didn't actually cross it as the weather was windy rainy and it was closed.  This was the third time I've been to this site three times and have never crossed it as the first time was during a typhoon, and when Betty and I went in August, it was a million degrees and the parking lot was jammed.  I got into a Mexican standoff with another car waiting for a spot and we ultimately said 'screw it' and drove off.  We are planning to go down again for X-mas and look forward to missing out on the bridge again.  

It does look sorta fun, but that this is the highlight of a trip to this area lets you know how remote the place is.

5 minutes from the BnB is another of the 'iconic' sights in Taitung County...Water Running Upward.  That government tourist site describes it as a 'geographical miracle', but it is really an irrigation ditch that an optical illusion makes it look like it goes uphill.  Tex Dad tried to improv some BS about it being on the Tropic of Cancer or something, but our know-it-all high schoolers shut him down with some classic eye rolls.  Absolutely ridiculous and a must see.

We popped into Dulan proper to peruse the weekend market that is held at the Old Sugar Factory, which is a cool old building.  My favorite Dulan hippie runs a stand there with his wife/daughter named The Coconut Woman.  She makes crafts out of coconut leaves and he sells his home brew hot sauce.  Dulan is littered with burnouts that have life all figured out and are not shy in telling you so.  This guy lived in Mexico for years and his English accent is spot on East LA Chicano.  His hot sauce is pretty good too.  

And we then lunched at the other place we wanted to go in August that was too crowded...Dulan Fish and Chips.  Not bad for fish and chips and the place is exactly what you would picture a family run beach town stand would look like.  Totally chill, cool tunes, cheap Coronas, animals and small children meandering in and out...loved every bit of it.  

Oh yeah...shaved ice is big in this country but is not my thing.  Our table got the red bean on the recommendation of the proprietors, and the ice was fine, but they did a little number on the top of it.  Not sure exactly what they made it with, but it tasted exactly like a good creme brulee.  None of the shaved ice connoisseurs had ever seen or tasted anything like it.

Can you tell I am enamored of this little spot of the globe.  It feels like we discovered it and hesitate to talk it up in fear of it being ruined.

That's about it...we had leftovers along with some tasty brisket that Tex lovingly smoked for dinner and that was that.  The Texans trained it home and we drove.  We took the long way as we wanted to have lunch at a spot in Hualien that we visited in August called Salt Lick.  All Western menu, but the draw for us was some deep dish pizza.  Not as good as the best Chicago has to offer, but certainly better than some of what I've had there.  A treat that can only be found in this country here. 

Talking to B-doll this week and she mentioned that the friend she brought told her that her parents, who are decidedly locals, asked her "how white was the weekend".  First of all, very.  Second, I am simply floored by their racism and would never say such a thing personally.  OK, that is exactly something I would say and I love that family for it.

November 24th, 2020

 Hey there,

Quick blast today as this Thursday is Thanksgiving and there is a ton going on in anticipation of it.  The Boy passed his covid tests and is in the air back to TW as I type.  He goes to an apartment for two week quarantine and we have to get him set up with food and such tomorrow as we are headed out of town for the holiday.

The family and some friends have rented out a house near the southeastern city of Taitung for the long weekend.  The house is in a little burgh a few miles north of Taitung called Dou Lan (Dulan).  Betty and I stayed there in August during a week we spent driving around (that I've still yet to detail) and we loved it.  It is a surf town in the style of old 70's California ones, where the shops and restaurants are all run by burnouts and the vibe is particularly mellow.  We rented out the whole place with another family and are gonna prepare a proper T-day feast complete with NFL on the screen.

Gonna share three quicky local news items this week with the first being a concentrated government effort to clamp down on scooter and bicyclists that ride on the sidewalks.  Always assumed that this was legal as you see it constantly, and hard to blame folks staying off the roads with the a-hole drivers that give half a shit about cutting off anything, but it is super dangerous and cannot stand it.  Years ago when the Boy was still here and a scooter nearly clipped us on the sidewalk and I said that I fantasize about clotheslining these scofflaws, and he said he did too.  I know it is abhorrent to him, but he has almost all of my bad traits.  Anyhoo, potential progress in Taiwan's quest to become first worlders.

Another story about the roads (you know how much I love them) is one where Taiwan is way ahead of the world.  In 2021, they will start using acoustic cameras using an array of 32 microphones, a host computer and camera to detect the license plate to catch vehicles exceeding a certain level of decibels..  Fines will be US252.  Brilliant use of technology to curb these guys (always guys) that need people to notice them by making loud noises.  We leave our windows open all the time and live on a major road where these damaged souls love to wind their souped up scouters and piece of shit Nissans in the middle of the night.  Never bothers me cause I sleep the sleep of the just, but as one that is sensitive to light, appreciate those sensitive to sound and there is no good reason for that crap.  Suspect this will never be allowed to cross the Pacific cause of Americans freedoms to be a loud piece of shit.

Finally, I totally missed this protest, but thousands marched last weekend against imports of US pork.  If you know anything about the Asians, they love them some pork products.  To cozy up to the US government, Taiwan chose to lift the ban on US beef and pork products recently.  They don't seem too peeved at the beef imports, probably because they don't eat it as much and the lack of grazing land here prohibits a vibrant cattle industry.  But they prize their pork and the problem they have with the American kind is that US producers allow the use of a hormone called ractopamine to make the pigs grow bigger and give leaner meat.  Not much detail in that article about ractopamine, and I'm way too lazy to research, and have ingested all manner of pesticides and hormones in my 55 years to give a rat's at this point, but good on them for taking a stand.  Maybe.  The protest was organized by the opposition KMT party and this might just be a political ploy to rile up their base...yes they do that everywhere.  The KMT can't criticize the party in power cause the crushed the virus, so this wreaks as a way to stay relevant.  Still, as a card carrying member on Antifa, I love a good protest and absolutely would have gone down to lend my white ass to their cause.

November 19th, 2020

Hiya...

One follow-up to last time and the story of the guy that was shaken out of his coma by the words chicken fillet.  The miracle foodstuff when I'm in my coma is definitely Meatball Sandwich, but what I have found to be a great topic of conversation is to ask people what would be their go-to life saving food item.  It really gets the minds working and is a terrific ice breaker.  In other Meatball Sandwich saving the world news, a college student got a do over on an exam when she explained to her professor that a meatball fell out of her sandwich and onto her laptop during an on-line exam and logged her out of it prematurely.  The teacher had never had this excuse before and was so taken by the situation that he let the student retake the exam.  You can read about it here, there are even pictures.  If I was a college kid, I would be in love with this co-ed.

Last time I cleaned up a bunch of old stories about Taiwan, and intend to do the same with some pressing global issues today.  This burrito holder is proof that geniuses walk amongst us.  It's one of those ideas that makes you kick yourself for not thinking of the obvious things.  Upon closer inspection, it isn't really that innovative a product, just a burrito shaped tupperware...sexy but still.  And at 50 bucks, is anyone gonna really buy it?  No jokes or insight to share for this, I just think burritos are really cool.  And who doesn't need a bit of good news these days?

You will also be happy to know that my crusade against the use of the word pride continues.  It remains a balancing act not only cause I am most certainly not against capital "P" Gay Pride, but people get so touchy when they get called out on it.  "I'm proud of you" is said so often that it feels as meaningless as "How are you" in that it is a thing lazy minded people will say to congratulate someone, but once again, taking pride in others efforts is as mighty selfish so if you catch yourself saying it, or when you hear it out of others, think about another way to tell someone they worked hard and did a good job at something.  I bring this up yet again as this funny George Carlin bit popped up on YouTube the other day so thought I'd share...Pride goeth before the fall.

And if you want some more scholarly reasons why this is a shitty thing to say, here are three reasons, and here are some strategies to come up with meaningful alternatives cause I know you mean well, you just sound like a narcissistic jerk that doesn't put much thought into their words.

I do think that I am making progress on the overuse of the word actually.  Another bit that popped up in my YouTube recommendations is this SNL sketch called Passive-Aggressive Pam.  Note how her use of 'actually' accentuates her passive aggressiveness.

And you have got to read this article titled 9 Behaviors That Make You Seem Like A Condescending Jerk.  Number 1?  Using the word actually too often...I say just eliminate it altogether.  Do not share this stuff just to rattle your cage, but read them with an eye on my own self improvement.  The 9th behavior is one that I am very guilty of...cracking jokes at the wrong time.  Here are a couple of paragraphs from that...

There is a time and place for humor—most times and most places, in fact. But there are times when making a joke is uncalled-for—not inappropriate, per se, but unnecessary and potentially condescending. “Men don’t have always have the skillset to sit in their feelings,” Crossman says. “When things get deep, they’ll make a joke.”

Crossman attended an event to honor his old running coach, and one of the runners—who went on to be an Olympian—was telling an emotional story about how important the coach had been to him. The old coach, made uncomfortable by the tale, blurted out a joke. “He couldn’t handle how heavy the story was,” says Crossman. Be aware when someone’s trying to make a statement and deal with the emotions rather than make a joke to distract yourself.

Since I crack jokes all the time, I know that some/many of them are at the wrong time.  Haven't done a good job regulating this cause they are reflexive, but do know that I am trying.  And lighten the fuck up.

Here is a topic that I have seen people shaming other people for recently that I had no idea was a thing.  We aren't putting two spaces after a period anymore?  I know this was drilled into me throughout my formative years but now it is ridiculed (probably by millenials) as being something the cavemen used to do?  Am perfectly fine with this, just wish that we were all informed about the change via lengthy telegram or fax.

Do you have Spotify?  A late adopter of it a couple years ago but have listened to it almost exclusively ever since.  I started a playlist early on and now have many, but there is one that has been the receptical of all sorts of songs.  I know that no one likes the music I love, but this playlist isn't my normal go-to stuff, but is rather music that has flowed through my transom from all kinds of sources and think it is bullet proof.  Music from the last 100 years, it is heavier with some genres over others, but it is bouncy and cool in a hipster way from every decade and am really happy with it.  It's over 100 hours long now and is best listened to on shuffle.  You can click on this link to get it and then hit follow or send me a note and can invite you via whatever medium you prefer.  Seriously, it costs you nothing and will give your money back if you don't like it.  

Last time I communicated with you about media, I was in the middle of hate watching the show House.  It got worse as it went along, but I cannot quit a show once invested and finished it off.  After that, I watched something called Counterpart, which has that JK Simmons guy as a spy in Germany who travels between parallel universes and interacts with his counterpart in the other one.  It is Sci-fi spy thriller of two seasons and recommend it if you've run out of everything else and are looking for something weird.  The Mandalorian season 2 is on now and that thing is just about perfect.  I also got into the show Fargo.  Had avoided it cause the movie was so great and could not believe the show would be any good, but it is incredible and give it 5 stars...last episode of season 4 comes out next Monday.  And will admit that I am still watching stupid NCIS and Bull...the season premiere of Bull was last night and might just be the worst piece of TV I've seen in a looooong time.  You can say a lot of bad things about me, but disloyalty is not one of them.

Finally for today, cannot believe that there is a need to go around this block one more time.  Ran into an old acquaintance in the States on line this week and their crazy escaped with a volunteered matter of fact statement that masks were worthless.  My eyes literally start bouncing inside my head at the fucking death cultists continuing to swallow this garbage.  Now if this old acquaintance were a light bulb, he would not be on the Vegas Strip.  I wouldn't even say he's a dim bulb, but is like one of those florescent ones that flickers on and off...more off than on and always surprises you when it flicks on unexpectedly.  First of all, science.  Tried to relate how great it is to live here and for life to be totally normal and death free in no small part to the rabid use of masks to prevent transmission.  There has not been a single locally transmitted case in over 200 days, but in anticipation of the cold season where transmission rates are higher, the country is reinstituting mask requirements in all public gathering places starting December 1st.  Here are the specifics should you care.   

They want us sane patriots (wearing a mask should be a sign of patriotism, no?) to play nice with these chumps to close the political divide, but gawdamn, where do you even start?  After a patient telling of this person about my first hand account of how it works here, I got back a reiteration that of his 'belief' that masks do nothing.  I signed off by telling him not to kill his mom over the holidays and think he thought that was funny.  

November 11th, 2020

 Hey there,

Thought that for this week, I'd share some local news items that have backed up over the summer, but first, have a story that has been bugging me something fierce that I need to share.

At Babydolls school, when you come into high school as a Freshmen, they assign everyone a teacher to act as a Student Advisor.  This Advisor will follow you throughout high school so if they don't leave, you have them for 4 years.  This Advisor gets a handful of kids, like 6-8, and they meet every few weeks in a group to talk about stuff.  Not a grade counselor or college advisor, but a person that can take the kids emotional temperature to make sure all is well with them.  A great idea as it gives the kids one person that can get to know them in a way so they can tell if they are coming off the rails.  

The dude she has was also her math teacher one year and we meet with him at parent teacher conferences each year so have gotten to know him relatively well over the years.  He's always seemed quirky to me, and as he is an avid runner, I never really trusted him, but for the most part felt he was benign.  Had daddy/daughter dinner the other night and B-doll shared a story about how 'disappointed' she was in her Advisor.  Last week, when the election was done but not decided, they had a conversation about it.  Not clear if someone asked, or if he volunteered it, but the Advisor said that he didn't vote.  Well that sure is being a great role model for the kids at an American school. He goes on to add that if he did vote, it probably woulda been for 45.  Then he volunteered that he'd vote for him as he couldn't vote for Biden as he announced he was going to nominate a woman VP before he began his search in earnest.

First, fucking bullshit.  I never really considered this guys politics or moral compass, but that "reasoning" is code for every piece of shit white guy take that they are being usurped by everyone that isn't a piece of shit white guy.  I guarantee you this boob thinks he's an open minded guy too.  That he can overlook all of 45's heinousness, 230k and counting dead should be more than enough, and site Biden choosing to select one of the extremely high qualified women to be the first female VP in history as his reason to overlook all of it sickened Babydoll, and me by extension.  And that he felt cool enough with his take to tell this to a young woman of color?  I called him a boob, but that is way too nice cause I like boobs.  Am planning my strategy to take this garbage out.

OK...so what has been happening around these parts?  .

A couple of weeks ago, Taiwan passed 200 days without a single case of C-19 being transmitted locally.  You can read about it here.  Still get cases coming in from overseas, but since everyone is quarantined upon arrival in a textbook demonstration of contact tracing, they don't get out to infect the rest of us.  Taiwan sits at 500 cases total and 7 deaths.  This news made the rounds internationally and I had several U.S. friends send it back to me asking how they/we did it.  Certainly no secret and have detailed it in this space a few times, but the most obvious thing that I could share was that the folks here wear the masks with fervor.  That the outgoing president decided early on to make mask wearing a political issue, one that Biden will find difficult to turn around since some are so willing to be in the cult that they cannot absorb common sense, that would be the place to start.

Another story about Taiwan (here is the local version of it) that made certain news sites and I had to answer was that Taiwan stood out as one of the few countries that "favored 45".  I was asked if/how that was possible and had to confirm that it was.  There is a certain element of the population here that thinks 45 is tough on China, and sees his selling of arms to Taiwan and that he sent an official here a couple months ago as evidence of some unwavering support of Taiwan.  That official was HHS Secretary Azar and was the highest ranking official to visit Taiwan since 1979, and that was a huge deal to the locals as it should have been as any international recognition here is treated like being bestowed some holy legitimacy.  As an example of that, check out this story from the paper today that shows Kamala sitting with her Taiwanese counterpart at a lunch on prosecuting drug offenders in 2015  as evidence she is pro-Taiwan.  Here is another where the local press is weighing in on a possible Biden defense secretary pick saying she is good cause she has stated that the US could sink the Chinese navy in 72 hours.  Oooof.

That Azar trip was ostensibly one for him to come here to learn strategies on how to deal with the Covid.  Obviously that was total BS as nothing was ever mentioned about the visit or what he learned since, and any person remotely fluent in geopolitics knows it was a stunt to piss off China, which it did of course.  The folks here are so desperate to be acknowledged that they will swallow any tripe that legitimizes them.  I know it was not mentioned in the States, and was quickly swept under the rug here, but in John Bolton's book (remember when that came out a couple of months ago that seems like years), there was a passage where he talks about how 45 feels about the Taiwan/China issue.  Here is the full story, but the relevant paragraph is:

Bolton wrote that Trump has blown off China's human rights abuses in Xinjiang and Hong Kong and downplayed the U.S.'s commitments to Taiwan. In a quote released by NPR, Bolton claimed Trump seemed to think very little of Taiwan: "Although it came in several variations, one of Trump's favorite comparisons was to point to the tip of one of his Sharpie [marker's] and say, 'This is Taiwan,' then point to [his desk in the Oval Office] and say, 'This is China.'"

Anyone that is not oxygen deprived knows 45 wouldn't lift a fat stubby finger to defend Taiwan.  Poke China and sell some bullets?  No problemo.  I don't blame the locals for being suckered in, but they are still suckers nonetheless and react the same way suckers everywhere react when their suckitutde is pointed out..  I think that is the takeaway from this era but what has always been true...that there are gullible, easily impressionable, intellectually incurious people in every corner of the planet and amongst every creed, color and gender and they are being hyper-exploited by cell phones and social media.   Anyhoo, the Taiwanese falling for 45's seeming devotion to the island reminded me of Lisa Simpson when Springfield Elementary's teachers went on strike.

Before moving on from poking the Chinese bear, local Costco was name checked for this.

I don't fully understand this article, but I know from South Park that people equate Chinese dictator Xi Jingping with Winnie the Pooh and locals found this deflated look of a Winnie the Pooh costume to be hilarious cause as the photographer wrote,

"Sad Winnie... I'll take you home. For NT$297, I can buy you and take you back to wear as pajamas."

It goes onto say that Xi is "a tubby little cubby ass stuffed with fluff".  Humor rarely translates well.

What always translates perfectly is a team mascot..  

The fish head mascot of a semi-pro baseball team, Sababoy was designed to promote tourism in the city of Tainan.  I share this as a demonstration as to why we don't vaction much around the island.  Visit Tainan...come for the baseball, stay for the fish heads.  Eat them up, Yum!

Last week was the annual gay pride parade in town.  Wasn't able to go this year, but it is a pretty big deal.  Always the largest in Asia and with C-19, at 135,000 reported marchers, the largest on the planet in 2020.  They've come along way here, with same sex marriage being allowed by law last year, but some parts of the government aren't too cool with it yet.  License plates here have a system with them being 3 letters and then 4 numbers.  This article from August relates that the government still bans the letter combination GAY as a viable plate due to its "alleged controversial nature"  Also not allowed on the 24 combo list are SEX and BRA, which probably get those tandem scooter riders all moistened up when they see it.  Also banned are the words CAT, PUP, ANT and APE.  I tried to find more info about the whole list and why some of these combos made the list to no avail.

This piece of news from September  was welcome and long overdue.  "Taiwan to fine drivers for not yielding to pedestrians"  I won't dwell on the asshole moves that has to be taught in driver's ed. here, but this is in the top 3 most egregious.  Someone is in the middle of a clearly marked crosswalk and dipshit drivers will cut them off.  The almost complete lack of patrolmen issuing tickets means that unless you kill someone, you can pretty much do as you see fit.  They only start enforcing stuff once enough people have been maimed or killed...I wonder if there is a ghoulish rubric for that.

Related, Taiwan teen woken from 62-day coma by words chicken fillet" Of course he was in the coma from as a result of a traffic accident.  These articles are typically short, but in it are two passages that describe his condition in exquisite detail...in the accident Mr Chiu suffered, 

subdural hydrops, pneumothorax, laceration of spleen, right kidney, and liver, bleeding from abdominal cavity fractures, common iliac artery bleeding, and most of his internal organs were seriously damaged.

and his surgeries included,

craniotomy, laparotomy, right kidney nephrectomy, splenectomy, liver repair, right clavicle and right femur open reduction and internal fixation (ORIF), bilateral internal iliac artery embolization to stop bleeding, and enterostomy.

One almost needs medical training to get through those descriptions.  A nurse attending to Mr Chiu said he went through a "constant war with the God of death" and said he was awoken when "his  older suddenly joked 'Brother, I'm going to eat you your favorite chicken fillet'".  Should I ever be in a coma, suggest frequent mentions of meatball sandwiches and chili dogs as part of my treatment.  

Also related, scooters are most certainly not allowed on the freeways.  I know I have a bunch of clicks in today's entry but most are there to go to if you wanted more info.  You have got to click on this one and scroll to the bottom and watch this dipshit cause a 10 car pile-up.  As a ton of cars have dash cams, there are some great angles.

Aw hell...while we're at it, sharing a couple YouTube video compilations of Taiwan scooter crashes.  Russian ones are more spectacular, mainly as they include crazy Ivans screaming and yelling, but these will give you a sense for the challenges the locals have with depth perception. 

 

Allrighty...finally for today, and also related to the roads and comas, Taiwanese man in coma after falling on passing scooter from 5th floor.   

A 28 year old man fell on a 54 year old woman driving a scooter.  Police are investigating   The woman cites her good fortune for not being injured as she has had many family members pass away this year and that they were the cause of blessing or good fortune that kept her from further injury. I've been shitty to some of my relatives, can their spirits travel internationally?  My favorite line from all of the articles today is in this story.  Describing the woman's scooter..."

The handlebar and one of the rearview mirrors of her scooter were damaged. 

November 7th, 2020

Hey there,

Since it has been a while, thought an update on what's what with us would be appropriate.  

The Boy is now in his final year at Virginia...I haven't seen his grades but sources say they are decent.  He only has to take two classes second semester, so that is going to save us a few bucks.  He doesn't tend to volunteer a lot of personal info but indicates that the social life in Covid times is not great.  He hangs out in his group house and cooks a ton of food.  I asked if there are wild parties and he said that while he doesn't attend, that he's heard of a few and that people are being suspended if they are found to not be abiding by the distancing rules.  

His school, like many others, is shutting down at T-giving, so we got him a visa to come to Taiwan for a couple of months.  The visa process to get in here can best be described as arduous.  Betty really wants him home so she took the lead, but the amount of documents that we had to send around the planet to get it were many.  He has to quarantine for 15 days upon arrival and while we have an empty bedroom, I didn't want him  and his lousy Trump flu anywhere near me so we arranged for an Air BnB.  It'll be nice to have him around...he hasn't been to Taiwan since he left in 2017.  Hoping he does some cooking for us and look forward to learning a few things

The biggest news about the Boy is that he got a j-o-b.  He interned with a company over last summer but did it all remotely.  That company has a program where interns can apply for jobs upon graduation and he was fortunate to get one.  This is most unbelievable to me as I didn't even think about a job after college until after college.  The kid has a good paying gig for June in hand, and it comes with all the bells and whistles, even including a pension plan.  Damn.  Of course we are delighted about it and in speaking to a friend and telling them about this good fortune, she said that we must be happy that he is "coming off the books".  Thought that was a great way to look at it.  I use a lot of sports metaphors to describe life and even when my kids were doing well in school or whatever, I tried to never brag or even talk much about their accomplishments cause to me, parenting is like a drive in football.  You start out at your own 20 and have to work your way down the field.  Sometimes you get a 1st down, or a penalty that sets you back, maybe even a turnover.  But if you are running free to the end zone, you never spike the ball to you cross the goal line.  I'd say that for The Boy, we're in the Red Zone.

As for Babydoll, she is 4 years younger so has her sights set on graduating High School in May.  Last time I wrote, think she was finishing up a killer internship.  The Fall semester is always busy for her as it is when the dance production is scheduled.  With the weirdness that is school these days, our school has scaled back on some events.  While they did a dance thing, it was a bit less structured and not as time consuming.  They did a series of individual pieces instead of a full production, but they were connected as being inspired by current events and how they related to school, and was called An Unconventional Day.

My understanding of the dance movements and how they should be interpreted is still in the 'what the hell was that' range, but I do appreciate the effort and talent of the girls and choreographers.

That last one is with her fellow dancer and friend...she was her first friend here and they are still tight as sisters.  It is a true gift to have a friend like that and one that will be with her forever.  

So you know...Taiwan is over 200 days since a case of the Covid has been transmitted locally, yet the school requires masks be worn at all times other than when actively competing in sports or things like dance and music.

Her senior year has seen Babydoll continue to do well in her classes.  We had our last Parent-Teacher conferences last week and while we have always had good reports about both kids from their teachers, the ones this time were over the top.  Apparently, our daughter is equal parts Mother Teresa and Marie Curie.  Nice to hear, seriously...amazing to hear, but I know better than to consider doing a dance over a 1st down.  All good, but here is an anecdote one shared that I found room for improvement.  This teacher was talking about a lab exercise early in the semester and remarked at how a group of boys (it's always the boys), left their station a mess at the end of class.  Teacher said she appreciated that B-doll stayed after to clean up their mess as the boys had fled the scene.  While that was a nice thing to do to help the teacher, I asked if  B-doll followed up the next class and berated those punks.  Apparently not.  Raising girls in this age is tricky...you want them to be fierce and smart, but worry that getting in the face of men like I advocated above could limit them as they would be considered a bitch.  The line that women have to navigate is narrow and while I want to say for them to go for it, know that the world doesn't quite work that way.  To be continued...

The real trick to first semester of senior year for these kids is that in addition to all of their school activities, they have to get through the college application process.  There are hundreds of schools to consider and narrow down to the ones that you will apply.  Those applications are not pieces of cake either.  Watching B-dolls process as compared to the Boy's couldn't be more different.  He seemed to barely do anything...work on his apps, consider all the options, etc, while girly-o has multiple drafts of everything and submitted most of her applications on the first day they were allowed to be sent.  Her greatest power is that she does not procrastinate.  I am not gonna say that Betty is one, but the Boy and I are both legendary procrastinators.  Watching someone attack their projects, and seeing the freedom of mind that comes when your work is all done in advance makes me envious.  I don't think that can be taught...I know I didn't teach her...but that it is one of those things that is hard wired in the brain.  Anyway, she doesn't want to publicize where she wants to go to anyone, so will keep the specifics under wraps but will share when we have a decision.  To continue my football analogy,  I would say for her that we are 2nd and 4 on our opponents 48 yard line and all the plays in the playbook are available.

As for Betty, she is still physically grounded.  Last time I wrote was in August and it was already the longest we've been in the same place in a decade.  How is she doing with it?  Watching her move about the house is like going to the zoo and observing the big cats in their pen.  They will pace back and forth and while they seem sedate, you can feel that they'd claw you a new one if they could.  Then they nap and groom themselves the rest of the time.  Gotta make sure to feed her some raw meat regularly...Lion Tamer is not an occupation that was in our wedding vows.

In seriousness, she seems OK all things considered, but there are signs that all is not well.  For example, she does the dishes after dinner.  I know that doesn't sound like a big thing, but I don't remember her ever doing the dishes with any sense of regularity.  Of course, I am still doing them too as I have to re-wash half of them later, but still...should I be concerned?

The big news on her end is that they officially asked her to stay on here for two additional years.  That is breaking news as she just heard yesterday.  She was pretty puffed up as they recognized her work in changing the scope of her job on the fly during this weirdness with a few extra bucks.  While we are way more fortunate than most, the uncertainty of a job that cannot be done as planned and not knowing where we were gonna be was weighing on her, so to have some clarity is a relief.  We were scheduled to come home in June of 2021 seeing as how both kids are gonna be in the States, but now, we have some work to do in figuring out what will be what.  Another TBD.

As for yours truly, since we have no real virus restrictions here, my day to day is virtually unchanged.  Don't remember if I mentioned but for the first season (of four) of school sports, I took off from baseball and coached middle school boys volleyball.  That season ended a couple weeks ago and have to say that it was a great experience.  I played volleyball in PE in high school and a few times on the beach over the years, but never in any competitive form.  What I did was to shadow the head coach of the top team during all his practices to learn all the lingo and coaching strategies and think I did a serviceable job.  There is one team of all the good boys...the ones that will play varsity in high school, and then four teams of less skilled boys that are out to learn the game and stay busy after school, and I got one of those.  We were not able to play off campus teams this year, but we played each other a ton and in the year end tournament amongst ourselves, my squad ran the table.  Would never say it was all me, but partially for sure.  

Volleyball is a lot different to coach than baseball.  For one, it was in an air conditioned gym, which in August and September as you will see below is not to be undervalued.  Another great thing about volleyball is that you show up at the appointed time, roll out the balls and get going.  For baseball, there is 10 minutes of gear set-up and take down at each end of practice.  And in volleyball, there are three skills to teach...serving, setting and spiking.  Everything flows off from those three skills so you can hone in on things to work on.  Baseball has so much to teach...what every position needs to do on every pitch is different based on the number of outs, guys on base, the type of hitter, pitcher, weather, etc.  I think baseball is the hardest sport to become competent as the amount of time and practice before things become instinctual has to be the longest.  Am willing to be wrong and would love to debate it.  Another thing that makes baseball the best is the chit chat.  There is no built in time for the BS in any other team sport I can think of...that may not be your thing, but it is what makes it special in my book.

We're in season 2 now and have 2 to 4 days of baseball practice every week.  Tons of fun and the weather is just right for it.  I also was asked to help out coaching badminton, so I get to work with the beginner high school girls once a week.  It's a big step for the school to let me coach the girls cause I am a bit unorthodox as a coach to the school.  All the other coaches are teachers and have a similar way they deal with students.  Watching the other coaches, they have a teacher-student relationship that is good of course, but as a civilian, I come at the kids differently and in school minds, different is scary.  If I had to put a bird on it, would say that I relate to them more as a peer as a (much) older brother.  As this is my first time coaching girls, it'll be interesting to see how I react to them anc vice versa.  Will admit to being a bit nervous as to how 14-15 year old girls will treat me and know they could slay me.

This is the place where I get to tell you about my badminton experience.  Doesn't come up in conversation often, but in high school, I was on the school team and went undefeated my senior year.  That is what I say, but as I dig into my memories, don't think I played senior year as I did a study abroad the second semester and missed that season.  Also, I think that I was on the JV team in my junior year.  The undefeated thing that year is totally accurate though, and as a badminton player in So.Cal, my opponents were all Asian, so being undefeated in that environment is not to be dismissed cause Asians are into badminton.  I did lose one match of mixed doubles that year and that was only because my partner was awful that day and I had chicken pox that was to manifest itself the next day but didn't know it.  For reasons lost to time, my dad outlined a badminton court in the driveway in the back of our house.  I have no idea why he would do that as I never saw anyone else ever play on it and am sure he had no history of being a badminton player.  My guess is that he put it in cause there wasn't room for a tennis court.  Whatevs...I played on that court with whatever friend I could find for years and by the time high school came around, had all the shots.  I do not ever remember being coached on 'how' to properly play technically as our practices were simply playing games to determine seedings for that weeks matches against other schools.  Now that I have to coach, am learning all the names of the different shots for the first time.  I bought a racquet the other day and broke it out at practice on Friday.  Was clunky to start, but it didn't take long for the muscle memories to kick in and was ripping shots that surprised me.  My knees were burning after and could not get to a lot of the shots, but the court is not big and am able to cover most of it with a step or two.  So much fun and am pumped to have this nugget in my life cause badminton is such an awesome sport.  It gets dismissed for whatever reason, but it is so fast and hitting a shuttlecock has no equivalent in any other sport I can think of.  

It has been so long since I was in this space that I didn't get to take a victory lap at having survived our first full summer here.  The weather broke in mid-September, and while we have an occasional hot day (yesterday was 100 for instance), most are delightful.  October is one of the best times to be here and I am more than happy for it to be colder than this for the next few months.

When I say survived, I do mean it literally as the possibility of severe heat stroke is real.  The first month or so at school, there was a heat related issue with sports at the school.  They never stopped playing due to extreme heat, but there was an issue with the artificial turf fields...from a school advisory message:

  THE LF TURF (HOT TOPIC):  If the turf gets too hot and coaches/athletics faculty/admin notice the turf melting onto shoes, we will cease activity on the field. That is the current guidance. If we ask people to vacate the field, please cooperate. We have limited indoor spaces but if there are spaces available, we will move practices indoors when possible.

Jeez, right?  I know you believe me when I talk about this stuff, but giving real examples maybe helps you understand and it makes me feel better in getting it out

OK...I intend on getting back here soon and weekly.  Left a bunch out but it's getting long.  As I hit post, Biden was declared the winner a couple hours ago.  I don't expect 45 to be magnanimous in any way and think our best realistic hope would be for him to not go out with a flame thrower.  In a best case scenario, he would come out and advocate for mask wearing for all.  That is literally the least I can hope for as it may mellow out his supporters so we all don't keep killing each other with this shit.  

Oh yeah...I have a major crush on Kamala.  She has so many firsts associated to her now, but one I don't hear much is that she is the first Prez/Vice-pres to be from my generation...X.  We cannot claim to be The Greatest Generation, but damn if we ain't the Coolest.

November 3rd, 2020

Hey there,

Been a while.  Have been meaning to fill this space for ages and have a ton of stuff backed up, but just cannot get the motivation.  I have a ton of excuses, but none are any good.  Whatevs...this is free so...

Thought I would give today a twirl as it is election day and share some thoughts on politics  Pumping this out just before the polls close so that is where it is coming from.  

First of all, I am historically a great sleeper.  Not to super power levels, but never have any trouble going to sleep or staying that way.  Always wake up at the same time and if I have to get up early (which is only to watch the NFL on Monday AM, my brain does that automatically.  Last night however, I kept waking up every hour or so.  Didn't feel any anxiety and my dreams were regular ones as far as I can remember, but have to think that the fate of the planet got in there somewhere.  Bet I was not alone.

My mom is in an assisted living community and other than doctor appointments, is not allowed out of the place.  I call her every morning at 5:45am (2:45pm yesterday for her).  Unbelievably, we manage to blab on about stuff for 20-30 minutes.  This morning, it hit me that it was exactly 4 years ago that they found that she had a subdural hematoma.  I know it was 4 years ago as that was election day 2016 and was simultaneously watching the horror of that election and getting updates from my sister on how they need to drill into my moms skull or she is gonna die.  Communicated with my sister today and that day is etched permanently on her brain as well...we both hope that today will end on a happier note.

I intended to write up a pre-election screed and had about 10 paragraphs down over last weekend, but after re-reading them, deleted the whole thing as anything I could say has been said/screamed by people better at writing than I.  Two things I've seen a bunch recently have been sticking in my head and cannot shake them.  The first are the articles by poll watchers warning that they could be wrong by a large segment of "shy' 45 voters.  45 is you know who...cannot bring myself to typing out his name.  I hope that isn't true but you know they are out there, so let's call them what they really are: Ashamed.  You should be and trust me, their decision here will be tattoed on their soul for however long their foul essence floats in the ether.

The other series of stories, and even videos, that perplex me are the ones about how to talk to your MAGA friends to help them to come back to reality.  They are all completely worthless as they recomend you talk to them as you would a small child.  Don't anger or chide them they all say, but try to sneak in facts that will get them to subconsciously recognize the hypocrisy.  Do you think this has ever worked?  I don't.  Here is what I think of anyone that would even consider pulling the lever for that guy at this stage...they are imbeciles.  Words that describe them are damaged, lonely, racist, undereducated (and proud of it), selfish, without empathy, and so many more.  Usually a mix of several of those things but without question, they are people where reason and facts cannot reach and I cannot tolerate.  Letting them know that they are out of my life is just about the only thing I can do.  Sorry.  I want to be nice but cannot feel any sympathy or affection for them and am not built to fake it. 

OK...gonna go and hit post before the polls close.  Good luck and hope to see you on the other side.

August 23rd, 2020

Hey there,

Well, it is still effin' hot.  Since early May, the high temperature each and everyday has not been lower than 106 degrees.  Not long ago, Taiwan experienced the hottest day on record.  Recently, TW was reported to have the second lowest crime rate in the world and think it is cause it is just too damn hot for the criminals to want to do crime.  Seriously though, these guys have low crime and they don't pull cars over en masse and most cops don't carry guns.  You do the math.  

Anyway, I decided to not coach baseball the first quarter for petty personal reasons I should not share, but the school has other coaching needs and they asked if I would help with the 7/8 grade boys volleyball.  I know as much about volleyball as you do, but the kids don't know that.  We had our first week and have to say that I loved it.  The boys were better than I thought they'd be and were mostly all respectful and engaged.  The practices (they were really more assessments) were crisp and we got a ton of stuff done.  The head coach is quite good at demonstrating what he wants and we all spun off from there.  Having watched hundreds of thousand of hours of sports of most kinds, think I have a pretty good eye, which should help me along this quarter.

The best part of volleyball?  It is in an air conditioned gym.  I get done with practice and am almost dry.  After the assessments, the coaches get together to compare notes and in the chatter, and one of the team is a PE coach and he says that it is so hot during the day that his shoes are melting on the artificial turf field.  Thought it was a metaphor, but he shows us how the treads of his Nike's are actually melting.  The principal came out with a thermometer and the temperature on the field yesterday was 60 celsius.  That's 140 fahrenheit.  These kids are having PE out there and are wearing masks.  I've mentioned that there has been no C-19 here for 4 months, right?

I am also on the lookout for volleyball jokes.  Have seen a few I can use but even those are pretty weak.  One that has been popular is, What do you call a girl in the middle of a volleyball court?  Answer below.

On another topic, my brother-in-law was the subject of a CNN story about the origins of the iPod and some government involvement during its design.  An interesting story that you can read more about in his open blog post on this Apple insider chat page.  I like his writing style but worry that the men in black suits may come and take him for a helicopter ride.

In local culture corner, we have started Ghost Month!  The month of the year where the spirits walk among us.  As with a lot of things Asian, I have come around recently to not snub my nose at any of the stuff that sounds nutty.  I have learned a lot about Ghost Month in the past but found some new things to consider in this article about taboos to avoid in hotels during this period.  This article shares common sense things like avoiding rooms at the end of the hallway (where the ghosts like to congregate) and greeting residual residents when entering rooms to let them know that you are gonna borrow the space for a night or two.  My personal takeaway is to flush the toilet as soon as you get into the room to "wash away unworldly waste left behind by accident."  Makes perfect sense as there are filthy people out there and they don't get any cleaner in the afterlife.

Every post, I write up a screed about how pissed I am about the state of the States and almost always delete them.  Usually it is cause there is nothing I could say that hasn't been said a thousand different ways and I am really trying not to totally give up on the humanity of the humans that float around my atmosphere.  It is good to get the bile out, but it feels tedious at this point.  

Instead, I will leave you today with this article about the college student that got a do-over on an online exam as some of his meatball sub fell into his computer during the test.  Oh meatballs, it is hard being so perfect.

The girl on the court?  Annette.

August 16th, 2020

Hey there,

School started last week.  Full in person attendance with masks required by everyone at all times.  Not a peep of dissent and that's in a society that has not had a locally transmitted case reported in months.    Big news here last week was that HHS head Alex Azar came to Taiwan and he is the highest ranking diplomat to step foot here since the '70's.  Pissed China off, which was obviously the reason they did it, but the stated reason he came was to liaise with his Taiwanese counterparts on virus management strategies.  I looked...while there were plenty of articles about the message this sent to China, could find a single mention of the crisis management aspect of the  trip nor what he took away from it.  How about  telling the boss that masks work dude?

Anyhoo, this is Babydolls senior year, which is pretty damn big for her and for us parents.  The night before the first day she had her friend over and I was asking how it felt to be the Big Women on Campus...the Top Dogs as it were, and they replied that they are now the apex predators.  Loved that.  I took a photo with her but was dripping with sweat from my morning chores and look like a woman...seriously, like a sweaty lesbian with small but pronounced tits.  Will stage a photo when I look better another time.  The school took some candid artsy shots of the kids and posted them on their website...here is one of her.

OK...the real reason we're here today is to talk traffic.  It's been a while since I bitched about it, but got a traffic ticket in the mail the other day, which prompted some thoughts.

Famously, I got 10ish speeding tickets the first couple months here as I was not warned about their speed cams.  Think I've only gotten a couple since, but the latest was a new one.

With their dashcam, someone caught me changing lanes without using my blinker and submitted the tape to the authorities who issued the $40 fine.  I had heard that this was a thing and thought semi facetiously that it'd be a good side job for me as the reporting party gets a few bucks for doing so, but snitches gets stitches, right?  In reality, I am quite OK with this as this place could use some accountability on the roads and anecdotally have noticed people using their indicators a bit more around town the last few months and figure that this has been a focus of enforcement.  Sucks I got popped for something that I feel I adhere to in an above average way and also is one of my pet peeves when people don't do it in situations where a nice indicator would be good mojo and prevent accidents.

The last few days I've have been cataloging the different types of offenders that are common here.  I have given them names to help keep track and present them for your consideration. 

The Late Blinker - These types have always been here but they've increased since this new blinker focus.  The hallmark of the Late Blinker is to be driving and to then move into the lane next to them slowly, and then put their blinker on when they are 2/3-3/4 of the way into the new lane.  It is not a secret why they don't want to signal early as if they were to do so, the people behind them would speed up to cut them off.  Not unique to TW of course, but built into the DDNA (Driving Deoxyribonucleic Acid).

The Monday Morning QB - A feature of the lane construction here that I have not noticed elsewhere is turn lanes markings.  Common is a three lane road that comes to a light.  Past the light the three lanes continue but the left lane has a turn arrow meaning that it is left turn only.  As there is a lane on the other side, you can go straight but the intention is left only.  In some cases though there is a dual straight/turn arrow, so that would mean it is both a thru and left turn lane.  In this scenario, you come up to a red light and there is a single car in that dual arrow left turn lane without the blinker on.  As soon as the light turns green, that is when this monster turns on his left indicator.  I get that the left blinker guy above is afraid of someone speeding up to cut him off, but MMQB is in the pole position and cannot understand the motivation. 

The Wayward Sperm - Did you know that in every male ejaculation that there are between 39 and 928 million individual sperm cells?    Since lane changes are problematic concepts for the Taiwanese motorists, they have found a safe space to change lanes where there are no lines...in the intersections.  As a student of traffic, this is one of the most dangerous things to do and is illegal. These folks are schooled from the earliest of ages to color within the lines.  Follow the instructions or you get your hands whacked by the teachers.  Whenever they get to a place that has no rules, in this case line-less intersections, they don't have rules to govern their actions and are free to indulge in their worst selves.  One of the few instances in their lives where they can truly be free.  Everytime I come to an intersection, I feel like I'm gonna get sprayed with the money shot.

The Butt Sniffer - Very cultural and you see it everywhere...not just on the road.  The Butt Sniffer is a meter from your back bumper at all speeds.  I don't get the impression they are riding your ass to push you into getting out of the way, it is just they are very comfortable in that spot.  This happens in any line at the Family Mart/7-11 when there are two people in the store and I'm paying and can feel the heat of the other person's body right behind me.  

The Small Barky Dog - Obviously related to The Butt Sniffer.  There was a Loony Toons cartoon that had a big gruff bulldog and his little buddy yapper dog that would always be jumping around him and talking shit.  If anyone knows where all those Loony Tunes are housed for viewing, please let me know.  In this instance, the Small Barky Dog is on your ass, then sees an inch of daylight in the adjacent lane, and will move over and ride the ass of the car in that lane.  They'll use their horn and lights to encourage you to get out of the way so they can race ahead to the next red light or car in front and repeat the process.  Like a nervous Chihuahua, there is no off switch and suspect these people are twitching while they sleep.  On this list, these are my personal favorite cause you can see them coming and often times can do something about it.  You can speed up to let them think you are the fast lane, then slow down to get them to move over and ride the guy next to you for a bit, then speed up so they'll move over behind you, and repeat as long as possible.  I don't think they even notice cause like a Chihuahua, their skulls are small and contain a brain to match.  Betty absolutely hates when I do this.

The Undecided Voter- You'll recognize a bunch of these wherever you live or drive, but this is the one that most Americans know when they get pissed at the DWAs (Driving While Asian), but they are misinterpreting the action.  The Undecided will be sitting smack dab on the line dividing two lanes, neither in the right or left but effectively blocking both.  My Grandma used to drive like this in her waning years, but that was due to a deterioration of eyesight and depth perception, but that is a small fraction of what is going on here.  Americans think they are simply bad drivers and while that is true, they are bad because they are driving in both lanes so they can later choose which lane is faster.  Some would argue that is clever driving, but truly clever drivers, like yours truly, can process the way the wind is gonna blow like a meteorologist in Florida and get to the right spot early.

The Enablers (aka The Face Savers) - The people that will allow all the others to proceed without even the slightest toot of a horn.  Look, during this plague season, I have had to rethink my opinion on a lot of the things that they do that seemed weird but are totally life saving precautions, and I will agree that letting some things go to not create conflict is an admirable trait.  The cultural term is saving face, but when that devolves into letting people piss on community norms cause they know they can do so with impunity, this 'Murican draws the line.

The My Bad (aka The Racoon) - I think about 80% of societies ills can be fixed if people were willing to eat their mistakes.  For example, here is one that I know you'd like to hear..."I voted for that guy cause I wanted to give a business man a try/Hillary was a warmonger/taxes, etc., but was I ever wrong and will vote for all Democrats with both hands."  We all have our fantasies.  How this relates to TW drivers is that they missed their turn or are in the right turn lane when they needed to go left, and instead of going another block to rectify the error, they are gonna stop the world and fix it on the spot.  The Enablers will grab a tub of popcorn and silently watch the show and if there is someone that gives leans on the horn at them, the best you will get is the My Bad smile.  More often, they will look at you like a Racoon does when you catch him digging in your garbage can and shine a light on him.

The Nuzzler - They sound cute but are the second worst of the lot.  Here is the classic Nuzzler move...two lanes going straight and a third left turn only lane.  The straight lanes are popular and at the light are backed up 5-10 cars deep while the left turn lane has a car or two.  Nuzzlers see all that empty space, drive up the left turn lane and Butt Sniff the car turning left. They know they are going straight and the left turn is gonna be stopped, but they go there and then nuzzle their way into the straight lanes.  Since they are so close to the car in front as they needed to get a good whiff of what's coming out of the car turning left's ass, they can't merge with flow, but inch their way in, further delaying the line of cars going straight, until an Enabler stops the whole show to let them in.  Nuzzlers are like bad dogs that will put their head on your lap all innocent like, and then steal your pork chop and swallow it whole.  

The 1% - While the Nuzzlers are awful, they get away with it cause they are mistaken for the My Bad's pretending they made a mistake when it was really just a ploy to sneak in front of a few cars.  The 1% will just fuck you over and are surprised when they aren't thanked for it.  I have written about them before and am sure I have given this example more than once, but since I see it every gawdamn day in the same spot, am gonna detail it one more time.     Two lanes clearly marked as the left lane goes straight and right lane is right turn only.  They are very clearly marked both on signage and painted ground arrows as this corner has a hospital on it and there are a ton of people in wheelchairs, with canes, or dragging oxygen tanks behind them around, so serious business.  This is also a funnel area so the right turn lane gets busy at rush hours as there is a school nearby, cars coming the other way turning left, a major arterial just around the corner, and is just a high volume choke point.  This means that the right turn lane backs up quite a bit during the morning commute, but it will cycle through clean within a couple of red/green light changes.  I see every day that people will go all the way in the straight lane to the light and then make the right turn cutting everyone off in the process.  10 or more cars, let's say an average of 2.5 people per car , and these 1%ers have zero problems screwing over 25 of their fellow citizens.  I know they come out the other end thinking how brilliant they are that they just saved their ass 2 minutes, and of course they are so important to humanity in their shitty Toyota Cefiro that those two minutes just saved the fucking planet.  These are the absolute worst people that nature has evolved/God has created and are the first heads I am putting on the spikes as you head into Rome.  

I know I am missing some and will update this list when I remember accordingly.  If you have questions or suggestions on alternate names for these people, operators are standing by.

August 12th, 2020

Hey there,

Has been too long.  Have a bunch of stuff backed-up to share and since school starts tomorrow, thinking things are gonna slow down and will have some time to devote to this space.  Want to share one great thing this week and that is that we were able to catch a live show for the first time since this stupid virus thing began.

The band is called 88 Balaz and have liked what I have heard of them on Spotify but have never had the chance to see them live.  It popped up that they were having a record release party for their 5th album and so headed down.

Balaz means Guava Seeds, but other than that, they don't put out a ton of info in English so don't have much more to say other than they have been going since 1996 so are a professional outfit.  The show was at a new club for us and was a tiny space.  For the price of admission, about US$25, you get entry, one drink and a copy of their new CD.  In this point in history, masks were required and temperatures taken at the door.

Currently in Taiwan, they are still on a run of some 120 days without a local transmission, but the country is on high alert as there have been reports that people who have left Taiwan have tested positive once they got back to their own countries and so there is suspicion that the virus is lurking.  The school starts tomorrow, but masks are to be worn at all times and normal beginning of school get together events are not happening.  Still we start on time and with full in person attendance so feel damn fortunate for that.  Masks requirements are being re-implemented in public spaces like the subway.  As a skeptical American, it is my nature to think that these are overreactions, and then I realize that they have been right about everything all along and that this is the way we get to do nice/normal things, like pack ourselves into sweaty clubs and see live music.

This band was the real deal.  Punk, surf, power chords and high energy from start to finish.  We can go to shows here, but the bands from anywhere else can't come to us we have to go see the local bands, and it is heartening to have caught these guys cause they rocked hard..

Masks were required for entry but I took this shot about two songs in.  As you can see, many are masked but just as many are not.  They give you a drink ticket so that is gonna cause some to be pulled down as you can see with the guy front right. 

Something I love about shows here is that there isn't much difficulty getting to my favorite spot, shich is a couple rows back and to the side in front of the monitor (for maximum decibels)

Not only was the place jammed, but these guys have a terrific following.  There was a very respectful mosh pit and I was on the perimeter of that for most of the night.  Mosh pits are quite perilous for someone with my unstable knees, but having 20 (50) pounds on all of this crowd, was able to hold my own.  And it was most respectable...one guy smashed into me pretty hard but he could tell I was a fall risk, so he patted me on the back and made sure I was OK.  Also saw something that I had never seen before...during a particularly fast song, a beer bottle fell into the middle of the pit, and everyone stopped in their tracks and knelt to pick up every last shard of glass.  The band kept playing, but the crowd cooled down till it was all clear, and then went back to the action.  My buddy and I agreed that getting glass cuts is a badge of honor in US mosh pits, but they are a different breed of cat here.  

There was a steady stream of stage diving too.  Mostly boys, but some girls too.   

What a great time and it was even sweeter since it is an activity that is probably the last thing one could do during a pandemic.  I was very aware of feeling the breath of the people behind me on my neck.  I share this as an example of the freedoms you can have if you give up some freedoms, like the freedom of being a dick and not wearing your mask.  Seriously, here is your reminder to tell that "friend" or your fucked up relative to wake up.  Being nice to them is pointless and do you really need friends that are pieces of shit.  And tolerating relatives that are odious because a couple people had unprotected sex together once seems like a waste of time to me, but you gotta be you.

I bought the t-shirt after the show.  It is rare they sell them in my size and this one had a great saying on the back.

Upon research, this is the name of their new album.  I found that out by liking their Facebook page but all the info is in Mandarin.  I hit the translate button and figured out that this was the record title, but the translate feature changed it to, "My heart is burning for your middle aged arthritic hip!"  It's like they made the record/translation just for me.